by L A Cotton
My spine snapped straight, the knot in my stomach tightening as I glanced over at Felicity. She was busy talking to Hailee, not paying me any attention. But if she looked over here...
Why does it matter? It’s not like you’re hers or anything.
“Jason?” Jenna’s hand grasped my knee. “I said where did you get to Saturday at the party? I looked for you.”
Forcing myself to look at her and not at Felicity, I said, “I had shit to take care of.”
Her expression hardened. “Shit to take care of? That’s all I’m getting?” She was drawing attention now; my teammates pretending not to listen as they ate their lunch and talked among themselves.
“Careful,” I ground out. “You’re starting to sound like a girlfriend and we both know I don’t do girlfriends.”
Her hands slid up my chest as she leaned in, giving me a perfect view of her rack. “You keep saying that, and yet, you keep coming around for seconds and thirds and fourths…” She licked her lips in what I assumed was an attempt at seduction. But all it did was make me bristle.
“I come around because you’re good for it. Nothing more, nothing less.” I pulled Jenna’s hands free of my chest and shoved them back at her.
Someone snorted. Everyone watching to see what I would do next. Everyone including Felicity. Her gaze burned into me, forcing me to look at her. There was so much in her eyes, I didn’t know which emotion to pluck out first.
But Jenna shrieked, “You’re such a self-absorbed asshole, Jason. One of these days you’ll come around and I’ll tell you no.” She sounded genuinely hurt as she fled from our table.
“There goes gym pussy for the foreseeable,” someone groaned. But I didn’t give a fuck. I only had eyes for the girl glaring at me like I’d just called her out in front of the entire cafeteria.
My cell vibrated and I pulled it out.
Felicity: What the hell was that?
Me: I have no idea what you’re talking about...
My eyes lifted to hers again as I fought a grin.
Felicity: Jenna seemed upset.
Me: Don’t know. Don’t care.
Felicity: What do you care about, Jason?
You. I care what you think. But I couldn’t type the words. Not here, not now.
Maybe not ever.
“Someone interesting?” Asher called across the table.
“Nah, just my old man.”
“Right.” He saw right through my ruse. “I’ll catch you later.”
I watched through narrowed eyes as he rose from his chair and made his way over to Felicity and the girls. Without asking for permission, he dropped into the seat beside her and slung his arm over her shoulder. Challenge danced in his eyes as he glared at me across the room.
Motherfucker.
I loved Asher like a brother, but he was pushing this thing with Felicity too far.
“What’s up with that?” Grady nudged my ribs. “You think he’s banging her?” He flicked his head over to where Asher was holding court with Felicity.
“How the fuck should I know?” I growled.
“Whoa, dude, no need to get pissy with me. I figured if anyone knew the deal with them two, it’d be you. Although I can’t see it myself. She’s so fucking weird. Has stage five clinger written all over her.”
“Grady?”
“Yeah, Cap?”
“Shut the fuck up.”
He ducked his head, forking a mouthful of salad into his mouth. The guy had no fucking filter.
Asher caught my eye again, a smirk tugging at his lips. Without another word, I jerked away from the table and stood up. “I’m out,” I said.
“See you at practice?” Grady asked, and I nodded.
As I stalked out of the cafeteria, I sent Felicity another message.
Me: Do you want him?
Felicity: Excuse me?
Me: Don’t play dumb, Giles. Do. You. Want. Him?
Felicity: Careful, Jason. You sound awfully jealous for someone who doesn’t care...
My jaw clenched, anger radiating through me. She knew exactly which strings to pluck to get a reaction. But jealous?
I didn’t get jealous.
I was Jason fucking Ford.
But as I moved down the hall, kids diving out of the way to make room for me, all I could picture was Felicity smiling up at Asher, his arm hung over her shoulder. And I wanted to kill something.
“Run it again,” Coach yelled from the sideline. There wasn’t a muscle in my body that didn’t ache, but I welcomed the burn. The burn numbed everything else. Tamped down all the unfamiliar emotions that had taken root in my chest, snaking through me like slow acting poison.
“If I didn’t know better,” Asher taunted from the scrimmage line. “I’d say you had a bad case of blue balls.”
“Fuck off, Bennet,” I snapped, getting ready to call the play.
“I’m just saying, you don’t seem yourself.”
“Ash,” Cam warned from his wide position.
“Chill, he knows I’m only yanking his chain.” He flashed me a smug grin.
I called the play and barked, “Hut,” as I received the ball and dropped back to make the pass to Cam.
“Nice,” Coach boomed. “Keep playing like this and we won’t have anything to worry about Friday. Everyone hit the showers, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Yanking off my helmet, I tucked it under my arm and started toward the locker room.
“Hey,” Ash jogged up beside me, “Serious talk. You okay? I was only—”
“What the fuck are you doing?”
“I’m not doing anything.”
“Don’t give me that bull.” My eyes slid to his, narrowing. “You’re pushing me. Why?”
“I’m not...” He pressed his lips together, mulling over his reply. “Fine. I don’t get it, okay? You like her. I know you do. And for some bizarre reason, she likes you too.”
“And?”
