by Lulu Pratt
Well, this was all bullshit.
I paid for the drinks and walked to the car. I drove back to John’s house, concentrating on the roads so I wouldn’t get lost. A part of me wouldn’t have minded driving around the neighborhood all day looking for the right house. It would have postponed when I came home again. I didn’t want to face Carter and everyone he was so glad to see when we were barely speaking. I didn’t want to feel like a piece of shit when I had done what I could to stop my mistakes. I wanted us to be normal again. I wanted Carter to understand I was fighting my demons and I was happy for him because was my best friend.
God, I just wanted all this shit to go away. There were only a few more days left until the wedding. After that, I would head home to Dallas and put it all behind me. With Carter moving to Austin, I guess it wouldn’t matter if we talked or not. It would all just become run of the mill again.
Just like life had been after Jenna. After a while, the pain had become a constant, familiar company in the darkness. Her death had moved further and further away until eventually, being hurt in public and mourning outright seemed stupid.
The same would happen with my friendship with Carter. Eventually, it would just become one of those tragic things that had happened once upon a time.
Chapter 25
CALLIE
THERE WERE only a few days left until the wedding, and I was glad about that. I loved planning Abigail’s wedding, but I was tired of it. I couldn’t deal with seeing Grayson every time I met up with Abigail and Carter to plan something. For that matter, I struggled to face Carter too.
As soon as the wedding was done, I wouldn’t have to deal with Grayson anymore. He would go back to Dallas, the place where all this hell had started, and I would be able to move on with my life again. At first, I hadn’t been able to stand Grayson because of his attitude and how he was clearly trying to ruin the wedding. As time had passed, I’d become attracted to him. When I had found out what he had been through, that he had lost his sister and Carter had lost his wife, everything had changed. I understood now why Grayson had been so full of shit before, but I couldn’t face him now.
I was too attracted to him. If I was honest with myself, I wanted to be with him. And I couldn’t do it. It was wrong to be with him after what I knew. It was wrong to be with him after the past that I’d had.
He didn’t understand what was bothering me and why I was avoiding him, but I couldn’t tell him. He was the last person on earth who could know. Grayson and Carter, both. But Carter would have Abigail to lean on. Grayson had no one. That was on me.
Whenever I saw Grayson, I felt sick. I tried to speak to him as little as possible. When I saw Carter, my heart ached for him in a way I had never felt for someone before. I was in the business of creating the happiest moments of someone’s life. I couldn’t even think what it had to be like to lose your other half. I hated that my past and Grayson’s anger and Carter’s pain seemed to be intertwined.
“Is everything okay?” Grayson asked me after I had met with Carter and Abigail to finalize arrangements with the photographer. I had noticed there was tension between Grayson and Carter. I wondered if it had anything to do with what he’d told me. I had asked Abigail about it, but she had said Carter wouldn’t tell her anything. He had come back from his trip to Vegas barely speaking to Grayson, and he’d refused to talk about it.
“Yeah, fine,” I said brightly to Grayson.
“You’ve been avoiding me.”
I shook my head. “I’ve been busy with the last arrangements, and my mind is on other clients too.”
Grayson didn’t look like he bought it, but I wasn’t going to tell him I was trying to stay away from him and why.
“I’m sorry to cut you off, but I have to go,” I said. “I’m taking Abigail to her bachelorette now.”
I left Grayson searching for words. Abigail and I went to my apartment where we waited for the other girls to arrive. We were four bridesmaids — three cousins, and an aunt who was our age. Of course, Abigail was there too.
I had planned a great bachelorette. I had all the contacts because of my jobs. I had arranged a pampered afternoon at the spa with gourmet finger foods and cocktails. We got manicures and pedicures in the right shades of pink to go with the dresses we were supposed to wear. The girls who weren’t a part of the wedding party chose other colors, and we laughed and gossiped. We talked about guys and married life, and we asked Abigail embarrassing questions. I had prepared a list of things she should have known about Carter by now, and we laughed every time she got them wrong.
“It hasn’t been long enough,” Abigail laughed. “I can’t tell you anything much outside of how he makes me feel and how he treats me. I have the rest of my life to find out what color his toothbrush is and how big his feet are.”
I smiled at Abigail. It was this pure acceptance of people that I had always admired about her, and I had to admit, her mind was in the right place about Carter. She looked for the right things in a man, focused on the right things that she needed to know about him in such a short time. I had been skeptical at first, but I knew now without a doubt that Carter and Abigail were perfect for each other.
I thought about Jenna and wondered what she had been like. I wondered how Abigail was different or similar to Carter’s late wife and if he was attracted to her because she reminded him of Jenna or not at all.
When I started feeling sad again, I pushed the thoughts away. I was with my best friend to celebrate the start of a new journey for her. I was a part of a one-of-a-kind experience, the kind of love that didn’t come around every day, and that was all I had to focus on for the day. That was all that mattered.
