by C. L. Miles
“To us.” Aaron toasted back, but as he looked at Craig, he had the feeling he’d wanted to say something else.
Putting the thought aside, he raised his glass to his lips, took a sip, and hummed in appreciation when rich flavors of spice, smoke, and a hint of raspberry danced across his tongue. “This is excellent.”
“I thought you’d like it,” Craig said, sounding pleased. He picked up his fork and pointed it at Aaron’s plate of food. “Dig in.”
Feeling famished, Aaron quickly scooped up a forkful of the beefy mixture and placed it in his mouth. “Oh wow, this is delicious.”
“Thanks.” Craig smiled. “It’s what my mom always made for dinner on Christmas Eve.”
“Hey, how are your parents?” Craig’s parents were both doctors, and they volunteered a lot of their time to Doctors Without Borders.
“They’re good. I talked to them a few days ago.” Craig took a mouthful of food and waited until he swallowed before continuing. “They finished their mission in Uganda and have accepted another assignment.”
“I’m guessing that means they won’t be around for Christmas.”
“No, not this year.” Craig went quiet for a moment. “They’re going to be helping at a clinic in the Philippines. There’s a mountain tribe there called the Aeta who are in great need of medical help.”
Aaron slid his arm across the table, his hand open, palm up in invitation. Immediately Craig took the offer, and as soon as their fingers slid together, Aaron gave a comforting squeeze before letting go. “I know you miss them a lot.”
Craig nodded, and Aaron could tell by the faraway look in his eyes that Craig was thinking of past Christmases spent with his family. He was an only child, same as Aaron, and had a very close relationship with his parents. Aaron figured it must be hard having them gone for many weeks out of the year, and especially during the holiday season.
“They are doing what they love.” Craig shrugged. “I can’t fault them for that.”
“I wish I could do something meaningful like they do.”
“What do you mean?” Craig stared at him. “Aaron, you started that after-school reading program for kids. Helping our young read is essential. I read about a recent study, and it proved participation in after-school reading programs have a huge impact on academic achievement.” His next words were emphasized. “What you do is very important. So don’t sell yourself short.”
“Thank you. That means a lot.” Aaron loved the time he spent reading with the kids, and it felt good knowing Craig thought what he did was essential. “Have you ever thought of doing something like your parents do? I mean, obviously not the doctor stuff, but some type of charity work?” Aaron took another helping off his plate and chewed while he waited for Craig to answer.
“Actually I have.” Picking up his wineglass, he took a sip. “I’ve been talking with my partners at the firm about doing some pro bono work.”
“Oh, Craig! That’s a terrific idea! What do the partners think?”
“They like the idea. Come spring we’re going to establish a program internally and encourage our attorneys to participate, and we’ll also provide incentives for doing pro bono work.”
“Sounds like you’ve got it worked out.”
“Pretty much, yes.”
Aaron’s heart swelled with pride and love. Craig was a brilliant hardworking man, and not only did he care passionately for his friends and family, but also felt compassion toward, and a need to help, those less fortunate than him.
“You’re a good man, you know that,” Aaron said.
Craig smiled, the soft flicker of the candlelight making his eyes shine and his handsome features more pronounced.
“Why don’t we finish eating,” Craig offered, “and then we can sit in the living room.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
It didn’t take too much time to finish Craig’s delicious meal. Aaron helped bring the dishes into the kitchen, but when he offered to help clean, Craig declined.
“I’ll finish up here.” Craig picked up the wine bottle and refilled Aaron’s glass. “You go relax.”
“Okay.” Aaron kissed the corner of Craig’s mouth and, with glass in hand, headed into the living room.
He wandered over to the wall of windows. Beyond them was a large snow-covered balcony, its railing constructed of brick and cast iron. Looking farther through the blowing snow, Aaron could just make out Riverside Park across the street and the lights on Wilanka Bridge. However, because of the weather and darkness, the Beaumont Mountain Range on the other side of the river was obscured from view.
