by Malone, M.
“Jon knows how to manipulate people, Ivy. That’s what he does. He’s a user.”
“Still. I already knew what kind of person he was but I was ashamed to admit I’d been so wrong about him. I’ve been staying with a girlfriend for a while since he kept coming by the house. That’s why I told you it was better if you stayed away. I didn’t want you there dealing with him either.”
“We’ve both made mistakes. I didn’t tell you the whole story that day when you picked me up from Tank’s apartment.”
“I know I haven’t been a good sister but you can tell me. Tell me now.” She puts the car in gear and pulls off. “I’m not going anywhere for a while.”
That actually brings a smile to my face. It’s something the old Ivy would have said. The real Ivy. The sister I haven’t seen in almost a year.
“Mr. Marshall was my friend but he was also using me to get to Tank. He offered me money to act as a liaison between them. He wanted me to find out why Tank was so angry and convince him to give his dad another chance.”
“How much are we talking here?”
I roll my eyes. “Some things never change. That’s not relevant.”
“It is. Because if it’s as much as I’m thinking it is, then a lot of things are starting to make sense. Jon was obsessed with you. I was … I was jealous,” she admits. “I can’t believe I listened to the things he said about you. That you were coming on to him. That you wanted him for yourself. I let him poison me against you. I was so stupid.”
“I’ve been plenty of stupid lately myself.” I think back to that moment when Mr. Marshall first offered me an opportunity. If I could have ever guessed the wild twists and turns my life would take as a result of that one choice.
“I shouldn’t have done it. I should have said no right then and there.”
That’s when I lose it. I’m not much of a crier. I usually bear things in silence or in the privacy of my room. But when I think about Tank, how I’ve hurt him, I just lose it.
Ivy watches in shock and then pats my back awkwardly. “I’ve never seen you like this.”
“I hurt him so much. It kills me that he’s hurting. Even more that I’ve caused it. I should have known that there’s no such thing as easy money. Everything comes with a price and apparently the price of my stupidity is hurting people I’ve come to care about.”
I can still remember the expression on Finn’s face. He was uncomfortable and embarrassed. But he was also hurt. He’d looked truly hurt. I don’t even want to imagine how Claire will feel when she finds out.
The choices I’ve made have done a lot more than just torpedo my relationship with Tank. They’ve destroyed my newfound family.
“You must really love this guy.”
Ivy glances at me with something akin to fascination. Once we stop at a red light, she digs in her purse and pulls out a small pack of tissues.
I yank out a few and press them against my eyes. “Not that it matters now. I’ve killed any chance we might have had.”
She shakes her head. “No more talk about men. I’m going to put you in some warm pajamas and then I can finally start being a big sister again.”
“Which means, what?”
“Ice cream, of course. Lots and lots of ice cream.”
* * *
Ivy digs out a huge spoonful of Rocky Road. “This is the best breakup cure on the planet. Why can’t I just marry Ben and you can take Jerry? We’ll be happy for the rest of our lives.”
Sasha holds up her spoon in agreement. “And they would never betray you.”
Even I have to smile at that one.
When Sasha called me back, somehow the entire sordid story came spilling out. I was so choked up Ivy had to take the phone and explain everything. Together they’d worked out a plan of attack.
Ivy was to take me home and get me into my comfort clothes while Sasha would go to the store for the emergency supplies of Butter Pecan, Chunky Monkey and Rocky Road.
“Emma? Ice cream therapy doesn’t work if you’re just staring at the spoon. I bought all this ice cream and you’re not even eating it!” Sasha nudges me with her foot.
“I guess I’m not that hungry.” I pull the knitted afghan on my legs higher.
Ever since we got home, I’ve had a chill that I can’t seem to shake. I took a hot shower and I’m wearing leggings under my pajamas but I’m still cold inside.
It feels like something died in me.
Ivy puts down her spoon. “Let’s skip to the guy-bashing segment of the evening. I’ll start with how bad Jon’s breath smelled in the morning. Then you can go. Tell us how he’s secretly half bald and that sexy hair is really a hairpiece. Or maybe how he used to clip his toenails in bed. Or how small his—”
“Whoa! I don’t need to know about that. I’m going to have a hard enough time looking him in the eye at Kay and Eli’s wedding as it is.” Sasha stills before her eyes lift to mine. “Sorry. I’m sure you don’t want to hear about that.”
“No, it’s okay. Somebody should be happy.”
Her phone beeps and she pulls it out of her bag. “Speaking of Kay, I have to go. I was supposed to be at her place an hour ago.” She pulls me into a hug. “I’ll call you tomorrow, okay.”
Ivy gets up and walks her to the door. By the back and forth whispers and the covert glances, I can tell they’re talking about me. After Sasha’s gone, Ivy comes back and sits on the couch right next to me.
“I haven’t pushed you to talk because I figured you needed a break. But you can talk about him if you need to.”
This is the thing I’ve missed the most about us. My sister being my friend. Being able to tell her about what’s going on in my life and knowing she’ll have advice and a shoulder to lean on.
