by Jen Talty
“How did things between you and Kevin get so secretive in the matter of an afternoon?”
“I didn’t intend on that happening, but because MacKenzie is indeed my grandmother and she’s holding your uncle hostage financially while she’s planning on making you her cash cow—”
“Making me a what?”
Sawyer closed his eyes briefly before making eye contact. “Your uncle was naïve in the idea that he thought my grandmother would ever let you walk away even after you helped pay your uncle’s debts.”
“But that was the deal.”
“My grandmother doesn’t always keep her word.”
Hayden swallowed her beating heart. There were so many things she didn’t know, but a picture had formed in her head and she didn’t like it. “What had my uncle planned?”
“Nothing that was going to work, but he did have your best interests at heart, for once.”
Instinctively, she covered her nose. “He’s not the worst person in the world.”
“I’ve learned that. But he’s still got a lot of redeeming to do.” Sawyer curled his fingers around her wrist and tugged. He leaned in and kissed her nose. “Someday you can tell me about that, but for now, I want you to read this. Kevin had all this information and I’m working with Crew—”
“The detective?”
Sawyer nodded. “I’ve been living like this for close to eight years. I’m honestly tired of it and it’s time I do what I should have done when I killed my father.”
“You did what?” She pushed back, scooting all the way to the wall, hugging her legs to her chest.
“I wish I could say I didn’t do it on purpose.” He raked a hand through his hair. “I’ve searched my heart and soul and I can’t say I would change my actions.”
“You said he hurt—”
“Hurt wouldn’t be a strong enough word.” He handed her his laptop. “This article—”
“I don’t want an article to tell me what happened. I want you to.” She glanced at the newspaper clipping and her heart broke when she saw the image of a young Sawyer in handcuffs.
He stretched out on the mattress, resting his head on her thigh. “I haven’t told the story out loud to anyone. I don’t know if I can.”
“You can because I’m going to tell you something I haven’t told a soul. The only person who knows is my uncle.” She ran her fingers though his thick, wavy hair. “You obviously know he and I have a strained relationship.”
“I’d say it’s been abusive in the past.”
She sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “It has been. I won’t make excuses for him and before my accident, all I wanted was to get away from him. He’d stolen from me and he’d made my life a living hell. I thought if I ruined my career, I wouldn’t have anything he wanted. I didn’t think through letting go of the rein.”
He jerked his head. “Wait a second. You fell on purpose two years ago?”
“I did. And if I’m being honest, I don’t think I cared about getting hurt as long as I didn’t live to tell about it.”
“Oh, Hayden.” Sawyer made his way to the top of the bed and wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight and kissing her temple. “I’m so sorry.”
She couldn’t fight the tears and she didn’t bother trying. She rested her head on his chest and let them come freely. “I’m not telling you this for your sympathy. I’m just trying to help you understand the odd bond we have and Kevin’s guilt for my accident. He feels like he pushed me over the edge and he’s trying to make up for it.”
“You’re too forgiving of your uncle.”
“And all my uncle wanted was for his family to accept him and they never did. In a weird way, I was a constant reminder of everything that resented him or was ashamed of him.” She rubbed her cheek. “He only hit me once.”
“That’s once too many.”
“I agree. And after that, I began working toward emancipation, only he’d stolen a fair amount of money from my earnings—”
“Another reason he’s a snake.”
“You keep calling him names, but you act like you like him when you’re around him,” she said with a fair amount of sarcasm.
“He does grow on you,” Sawyer admitted. “But that’s still no excuse for the way he treated a child.”
“I could say the same for the way my dad and his father treated him just because he’s gay. To this day, he still hides it and acts all macho as if being homosexual makes him less of a man.”
Sawyer opened his mouth, but she hushed him by pressing her finger over his lips.
“Moving here has given Kevin and me a new start. I thought when I started back at the rodeo that I’d get him the money he needed and then we’d go our separate ways, but the more I learned about what he’s tried to do for me these last two years, the more I realize he’s trying to change, though he’s being an asshole about it.”
“That I do understand, but he’s underestimating my grandmother, who has a horrible habit of underestimating me.”
“How so?”
“She thought I was more afraid of being in prison than I was of being alone. Thing is, I was terrified of being out in the world and I thought if I didn’t go to jail for killing my father, I’d end up just like him, or worse, like my grandmother. So, when she came at me, telling me it was go to work with her, be her legacy, or rot in prison, well, I chose prison.”
“I don’t understand. How does MacKenzie control you going to jail, and did you actually spend time there?”
“She had a couple of cops and a few lawyers in her back pocket and no. When she realized I was happy on the inside, she let the system do its job, which let me out because it was self-defense.”
“I can’t imagine you doing it in cold blood.”
“You have to reconcile with yourself that it was somewhere in between because I did intend on shooting him and I didn’t care if he died. That is a beast I have to live with for the rest of my life.”