Spending time with the girls was great. I loved being able to relax. Today was the one day where I didn’t have to think about weddings at all. I was officially on leave for the day, my phone was off so that brides couldn’t contact me, Isaiah was on duty, and I could be a regular bridesmaid and friend. I could let my hair down, get wasted later, and talk shit with the girls without worrying about the next arrangement other than what we needed to do for the bachelorette.
After we were at the spa and we had had facials and massages done, we headed to the store to go shopping. We had all chipped in to buy Abigail any dress she wanted and any shoes to go with it. It was a collective gift from all of us to her. We stopped for gelato before we finally headed back to my place to get ready for our night on the town.
Abigail changed into the salmon lace dress she had bought, and with her blonde hair and blue eyes, she looked very girl next door. I had someone come in to do her make-up, and we put a tiara with a veil on her head, a sash over her chest that said bride-to-be, and we were finally ready to go.
“This is so awesome, you guys,” Abigail said when we were in a limousine I had ordered. There were too many of us for a cab, and the girls had all said money wasn’t an object.
We moved from one bar to the next, and everyone was willing to buy us drinks. The night was wonderful. They made Abigail feel like a princess.
“Hey, sexy,” a man said to Abigail, pushing through our group to get to her. “What say we get out of here, celebrate your last night of being single?”
Abigail shook her head. “I’m getting married,” she said.
“That’s what I’m trying to get at,” the guy responded.
I shook my head, and three other girls stepped in front of Abigail with me. He didn’t even try to argue with us. When he was gone, Abigail blew out a breath of relief.
“Some men are pigs,” she said. “Thanks for sticking up for me.”
“Anytime,” I said. By now I was well lubricated. I had had a lot more to drink than I usually had, and the world swam around me. I was getting very honest about my feelings too. “You know your relationship is super important to me. You deserve so much, and after everything Carter has been through, this is not going to go wrong. I won’t let it.”
Abigail frowned. She was drunk too. Not drunk enough not
to catch what I was saying. She pulled me to the side.
“What do you know about what Carter has been through?” she asked.
I shook my head. “I’m sorry,” I said.
“Don’t be. Just tell me what you know.”
I kept shaking my head, but it made me feel sick, so I stopped. “I’m so sorry,” I said again.
“Stop saying that. What do you know?”
“I know about Jenna,” I blurted out, and tears ran over my cheeks. I pressed my fingers against my cheeks and realized I was crying. Shit, I was drunker than I thought.
“Oh, Callie, why are you crying?”
As soon as Abigail asked, I couldn’t stop.
“I’m sorry,” I said again.
“Stop saying that,” Abigail said and pulled me into a hug. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want it to influence the wedding at all, and it wasn’t my secret to tell.”
I nodded, holding tightly onto Abigail. I had no way to explain to her how horrible I felt. I didn’t know how to tell her how sorry I was that Carter had lost Jenna. That Grayson had lost Jenna.
“Let’s just get out there and party and forget,” I said.
Abigail nodded. “Let’s,” she said.
I mopped up my tears with a tissue, Abigail helped me make sure my make-up wasn’t too smudged, and we joined the girls again.
The rest of the night should have been fun, but I struggled to get back into the good mood I’d been in before. Abigail partied on, and I decided that Carter had told her about Jenna, but he had never made Abigail feel like she was competing with Jenna’s memory. It took a lot for someone to do that for his new wife, and it made me respect Carter that much more. But I still felt like shit, and Abigail picked up on it.
“Callie, I know it’s sad that Carter lost his wife, but we’re in a good spot. You don’t have to be so sad about it,” Abigail said.
I shook my head. “I’m sorry. I can’t help it.”
“Why do you keep apologizing? God, I’ve forgotten what a cheap drunk you are.”
It only made me feel worse. This wasn’t because I was drunk that I cried all the time. This was so much bigger than that.
The girls were getting drunker, and it was time to call it a night. They wanted pizza after drinking, and once we grabbed slices from a corner pizza shop that was open after hours, we headed back to my apartment. The girls changed messily and passed out on the blow-up mattresses and sleeping bags and couches I had for them. Finally, it was just me and Abigail still awake, both lying in my bed.
“Talk to me,” Abigail said. “What’s gotten you so upset? I feel like I’m missing something.”
I shook my head, and the room spun. I clutched at my head. I hated being this drunk. “There’s nothing to tell.”
“Don’t lie to me, Callie,” Abigail said. “I know you better than anyone, remember? Even better than Isaiah does. What’s going on?”
I was starting to fade. It was the alcohol, partially, but I also wanted to escape. I was slipping into sleep to escape telling the truth because I knew with how drunk I was, I was going to say something I would regret. I was going to come clean and that wouldn’t do anyone any good.
“Come on, Cals,” Abigail said to me. “You know you can tell me.”
I took a deep breath. “I killed Jenna,” I said.
Abigail breathed in sharply. “What?” she asked.
I shook my head, turning my face into the pillow. The position was surprisingly comfortable, and I invited the sleep that pulled over me like a sheet.
