Who cares? So what if they continue with their picnic in the future with one, two or three kids, or if they become each other’s sworn enemy?
Now I have to stop. I am too tired.’
I sat there for a while with the diary in my hand. I looked at the window, the bookshelf, her box of photographs. Then I put the diary on the box and left the box under the table again. It wasn’t late but I went to bed. I needed to close my eyes. I hoped to go to sleep soon.
I woke up at some point in the night with Carol’s hand on my chest. Her feet were cold.
‘Did I wake you?’
Then she continued as if we had been just talking for a while over a coffee. ‘People tell me I shouldn’t go. Do you agree?’
There was no escape from it now, I had to answer her. I rubbed my eyes and said, ‘I think you should do something you feel good about.’
‘I don’t know what I feel good about. At the moment, I feel good about your warm body.’
‘But don’t worry; tomorrow you will start thinking about Rio,’ I said.
‘Yes. You are right. But you always tell me to live for the moment. I am very confused.’ She sighed and pressed herself to me.
‘Why don’t you sleep on it? You are not flying out tomorrow, you have time.’
‘But what about Fernando? He is waiting for me.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘What do you mean?’ she raised her voice, ‘you are such a cynic!’
‘In any case he needs a few days to himself to get organised.’
‘Yes. He will phone me anyway. We can get organised.’
‘Exactly.’
Carol wasn’t in the mood to sleep now. I was wrong to hope for a good night’s sleep.
22
My office was warm and cosy. I could easily go to sleep! I made myself a coffee and made some phone calls. One was to Fiona.
‘I am surprised to find you in your office,’ I said.
‘I am not! I am dashing to the school. It’s my daughter. I don’t know what they want.’
‘I suppose teenage problems.’
‘Maybe. But these are young people. They need problems!’
‘I see you are in a joyful mood.’
‘As ever.’
‘As ever of course!’ I said.
‘The problem is that I am stuck here, with trees all around me for miles. For miles! I love them but they don’t have a sense of humour. That’s my problem.’
‘Same here, but I am surrounded by vegetables! And do you think they have a sense of humour?’
‘They can be juicy!’
‘You must be joking! Not these ones!’
‘Maybe you don’t take care of them enough.’
‘My dear friend, you know what a caring person I am.’
‘Oh, yes. I had forgotten. Perhaps you should remind me.’
‘I would love to!’
‘Must go, talk to you later.’
Now I was in a good mood. There was a knock on the door. One of my researchers came in.
‘Ana, is all OK?’
‘Do you have time? It is confidential.’
‘Yes, of course. What is it?’
‘I have had enough. I want to quit.’
‘What? Why? What has happened?’
‘It is personal.’
‘But perhaps I can help.’
‘Thanks but don’t think so, really.’
‘Your research is going so well. You’ve worked so hard in a short time. Don’t you like your work? Perhaps you don’t like it here?’
‘No, no; it is not that.’
‘Has anyone in the team done something?’
‘Oh, no, no! I enjoy it here.’
‘So what is it?’
‘I am so ashamed. It is my boyfriend. He wants me to quit.’
‘But why? How strange! Perhaps we can solve the problem together?’
‘He thinks that I ignore our relationship. He says you are a different person now. He thinks I was not like this before I started my PhD.’
‘How long have you known him?’
‘Two years and a bit.’
‘I find it very disturbing. And you want to leave the work you like just because he says you have changed? Do you think you have changed?’
‘Yes. I have changed a bit. But he thinks I am arrogant and we cannot continue like this. He says if I don’t stop he will leave me.’
She was white in the face and her thin lips were dry.
‘But one changes in life anyway. I am sure he has changed as well.’
‘I don’t know. He wants us to get married this summer but he says I have to stop my work before we get married. He says this is no life. He says if I continue like this nobody will want me.’
‘What rubbish. So, all those researchers are left alone, they have nobody?’
‘I don’t really know. I don’t know what to do. He wants me.’
‘I am sure he does. But what about your needs? Wouldn’t you blame yourself for the rest of your life if you leave your study? Does he know how much you like your research?’
‘I guess.’
‘Well why don’t you have a good chat with him about it. Surely you can come to some sort of arrangement. After all, how can he be sure that you would pay more attention to him if you were miserable because you hadn’t carried on with your research?’
‘He says I don’t know what life is, I don’t know how to live.’
‘And what makes him an expert in these matters?’
