Finally, he leaned in once more, a bright smile overtaking his countenance.
“D-doesn’t it all seem worth it, Phoenix?”
12. JOURNEY
It seemed that the further she and Isaac got from Paragon, the less Alessa felt like herself.
The strange feelings that had begun plaguing her in the woods had only intensified as they ventured toward the city. And though she’d initially suspected that those feelings were caused by the unnamed beasts that’d been stalking them, she’d begun to question if it was actually something more.
They hadn’t seen any signs of the creatures in days, not since the morning Isaac had noticed the footprints in the snow. That discovery still made Alessa shudder. They’d found the prints circling the entire area, a horde of distinctly human tracks, five toes and all.
But the terrible noises they’d heard that night ringing through the dumpster had been anything but human. Alessa still couldn’t figure out the odd mix of emotions that had ransacked her body during that chilling encounter, the fear and confusion and frustration and protectiveness and hunger and rage. She could only imagine that it had something to do with their assailants, but even when the sense of being stalked had faded in the coming days, the feelings had persisted.
Granted, they’d changed somewhat the past couple days, as she and Isaac had picked their way through an abandoned suburban community much like the one she’d grown up in. Now, more often than not, Alessa just felt sorrow.
But then again, maybe that was just her own grief for the world she’d lost.
Trudging through a line of ramshackle backyards, Alessa had stopped to dig through an old vegetable garden and was just brushing off some potatoes and carrots she’d gathered when Isaac sounded from the other side of the fence lining the yard.
“Less, come here!” he called, a giddy note in his voice.
Alessa dropped her bounty and strolled to the fence, peeking over the top on her tippy-toes.
Isaac was standing next to a massive jungle gym, bedecked with an equally massive smile. “Is this not the coolest swing set you’ve ever seen?”
“Actually…” Alessa took a couple steps back and launched herself toward the fence, running her feet up the side and hauling herself over the top. She landed with a satisfied grin. “That’s the same one I had growing up.”
Alessa laughed at the envious look on Isaac’s face and bounded over to the play set, plopping down on what was always her favorite swing. The rubber seat curved against her hips comfortingly as the jangle from the chains subsided.
Isaac smiled and dashed up the ladder to the fort, popping his head out the side to watch her.
Alessa knew he was worried about her – he could tell that something was off, and he’d been going out of his way the past couple days to distract her from whatever was causing the distress she’d been feeling. Alessa certainly appreciated the effort, but unfortunately none of Isaac’s charms had really done the trick. Until now.
She kicked off the floor, pushing back hard and pumping her legs forward, a cool wind whipping across her face. The freedom of weightlessness and the rush of gravity grappled over her body, and for a moment at least, she was transported decades back to her carefree childhood, surrounded by the laughter of a loving family.
But eventually the weight of reality caught up with her and Alessa slowed, dragging her feet along the frozen ground. Stopped, she reached one hand high up the chain and leaned against the chill metal cable, smiling gratefully up at Isaac. “Thank you for that.”
Isaac just grinned in return.
Alessa looked away, glancing at the empty seat on her right. Janie’s swing. She sighed deeply, missing her sister and wondering for the millionth time if she was okay. She wished Janie was here now, not only so that Alessa would know she was safe from Paragon, but also so she’d have someone other than Isaac to burden with her troubles. Alessa knew she hadn’t been making things easy on him lately.
She was sure that Janie would have some helpful theory about why Alessa kept feeling the things she did, emotions that felt somehow foreign but still very real. She always seemed to understand what Alessa was trying to say, even when Alessa herself couldn’t quite articulate it. She would know what Alessa was going through and find some way to help.
Isaac did his best, but it just wasn’t the same. He was sensitive, yes, but still a guy underneath – talking about feelings was something he instinctively shied away from.
But Alessa didn’t have any choice but to confront what she’d been feeling. She just wished she didn’t have to feel so alone in it – and at the same time, she didn’t know how to explain that to Isaac without hurting him. Especially since she didn’t know what else he could do to help.
It didn’t make things any easier, either, that she’d been plagued with thoughts of Joe in recent days.
It seemed lately that whenever her mind wandered, it would inevitably end up on Joe – his mischievous smile, their silly inside jokes, his bravery with the rebellion, and, of course, the butterflies she’d started getting in her stomach whenever he was around.
It was weird. She hadn’t thought about Joe this much in years, and she didn’t understand why he had just now eclipsed her thoughts again. She felt guilty for spending so much time dwelling on Joe when she probably should have been working out her frustrations with Isaac. But it was nice to spend time with Joe again, even if only in her head. She hadn’t realized how much she missed him.
Isaac interrupted her thoughts. “So, find anything good in that garden?”
Alessa looked up at the rich sapphire of his eyes, and in an instant all thoughts of Joe were erased. Isaac was doing his best, and he was doing it for her. She was infinitely grateful to have his support.
“Potatoes and carrots,” she replied. “Not bad for a plot that hasn’t been tended in years. You get anything in the neighbor’s house?”
Isaac looked away for a moment, and Alessa knew he was hiding something. “Just a few cans. Oh, and some matches.”
