“How does that work exactly?” I asked.
“It’s simple,” he said. “I can take anything audible and send it through the air so that anyone can hear it anywhere in the city.”
“Even if they don’t have a radio?” Stench asked.
“Yes.” The captain nodded somberly. “That was how the Red Menace used me to force his message onto the entire population of Superopolis. Prior to that experience, I had directed my broadcasts solely to people’s radios where they could listen to them only if they wished to.”
“But there’s even more to your power, isn’t there?” I prompted him.
“Oh, yes,” Captain Radio answered wistfully. “There’s my power to ride the radio waves.”
“Well, that might move us along faster,” Stench suggested. “Should we let him try?”
“Please do!” urged an exhausted Animator.
“Our destination is Crania-Superiore Hospital,” Lord Pincushion informed him. “Do you know where it is, and do you think you can transport us all there?”
“Of course I know it,” Captain Radio replied indignantly. “I died there!”
I wasn’t even aware anything had happened when a moment later we were all standing in front of the hospital. Captain Radio indeed possessed an amazing power. Now I hoped that the final aspect of his ability was also fully functioning. My worries weren’t alleviated as the captain took another tumble when the Animator lost control of him.
“Here,” I said as I pointed to a hospital gurney sitting outside the front entrance. “Let’s get him up on that.”
Thanks to the return of Stench’s power, it was no problem for him to lift the deadweight hero. I removed a folded sheet that had been lying on top of the cart while Stench laid him on the gurney.
“Do you understand what you need to do?” I asked Captain Radio after the Animator revived him once again.
“Of course,” he said. “Today I can finally extract my revenge on the man who destroyed my career and redeem myself in the eyes of all Superopolis. It will be a chance for me to finally . . . rest . . . in . . . peace.”
I couldn’t help but feel sorry for the dead hero. He had been arrogant in his glory days by all accounts, but he had clearly paid for it a thousand times over.
“Then let’s go do it,” I said as I unfolded the clean white sheet and spread it over the supine Captain Radio. “No one will find anything odd about us moving around a dead body in a hospital.”
Stench grabbed hold of the gurney from the back and began pushing it toward the entrance. Once through the main doors he went straight for the head nurse’s station as the Animator, Lord Pincushion, and I followed. But there was no one to challenge us. Nurse Slaphappy was not at her normal post. I directed Stench toward the corridor on the right and guided him to the room where the Amazing Indestructo was recuperating. Stench rammed the gurney into AI’s closed door and sent it crashing inward.
As we filed into the room behind the covered corpse we found the Red Menace holding out a paper for the Amazing Indestructo to sign while Nurse Slaphappy and the Tycoon looked on.
“Don’t do it, AI!” I shouted as they all looked at us in surprise. “Don’t sell him your potato chip business!”
“But maybe you were right,” he said in a pitiful whine. “Maybe my chips are sapping everybody’s powers. I’m already hearing that a few people are even starting to blame me.”
“So take the chips off the market, you buffoon,” snapped Lord Pincushion. “Don’t just sell the problem to someone else.”
“That would be a financial disaster,” the Tycoon butted in. “If AI’s going to give up a cash cow like the Pseudo-Chips, we—I mean he—needs to be well paid for it.”
I, of course, knew that the Red Menace had no intention of paying anything for the business. He was using his power to convince the Amazing Indestructo and the Tycoon to sign control over to him. Once they had, they’d never see a dime.
“If I don’t make money, you don’t make money,” the Amazing Indestructo said to Lord Pincushion hoping for some support.
“Nobody needs money that badly,” he snorted dis-missively. “Have you really sunk to these depths?”
AI started to sob. “You’re right. I’m despicable. Maybe I should just shut the business down.”
“Nurse?” the Tycoon hollered in alarm. Nurse Slaphappy approached the pathetic figure of the Amazing Indestructo and gave him a smack across the face.
“Owww!” hollered AI as he recoiled from her hand. “That hurts!”