She remained silent. Then she thanked me and left. I didn’t want to pressurise her into any decisions. I went silent and watched her leaving the room. Yet, I was feeling responsible for a researcher who was doing well, was enjoying herself at work but was practically intimidated to leave her work. For me it was an absolute case of the selfishness of her boyfriend. I had the whole afternoon to devote to work. I kept on working in the office until late. It was after 8 p.m. when I came out. I thought of going to the pub for a drink. It was crowded and smoky and I decided to leave but someone waved at me. It was Ian. I didn’t mind seeing him; actually I was quite happy to spend a bit of time with someone else.
‘What is yours?’ I asked him.
‘I am OK for the moment.’
I got a large whisky and sat at the small table.
‘So, how are the in-laws?’
‘Oh, they are gone.’
‘So you have normality back in your life?’
‘Except my wife! I wonder why I decided to ask her to marry me. We are so different.’
I was shocked to see him talking so openly about a very intimate personal matter. I felt embarrassed.
‘Some say that’s the secret of a long happy marriage,’ I said.
‘Well they have a dry sense of humour,’ Ian said.
‘But I am sure many at the office envy you, the lucky old chap they say.’
‘Yeah, she is a lovely girl. It is good when it is good. But then, I need my space, I can’t be at her beck and call all the time. She needs constant attention.’
‘And you don’t like that? It’s great to be wanted.’
‘But not always, it might look silly but I tell you… She is jealous! She phones me at least five or six times a day asking what I am doing, who is there in the office, what happened in my lecture.’
‘But you should be happy about that. She thinks about you. Perhaps she is lonely. You’ve got to watch it you know!’
‘I don’t know. All I know is that I need time to think. I need time to spend with my collection. The stamps are all over the place. It seems that she cannot see my needs.’
‘Surely you can see her needs. But are you sympathetic to hers?’
‘I do as much as I can.’
We drank our drinks and repeated them. It was around 11 p.m. when I came out. I decided to walk home. The air was fresh and it was dry. Walking down the long street, I started thinking about Ian and then about Ana, then about Carol. It seemed to me that there was som
ething similar among them. Was it their involvement with their other halves? I never liked this phrase ‘other half ’ and now I was using it. So what was wrong with that? It was too easy for me to consider their lives boring, mundane … there was a sense of instability in that, it seemed almost transitory, but what about my life? And whose life is stable? People lead their lives without thinking about these things. They are happy, they are sad. They just live their lives! They take it as it comes. They cry, they laugh about things I consider mundane but for them, those things are important. And who am I to evaluate the events? Who am I with my broken boiler problem? There was a temporary lull in my mind. Then I thought about Kate. The short period we were together…if one could call it being together. That short period did have something. It existed. It existed in me. My daily dialogues were based on those moments. In my mind I discussed events with her. I described to her my days, my interactions my discussions. So what do I have to say now? Listen, my days are getting longer and longer? Listen, I saw a man who collects stamps, I don’t…I don’t collect anything?
I was getting close to my flat. From the other side of the road I looked at the bistro. The lights were off. It was strange. Usually it was busy with the locals at this time. I got to the flat. Carol was asleep. Her breathing was heavy. She had had a few drinks. I went to bed, careful not to wake her up.
I dreamt that I was running on an undulating country road. I was escaping from something. It was sunny, a Mediterranean countryside. I got tired and stopped under a tree. I didn’t have the desire to run any more. I sat looking back at the road I had run along. Nobody was in sight. Leaning against a tree I went to sleep.
Carol said, ‘don’t you want to get up today?’
It was nine.
‘I am staying home waiting for the boiler man to come,’ I said.
‘When is he coming?’
‘Anytime today! Hopefully in the morning. I would like to get this over and done with.’
‘If you are a good boy, I will stay in and keep you company.’
‘Only if you don’t have anything else to do,’ I said.
We had breakfast together without much exchange of words. There was a hazy sunshine outside and the flat was cold. But at 10:15 the boiler man came; a young boy with a pale bony face. He started with the pump.
‘It is no use,’ he said.
‘Can you change it?’
‘Yes, but I have to see if I have one in the van. There should be one.’
And there was one. I thought it was my lucky day.
‘Would you like a cup of tea or coffee?’
‘Tea, milk, no sugar please.’ I thought there was a time when they wouldn’t accept anything with less than three spoons.
‘I am diabetic. My sugar level plays up,’ he laughed. A young man of 25, I thought.
‘My wife is diabetic too. We have a couple of kids. Seven and three. I am not sure about them.’
‘Is the work tiring?’ I said.
‘Not really; better than college. I have a degree in physics. But then this job was the best opportunity. Pays well! Found it three years ago. I was very lucky.
‘Don’t you feel cheated you cannot use your degree?’