More likely than not, he’d probably also found the remains of a family inside, but he would never tell her if he could avoid it. Alessa couldn’t see the sense in pressing him for the truth – he was obviously just trying to protect her.
So far they’d been surprised to only stumble across a few odd skeletons here and there, much to Alessa’s relief. She’d expected to find a lot more evidence of the outbreak’s scourge and was thankful that most of the homes they’d encountered had been empty. She knew it was silly, but it made scavenging for supplies feel less like stealing.
“That’s good,” she replied. Popping off the swing, she was startled by the sudden loss of buoyancy, by the overwhelming sensation of being firmly rooted to the ground once more. “Let me grab my pack and we can be off.”
By the time the sun dipped toward the skyline, Alessa and Isaac had wandered through two more vacant neighborhoods, a derelict shopping center, and a downtown area that could only be described as a ghost town.
The pervasive quiet shrouding the once-vibrant village intensified the eerie feeling of being utterly alone. If Alessa hadn’t known what happened, she might have expected families and school kids and zipping cars around every corner. Besides the overgrown shrubbery and the occasional smashed storefront, everything seemed just in its place, waiting for its inhabitants to come home.
It was devastating.
Isaac kicked an empty can which went scuttling along the blacktop ahead, finally coming to rest at the base of a large sign marking the entrance to an expansive lot scattered with cars.
“Mall Parking,” he read aloud.
But what caught Alessa’s attention was the carefully lettered banner crumpled beneath, one corner still nailed to the bottom of the mall sign. She dug the other side out of the snow and held it up, the distinctive red cross painted across the tarp waving in the wind.
“Relief Center,” she added. Alessa gazed at Isaac intently. “Isaac, do you think we found an
other quarantine zone?”
“Only one way to know for sure – let’s go check it out.”
The set off to investigate as dusk settled into the sky.
“Wow, look at all these cars,” Isaac muttered as they crossed the crowded parking lot.
Alessa’s hope intensified. “Joe was into cars, right?” she asked. She’d gotten a sudden flash of him working under the hood of an old red convertible.
“Yeah, he bought himself this beat up ole clunker for his 17th birthday, and he was intent on fixing her up – ‘Swift Scarlet’ he used to call it,” he laughed. Isaac pointed at one of the more recent model electric cars. “This one would have brought us almost the whole way across the country on a single charge, you know.” He nodded toward a classic car from well before he and Alessa were born. “Even this old hybrid could even have gotten us hundreds of miles away, if it had a little gas in it. Too bad they’re all useless.”
“Are they really?” Alessa asked. “They seem like they’re in fine condition to me…”
Isaac shook his head. “It’s been so long since they’ve been used, the batteries would all have drained by now. There’s no way to start them up.”
That was a shame – it would have been nice to get a reprieve from all the walking, especially in this cold. But even though the cars were dead, they still gave Alessa hope. There were so many of them, and someone must have driven them all here – could all of these people really be inside?
“Isaac, look –” she pointed toward the loading docks around the side of the building. “Grocery store delivery trucks.”
“They must have used them to bring supplies,” he agreed.
Alessa’s mind was racing with the possibilities. “A mall would be a great place to shelter, right? They’d have everything they need already inside – clothes, camping gear, generators, probably some big fountains for bathing, an atrium where they can build fires…” Alessa couldn’t contain the excitement in her voice. Maybe they weren’t alone after all.
“They’d certainly have as good a chance here as anywhere,” Isaac added as they reached the doors. “After you,” he smiled.
Alessa pulled the heavy glass door open slowly, a creak echoing through the large empty hall. They stepped inside and looked around, their eyes adjusting to the dim interior.
Surveying the area, Alessa immediately noticed signs that the building had been lived in – overflowing trash cans, the occasional sleeping bag, a stack of discarded magazines beside a bench. Her hope surged.
“It definitely looks like someone was here…” Isaac observed, his voice barely a whisper.
Alessa too felt odd speaking aloud – it felt wrong somehow, like talking in a library, or a mausoleum. She just nodded her understanding and swung her bag around to dig out a flashlight.
They crept quietly toward the main hall, Alessa shining the light on the tile floor to guide their path. Oversize potted plants cast long shadows along the corridor, their twisted fingers inching up the walls beside Alessa. She noticed the plants were dried out and brown – she guessed it didn’t make sense to waste water on them when they needed it for people.
Isaac’s foot crunched glass and Alessa swung the light in his direction. A case from a jewelry store lay smashed on its side, various rings and baubles scattered across the floor.
Alessa turned to the other side, eyeing the sporting goods store to her left. She noticed that the window display had been stripped bare, a couple naked mannequins tossed unceremoniously around a faux campfire. The rest of the store boasted empty racks and solitary hangers, everything perfectly, unnervingly still.
She looked back to Isaac, who was crouched and picking among the broken glass. She watched him slip something into his pocket, but before she could ask what he’d found, a loud bang echoed from down the hall ahead of them.
Isaac looked up at her at once and they both froze, waiting. The tension of the silence clotted in the air as Alessa held her breath in suspense.
When no other sound came, Isaac stood tentatively and inched over to Alessa, placing a gentle hand on the small of her back and motioning ahead with a nod.
