And Elora had spared Loki. His father had gotten her mother killed and nearly cost both Elora and me our lives, yet when given the chance for vengeance, Elora hadn’t taken any on Loki. I was starting to think I had misjudged her completely.
Elora’s insistence on perfection and on me being Queen became much clearer. So much had been lost for me, to ensure that I would someday take the Trylle throne.
My stomach twisted with shame as I realized how ungrateful I must have seemed to her. After everything she and her family and the entire Trylle population had done for me, I had given them so little in return.
When I looked up into Garrett’s worried eyes, I realized something else. His wife—Willa’s mother—had died long before Willa had come home. I wondered if she had died in one of the battles my father had waged against the Trylle. If Garrett had lost someone he loved because of me.
“I’m sorry,” I told him with tears stinging my eyes.
“What on earth for?” Garrett moved toward me, surprised by my display of emotion, and put his hand on my arm.
“Elora told me everything.” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Everything that happened with Oren. And I’m sorry.”
“Why are you sorry?” Garrett asked. “All of that was before you were even born.”
“I know, but I feel like . . . I should’ve been better. That I should be better,” I corrected myself. “After everything you went through, you deserve a great Queen.”
“That we do,” Garrett admitted with a small smile. “And you know that, so we should be on the right track.” He lowered his head to meet my eyes. “I’m certain you’ll be a great Queen someday.”
I wasn’t sure if I believed him, but I knew that I had to do everything I could to make that happen. I would not let my kingdom down. I couldn’t.
Garrett needed to tend to Elora, so I left him to it. Thomas stayed outside the door, still standing guard but giving them alone time.
Duncan, Willa, and Matt were waiting for me by the stairs. As soon as I saw Matt’s face, I couldn’t hold it together any longer. Tears spilled down my cheeks, and Matt wrapped his arms around me.
Once I calmed down, we went up to my room. Duncan got us all hot tea, and I made him sit down and pour himself a cup. I hated when he acted like a servant. Willa curled up next to me on the bed, comforting in a way that made me miss my aunt Maggie.
“So she’s dying?” Matt asked. He leaned against my desk, rolling the empty teacup between his hands.
I wasn’t sure how much Duncan or Willa knew about my parentage or about how the Trylle abilities hurt us. I didn’t want to tell them too much, especially Matt, and make them worry. So I left out all the major plot points, and only let them know that Elora was sick.
“I think so,” I said. She hadn’t said that exactly, but she had aged so rapidly. She looked to be in her seventies now, and that was after Aurora Kroner had healed her.
“That really sucks,” Duncan said, sitting on the chest at the foot of my bed.
“You were talking to her and she just collapsed?” Willa asked. She rested her elbow on the pillow next to mine and propped her head up so she could look at me.
“Yeah.” I nodded. “The worst part is I was arguing with her right before it happened.”
“Aw, sweetie.” Willa reached out and touched my arm. “You know it wasn’t your fault, right?”
“Did she say what she’s dying from?” Matt asked. The crease on his forehead deepened; he knew I had left something out.
“You know Elora.” I shrugged. “She’s vague on details.”
“That’s true,” Matt said with a sigh, and that answer seemed to satisfy him. “I just don’t like mysterious illnesses.”
“Well, nobody does, Matt,” Willa said with a teasing lilt to her voice.
“What were you and the Queen arguing about?” Duncan asked. He was changing the subject, which I would’ve been grateful for, until I remembered the answer to his question.
I was supposed to marry Tove Kroner.
“Oh, hell.” I leaned my head back so it thudded against the headboard.
“What was that for?” Willa asked.
“Nothing.” I shook my head. “It was just a stupid disagreement. That’s all.”
“Stupid?” Matt came over and sat on the bed by my feet. “Stupid how?”
“You know, normal stuff,” I floundered. “Elora wanted me to be a better Princess. More punctual and stuff like that.”
“You do need to be more punctual,” Matt agreed. “Maggie was always on you about that.”