She cupped his face and stared into his dark orbs. “You’re not a beast any more than my uncle is bad man. We’ve all been dealt shitty hands—”
Sawyer took her by the wrist and yanked. “I hid the gun my father used to beat my mother with and waited for the ambulance to take my mother away after she died. I went and found my father and my intention was to kill him. I had enough of him beating me and my mom.”
“You don’t owe me—”
“He was sitting in the middle of his restaurant with a couple of his crew, most likely discussing how to impress my grandmother, who thought my father was a major disappointment. It was always about how to get into my grandmother’s good graces, and I could never understand that. She was a cold woman who thought only of herself, and whenever she came to visit, all she ever did was put my old man down. She judged everything and everyone. Even me.”
Hayden wanted to interrupt him again, but his pupils had widened and he spoke a mile a minute, not catching a breath between sentences. She figured it was best to let him finish.
“She once told my dad, right in front of me, that if push came to shove, I’d do whatever it took. I had no idea what that meant. But standing in that restaurant, I knew exactly what she meant.” He held out his hand as if it were a gun. “I raised my weapon and aimed it right at the back of my father’s head. Everyone in the place gasped and took cover. Everyone except my father.”
Hayden placed her hand over Sawyer’s heart. His chest rose up and down with his raspy breath. She stared into his eyes, but she suspected he didn’t even see her and that he was actually reliving the entire horrid episode.
“I can still picture the fierce look of pride in his eyes when he turned and stared at me,” Sawyer said with a tremble in his voice. “He pulled his own gun from its holster, but he didn’t aim it right away in my direction. He just inched closer with an eerie expression. I told him that Mother was dead and all he said was, that’s too bad son, not sure who’s going to make you breakfast now.” A single tear ro
lled down his cheek. “I remember closing one eye and holding my breath as I took aim. My heart was pounding so loud I couldn’t hear anything but the blood racing through my body and my father just kept getting closer and closer. I screamed at him to stop. That if he came any closer, I’d shoot him, and he told me I’d do no such thing. He called me a coward and told me I was just like my mother. By this time, he was only a foot away. He reached out and took the gun right out of my hands and set it on the table behind me. Then he just started laughing.”
Hayden swallowed the bile in the back of her throat. There was nothing worse than being pushed to the point of no return and while there was no excuse for her uncle’s behavior toward her, she certainly understood how Kevin had internalized all the hatred and anger his family felt toward his gayness and sadly it came out when Kevin lost the one man who he thought accepted him and loved him.
Ralph.
The worst part about Ralph had been the betrayal. Kevin had felt as though everyone he ever loved had let him down.
“And then the laughter stopped and my father took his gun and pressed the cold metal right here.” Sawyer pointed to the spot on his forehead between his eyes. “I’d never been so scared in my life because I knew he’d pull the trigger. He was more than capable. He locked gazes with me and told me that the next time I dared come at him, I better be prepared. I had been gripping the table behind me so tightly that I pulled the tablecloth and the weapon I’d been carrying was now touching my thumb. I didn’t even think. I don’t even know how many seconds it took, or even if he got a shot off, though I know he did because the bullet grazed my temple.” He ran a finger across the side of his head. “I gripped the weapon, shoved it in his gut, and fired. Once. Twice. And a third time. He dropped to knees and just stared at me with a smile on his face and told me to finish the job, so I did.”
Hayden cupped his face and forced him to look at her square in the eyes. “How often did he beat you and your mom?”
“Weekly.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I didn’t have to shoot him four times.”
“Maybe not, but if you hadn’t, and if you tried walking out of there, he would have shot you in the back.”
“And now my grandmother is back and I can put an end to her terror because she believes I’m just like her.”
“Why does she believe that?”
He held up his hand. “Two reasons. The first being that when my father told me to finish the job, I didn’t hesitate. My grandmother takes that as I’m cold-blooded killer. The problem with that is my father still had a loaded gun in his hands and it was still pointed at my heart.” He tapped his chest. “Secondly, she knows I don’t regret it which makes me dangerous because I could do it again.”
8
Sawyer held his breath and counted to ten. He’d told the story and the beast within hadn’t exploded onto the scene.
And the woman in his arms hadn’t run for cover.
He wasn’t sure what to do next.
So, he did nothing.
But stare.
And wait.
He blew out a puff of air.
He hadn’t a lot of experience with women. At twenty-five, he could count on one hand the number of women he’d had in his bed. It wasn’t that he wasn’t interested; it was that he was awkward and he had no idea how to act around ladies. He’d been too embarrassed to date when he’d been growing up because of who his father was and most girls wouldn’t go out with him anyway because of that. Besides, he was painfully shy as a teenager.
Then, after his father’s death, and his experience in and out of county lockup, he was too frightened.
His first experience had been with an older married woman who was bored, lonely, and used him, which he hadn’t minded simply because he’d learned a lot about what to do in the bedroom, but she taught him nothing about how to have a relationship.
Since then, he’d tried three other times to make a go of having a girlfriend.
All three times, after about six months of being exclusive, he started to feel like a caged animal and he ran.