She pointed the flashlight in the direction of the sound and they set off with quiet footsteps in search of its source.
As they reached the department store at the far end of the hallway, they paused, staring into the blackness beyond the threshold. Alessa gripped the flashlight and felt Isaac’s hand slide on top of hers, the pressure of his fingers pointing the torch downward and flicking off the light with a click.
They were plunged into night.
Alessa could see the gleam of his eyes in the dim moonlight shining through the skylights above. He removed his hand from hers and placed a silent finger to his lips.
“What?” she mouthed, wondering why he was suddenly taking precautions to stay hidden.
He shrugged his shoulders. Just a feeling, Alessa guessed. Maybe he was still spooked about the creatures in the woods.
They stepped tentatively into the dark room and gave their eyes another moment to adjust. From what Alessa could tell, it seemed the clothing racks had all been pushed to the sides, leaving a big open space in the center of the room.
She took another few steps to get a better look.
And that’s when it hit her – an abrupt slam in the face as if she’d pivoted into a wall of brick, and the full-body crash of a tidal wave of pain.
Alessa sunk to her knees, a soul-crushing rush of sorrow and terror flooding her consciousness and draining every ounce of strength from her body.
Like a blow to the gut, the air raced from her lungs and she crumpled over, her face smacking against the cool linoleum of the floor.
A thousand images flashed before her eyes, people and places she didn’t recognize jumbled with thoughts and feelings that she knew were not her own. Alessa squeezed her eyes shut, her mind pressing outward against the onslaught barraging her senses, but it was no use.
The torrent pounded through her, raging. Helpless against it, Alessa poured her concentration into the only thing she could think to do – the simple act of breathing.
In, out.
In, out.
In, out.
She drank each shallow breath and waited in agony for the deluge to end.
13. COMPREHENSION
Isaac watched in horror as Alessa crumpled to the ground and lay convulsing in the fetal position, moaning incomprehensibly.
Rushing to her side, he kneeled over her and placed a protective hand on her shoulder as he scanned the room, searching for the source of her agony. His first thought was the creatures, but as far as he could tell, they were completely alone. Besides Alessa’s trembling, no movement or sound broke the stillness.
Convinced of there being no immediate danger, Isaac scooped up Alessa in his arms and carried her back out to the hallway, where the glow of the early moon shone like daylight compared to the blackness of the store. He ran his eyes over her shaking body, searching for any signs of injury, but was relieved to find her wholly intact.
“Alessa,” he whispered into her ear, dropping to the floor and cradling her against his chest. “It’s okay. It’s okay.”
He knew it obviously wasn’t okay, but he didn’t know what else to do. He wasn’t going to get any answers – or know how to help her – until he could draw her out of this state.
Isaac rocked her for another moment, his heart drumming, each second stretching into an eternity. His mind was completely numb but racing at the same time; he couldn’t seem to come up with even a single explanation for what had befallen her.
Finally, Alessa snapped out of it and looked up at Isaac in a panic. “What happened?” she beseeched.
Relieved, Isaac released a long, deep sigh. “I was hoping you could tell me…” he prompted gently.
Alessa dropped her head and gazed at the floor, taking a few deep breaths before she looked up at him in reply, her eyes almost frantic in the moonlight.
“I do
n’t understand it, Isaac. It felt like I got… hit. But, like, mentally hit. Like I was at the ocean, standing in the surf and a huge wave came out of nowhere and smacked me in the face. But it was a wave of emotion.”
Isaac still didn’t understand. “Maybe you’re just overwhelmed with being here, seeing all this stuff from before…”
Alessa shook her head vigorously. “No. It wasn’t my own emotion. It was someone else’s. Lots of someones, actually – like hundreds of people. I saw all these –” she considered for a moment, “– memories, I think. Babies being born, kisses at weddings, birthday parties, families gathered around the dinner table, school graduations. It was like how people say your life flashes before your eyes when you die, only it wasn’t my life.”
Isaac didn’t know how to respond to this, so he just held her tighter and tried to swallow back his discomfort. He was a practical person, and he didn’t like not being able to fix things. If Alessa had twisted her ankle, he’d splint it. If she was hungry or cold or lost, he’d guide her to safety. Hell, even if she was sad over missing her sister, he’d know how to comfort her.
But in this case, he was at a complete loss. Whatever Alessa had experienced – had been experiencing, he realized, ever since they left the colony – was not supposed to be. People couldn’t see memories that weren’t their own; that just wasn’t how things worked. Only, apparently, Alessa could.
“Isaac – it wasn’t just the memories, either. I could feel what they were feeling. Pain – just horrible physical pain, the pain of death – and misery, and fear, and regret.” She rubbed her face with her hands and gazed up at him, her eyes shining with tears. “It was like I was inside someone’s head as they realized it was over, that this was the end, that all their dreams for the future – for their family, for their children – would never be. A thousand times.” She clutched at her stomach, grimacing. “Nothing has ever hurt like that, Isaac. It was – it was wrenching. It was like my heart broke a hundred times over.”
Shudder (Stitch Trilogy, Book 2) Page 8