Another reminder of Maggie stung my heart. I hadn’t spoken to her since we’d returned to Förening. Matt had a few times, but I’d been avoiding her calls. I had been busy lately, but the real reason I put off talking to her was because hearing her voice would only make me miss her too much.
“How is Maggie?” I asked, ignoring the ache in my chest.
“She’s good,” Matt said. “She’s staying in New York with friends, and she’s really confused about everything that’s going on. I keep telling her that everything’s fine, that we’re safe, and she needs to lay low.”
“Good.”
“You need to talk to her, though.” Matt gave me a hard look. “I can’t keep being the go-between.”
“I know.” I picked at chipped paint on my teacup and lowered my eyes. “I don’t know how to answer her questions. Like, where we are and when we’re coming back and when I’ll see her again.”
“I don’t know how to answer them either, but I make do,” Matt said.
“Wendy’s had a long day,” Willa said, coming to my rescue. “I don’t think now is the time to lecture her on things she should be doing.”
“You’re right.” Matt gave her a small smile before looking at me apologetically. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get on your case, Wendy.”
“No, it’s fine,” I said. “You’re just doing your job.”
“I don’t really know what my job is anymore,” Matt said wearily. Someone knocked at the door, and Duncan jumped up to get it. “Duncan, stop it.” I sighed. “You’re not the butler.”
“Maybe not, but you’re still the Princess,” Duncan said, and he opened my bedroom door.
“I hope I’m not disturbing anything,” Finn said, looking past Duncan at me.
As soon as his dark eyes landed on mine, my breath caught in my throat. He stood at the door, his black hair mussed a bit. His vest was still neatly pressed but it was marred with a dark stain from Elora’s blood.
“No, not at all,” I said, sitting up farther.
“Actually, we were—” Matt began, his voice hard.
“Actually, we were leaving,” Willa cut him off. She scooted off the bed, and Matt shot her a look, which she only smiled at. “We were just saying that we had something to do in your room. Weren’t we, Matt?”
“Fine,” Matt grumbled and stood up. Finn moved aside so Matt and Willa could walk out of the room, and Matt gave him a warning glare. “But we’ll just be right across the hall.”
Willa grabbed Matt’s hand to keep him moving. Finn, as usual, seemed oblivious to Matt’s threats, which only made Matt angrier.
“Come on, Duncan,” Willa said as she pulled Matt from my room.
“What?” Duncan asked, then caught on. “Oh. Right. I’ll be . . . um . . . outside.”
Duncan closed the door behind him, leaving me alone with Finn. I sat up straight and moved to the edge of the bed so my legs dangled over. Finn stayed by the door and didn’t say anything.
“Did you need something?” I asked carefully.
“I wanted to see how you were doing.” He looked at me in that way that went straight through me, and I lowered my gaze.
“I’m good, considering.”
“Did the Queen explain things to you?” Finn asked.
“I don’t know.” I shook my head. “I don’t know if I’ll ever really understand this world.”
“She told you she’s d
ying?” Finn asked, and hearing him say it made it worse.
“Yeah,” I said thickly. “She told me. And she finally told me what makes me so special. That I’m the perfect blend of Trylle and Vittra. I’m the ultimate bloodline.”
“And you didn’t believe me when I said you were special.” That was Finn’s attempt at a joke, and he smiled ever so slightly.
“I guess you were right.” I pulled down my hair, which had gotten messy from lying on it, and ran my fingers through it.
“How are you taking that?” Finn asked, coming closer to the foot of my bed. He stopped by the bedpost and absently touched my satin bedding.
“Being the chosen one for both sides in an epic troll battle?”
“If anybody can handle it, you can,” he reassured me.
I looked up at him, and his eyes betrayed some of the warmth he felt for me. I wanted to throw myself into his arms and feel them wrap around me, protecting me like granite. To kiss his temples and cheeks, to feel his stubble rubbing against my skin.