“Wow, I bet this view is spectacular during the day.” Aaron tilted his wineglass to his lips and took a small sip.
“It is,” Craig said from the kitchen. “You’ll see it tomorrow.”
Aaron’s eyes widened.
Did that mean Craig wanted him to stay the night? Or would he be asked to leave and then have to come back tomorrow sometime?
“It’s not like I’d expect you to go home in this storm,” Craig said.
When Aaron turned to look at him, Craig was wiping down the counter, his back to him.
So Craig was only worried about him trying to get home. Or was there more meaning to his words? Did Craig’s plan for this evening to carry beyond them eating dinner together and cuddling on the sofa? Were they finally going to make love?
“I can hear your brain turning from here.” Craig’s deep voice carried easily across the room. “Stop overthinking it. I want you to stay the night. We’ll see where that leads us. Just relax, sweetheart.”
Aaron glanced up and was immediately comforted by the warmth shining in Craig’s eyes. “All right. Sorry.”
“It’s okay.” Craig winked at him, and Aaron’s heart did a little flutter. “I’m almost done here. Then we can get comfortable and have that talk.”
“I like the sound of that.” Aaron moved across the room and, using a coaster, put his glass down on the coffee table. He was about to sit when he noticed some pictures on the bookcase next to the fireplace.
Curious, he walked over, and as he passed the Christmas tree, he briefly wondered whom the presents were for, but then one picture in particular caught his attention that made him smile. It was of him and Craig when they hiked up Mount Tokina together during this past summer.
There were a few pictures of Craig with his parents. Two of a baby: Aaron had no idea who it could be. A friend’s baby, maybe. One was of a little girl around one-year-old who appeared to be taking her first steps. And another of a two-year-old girl, in front of her was a mushed-up birthday cake, and there was frosting smeared all over her tiny hands and face.
And then he came to another picture that caught his full attention.
It was of a beautiful woman with wavy blond hair. Aaron figured her age was probably close to his and Craig’s, maybe a bit older. The photo must have been taken at the beach because she was sitting on the sand, wearing a tank top and shorts with a pair of sunglasses perched on her nose. She wasn’t looking at the camera, however. Instead she was smiling down, in obvious adoration and love, at a pretty little girl sitting beside her.
The girl looked to be around seven or eight, her black hair in pigtails, and she smiled brightly at the camera, her pale-blue eyes twinkling with mischief. As Aaron scanned the photo, he couldn’t stop staring at the little girl. A feeling of familiarity came over him, and for some reason, he felt like he knew her.
“She’s my daughter.” Craig spoke the words quietly from beside him.
Aaron froze. His heart skipped a beat before it began to speed up. He couldn’t have heard that right. “What?”
“The little girl in the picture”—Craig pointed at the photo—“is my daughter. Her name is Grace. She’s eight years old.”
Craig had a daughter?
No, how could that be true? In all the months they’d been together, not once had Craig mentioned anything about a daughter. Why wouldn’t he have said something?
Aaron sucked in a breath as realization of what Craig had done crashed into him head-on.
Craig had lied to him.
The betrayal hit Aaron so hard it felt like he was physically punched in the stomach. A buzzing sound started in his head, causing him to feel light-headed, and he had to put his hand out on the shelf to help steady him.
No, no, no, this could not be happening again, Aaron’s mind screamed Craig knew what had happened between him and Tom. Knew how Tom’s lies and half-truths ripped apart their relationship and destroyed Aaron’s trust in men. And here Craig was doing the same thing Tom had done. Aaron shook his head and took a step back.
“Aaron?” Craig said, his voice sounding full of concern.
Angry, Aaron turned on him. “You lied to me! How could you not tell me?”
“No, Aaron, no. I didn’t lie. I had a reason not to tell you right away.”
“A lie is a lie, Craig! You chose not to tell me.”
“Let’s sit down and talk about this.” Craig held out an arm, clearly wanting Aaron to go to him, but Aaron stepped out of reach. “I can explain.”