“Callie, what are you talking about? Are you talking about your accident?”
I wasn’t going to answer her. I wanted to fall asleep. I wanted to escape.
“Oh, honey,” Abigail said, but I was finally disappearing on her. I felt her hand on my back, stroking in circles, but that was the last thing I remembered.
Chapter 26
GRAYSON
THE DAY BEFORE the wedding, Abigail phoned me and asked me if I could run errands with Callie. She had to take care of the last things and couldn’t do it with her friend. I agreed. I was eager to see Callie and running errands together might give us a bit of time to talk and straighten things out between us.
When I stopped in front of Callie’s apartment, and she came out, she frowned when she saw me.
“I thought Abigail would be here,” she said.
“She called me and asked if I could fill in.”
“She didn’t tell me anything,” Callie said, and she looked like she wanted to change her mind about going. So, we were still there. Callie seemed to make up her mind and walked around the car, getting into the passenger side.
She looked fantastic in white pants and a gray blouse that made her eyes stand out. I glanced at her sideways every now and again, hoping she wouldn’t see me staring. I couldn’t help it. She was so damn beautiful. And if she dropped whatever it was she was holding onto so tightly, maybe I would be able to compliment her on her looks, find out what was bothering her, and have a good day with her.
I tried to make small talk while we drove. I talked about the weather and sports scores, about the news and about the wedding. The latter I had hoped would get her to open up, even though I still didn’t like talking about it. Callie answered me politely when she was required to but other than that she kept her mouth shut.
We stopped at the gift shop and picked up a large box filled with wedding favors. I loaded it into the car. We drove to the next shop where the placeholders had been printed, and we picked those up too.
When we were done, I turned in my seat so I faced her.
“Are you going to be like this with me all day?” I asked. “I’ve tried everything to be polite, and you’re shutting me down.”
An expression flickered across her face too fast for me to read.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “It was the bachelorette last night, and I have a terrible hangover.”
That was something I understood. I got terrible hangovers when I pushed myself past my limit, and I was a grumpy old fuck when I had a rough night.
“Why didn’t you just say so?” I asked.
Callie shrugged, and I had to accept it as an answer.
We drove to the last shop, a place that had printed square tablecloths with a collage of photos with Carter and Abigail that would go on top of the regular tablecloths.
“They have a lot of photos for people who don’t know each other very long,” I said.
“Abigail loves taking photos. We dubbed her the selfie queen in college.”
The bit of information was out of the blue and very normal. At last, we were getting somewhere. I was hoping for more of it once we got back in the car, but as soon as the doors were closed, Callie turned to me.
“Can you take me home? I feel very sick. I think I need to sleep off the alcohol before the rehearsal dinner tonight.”
I nodded. So much for that plan. Everything was blowing up in my face lately.
“I can collect you later to go to the rehearsal dinner together?” I asked.
Callie shook her head. “I have some things I need to take care of first. I’ll be there a little later.”
I had to accept her excuse because I was in no position to challenge her on that. She was a working woman, after all, and I was only a guest in Austin with no insight into her life.
Partly because she was shutting me out, I thought bitterly.
I drove Callie back to her apartment. She climbed out when I parked, and I helped her carry the boxes to her apartment where she said her assistant would come to pick them up later in the day. I hoped she would ask me to stay for coffee. I was hesitant to hope for anything more than that. I only wanted to spend a bit of time with her.
“Thank you for helping me with these boxes,” Callie said, opening the front door for me. I was being dismissed.
“I guess I’ll see you tonight,” I said, walking to the door. Callie nodded. I wanted to kiss her goodbye. I wanted to
pull her against me and hold onto her. I wanted to fix whatever the fuck had broken between us. But she folded her arms over her chest as if she knew what I was thinking, and she was miles and miles away from me.
I turned and left her apartment. I was barely two feet into the hallway when the door closed behind me. I sighed, shaking my head. I had no idea what was going on.
I drove back to John’s place to spend a bit of time with the family who had traveled up for the wedding before it was time to get ready for the rehearsal.
When I arrived at the house, Deborah had put out snacks and drinks, and everyone talked loudly, catching up and talking excitedly about common interests. I was the only one who knew no one except Tony and Jack and, of course, Carter. The three of them stood around the fire pit. I half-expected them to fall quiet, for the group to break up, and they would all walk away. But Carter looked at me and asked me about the errands.
I answered carefully.
“Callie really knows what she’s doing,” Carter said.
I nodded. “She’s good at it.”
The conversation started flowing, and for the first time since I had fucked everything up in Vegas, I was talking to Carter again as if we were friends. He had accepted me back into his little circle, and I couldn’t be happier that he had realized I wasn’t here to kill his love life.
We changed clothes for the rehearsal and left. Carter and I were in a car together, and it was like old times again.
“The rehearsal dinner seems pointless to me,” he said. “A wedding isn’t rocket science, and now we have to pay for another meal. But Abigail says the girls need it.”