Despite how badly I wanted that—I wanted it so much I ached—I knew that I had to become a great Princess, which meant that I had to use some restraint. Even if the restraint killed me.
“Elora wants me to marry Tove,” I blurted out. I hadn’t meant to tell him that way, but I knew it would ruin the moment. Break the spell we were under before I acted on it.
“So she told you?” Finn said with a heavy sigh.
“What?” I blinked at him, startled by his response. “What do you mean, she told me? You knew? How long did you know?”
“I’m not sure, exactly.” He shook his head. “I’ve known for a long while, before I met you or Tove.”
“What?” I gaped at him, unable to find the words that matched the confusion and anger inside me.
“The marriage had been arranged for some time, the Markis Kroner and the Princess Dahl,” Finn explained calmly. “I believe it was only finalized a few days ago, but it was what Aurora Kroner had always wanted. The Queen knew it was her best chance to secure the throne and keep you safe.”
“You knew?” I repeated, unable to get past that part. “You knew that she wanted me to marry somebody else, and you never told me?”
He appeared confused by my reaction. “It wasn’t my place.”
“Maybe it wasn’t your place as a tracker, but as the guy making out with me in this bed, yeah, I think it was your place to tell me that I’m supposed to marry someone else.”
“Wendy, I repeatedly told you we couldn’t be together—”
“Saying we shouldn’t be together isn’t the same thing, and you know it!” I snapped. “How could you not tell me, Finn? He’s your friend. He’s my friend, and you never thought to tell me?”
“No, I didn’t want to interfere with the way you thought of him.”
“Interfere with what?” I asked.
“I was afraid you might hate him to spite your mother, and I didn’t want that. I wanted you to be happy with him,” Finn said. “While you wouldn’t be marrying for love, you are friends. You could have a happy life together.”
“You . . . what?” My heart felt like it had been ripped in half. For a moment, I didn’t speak. I couldn’t make my mouth work. “You expect me to marry him.”
“Yes, of course,” Finn said, almost wearily.
“You’re not even gonna try to . . .” I swallowed back tears and looked away from him. “When Elora told me, I fought with her. I fought for you.”
“I am sorry, Wendy.” His voice had gotten low and thick. He stepped closer and raised his hand as if he meant to touch me, but dropped it instead. “But you will be happy with Tove. He can protect you.”
“I wish everyone would stop talking about him that way!” I sat back on the bed, exasperated. “Tove is a person! This is his life! Doesn’t he deserve better than being somebody’s watchdog?”
“I can imagine worse things in life than being married to you,” Finn said quietly.
“Don’t.” I shook my head. “Don’t joke. Don’t be nice.” I glared up at him. “You kept this from me. But worse still, you didn’t fight for me.”
“You know why I can’t, Wendy.” His dark eyes smoldered, and his fists clenched at his side. “Now you know who you are and what you mean to the kingdom. I can’t fight for something that isn’t mine. Especially not when you mean so much to our people.”
“You’re right, Finn, I’m not yours.” I nodded, looking down at the floor. “I’m not anybody’s. I have a choice in all of this, and so do you. But you have no right to take my choice away from me, to tell me who I should marry.”
“I didn’t arrange this marriage,” Finn said incredulously. “But you think I should marry him, and you’ve done nothing to stop it.” I shrugged. “You might as well have arranged it yourself.”
I wiped at my eyes, and he didn’t say anything. I lay down on my bed and rolled over so my back was to him. After a few minutes, I heard him walk away and the door shut behind him.
TWENTY-TWO
accord
Sara Elsing, Queen of the Vittra, was set to arrive at three the next afternoon to collect Loki Staad, so the morning was filled with a series of defense meetings. I attended with Tove, Aurora Kroner, Garrett Strom, the Chancellor, and a select few trackers, like Finn and his father.
Elora was noticeably absent. She didn’t have the strength for it, and she wouldn’t be able to regain her strength until after Loki left.
When we stopped for lunch, Tove invited me to join him, but I declined. I liked Tove as much as I always had, but I felt weird around him knowing that we were expected to marry.