“Talking is not going to fix this one. I really screwed up. Getting back into school has been my focus for so long I lost sight of what’s right for a minute there. I saw the money as an easy solution to a problem I had no idea how to deal with. Except the old me would have known there are no easy solutions.”
“It’s not your fault. We both kind of fell apart after… that day.”
Her eyes fill with tears.
“I felt so guilty for not being there. Maybe those monsters wouldn’t have chosen our house if there was another car in the driveway. Maybe we could have overpowered them somehow if we’d been together. Maybe, Maybe, Maybe.”
I grab her hand and she squeezes it tight.
We never really talk about that day. At first because it was too fresh and then later because bringing up the past was too painful. I never knew she’d harbored these thoughts. Maybe we could have helped each other with the feelings of guilt and regret if we’d been able to share them.
“You know it’s not your fault, Ivy. It’s their fault. The people who did it.”
“I know. But the way we feel doesn’t always make sense. I’m starting to think that by keeping this house, we’re just keeping the worst part of our lives front and center.”
“I’ve been thinking the same thing. This whole situation with school got me thinking. I got some scholarship offers for schools out of state. If I take those, then I’ll be able to finish school and get away from all of this for a while. Get a fresh start.”
Ivy sits up abruptly, her ice cream falling out of her hand and leaving milky white droplets on the front of her shirt.
“Em, no! I just got you back. Or I guess I should say, I just got my head out of the sand since I was the one who let a guy come between us. I don’t want you to leave.”
She’s sincere and finally seems to understand what her emotional desertion has been like for me this past year.
“It won’t be forever. Just for school. I’ve gotten some offers from schools in North Carolina. Their financial aid packages are really attractive. I wasn’t considering them before because I just couldn’t imagine leaving Virginia. This is home, you know?”
“It is home. That’s why you need to stay here. Do you really think things
are over with Tank?”
I close my eyes. I’m already tired of thinking about it. All I’ve done since that conversation in the stairwell is rehash all the ways I screwed up. All the chances I had to tell him what his father was up to. I wanted to protect him from the truth but the truth wasn’t what he needed to fear.
My deception hurt him worse than the truth ever could have.
Now it’s too late. It’s almost nine o’clock. Visiting hours are over and he’s probably back at home but he hasn’t called or texted.
He’s not going to come after me.
“He was so angry. And disappointed. I think that was worse. I betrayed him and now he won’t believe what we had was real. He’ll always think I was there because of the money.”
Ivy scoots over on the couch and takes the ice cream container out of my hands. She sets it on the coffee table carefully and then pulls me into a hug. We sit there like that until she reaches over and grabs my ice cream.
“I still say Ben and Jerry are our soul mates.”
She grins and for the first time in a long time, I have my sister back.
Chapter Twenty
Tank
It’s the weirdest thing to be in my brother’s house drunk off my ass. I turn my head to the side and watch Finn. He’s spinning slightly. Gabe and Zack followed us to Finn’s penthouse from the hospital since he lives the closest.
He also has a fully stocked bar.
“Okay, big guy. Let’s get you on the couch.” Gabe hoists me up from the floor where I’ve been for the past hour.
I was on the couch at one point but after a few glasses of scotch, things start to get a little unclear.
“He’s just going to end up on the floor again. Trust me, I know this from years of experience dealing with him.” Finn rolls his eyes at me.
“I’m going to give him a pass. It’s been a rough week. For all of us,” Gabe points out.
We’ve been back and forth to the hospital over the past week, taking turns sitting at our father’s bedside. I’m not sure why the others feel obligated to do it but I’m still wrestling with the guilt of putting him there.
Through it all, my brothers have been right beside me. Despite their support, there’s a gap they can’t fill. It’s amazing how you can be lonely in a room full of people.
“I’m so glad you guys are all here. Because we’re brothers.”
I point at Gabe and then at Zack. Finally I point at Finn. When I lean toward him, I almost topple off the couch.
He slaps my hand away. “Let me see it again.”
I know what he wants and he can’t have it. Emma is mine. At least, she was mine. Until I realized she was just one more of my father’s minions.
When I don’t hand it over, Finn leans down and tries to pull it forcibly from my pocket. The full state of my inebriation is apparent when I can’t fight him off. He pushes my hands aside easily and yanks the envelope I’ve been carrying around the past week from my pocket.
“Fuck off, Finn.”
He just grins and looks over at Gabe and Zack. “He’s a pissy drunk.”
They chuckle along with him and my head falls back on the couch behind me. “I’m a sucker. That’s what I am.”
Finn pulls out the check and holds it up to the light.
Zack peers over his shoulder. “I can’t believe she didn’t cash it.”
Finn puts it back in the envelope. “So she carried a million dollar check in her purse uncashed for the better part of twenty-four hours? The average person would have run to the nearest bank. Instead she came home to you. Then she woke up with you. Then she came to the hospital to talk to you.”
“I don’t need a list. I was there, remember?”
He sits forward and glares at me. “Were you? Really? Because I’m starting to wonder if you’re remembering events correctly. Otherwise none of this makes sense.”
