“Have you used that service before?”
“No.”
“Why did they pick me?” He couldn’t tell if her voice was more angry or sad, but the desperation bothered him.
“I’m not sure. It seemed like most of the girls were targeted in college. That boyfriend of yours…” Adam couldn’t bring himself to say the name. It made him jealous to think of her with someone else. “He worked for them.”
“Nice to know that part of my life was a lie, too,” she said bitterly.
“Maybe not.” He didn’t like to think about it, but knew it would make her feel better. “He’d found a few before you, but didn’t stay with them for as long. And after you were done he stopped.”
“What, did you check up on him?”
“Yes.” That didn’t exactly cover it. Adam knew everything there was to know about the man. “His life is relatively normal.”
“Good for him.” She sighed, still refusing to look in his direction. “So how many did you have to choose from?”
“About a dozen.”
“So what did you do, narrow it down to the top three and then pretend to meet them in a bar like you did with me?”
“No. The others didn’t appeal to me.”
“Right,” she scoffed.
“I swear.”
“Well then, why me? What made you pick me? What did I have that the others didn’t?”
“They just didn’t appeal to me. You did.” Not at first, but why confuse her with that. “And you wanted to live here, so I thought you’d be happy.”
“Thanks for asking me first.”
“If I told you I wanted to, I’d be lying. But I am sorry that I didn’t, looking back.”
“So is this a common thing with you super rich guys? Kidnap a woman and make her have your baby, all the while convincing yourself she was a willing victim?”
“I…” Victim. That stung. And he knew he deserved it. “No. Well, the kidnapping thing, probably, I’m not sure. But apparently I’m the only one who ever came in looking for a baby.”
“So how many other men saw my picture and just passed it over? They’ve had it for what, 5 years now?”
“I have no idea. You tell them what you’re looking for and they match you up. There are thousands to choose from, so they say.”
“Well, I’m sure I’m getting pretty old, as far as sex slaves go. Was I on the discount rack? Is that why you picked me?”
“You were actually very expensive.”
“That isn’t a compliment, you know. Buying a person. Especially when she didn’t know she was for sale.”
“I didn’t buy you. Technically. I bought information about you, and paid to keep them from selling that information to anyone else.”
“How very thoughtful.”
He almost apologized, but he wasn’t sorry. Not for taking her. He was a selfish man, and that had been the best decision of his life. His only regret was not keeping her safe. She probably didn’t want to hear it, though.
“When were you going to tell me you had a wife and children?” Her eyes stayed forward.
He swallowed. “Probably not for a few years.”
“Until I had all of the babies that you wanted and I wouldn’t be able to leave.”
There was no point in lying. “Basically.”
“Wow.”
They sat there for a few minutes in silence.
“Does she know about me?”
“Yes.” He remembered that awful phone call perfectly. Patricia was positively livid.
“Do your children know they’re about to have a baby brother?”
“No.”
“Does she want a divorce?”
“No.”
“Do you?”
“I can’t do that to her. It would destroy her career.”
Leah’s head dropped into her folded arms. He tried to wrap his arm around her shoulders but she swatted him away.
“Do you love her?”
“In a way. Like a relative, a sister maybe.” He was trying to not lie, but that had visibly upset her. He should have told her no.
“So what was your plan then? Spend half the year with your real family and half the time with your bastard and me? Or were you going to take him with you and leave me all alone?”
“I never wanted to keep you away from the baby. It’s complicated. But I intended to spend the vast majority of my time here.”
“Are you sleeping with her?” Leah sobbed. “Did you fuck her while you were gone?”
“No!” Adam replied instantly, shocked.
“So when was the last time, then?”
“With Patty?” He honestly didn’t remember. “It’s been years. At least a decade. Probably more.”
“Most guys that cheat on their wives say that, you know,” she laughed bitterly.
“I swear. Not since Ryan came back into the picture.”
“Ryan?”
“Her publicist. She’s been in love with him since she was a kid.”
“So why’d she marry you?”
“He’s from a lower stature in life. Back then moving up in the world was all she cared about.”
“Did it hurt when you found out?”
“No.”
“So you didn’t care that your wife was sleeping with another man?” She finally looked at him. “I find that hard to believe. You’re too controlling. Your ego couldn’t take it.”
“The only time Patty wasn’t having an affair was when she was trying to get pregnant. It never bothered me.”
“Never?” Leah scoffed. “Because you were doing the same thing, right?”
“She didn’t care either. As long as I was discreet.” Adam’s eyes dropped. “But after a while, it did start to get to me. Their relationship. I got jealous. All I had was meaningless sex.”
She stared into the distance. “How can I trust anything you’re saying?”
“Because I’m leaving her.”
“You just said you couldn’t get a divorce.”
“I can’t.”
“So I’m just supposed to stay here and have your children while you are still married to another woman? I can’t do it.”
“It’s complicated.”
“Yea, no shit.”
“Leah…”
“Don’t you dare,” she said firmly. He had forbidden bad language.