‘Not really. I could be a university or a college technician which would be fine but this is good. In a way you are your own boss and the pay is much better. I see all sorts of people. You get to know so much about them; how they live, how they relate to each other, most of the time they fight.’
Carol said, ‘do you ever come across anything exciting?’
‘In a way, but they are the usual ones. Couples fighting, most of the time if they are in. I prefer it when they leave a key for me. I don’t need to bother about talking with them and have them poking into what I do. It’s good to see people though. Individually, all of them are good.’
He paused and wiped his forehead. He was sweating in the cold. He had a sip of the tea. Then he said:
‘But really, if you’d asked me, I wish I were an actor.’
I thought, here is a man who wants to be an actor, studied physics and is a plumber!
‘I guess I can become one if I put my mind to it. But I don’t feel like it as much as I did when I was younger. Anyway I wouldn’t be able to support my family with an actor’s salary. Not if you are not Sean Connery! We make it, just, with this job and my wife’s wages as a teacher.
‘Your wife is a teacher?’
‘Yes,’ he laughed. ‘Guess what? Physics!’
We laughed and he was finishing his job.
‘Do you want another cup?’
‘No thanks I’d better get a move on. There are three other jobs to do before lunch.’
He cleaned the floor where he had worked and left. Now I could hear the sound of the boiler with a sense of satisfaction. This was the noise I always complained about.
Carol said, ‘do you have time for lunch before going to work?’
‘Yes.’ I was thinking of the plumber with his oily hands yet clean with his work. I thought, he probably scrubs his hands when he goes home, there might be a ritual!
‘Great!’ said Carol.
I had the bistro in mind when we decided to go for lunch, but it was still closed. I thought it was Carol’s good day. She suggested walking to another restaurant near my office. It was so helpful of her choosing a place near my office. We walked with some vigour, talking about the shops on our way, the new restaurants and the new fashion. When we reached the restaurant it was nearly full, we were lucky to get a table near the kitchen. The swinging wooden door opened and closed continuously giving way to the waiter with Italian dishes in his hands. We remained jolly. We were both in a funny mood and surprisingly the waiter came over quite quickly.
I thought he would appear around 3 if at all!’ I said.
‘I knew we would get a table and we would have good service. It is just because of us two being together. We are in luck together today. I can desire anything and I would get it,’ Carol said.
‘So that’s why you offered to accompany me?’
‘You are such a cynic. It was just out of love that I accompanied you.’
‘I can imagine, how stupid of me to think otherwise!’ I laughed.
‘Exactly!’
We had a bottle of wine and the food was delicious.
‘I noticed you didn’t mind the young plumber,’ I said.
‘I have no complaints.’
‘Maybe that’s why you are in a jolly mood!’
‘Maybe, maybe it is just the thought of having lunch with you!’ Carol said.
‘You can be so kind to an old man.’
‘With a small snag, I regret not having taken his number.’
‘Still not too late, I have the number.’
‘What, a man with two kids? You must be joking. In any case, he was seven years younger than me. You know I like older men.’
‘I thought you liked Brazilians.’
She had a sip of the wine.
‘Had a call from him yesterday.’
‘Oh, great!’
‘Not that great.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I don’t know. Something doesn’t sound OK. I can’t put my finger on it.’
‘You think he might have problems over there?’
‘I am not sure. Don’t think so. Perhaps there are no problems there at all. Perhaps I am the problem.’
‘Oh, come on. Now you are a cynic.’
‘Perhaps, let’s talk about boiler men.’
‘But he is married with kids.’
‘And too young! I wonder though how someone that young could be married with two kids; one 7 year old,’ she said.
‘You should know. It is physiology!’
‘I mean how do people decide so quickly and act on it too?’
‘You shouldn’t ask me! I am not an expert in this. I am nearly twenty years older than you and have none of that.’
‘And you carry on like that. That’s your problem.
’
‘I don’t see a problem in this.’
‘You will see one day.’
‘Well, I prefer to enjoy it now.’
‘Do you know? Sometimes I think you are a miserable old git.’
‘I get it, what about other times?’
‘Only miserable!’
We laughed.
We came out and I went back to my office.
The lobby was crowded as I went in. Students were chatting away in their coffee break. Some were standing in a corner with their mobiles tapping away sending messages. This was a picture that I was used to; going through batches of students chatting away, going to my office, turning on the computer and starting to work. But that day I felt idle. I felt that I had the time to relax and spend as I wished. I felt I was on holiday. I stopped as a student approached me.
‘Sir, could I have an appointment to see you?’
She was putting her mobile into her bag. It was a big piece of rug.
‘Yes of course, what is it about?’
Between Cups of Coffee Page 11