Also, I wanted to get in a moment alone with Loki before he left. It might be the last chance I ever got to speak with him.
This time, I didn’t use Duncan to do my dirty work. I sent the guards away myself. They protested, but with an icy glare I reminded them I was the Princess. I didn’t care if anyone talked about it. Loki was leaving anyway. There would be nothing left to gossip about.
“Ooo, I love it when you’re feisty,” Loki said after I made the guards leave. He leaned on the footboard of the bed, his usual cocky grin plastered on his face.
“I’m not being feisty,” I said. “I wanted to talk to you.”
“You’ve come to say good-bye, I take it?” He arched an eyebrow. “You’ll miss me terribly, I know, but if you want to avoid all that, you can always come with me.”
“That’s quite all right, thank you.”
“Really?” Loki wrinkled his nose. “You can’t actually be excited about the upcoming nuptials.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked, tensing up.
“I heard you’re engaged to that stodgy Markis.” Loki waved his hand vaguely and stood up. “Which I think is ridiculous. He’s boring and bland and you don’t love him at all.”
“How do you know about that?” I stood up straighter, preparing to defend myself.
“The guards around here are horrible gossips, and I hear everything.” He grinned and sauntered toward me. “And I have two eyes. I’ve seen that little melodrama play out between you and that other tracker. Fish? Flounder? What’s his name?”
“Finn,” I said pointedly.
“Yes, him.” Loki rested his shoulder against the door. “Can I give you a piece of advice?”
“By all means. I’d love to hear advice from a prisoner.”
“Excellent.” Loki leaned forward, as close to me as he could before he’d be racked with pain from attempting to leave the room. “Don’t marry someone you don’t love.”
“What do you know of love or marriage?” I asked. “You were all set to marry a woman ten years older than you before the King stole her away.”
“I wouldn’t have married her anyway.” Loki shrugged. “Not if I didn’t love her.”
“Now you’ve got integrity?” I scoffed. “You kidnapped me, and your father was a traitor.”
“I’ve never said a nice word about my father
,” Loki said quickly. “And I’ve never done anything bad to you.”
“You still kidnapped me!” I said dubiously.
“Did I?” Loki cocked his head. “Because I remember Kyra kidnapping you, and me preventing her from pummeling you to death. Then, when you were coughing up blood, I sent for the Queen to help you. When you escaped, I didn’t stop you. And since I came here, I’ve done nothing to you. I’ve even been good because you told me to be. So what terrible crimes have I committed against you, Princess?”
“I—I—” I stammered. “I never said you did anything terrible.”
“Then why don’t you trust me, Wendy?”
He’d never called me by my name before, and the underlying affection underneath it startled me. Even his eyes, which still held their usual veil of playfulness, had something deeper brewing underneath. When he wasn’t trying so hard to be devilishly handsome, he actually was.
The growing connection I felt with him unnerved me, but I didn’t want him to see that. More than that, it didn’t matter what feelings I might be having for him. He was leaving today, and I would probably never see him again.
“I do trust you,” I admitted. “I do trust you. I just don’t know why I do, and I don’t know why you’ve been helping me.”
“You want the truth?” He smiled at me, and there was something sincere and sweet underlying. “You piqued my curiosity.”
“You risked your life for me because you were curious?” I asked doubtfully.
“As soon as you came to, your only concern was for helping your friends, and you never stopped,” Loki said. “You were kind. And I haven’t seen that much kindness in my life.”
He looked away from me then, staring at an empty spot down the hall. I think he was trying to hide the sadness in his eyes, but I saw it just the same—a strange loneliness that looked out of place on his strong features.
Loki shook his head, trying to shake off whatever he’d been feeling, and gave me a crooked smile that looked surprisingly dismal. “I thought for once that acting decent ought to be rewarded. That’s why I let you go, and that’s why I didn’t bring you back to the King.”
Trylle Page 44