Another thought suddenly hit Aaron. “Oh my God, are you married?”
“No, I’m not!”
“I—I have to leave.” Turning away, Aaron hurried toward the front door.
“Don’t go,” Craig begged from behind him. “Aaron, please.”
Aaron could hear the pleading in Craig’s voice, but he ignored it. He had to get out. Now. There was no way he could live through another relationship where secrets were kept and lies told. Tom had lied to him about so many things. Like where he disappeared to at night and who he was with, money issues Aaron knew nothing about, the way Tom lost his patience concerning Aaron’s anxiety attacks, and their constant fighting were a few of the things that finally made Aaron walk away from that relationship. He thought he’d loved Tom, couldn’t believe how naive he was, so there was no way he was going to go through that again.
Quickly he pulled on his boots, grabbed his jacket off the coatrack, and yanked the door open. Before he walked out, he looked over his shoulder.
“I thought you were different.” Aaron’s voice cracked. As he glared at Craig, their eyes met, and he could feel his heart breaking apart. “But you’re just like Tom.” With those final parting words, he turned and walked out, quietly shutting the door behind him.
INSTEAD OF waiting for the elevator, Aaron ran for the stairs and took them down to the ninth floor. Once there he punched at the button and shifted impatiently from foot to foot, willing the car to arrive immediately.
Luck was on his side; it took only a few seconds before the door slid open. Not waiting for it to open fully, Aaron rushed inside. As he looked at the numbers on the panel, they blurred and he had to blink back tears a few times before he was able to find the button for the ground floor.
As the elevator began to move, Aaron closed his eyes and took deep breaths, trying his best to hold off another anxiety attack. His entire body shook, his legs felt weak, and the sound of his racing heartbeat pounded loud in his ears.
When the elevator let him off at the lobby, Aaron wiped at his eyes, angrily brushed away the tears, and then raced for the main entrance of the building.
“Mr. Cordell? Is everything okay?” Aaron barely heard Freddie’s inquiring words as he rushed past the front desk.
“It’s fine,” Aaron mumbled. No, actually, it wasn’t. It was far from fine, and he didn’t know if it ever would be again. He had no idea how he was going to get through this. After what happened with Tom, Aaron never thought he’d fall in love again, never thought he’d trust again.
But he had.
He’d fallen for Craig.
As the months went by and they spent more and more time together, Aaron realized Craig was nothing like Tom and found himself beginning to trust him.
And then one day he realized he’d fallen in love with him.
Yeah, and look how that turned out. The thought shrieked in Aaron’s head.
This was a perfect example of why you should never give your heart to another person because, once they had it, they had the ability to rip it apart and destroy you.
When he got to the front door, he forcefully pushed it open and hurried outside.
The blast of wind and cold hit him so hard it knocked the breath out of him, and he stumbled back a few steps. The snow had gotten much deeper, now coming up to the edges of his boots. The street, which earlier was full of traffic, was now deserted. There wasn’t even anyone walking along the sidewalks.
He was shaking, not just from the cold but from his anxiety as well. He didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t go back inside, and he obviously couldn’t walk anywhere. The snow was getting too deep, and with his luck, he’d probably freeze to death before he reached his car. And from the lack of vehicles, Aaron doubted he’d be able to find a cab.
Maybe he could get Uber to pick him up. However, when he reached inside his jacket for his cell phone, he realized he’d left it back at his office.
“Great!” Aaron yelled into the night. “Just fucking great!”
He ended up just standing there with the wind angrily whipping at his scarf and the wet snow slapping at his face. The anxiety coursing through him was making his whole body tremble, so he wrapped his arms around himself, lowered his head, and concentrated on breathing.
“Mr. Cordell?”
At the sound of Freddie’s voice, Aaron whipped his head around.
“What are you doing out here?”
Aaron shook his head. “I-I don’t k-know.”
“Come inside. Please.” Freddie beckoned Aaron from the doorway. “You’re going to catch your death.”