Like most everybody else, her power was gone. It didn’t stop her from taking another whack at him, though. All it did was reinforce the inferiority part of AI’s superiority-inferiority complex.
“Go ahead,” he howled as she slapped him a third time. “I deserve it.”
I could tell that both the Tycoon and the Red Menace, each for his own reason, were panicked at the thought that AI might not sell the business—that he might actually develop a conscience and shut down the Pseudo-Chips operation. But I never lost faith in his ability to make the wrong decision. In fact, my whole plan depended on it.
“Don’t be distracted by Lord Pincushion or this boy,” the Red Menace finally spoke, his voice carrying that compelling power even I could feel affecting me. “If it’s true these chips are somehow sapping everybody’s power, it could ruin you. Better to let me take on that potential problem.”
“You’re right,” AI responded with hypnotic calm as he successfully blocked another oncoming smack from Nurse Slaphappy. “Everything will be better if I just unload this chip business. No one can blame me then!”
I honestly wonder how much this decision was a result of the Red Menace’s power and how much was just the typical behavior of the Amazing Indestructo. Without even a twinge of guilt he signed the document the Red Menace held before him. I turned to the Animator, who had been standing silently in the corner, conserving his power, and gave him a silent nod. At the same moment, the Red Menace gripped the signed contract in his fist and raised it high in the air.
“Now no one can stop me!” he erupted in maniacal glee. “No one can take these chips off the market. And everyone will continue to buy them because I tell them to. The people of Superopolis are fools, and I, the Red Menace, have the power to convince them that these tasteless, mealy mouthfuls of mush are actually something that they like to eat!”
The Red Menace howled. “Thanks to these chips, I have fulfilled my lifelong ambition to make everybody in Superopolis equal—everyone that is except me. And the simpering, simpleminded sheep of Superopolis will turn to me for guidance, never suspecting that it’s their addiction to Pseudo-Chips that has robbed them of their powers.”
“My chips are responsible?” AI cried out in alarm. “If only I’d known for sure!”
We all turned to look at him in disgust as Nurse Slaphappy again whacked his famous profile.
“You will take my name off the package, won’t you?” the Amazing Indestructo asked meekly.
“Everyone knows that you’re still the person who brought us these chips,” I scolded AI.
The Red Menace looked at me suspiciously. He knew as well as I did that it wasn’t the Pseudo-Chips that caused the problem. But the fact that I was pretending they were made him wary.
“Unfortunately, I’m going to need to eliminate anyone who knows the truth about my plans,” the Red Menace continued . . . menacingly. “Thankfully, you’re all together in this one room.”
“If you’re going to eliminate everyone who knows they should stop eating the Amazing Indestructo’s Amazing Pseudo-Chips,” I informed him, “there won’t be anybody left for you to control.”
As a look of concern crept across the Red Menace’s face, we heard a familiar whistle from out on the street. Rushing to the hospital window we were just in time to see a Dr. Telomere’s delivery truck stopping in front of the hospital. It was being driven by Whistlin’ Dixie.
“Y’all jes heard the Red Me
nace,” she shouted through a bullhorn to a quickly gathering crowd. “He thinks yer jes dumb enough to keep eatin’ the plum lousiest po-tato chips ever made—even if it costs y’all yer powers. Ah bet y’all are jes dyin’ to go back to the best durn chips ever created.”
With that, the back doors of the truck opened and there was Stench’s dad, Windbag.
“I’ve stopped eating Pseudo-Chips,” he informed the crowd, “and look at what I can do again.”
With a huge gust of his breath he expelled the entire contents of the truck. Bags of Dr. Telomere’s chips began to rain down on the eager and growing crowd. The Red Menace’s mouth was agape as he watched the crowd grabbing for the bags of chips. His plan for total domination was at an end.
“How could this have happened?” the Red Menace said with barely controlled fury as he turned and glared directly at me. “How did everyone break free of my power?”
“You convinced them yourself,” I explained. “Everyone in Superopolis just heard everything you said. Even now the New New Crusaders and the League of Ultimate Goodness are fanning out around the city delivering the first new batches of Dr. Telomere’s potato chips in weeks. No one will touch another Pseudo-Chip ever again.”