My head is really starting to hurt. I shouldn’t have a hangover before I’m even done drinking. Because I’m not done. Not by a long shot.
“Hell, I’d have been on a plane to Tahiti,” Zack comments. After that he takes another swig of his beer and goes back to ignoring us.
“We have to be on g-guard against this kind of thing now.” The words are hard to get out. But I need to tell Finn. I need to warn him. “Women will want to get close to us just because we have money.”
He doesn’t look impressed. “There are women who want to get close to you because you ride a motorcycle. There’s no way you can know a woman’s motivations but you can judge her actions.”
“Her actions.”
Suddenly the entire situation is insanely funny to me. I chuckle to myself while Finn just shakes his head. When I finally get my amusement under control, I point at him.
“Her actions are … that … she accepted money to be with me,” I finish triumphantly.
“Actually, she was offered money and didn’t immediately take it. I didn’t hesitate when he offered me money so she’s got more willpower than I’ve got. You still want to be my brother?”
“That sounds like a trick question.” Gabe collapses on the couch next to me.
“Whose side are you on?” From this angle I can finally look at him up close and he really does look like me.
Like a more handsome version of me.
Would Emma think he was handsome? He looks more like the kind of guy she should be with. Clean cut and educated. Not spiked hair, leather and a body full of scars and battle wounds.
Maybe my father will pay her to seduce him, too. She’s already got Finn wrapped around her little finger.
And me. She’s already got me … something.
Gabe seems amused by my staring. “I’m just saying maybe you aren’t the only person our dear father manipulated?”
What he’s saying makes sense but I’m so tired. All I want to do is be alone with my anger and my despair.
I point at Gabe. “You should get out.” Then I point at Finn. “You should get out, too.”
“I’m not getting out. This is my place, asshole.”
Zack looks over from his perch near the window. “What about me? Should I stay?” He smirks and takes another sip of his beer.
Now they’re all staring at me. And laughing at me, too.
“I’m too drunk for this.”
Then I promptly pass out.
* * *
The next morning, I open my eyes slowly, tentatively. The splitting pain behind my forehead seems to be a warning of what’s to come. It’s too bright in here and my back hurts. When I turn my head, it feels like my brain is being assaulted by a hundred tiny men with hammers.
“What happened?”
Finn appears in the doorway of the living room. He’s already dressed in jeans and a green sweater. “You got shitfaced. That’s what happened.”
Gabe comes out of the kitchen. “It’s alive!”
His loud voice brings back the small army of cavemen in my head. “Is it? Because IT feels like roadkill.”
Gabe disappears back into the kitchen and then reemerges with a cup of coffee. “Drink this.”
The smell coming from the cup is like nirvana. I nurse the coffee while they both watch me.
Finally I can’t take it anymore. “What?”
“Do you even remember last night?” Finn demands.
“More than I’d like to.”
I remember all of Finn’s arguments actually and in the light of day they make sense. None of us could say no to the money our father offered.
So, was Emma any better or worse than we were?
The old man actually seems kind of fond of her. I wonder if he thought he was playing matchmaker in a twisted way. It would be just the kind of screwed up thing that he would think was normal.
The doorbell rings and Finn answers it. “Mom! What are you doing here?”
I immediately sit up straighter and try to look alive. Even though I’m a grown man, I still don’t want my mom to catch me hungover.
&nbs
p; Mom nods hello to Gabe and Zack as she hangs her coat on the back of one of the bar stools. She met them a few days ago and it wasn’t nearly as awkward as we all thought it would be.
“I’ve been thinking, boys.”
Mom sits down on the couch next to me. I blink several times, hoping I don’t smell like alcohol.
“After everything that happened, well, I shouldn’t be but I was worried about your father. I called the hospital to check on him but they wouldn’t tell me anything. So, I decided to come over. Are you all getting ready to go visit him?”
Finn glances at me. “We’re trying to convince Tank not to let the best thing that ever happened to him walk away because of something our dad started. He still hasn’t called Emma.”
I scowl at Finn. He was always a tattletale.
“I’m not letting her walk away. She walked away on her own. Now I’m just thinking about everything. Besides, she hasn’t called me either.”
I glance over at my mom. She’s been strangely quiet on the whole subject.
“This whole week, you haven’t said much about Emma. That’s not like you.”
“I don’t want to influence you. It’s your decision. But I do want to ask you a question.”
I don’t trust this casual inquiry at all. My mom knows how to get all up in my head and make me face things when I’m being an idiot without ever raising her voice or being pushy.
“Do I have a choice?”
She ignores my smart response. “Why didn’t you tell me about your dad being in town when you first found out?”
Now I really am an idiot. I should have known Finn and I weren’t off the hook for that. Even though we had good reason, my mom is definitely going to require a good explanation for why we’d lie to her face.
“I was ashamed, Mom.”
“Oh sweetheart. Ashamed of what?”
“Ashamed I was taking money from him. He hurt you. He hurt us. But I needed the money to help you. It seemed like the only solution at the time.”
She nods thoughtfully. Then she peeks over at me mischievously. “I wonder if that’s how Emma felt, too?”