Feeling like he had no other choice, Aaron trudged through the snow and went back inside the building.
“Can I… sit… over there?” Aaron’s hand shook as he pointed toward the lobby’s lounge area.
“Of course.” Leading the way, Freddie brought Aaron over to the sofa that was placed directly across from the fireplace.
“You’re soaked. Let me take your coat and scarf.”
After slipping out of his wet jacket, Aaron handed it and his scarf over to Freddie. He sat down and ran trembling fingers through his hair, breaths raspy as he attempted to breathe.
“What’s wrong?” Freddie asked.
“Anxiety a-attack.”
“Oh, my younger sister suffers from those. They can be darn scary. May I take your hand?”
Aaron could only nod.
Sitting down next to Aaron, he placed their palms together, and with his thumb, traced slow, gentle circles around the top of Aaron’s hand.
“Now,” Freddie said. “All I want you to do is close your eyes, concentrate on the feel of my thumb, the warmth of the fire on your face, and the sound of my voice. Understand?”
“Y-yes.” Aaron closed his eyes and shuddered.
“Just concentrate on the sensation my thumb is creating. Nice and easy, slow, calming circles. The fire is pleasant and warm, it’s seeping into you, making you feel relaxed. You’re going to be fine. Just fine. That’s it. Nice and easy.”
After a few more minutes of Freddie’s ministrations, Aaron felt the anxiety ebb. His breathing came more easily, and his body calmed.
Blinking, he opened his eyes and glanced at Freddie.
“Better?” Freddie smiled and let go of Aaron’s hand.
“Yes, a lot better.” He tried to smile back, but his heart still felt like it was being ripped out of his chest. There was a whole other reason for it, though, that had nothing to do with anxiety. “What was it you did?”
“It’s a sensation therapy of sorts,” Freddie explained. “It’s the only thing that helps my sister when her anxiety is bad. You try to get the brain to focus on other sensations besides the ones the anxiety is causing. Doesn’t always work on everyone, but apparently it did on you.”
“It did. Thank you,” Aaron said earnestly.
&
nbsp; “You’re welcome. I’m glad I could help.” Freddie paused for a second, his eyes sincere when he asked, “Would you like to tell me why you ran out of here the way you did? Why isn’t Mr. Delaney with you?”
Aaron dropped his gaze to his hands.
“You don’t have to say anything,” Freddie said. “But I’m here if you want to talk.”
Looking up into Freddie’s kind, dark-brown eyes, Aaron suddenly felt the need to talk to someone about what had happened.
“I… um… found out Craig lied to me. I got angry and left.” That was the short version of it, anyway.
“I see. And it’s not something that can be forgiven?”
“No…. Yes.” Aaron shook his head. “I don’t know.” He released a long shaky breath. At the moment he didn’t know what he thought.
Did he still love Craig?
Yes, he did. Without a doubt. He couldn’t just stop loving him.
But did he trust him? Aaron wasn’t sure.
Finding out Craig had a daughter, and was possibly married, was a shock.
“Is Craig married?” That was far from what he’d intended to say, and he quickly clamped his mouth shut.
Freddie gave him an odd look, a frown creasing his forehead. “No, he’s not.”
Aaron let out a sigh of relief. At least that part was true.
“When trust is broken and lies are told, how do you get past that?” Aaron asked.
“A relationship isn’t always easy,” Freddie said. “You need to work at it… but you have to do it together. If you don’t, it will fail. When there’s a problem, take the time to listen to each other and talk things through.”
Aaron released a long sigh. “I didn’t do any of that. I just left.”
Freddie rested a hand lightly on Aaron’s shoulder. “Then I think you owe it to him to let him explain. After that you can decide if you can forgive him or not.”
“He has a daughter. He never told me about her.”
Freddie nodded.
“So you know about her.”
“Of course. I see her when she comes to visit Mr. Delaney. She’s a wonderful little girl. Smart as a whip, just like her daddy.”
Aaron released a watery laugh.
