by Jen Talty
Hayden never felt that way; however, Kevin hardened over the way his family treated him, and then something happened to change him, though Hayden had no idea what. And now Kevin was a cold man with a drinking and gambling problem who tended to take his problems out on Hayden.
“Smells good.” She eased into one of the chairs and took the pitcher of water, pouring a large glass.
“I watched some of the roping practice today. I’ve always been amazed at how talented you are.” He set a plate of two hamburgers and two hot dogs on the center of the table. “Everyone on the ranch is impressed.”
“Thanks.” She took one of the hot dogs and slapped it between one of the buns. She loaded it with relish, ketchup, and mustard. There was nothing like a good hot dog on a summer evening. “I have to say, I’m impressed by your sudden change in attitude.”
“I realized acting like an asshole isn’t going to solve our problems.”
“The problems you created,” she said under her breath.
He slammed the grill top shut.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” He guzzled his beer. “Do I need to remind you that you’re the one who put us in financial stress? And in more ways than one.”
She pinched the bridge of her nose. She couldn’t deny that her accident had set them back, but it wasn’t her fault Kevin had gambled away all her money.
“That’s not true, and you know it.”
“I’m not the one who…” He glanced over both shoulders. “…you know what you did.”
“After you and your boyfriend stole all my money and—”
“I didn’t take it. Ralph did and I’ve apologized for it time and time again.”
She pointed to her face. “How about my broken nose? Or my fractured ribs? Or—”
“I’m sorry, Hayden. We’ve both been through some really dark times.” He sat across from her and leaned back, staring at her with a dark expression. “I swear to you once we pay off MacKenzie, I will walk out of your life and you will never have to see me again, if that’s what you want, but I would never do that again. You know that. I’ve proved it.”
She believed him, but it didn’t change the fact it happened in the first place. Along with so many other things.
“You know that’s not what I want,” she said softly.
“No. I don’t know that.”
“Why’d you do it?”
“Which of my many transgressions are we discussing now?” He loaded up his hamburger with all the fixings, doubling up on the onions. The man loved onions. “Because if we’re still talking about the time…I…I…” He waved his hand over his face. “I hate what I did to you that night.”
“No. There is no explanation for beating the crap out of someone,” she said, letting the venom roll off her tongue. No matter how many times she forgave him, the pain of that night remained fresh.
Her earliest memories of her uncle Kevin had been amazing. He was her dad’s fun younger brother who always made her laugh, but she also knew that he caused her parents a great deal of stress.
Something she hadn’t understood until she found out Kevin was gay and what that meant.
And how uncomfortable that made her parents.
“I want to know why you helped me after my fall. You didn’t have to do that, especially after what happened a few months before that.”
“The same reason I didn’t leave you in foster care when my brother died after he cut me out of his and your lives.” Kevin shoved half the burger in his mouth. A large glob of ketchup and mustard fell out and landed on the table. He cleaned it up with his napkin while he chewed. He wiped his lips. “You’ve never asked me this before so why are you now?”
“I’ve always been afraid of the answer, considering all that we’ve been through, but I need to know why you stuck around.”
He let out a short laugh. “One could say it was to manipulate you again to find a way to get money, especially considering I got myself in debt with MacKenzie.”
“To pay off my hospital bills.”
“Yeah, well, we can use that as the reason I went to MacKenzie Reynolds all we want, but we both know, put me at a poker table or at a racetrack with a bottle of vodka and we’ve got a big problem.”
He cracked open another beer and guzzled it. “Last time I did that, it got us here.”
“You’re dancing around my question, like you did the last time I asked this.”
He scratched the back of his neck. “When I came out to your parents and my dad, I knew they weren’t going to take it well, but I never expected they’d tell me I was dead to them.”
“I know that was harsh, but I can’t imagine my dad would have kept you out of his life permanently.”
Kevin pushed his beer to the side. He leaned back and folded his massive arms across his chest. “I don’t mean to be rude, but you didn’t know your dad well and he was about the most homophobic person on the planet, next to our father. Being a gay man living in that environment was torture and silly me to think coming out would change their perspective because I wasn’t your stereotype being so macho, but no. That’s not what happened. And if either one of them were still alive, I’d still be dead to them. I mean, let’s not forget my father tried to beat my gayness out of me. He thought that if I was more manly, I’d be different, and I let him believe that until I couldn’t do it anymore and it cost me everything.”
“That’s really sad.”
Kevin shrugged.
“Did you come to the hospital and take care of me so you could continue to control me?”
Kevin let out a short laugh. “Wow. You really don’t think very highly of me, do you?”
“You haven’t given me any reason to in years.”
“I can’t say that’s not true, but I didn’t want to control you. I wanted to make it up to you. I had promised my mother that I would take care of you and I’d failed miserably.”
“Granny died a year after Daddy.”
Kevin nodded.
“She didn’t have a problem with you being gay.”
“I wouldn’t go that far,” Kevin said. “She couldn’t understand it. She always thought that if I found the right woman, then things would be different, and she was constantly sending me text messages of dating profiles of her friends’ daughters.”