“You’re too fucking stubborn to do anything about it.”
“Maybe I don’t want to do anything about it.” The lie soured on my tongue. I wanted to do something about it all right, but I knew I shouldn’t.
The rest of the guys gave us a wide berth as we slowed down.
“Come on, Jase, this is me. I know you better than that and I know no girl has ever got under your skin the way she has. Tell me I’m wrong?” His brow rose.
It was my turn to smother my reply.
“Didn’t think so.” He flashed me a knowing grin.
“You like her,” I said.
“It doesn’t matter.” Asher shrugged in that easy laidback way of his, but I saw the tightness around his eyes.
He did like her.
Probably a whole lot more than he’d ever admit.
“So what’s the plan? Try and talk me into giving her a shot and then you hang back in the wings waiting for me to screw it up and swoop in and fix her broken heart?”
It was a joke. An attempt to wipe the smug smile off his face. But it backfired because the second the words left my mouth, I realized it was probably true. I would screw it up and he would be there, waiting to wipe away her tears.
“Admit that you like her, and I’ll back off,” he said. “I know it kills you seeing me flirt with her.”
“You’ve lost your fucking mind.” I barged past him and kept walking. Asher didn’t know the first thing about what I felt.
Dammit, I didn’t even know.
“Jase, man, when are you going to stop and pull your head out of your ass?”
Stopping, I glanced back, eyes narrowed to slits.
“She won’t wait forever.” He just wouldn’t stop pushing. “And yeah, maybe I will be around to help her forget all about you. Then what? You just gonna sit by and watch me move in on your girl?”
My girl?
It shouldn’t have sounded so damn good.
“You’d choose her over me?” I deflected his slip of the tongue.
“What are we, five?” He ran
a hand down his face. “All I’m saying is, you’d better figure out what you want because I’m sure there are plenty of other guys just waiting to take your place.”
“Is that a threat, Bennet?” I stood taller, irritation rippling up my spine.
“You’re a dick, you know that?”
“Never claimed to be anything else.”
“Just don’t destroy her, man. She’s strong but she’s not that strong.” He moved around me, not sparing me a backward glance, while I was left standing there wondering when life got so complicated.
The answer as clear as day.
Felicity fucking Giles.
I was done waiting.
The plan was simple—lure Felicity into meeting me and fuck her clean out of my head. Because Asher was right, she was under my skin. Burying herself deeper and deeper. She’d been the one to tell me she wouldn’t play my games, yet it felt like she was running circles around me. And for as much as I wanted her, wanted to taste her lips again, to soak up the quiet that existed whenever she was around; deep down, I knew this thing between us could never work.
Me: Tonight. You, me, and every item on your list you haven’t completed.
Felicity: I never had you down as a dog lover…
Me: WTF?
Felicity: Nothing, forget I said anything.
Me: You’re so fucking strange.
Felicity: So you like to keep reminding me.
Shit. Not the best way to score brownie points. Considering my reply, I went with the truth, for once.
Me: What if I told you, I like your brand of strange?
Felicity: Hold the phone. Did Jason Ford just admit he likes something?
Me: Easy there, Giles. I said I like your strangeness... I’m not sure it’s a reason to be flattered.
Felicity: You like me.
Yes.
Yes, I do.
But I couldn’t tell her that. So instead, I went with something typical jock-asshole.
Me: I’d like you bouncing on my dick more.
Felicity: Okay.
My eyes almost bugged out of their sockets.
Me: Okay, you want to bounce on my dick? Because I’ve got to say, Giles, I’m a little surprised...
Felicity: Very funny! Okay, I’ll meet you...
My pulse ratcheted.
Me: Yeah? After school? Or now?
Felicity: Cutting class is on my list.
I smirked triumphantly. I fucking knew it.
Me: Meet me after second period, round by the locker room.
Felicity: You’ve really given this some thought.
Me: I think about a lot of things.
Her. Naked. Underneath me.
Felicity: Goodbye, Jason. I’ll see you soon.
Felicity
I’d lost my freaking mind.
It was the only explanation as I hid out in the girls’ bathroom until the hall had emptied. When a good five minutes after the start of third period had passed, I slipped out of the bathroom, ducked down the hall and straight out of one of the side entrances. My heart pounded in my chest as I crossed the lawn and went around the back of the building. But it was nothing compared to how it galloped away when I spotted Jase’s Dodge Charger, the engine humming just like the gentle hum beneath my skin.
He looked completely at ease as I opened the door and slid inside. “I didn’t know if you would come.”
“Just drive,” I clipped out, my eyes wide as they darted around looking for any sign that I’d been caught.
“Don’t look so worried,” he said smoothly. “No one will even know you’re gone.”
I threw him an ‘are you for real’ look and he chuckled darkly.
“It’s easy for you to say,” I said. “You’re allowed to do whatever you want and no one bats an eye.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t be so sure of that.”
His eyes swept over me, making me shudder and my tummy clench. But I tried to ignore his suggestive tone, the flare in his eyes.
Too late, you already gave him all the power agreeing to cut class.
“If you want to go back, I can—”
“Just drive,” I repeated.