“I wasn’t.” He ran his fingers through his hair, frustrated that she wouldn’t look at him but completely unable to order her to do anything. “Ok, this is extremely complicated, but hear me out.”
He waited for a response and let out a frustrated sigh when she kept her eyes forward.
“I’m not just leaving her. I’m leaving my entire life. I’m going to fake my own death. That was always the plan, just not until my kids were older.”
That got her attention. She turned her head and stared at him. “You can’t be serious.”
“I am. I swear. I’ve been planning it for years. Even before I met you.”
“How can you do that to your children?”
“They would know. It wouldn’t be that different for them. They grew up only seeing me on holidays anyway. They could visit.” He paused. “If you were okay with that. Or I would go somewhere else.”
“You would have never asked my permission.”
“Not before, no. I admit that. But now I would.”
Leah bit her lip. “From what Walker said,” she shuddered just to say the name, “you were one of the most powerful men in the world. Why would you walk away from that?”
“Because I fucking hate it.” Adam pushed away from the railing and started to pace on the deck. She turned around to look at him. “I’ve hated every minute of it. I never wanted it. But it was what I was born to do, what I was groomed to do, from the time I was a small child. I took my father’s company and built it into an empire because that was what I was supposed to do. And I. Hated. Every. Second.”
“What about the money? Did you hate that
too?”
“Of course not,” he laughed. “And I’ll be taking a lot of it with me.”
“And the power?” She raised her eyebrow. “I happen to know how much you like to control people’s lives.”
“It’s not the same thing. It’s hard to explain.”
“So your son will be the new emperor then? Is that what he wants? Have you thought of that?”
“Of course!” Adam growled, making Leah jump back. He had forgotten. No sudden loud noises. “Oh, god. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay,” she murmured, shaking her head, refusing him as he stretched his arms toward her. “Keep going.”
“Leah, please.” Her entire body was shaking and he ached to hold her, stepping forward.
“Don’t,” she said firmly. “Will your son hate it as much as you do?”
“Taylor? Oh, yes, he absolutely would. Probably more,” he smiled, thinking of his boy. “But Ella? She’ll love it.”
“She’s fifteen.”
“I know. And she’s not ready, obviously, not even close. But I have someone who is, someone who will teach her everything she needs to know. Plus, she can always ask me. This is why I was going to wait.”
“But now you’re aren’t?”
“Patricia wants me out of her life now. She can’t risk the exposure. And she wants to marry Ryan, even though she won’t admit it. We’ve talked about this for a long time.”
“Your kids?”
“She doesn’t want to tell them until after the funeral. It will be all over the papers. They need to look like their grieving.”
“God, Adam, that is so sick.”
“I know.” Adam got nauseous whenever he thought about it. “I’ve really gotten myself in a situation, haven’t I?”
He could see Leah’s face getting red from anger. “Yourself?” she fumed. “You’re in a situation, Adam?”
“Leah, I’m-”
“If you say you’re sorry one more time…” She threw off her blanket. “Have you thought about the little situation you’ve gotten me into?”
“That’s all I think about.”
“I’m having your baby in 6 weeks.”
“I know. And I will take care of you both, no matter what you decide to do. Forever. I swear.”
“Why did you do this to me?” she shouted. “Why couldn’t we have just dated, gotten to know each other, got married, then had a baby? Oh, yea, because you are already married.”
He didn’t want to tell her what he was really thinking. That there wouldn’t have been any dating, none of that first comes love, then comes marriage schoolgirl dreams bullshit. That all she would have gotten out of him was a contract and orders until he got sick of her and moved onto the next girl. But he actually wasn’t sure he would have gotten sick of her. She wasn’t like the others.
“I will never forgive myself for what happened to you.”
“I think the real question is whether I’ll be able to forgive you.”
“I…Maybe one day…” he stammered. “Oh, god, baby, I hope you can. Even though I don’t deserve it.” He dropped to his knees.
“Adam…”
“I don’t want to manipulate you, coerce you into staying. But I have to be honest.” He looked up at her with desperate eyes. “I will die if you go. I won’t be able to, not really, because I will be there for our son. But I will be dead inside, Leah. A husk. A shell.”
He inhaled sharply. “I love you. I have for a while now, but I was too fucking stupid and stubborn to tell you. And every time I saw you on that computer screen I wanted to tell you, scream it at you, so you would know. So if I got you killed you would at least know that.”
She stood there speechless for a moment. “I wouldn’t have known. You didn’t say it.”
“I couldn’t risk him knowing. Gus…” He didn’t want to tell her the things Gus said it might inspire Walker to do. “It was a strategic decision. To look detached. You have no idea how hard it was.
“I felt like my heart got ripped out when you went over the edge, Leah. I just jumped in after you. I didn’t even think about it. If you were going to die in that water, I was going with you.”
“It was you? You grabbed me, in the water? But your shoulder…”
“I just jumped. I had to.”
Her silence gnawed at him.
“What if he raped me, Adam,” she whispered. “Would you still love me then? Would you have still jumped in to get me?”
If he weren’t already kneeling he probably would have toppled over. He had wondered that of course, but figured that sick bastard would have made him watch.