“I am sorry our family didn’t accept you.”
Kevin blew out a puff of air. “I was seventeen when I finally told my family that all their bullying didn’t change me. That I was gay. And I’d always be that way. You were four years old. I told your folks, and your dad took me out in the backyard and beat the shit out of me.”
She lifted her hot dog and it slipped from her fingers. “He did what?”
“It was a common theme in our house whenever one of us did something our dad didn’t approve of. I just never expected your dad to do it to me. So, when I saw you that night with that boy, drinking right before your big rodeo when you were sixteen, I saw red and I followed in their footsteps.”
She rubbed her cheek, remembering the single backhand across the face that pushed her back, causing her to lose her balance, and she fell, where she landed awkwardly on a coffee table, breaking her rib and smashing her nose. “That doesn’t make it okay.”
“I never said it did. But I worried you were going to throw away your chances for a better life.”
“And your gravy train.”
“That too,” he admitted.
“You do realize that you’ve treated me no better than they’ve treated you.”
“I’m not denying it.” He raised his beer and swigged. “There is a part of me that when I look at you, I see them, and I resent you. But most of me sees this amazing girl and I’m filled with love and admiration. I feel like a shit for fucking up your life.”
She opened up her mouth, but slammed it shut as there were no words she could find to respond to something so honest.
“It’s funny. I’ve thought about telling you the truth behind all this, b
ut then figured it didn’t matter. It doesn’t change what happened, or what I did.”
“You’re right. It doesn’t. But I want to know.” And now she wanted to know more than ever. Not only had she agreed to come back to the rodeo to help her uncle so he could get the money he needed to pay MacKenzie back, but she wanted the details surrounding her family that she’d chosen not to accept because it was too painful. “Why did my father ask you to take care of me if he never wanted to speak to you again?”
“I’m not exactly sure about that.” Kevin leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table. “When I got the phone call from the lawyer, I was stunned and to be honest, I left you in foster care for a week. I wasn’t cut out to take care of a kid, but you were too stinking cute and I fell in love with you.”
She smiled. “We were good together in the beginning.”
“We were.” He shook his head. “You followed me around the ranches I worked on like a lovesick puppy. You made me want to try to get my head out of my ass, and for a while I did, until Ralph broke my heart.” He ran a hand over his face. “I know this is an excuse, but after you were released from the hospital and the bills started rolling in, I was so overwhelmed and that’s about the same time I found out Ralph had gotten married to the man he cheated on me with. I lost my shit, got wasted, and then proceeded to lose what little money we had at an underground poker game, putting us in hot water with MacKenzie.”
“I can’t believe you used the money you borrowed from her to pay my bills to gamble with. What were you thinking?”
“Obviously, I wasn’t. But we were in trouble before I gambled it away. Going into business with MacKenzie was a bad idea to begin with. But once we pay her off, you are free to do whatever your heart wants.”
“We’re trusting a gangster to keep her word.”
He nodded. “We are because I’m going to hold her to it.”
“And how is that possible?”
“Because for once in my life, I’m going to do the right thing by you.”
4
Hayden hadn’t wanted to come out and socialize with anyone. After the conversation she’d had with her uncle the other day, she’d done a ton of soul searching. She didn’t give Kevin a hall pass for anything. His actions were deplorable, and she couldn’t forgive him for many of the things he’d done, but she did have a heart and he was a victim with some things.
However, he’d put her in a very bad situation and he’d never be the kind of uncle she wanted or deserved. And when this was over, they’d go their separate ways, never to see each other again.
That’s just the way it had to be.
For now, she smiled and acted as if all she cared about was the rodeo. She needed to put on a good show. The world needed to believe she was back and better than ever.
And if that meant having a bite to eat with a few of the other rodeo gals and pretending to have a grand old time, then so be it.
She rubbed the back of her neck as she sat in the far back corner of the outdoor patio, listening to the smooth twangy voice of Sawyer filter through the night air. For a young man, he had such an old soul. His chocolate eyes carried a darkness that haunted her soul. Every time she caught his gaze, it was as if they shared a secret treasure. Some sort of weird cosmic bond.
But she figured it had more to do with the fact that he was as much of a loner as she was, which she thought was odd considering he was a singer and didn’t most wannabe rock stars crave the spotlight?
“I swear, that cowboy in there is the hottest man in all these parts,” Josie Andrews, another cowgirl currently training at the ranch, said. She stuffed half her turkey club sandwich in her mouth and chewed. Josie didn’t have the best manners in the world.
Nor was she very good at the rodeo. Word was that Josie had come to Whiskey Ranch last month, begging for a spot in the rodeo school after having been unable to qualify for the last few events.
“He’s too brooding for me,” Keller Michaels said. Keller was also in the group, though she wouldn’t be competing in the next couple of rodeos due to an injury.
Truth be told, Keller might not make it back to the rodeo, though not because of her torn calf muscle. No. Keller was in love and wanted to move on to the next part of her life.