“Whew! Thank goodness I sold the business,” AI said, and then cringed in anticipation of a slap that never came. Everyone was too focused on the mounting rage of the Red Menace.
“But how?” he thundered. “No one has the power—”
“Don’t they?” shouted the shrouded figure on the gurney, its sheet falling aside to reveal Captain Radio. “I still have the power!”
“I-i-impossible,” shrieked the Red Menace. “You’re dead!”
“And you killed me!” seethed the corpse of Captain Radio as he stood up from the gurney and began staggering toward the horrified villain. “You destroyed my reputation. You used my power to corrupt an entire city.”
Real terror spread across the Red Menace’s face, making him look like the very old man he was. He tried backing away, but Captain Radio shuffled forward, raising his arms, his hands clutching as if he were going to strangle the person who had ruined his life.
“And now that very same power has destroyed you!”
Just as the living corpse lunged forward, the Animator lost, or purposely cut off, control. Captain Radio crumpled in a heap.
The Red Menace let out a gasping breath of relief. His reprieve was only short-lived, though, as he suddenly clutched at his chest, made an incomprehensible gurgling noise, and collapsed onto the floor alongside the hero who had—at last—redeemed himself.
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
The Hero Corpse
Over the next three days, people’s abilities began to return. By Sunday, almost everyone had regained his or her power. Absolutely nobody realized it was because they had gone back to eating Dr. Telomere’s chips. The blame for their power loss had been laid squarely at the feet of the Amazing Indestructo and his no-longer-so-amazing Pseudo-Chips. AI was already trying to salvage his reputation, but no one—not even the former LUGs—was buying it. He had finally managed to overestimate the gullibility and tolerance of the people of Superopolis.
For now the city had a new hero—Captain Radio!— at least until he was put back into cryogenic storage. A parade was held in his honor, and nearly everyone came out to see the procession as it traveled down the entire length of Colossal Way from Telomere Park all the way to downtown and Lava Park. Most of the time he remained an unresponsive corpse, but the Animator and Lord Pincushion were riding with him, and once every block the Animator revived him long enough for him to wave haphazardly and bask in the gratitude of the crowds. Even when he wasn’t animated, he looked like the proudest corpse I’d ever seen.
I turned to my mom and dad, who stood with me on the sidewalk in front of the Superopolis Museum across from Lava Park, where we were watching the parade. My dad’s hot hand was resting on one of my shoulders, and my mom’s cool hand sat on the other. It was a pretty nice feeling. As the vehicle holding Captain Radio approached, the captain waved directly at me for a moment, and then slumped back in his seat as he reverted to a corpse.
“Frozen vegetables?” I said skeptically to my mother.
“We do mostly produce frozen vegetables,” she protested. “The dead people are only a sideline.”
“Well, in addition to refreezing Captain Radio, you’re going to have one more to take care of tomorrow,” I said. “The Red Menace is going to be put on ice for real this time.”
“All I can say is we should be grateful I have a job,” she harrumphed. “Your father’s team lost their first sponsor after only a week.”
We both looked at my dad, who had a remarkably cheerful expression on his face for someone who was no longer getting paid to promote Maximizer Brand Snack Cakes. As he broke into a grin, it was clear he was trying to keep something secret.
“Okay, Thermo,” my mom said with irritation. “What aren’t you telling us?”
“Well . . .” he started to say, as he showed why he could never be trusted with a secret, “it won’t be announced until tomorrow, so you have to promise to keep it to yourselves.”
“We promise,” we replied robotically.
“Tomorrow,” he began eagerly, “the board of Dr. Telomere’s is going to announce that for the first time in its history it’s hired a team to represent the chips.”
“You’re kidding!” I said in amazement. “That’s—that’s—humongous!!”
“Thermo, are you telling us . . .” my mom said, almost speechless.
“That’s right.” He beamed. “As of tomorrow, the New New Crusaders will be the exclusive spokesteam for the most popular—once again!—product in all Superopolis.”