“As you wish.” Jason smirked as he pulled off and headed out of the school gates. “You know, it might help if you breathe.”
I shot him daggers and he chuckled again.
A few seconds of silence passed and then he said, “I was sorry, about Sunday morning.”
“No you weren’t,” I replied, resigned more than angry. Jason was Jason. He hadn’t promised me anything, and I hadn’t asked for anything. So the fact I was in the car with him when I should have been sitting in third period English wasn’t lost on me. But I couldn’t seem to make rational decisions when it came to Rixon’s bad boy star quarterback.
Maybe I was more like Jenna Jarvis and the gymnastics team and cheerleaders than I realized. But they didn’t have a list. They didn’t want to live every second of senior year as though it was their last.
I did.
At least, that was my excuse for my behavior of late.
“You’re not what I expected, Giles,” he murmured, his words making me sit a little straighter.
“Am I supposed to know what that means?”
I was me. Nothing more, nothing less. Until recently, Jason had made no effort to hide the fact he found me annoying. But now he looked at me differently, talked to me in a way I never expected.
It was all very confusing.
Any normal girl might have believed it meant she was special or that she was capturing the heart of the guy she liked. I knew better. I knew you didn’t capture a guy like Jason, you were granted an audience; allowed to breathe, to talk, to be in his presence.
And for some reason, right now in this moment, he had chosen me. Given me the royal nod. I smothered a nervous laugh.
“What?” he asked as my eyes drilled holes into the side of his head.
“Nothing.”
“I can hear you thinking from all the way over here, spit it out.” The corner of his mouth lifted.
“I’m just wondering what it’s like to be you. Loved by an entire town, worshipped by most of your classmates. Guys want to be you, girls want to...” The word lodged in my throat.
“You can say it, Giles, I won’t tell.”
“Fine, girls want to fuck you even though they know that’s all they will ever get from you.”
That made him shift uncomfortably in his seat.
Good.
Asshole.
“Maybe I’m worth the ride,” he threw back, and I snorted.
“No one is that good in bed.”
“Is that a challenge?” He glanced over at me, daring me with his dark intense gaze.
“Shouldn’t you be watching the road?”
“I don’t know, the view from here is pretty incredible.” He winked before turning his attention back to the road.
I silently screamed at my emotions to batten down the hatches because whether he knew it or not—planned it or not—Jason was knocking down my defenses one by one.
He’s Jason Ford. Jason freaking Ford. He doesn’t date.
He doesn’t do commitment.
He doesn’t fall in love.
Internal pep talk over, I smoothed down my skirt and said, “So where exactly are we going?”
“It’s a surprise.”
“I bet that’s what you say to all the girls.” I winced at how desperate the words sounded. But I had a serious case of foot-in-mouth syndrome on a good day, let alone when Jason was around to flummox me with his smooth lines and easy charm.
I waited for his reply, but it never came. Instead, he pressed his lips together as if to keep his reply from escaping.
Weird.
Silence followed. Thick and heavy; the kind that didn’t feel uncomfortable but wasn’t entirely comfortable either. I forced myself to look out of the window, to watch the town roll by, giving myself space to breathe and prepare for whatever Jason had up his slee
ve.
Eventually, we began to slow, but only because Jason had turned off the main road onto an overgrown track that meandered through the trees.
“The lake?” I asked, a thrill shooting through me. He’d brought me here before, but we’d parked in the sandy lot at the entrance. Jason showed no signs of stopping this time.
“Don’t worry,” he said, “we’re not going swimming. Not today, anyway.”
The car jerked and bounced over the uneven terrain. I hadn’t been out here in years, since me and Hailee had stopped swimming at the lake a few summers ago.
“What?” Jason’s gravelly voice washed over me.
“We used to love it out here.”
“So why’d you stop coming?”
“You’re kidding me, right? The summer after you stole Hailee’s clothes and bike and she had to walk home half-naked in the blistering heat... sound familiar?”
His lips pursed.
“You were a total jerk to her.”
The car came to an abrupt stop near the water’s edge. “Yeah, well things change.”
“Do they?” I asked, desperate to know what he was thinking, to get inside his head and uncover his deepest darkest secrets.
When he didn’t answer, I whispered, “What are we doing, Jason?”
“I thought it was pretty obvious.” His lip curved smugly.
“Jason…”
“What do you want from me, Giles?”
“I want to know you. Not the Jason Ford everyone else gets to see, the real you.”
“The real me, huh?” he scoffed. “I don’t think anyone wants to know the real me. All they want is the football star, the jock, the guy who can propel them to social greatness. People want the illusion, not the real thing.”
“I do.” The words came out small.
“And what if you don’t like what you find?” His expression softened, not much, but it was there. “What if underneath the number one jersey there’s nothing but darkness?”
“I don’t believe that. You care, Jason, I know you do. About Hailee, about your friends…” About me. The words lodged in my throat. “You’re not just the conceited asshole you let everyone believe you are.”
“Let’s get one thing straight,” he said, his eyes pinning me to the spot. “I am. I’m not the reformed bad boy and I’m not looking to be changed by...” He swallowed the words and I felt myself flush with indignation.