Since he’d been in Buhl, he hadn’t dated at all.
And the last time he’d had sex was a one-night stand about six months ago in a nasty hotel with a female singer who he hadn’t even gotten her first name.
“I don’t believe you’re a dangerous man.”
“You should.”
“Just like I should write my uncle off?” She cocked her head and arched a brow. “Or me for trying to kill myself.”
“No. Those are all different.”
“I don’t see how. We’ve all made mistakes. We’ve all been dealt a shitty hand and had to deal with truly evil people in our lives.”
“That is true, but you and Kevin both have remorse for your actions. I don’t.”
“I think the only regret you have is not doing it sooner. But you were a little boy. You shouldn’t have to save your mother. And if you want to call the kettle black. My father made me believe my uncle was weak for being gay. He didn’t come out and tell me that, but he’d dig and dig and dig and I’d end up cracking jokes I didn’t understand just so my dad would like me and be proud of me.”
“Adults suck,” Sawyer said, painfully aware he was alone, in his bed, with a beautiful woman that he’d found more attractive than anyone he’d ever met before. His hands grew sweaty and his heart pounded in his chest. “When I was first told I was a free man and I could go anywhere I wanted, I packed my guitar and I raced off to Nashville. I sang on the street corners until one day my grandmother came walking by.”
“I really don’t like that woman.”
“You and me both,” he said with a chuckle. “She tossed a hundred-dollar bill in my case.” He leaned across Hayden, letting one hand rest on her taut belly as he reached into an old cigar box next to his bed. “I still have it along with this note.” He unfolded it and read the words out loud.
“You’re a talented singer with a knack for killing. When you’re ready, I’ve got a million of these with your name on them.”
“Did she really want to hire you to be a hit man?”
“She did and she still does,” he said. “Every year on my birthday, which was two weeks ago, I get an email from her with that reminder and she sends me a check for a thousand dollars. I’ve never cashed them. I think that would send the wrong message. But she always tells me the same thing. That she could use a man like me on her team. One that doesn’t have a conscience. One that won’t look back. One that can pull the trigger not once, but until the job is done.”
“Stop talking.” She pushed him to his back and straddled him. “You are no more a cold-blooded killer than I am, and I nearly pushed you off a roof.”
He gripped her hips. “You didn’t mean to and you did offer me a hand as I was slipping and a tip on how to fall and you did send your uncle with a ladder.” His entire body tensed. All he wanted to do was flip her on her back and do things to her he’d only fantasized about. He wished he was more confident in his lovemaking skills. He wished he was more confident in general.
“And you only shot your father when he pressed a loaded shotgun to your head.” She leaned forward, her lips only inches from his. Her hot breath tickled his skin. Her chest heaved up and down with every breath she took.
His gaze darted from her round breasts back to her all-encompassing orbs. He was out of his league and had no idea what to do. From the first moment he’d laid eyes on her, he’d wanted to toss out all his rules and kiss her. He wanted to get to know her and find out all the things that made her smile and blush. For the first time in his life, he wanted a connection to another person.
“I can’t believe how badly I choked today,” she said softly.
“I thought you were amazing.”
“You don’t know any better.”
“I know Kevin was very proud of you,” Sawyer said. “And JB and Cheyenne, they both knew something wasn’t right before you
climbed up on that horse. As a matter of fact, JB was already on top of that fence, ready to save you.”
“I was shocked how quickly Kevin got there.”
“His feet hit the ground about the same time your ass did.” Without really thinking about what he was doing, he reached around and squeezed her firm butt. “I thought he was going to take out the horse.”
She arched her back, putting a little too much pressure where he needed release.
He groaned, holding on to her tighter. He didn’t have a lot of control in his sexual exploits. Hell, he didn’t have a lot of sexual experience and considering she was only twenty-two, he suspected—no hoped—her familiarity with the act wasn’t any more than his, taking the pressure off.
Though, she was currently putting the pressure on.
“I know he cares about me. He’s been really trying to change these last twelve months. I feel bad because MacKenzie is going to own him for a very long time and I’m going to be able to—”
He covered her mouth with a hard, wet, passionate kiss. He couldn’t listen to another word. He’d deal with the consequences of his heritage later because she and her uncle were wrong.
Dead wrong.
And while Kevin was close to understanding the severity of his mistake, Sawyer wasn’t prepared to clue Hayden in.
Yet.
She was smart and she wouldn’t need a lot of prodding to figure out that his grandmother wasn’t going to let her go and because Hayden had something to lose, it would be hard for her to walk away.
MacKenzie would play uncle off niece and vice versa.
But MacKenzie would be once again blindsided by her grandson. He was the ace up the sleeve. The straw that broke the camel’s back.
“That was nice,” Hayden whispered against his lips.
“That it was.” He readily agreed, toying with the hem on her shirt. Normally, when he found himself in this situation, he’d let the woman lead. Of course, most of the ladies he had relationships with were older and them taking the lead made sense.