Just then, my fellow Junior Leaguers burst through the crowd and gathered around us. They couldn’t help but notice the stunned look on my face.
“What’s going on?” Stench asked suspiciously. “You and your dad have the same dopey expression that my dad was wandering around with all morning.”
“Oh, nothing,” I said trying to act nonchalant. “It’s nothing at all.”
“Well, come on, then,” Tadpole said with irritation. “Let’s head over to the park.”
I waved good-bye to my parents just as they gave each other an enormous hug, and followed my teammates across the street to Lava Park. The Inkblot’s newsstand was right in front of us, and the Inkblot was standing there talking the ear off an old lady who was only trying to buy a roll of breath mints.
“Why I was practically Captain Radio’s sidekick,” he was explaining as he stretched the truth like a piece of taffy. “I’m glad to see him looking so good. I thought I’d heard he had died, but you know the newspapers—they can’t get anything right.”
LI’L HERO’S HANDBOOK
PEOPLE
NAME: Inkblot, The. POWER: The ability to repel ink from his body. LIMITATIONS: Only able to write in pencil. CAREER: Owner and operator of Inkblot’s Newsstand on the southeast corner of Lava Park. CLASSIFICATION: Still awaiting his big break as a crime fighter despite smudges on his record.
He was certainly right about that this time. I scanned the headlines. The Hero Herald said: POWERS RETURN AS PSEUDO-CHIPS BANNED! The Superopolis Times reported: POWER-SAPPING SECRET DIES WITH RED MENACE. Of course The Daily Weekly announced: PANIC SPREADS AS POWERS FAIL. But what mattered was that everyone believed that the Pseudo-Chips had robbed them of their powers. No one even suspected that it was the lack of Dr. Telomere’s chips that had been responsible, and I wasn’t going to correct them.
With the Red Menace dead, only Dr. Telomere and I knew the truth. However, the second I had that thought, I could have sworn I saw a reptilian figure peeking out from a wooded section of Lava Park. Just as quickly, it disappeared. I was certain it had to be Gore, and I realized that someone else did know—just not someone human.
But I lost track of him amid the crowd of people who were thronging the park. After all, the final mayora
l debate was about to occur, and everyone was fascinated to see it in light of all the recent events.
The parade had been Mayor Whitewash’s idea, and that, along with the return of his power, had caused a significant uptick in his polls. It also hadn’t hurt that the powers of the zoo animals had also vanished, and most of them were now safely back in their cages. The mayor was not only now leading the carved pumpkin, but he was even gaining on Professor Brain-Drain. I never did get a chance to pass along the crucial piece of information I had for him, so my plan was to do it now. But just in case things turned ugly again, I had also brought along my bodyguards.
“Stay in the middle of the ring we’re going to form around you,” Stench instructed. “Now that we’ve all got our powers back, it should be a breeze to keep you safe if we need to.”
“I think everything will be fine,” I said, “but thanks, you guys, for making sure.”
The candidates were already up on the stage as we approached, and Professor Brain-Drain was in the middle of a speech.
“. . . and that is why, despite the return of your powers, the reelection of Mayor Whitewash will bring nothing but pestilence, famine, and disease—in addition to other liberal objectives. That is why you must cast your votes for me.”
“Well now,” said Mayor Whitewash, sounding like his old confident self. “Professor Brain-Drain may not have a criminal record—”
“Excuse me, Mr. Mayor,” I shouted out from the crowd. “But that’s not exactly true.”
A murmur rose from the crowd as everyone turned to look at me. My friends were all on high alert, but I knew I wasn’t in any danger. Instead, I pushed my way to the stage and stepped onto the platform.
“What is the meaning of this, son?” asked the mayor.
“What Professor Brain-Drain said about not having a record isn’t true,” I said. The Professor’s eyebrows narrowed to a scowl as he glared at me from behind his thick, blank glasses. “Professor Brain-Drain is a convicted criminal. And I have the proof.”
The Great Powers Outage Page 18