Wife and motherhood.
Though she had mentioned wanting to train future talent. Always a good job to have and something Hayden would love to do, just not something she could do. Not with the life she’d had.
“How would you know anything about him?” Josie asked with a wicked grin.
“I’ve tried talking to him.” Keller shook her head. “More than once. I even asked him on a date before I met Jeffery.”
“What did Sawyer say when you asked him out?” Hayden reached across the table for the ketchup. Every muscle in her body throbbed. Her bones ached. It even hurt to blink. The week had been hard, and she spent more time on the ground than she had on the back of a bucking bronco.
And then there was training for all the other events, because no one could ever call Hayden a one-trick pony.
As much as she hadn’t planned on ever competing again, now that she was back in the ring training, she realized how much she’d missed the rodeo.
It was a bittersweet return and it wouldn’t last. She and Kevin had decided the second her portion of the debts were paid, she was out of the loop and Kevin would help her disappear so MacKenzie would never be able to find her.
Hayden normally didn’t trust her uncle, but this time, she believed every word he said.
“He thanked me for flattering him, but told me he didn’t date,” Keller said. “I’ve been living in Buhl for three years. He’s been here a little over a year. I’ve never seen him with a woman.”
“Have you seen him with a man?” Hayden asked. “Maybe he likes guys.” If her uncle wasn’t such an asshole, she’d fix them up. But with Kevin’s confessions, she wouldn’t set anyone up with him. She still didn’t trust him completely.
“Haven’t seen him with anyone, male or female,” Keller said as the waitress set the bill on the counter.
Each of them set their credit cards on the table.
“Can you split it equally?” Hayden asked.
The waitress nodded. “I’ll be right back with your receipts.”
“I’ve tried talking with him too,” Josie said. “He’s always polite and nice, but doesn’t seem too interested in going out.”
Keller tossed her napkin on her plate and nodded toward the main room. “Sounds like Sawyer’s done with his set.”
“Looks like he’s headed this way,” Josie said. “Too bad I have to head home.”
Hayden swallowed her pulse.
She’d seen him a couple of times in the last few days in passing. They’d stopped once on the front porch and exchanged pleasantries and again in the grocery store until some twenty-something blond hit on him, making it utterly awkward. If she didn’t have a gangster to get off her back, she’d definitely be interested in Sawyer. He was exactly her type. They both enjoyed the same kind of music and based on their last conversation, they both liked the same television shows and movies.
Not to mention they were both introverts.
But this was not the time for Hayden to have a love life.
“Good evening, ladies.” Sawyer tipped his Stetson. “Hayden. How’s the training going?”
“I’m not dead, but my body wishes I was.” Hayden didn’t like how her palms broke out in a hot sweat and butterflies filled her gut every time Sawyer came within ten yards of her.
“That sounds brutal,” he said.
The waitress snuck back, handing each of them their receipts, and quickly turned on her heel, heading off to one of her other tables.
“I don’t know about you guys, but I need to go home and get a good night’s sleep,” Josie said. “Don’t you two live in the same building? Perhaps you should walk each other home.”
Hayden blushed, but refrained from saying anything.
/>
“Josie, wait up. I’m right behind you.” Keller stood. “My Uber will be here in three minutes.” She waved. “I’ll see you all on Monday. Enjoy the weekend.”
“Later.” Josie scurried through the crowd, leaving Hayden sitting at the table with Sawyer.
Her heart beat like a bucking bronco that had just been released from the chute. She resented the primal effect that Sawyer had on her physically. Between her career and then her accident, she hadn’t much experience with men.
“Are you playing another set tonight?” she asked, trying to keep her voice steady and confident.
“Nah.” He shook his head. “I wasn’t even planning on playing tonight, but I wanted to try out a few songs I had written.”
“Do you ever sell your songs?”
“I haven’t yet.”
“You’re very talented,” she said.
“Thank you.” He pointed toward the back alleyway. “I was going to head home. Can I walk you?”
“Sure.” She took his hand, surprised by the fact he laced his fingers through hers as he guided her through the tables.
Boone’s place was packed nearly every night of the week and tonight was no exception. A few patrons thanked Sawyer for his singing talents before they stepped onto the road heading south out of town.
She lived less than a mile from Boone’s. Her backyard butted against the local cemetery. Most people thought that was creepy. She found it calming in a weird way.
“You’re limping,” Sawyer said.
“It’s an old injury.” She went to rub her hip and realized Sawyer had their hands intertwined. She wasn’t quite sure what to do with that other than she didn’t want to let go and that was an odd sensation. “And it’s just being aggravated by my training.”
“How’s that going?”
“It’s rough and I swear JB Whiskey wants to kill me.”
Sawyer laughed. “I’d be more afraid of his wife.”
“She hasn’t been around much the last couple of days. She’s been having contractions. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s having a baby right now.”
A couple with their dog and two little kids passed by. The girl giggled as she whispered to her brother how Hayden was holding Sawyer’s hand.