“Leah…” he sobbed. “Baby, I’m so sorry.”
“Would you?” She was crying now too.
“Of course.” He was motionless. He wanted to reach up and grab her, pull her into his arms and hold her forever, but he didn’t dare.
“He didn’t.” She dropped to her knees in front of him. “He told me you wouldn’t want me anymore.” Her voice was so little, so quiet.
“Leah,” he choked. “Baby, I swear to God, it won’t make any difference. I love you so much.”
“He really didn’t.”
He breathed a long sigh of relief. “Please don’t leave me. I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you, making you happy. Just give me a chance. Please don’t go.”
She didn’t speak for a few seconds, staring into his eyes. “I’ll stay. I’ll try.”
Adam couldn’t stand it anymore. He reached out and grabbed her, dragging her into his lap. She folded up so small in his arms, reminding him how tiny and frail she was. It was nearly impossible to hold her gently, to keep from crushing her.
He picked her up and carried her back into the bedroom. Laying her down gently, he crawled beside her as quickly as possible. He needed her to be in his arms, couldn’t stand them to be empty for even a second. Tucking the sheets around her, he pulled her as close as he could.
Then he lifted her chin and brushed his lips against hers, parting them with his own, kissing her deeply. The first real kiss they’d had since she was back. It went on forever, his tongue dancing around hers. One of his hands circled around to the small of her back, the other threaded into the hair above the nape of her neck. He would have pulled it back before, in their old life, but the idea didn’t even appeal to him now.
Instead, his fingers traced her hairline gently. Her hair was so much thinner, not that he would mention it. His lips broke away from hers and he kissed the tip of that adorable nose he loved so much. He kissed her closed eyelids, her cheeks, her forehead, every part of her beautiful face. She whimpered as his lips caressed her jaw, traveling down her neck. Her body stiffened.
“I can’t,” her voice cracked, her eyes overflowing.
He looked at her quizzically for a second, the fear of her leaving instantly returning. Then he realized what she meant and felt incredibly guilty.
“I wasn’t…” He tried to pull his hands off of her, but he couldn’t. “I can’t either. You’re so tiny still. I just don’t think I’ll be able to. But I have to touch you. I need you in my arms. I love you so much.”
He felt her body relax as he pulled her against his chest. Every time he went to hold her tightly, her tiny frame reminded him to be gentle. Her sobs got louder and more panicked, making him feel helpless.
“I don’t know if I can be what you need anymore,” she bawled. “I’m not sure I can do it.”
“I don’t care.” He rocked her gently. Every sob was agony.
“But you do. It’s who you are.”
“I can give it up. I just want you here with me, no matter what.”
For a second, he wasn’t sure he believed it. The she looked up at him with those beautiful green eyes, glassy and scared, and he knew that it really didn’t matter anymore. The tables were turned. She had all the power.
“You weren’t the only one with responsibilities, baby. I was supposed to protect you. I failed you. I will never be able to m
ake it up to you. I will never deserve your submission.”
“But you’ll want it.”
“All I want is you.”
“Maybe, in the future. But only in bed. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to live like that again. I’m just too scared.” Her lips were trembling, her eyes wide. “I’m scared all the time now, Adam.”
She was sobbing hard again now. He would never get used to this. It got worse every time.
“You are going to get better, baby. I’m going to be right here every second until you do, and every second after that. And if you don’t I will still be here, keeping you safe. Always.”
“I want to give you what you need. But I might be too broken.”
“Stop it.” His voice was begging, not commanding. “Stop thinking about the sex. I don’t need it. I just need you.”
“I love you.” It was music, everything he needed in those three simple words.
“I love you.” Her sobs were quieting and she was nuzzling into his chest. It was the best feeling in the world. “Get some sleep, baby.”
She was out like a light and soon afterward, so was he. When he did awake several hours later as the heat and sunlight filled the room, Leah was still slumbering peacefully. He had thought that he would get tired of watching her sleep, but he was actually starting to enjoy it. Especially when she was like this, her face so relaxed, so tranquil. Not thrashing around, not breathing raggedly, leaving him wondering what was going on inside her head.
18
As much as it pained him, Adam knew he would have to wake her soon. He called down to Ramira, asking her to bring lunch upstairs. They had missed breakfast, and Leah had to eat. She wouldn’t tell him why, but she couldn’t stand to eat at the table. Even the sight of it seemed to bother her so much he had it taken out of the house.
The smell of the food woke her up. She was ravenous. The doctor had just started to allow her to eat as much as she wanted. Though Adam knew the restriction had been to protect her heart, it was unbearable to cut her off when she wanted more.
Now that she was done, he didn’t know what to say to her. Adam had never poured his heart out to anyone before, and had never dreamed he would submit to questioning like that. She was staying, or so she said, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that she would change her mind. How was he supposed to relate to her like this? It was completely foreign. He had never had a real relationship before. Patricia had basically been a business partner and the only thing he’d ever done with other women was dominate every part of their lives.
Captured by the Billionaire (Omnibus Edition) Page 12
