As she listened to her music, her mind traveled to the night before. She lit a cigarette to enjoy. Despite having a good time, her heart was hardened. She had no place in her for the little white freshmen boy and yet she could not stop thinking about him. Admittedly, there was something special about him; and not just what was swinging between his legs. The way he looked at her… she knew that look to well. She’d seen it in the mirror when she was a freshmen. That starry-eyed look as if he were instantly and foolishly in love; it made her sick. She knew all too well where that road would lead, but what made it worse was that he would not be bound to the same fate as her. It was times like this that she hated men.
As she thought that, her eyes caught Logan and another boy walking from the athletic center. They tossed around the football as they engaged in conversation; their mouths curled into smiles, with cries of laughter leaving their lips. She wondered what they were talking about at first, but part of her felt like she already knew the answer. He probably felt like he had conquered her last night in bed. Perhaps they were laughing about how he came all over her while she begged for his cock like a whore, then left her in bed.
The thought made her furious and she was quickly regretting sleeping with him. But deep down, she knew her anger was misplaced. There was no proof that he behaved like the other boys of Nu Epsilon. Cassie changed the song on her phone to one that would help her forget and to feel invisible again. However, forgetting what happened after her freshmen year was an impossible task. Every relationship she made on campus was marred by the members of Nu Epsilon, and despite her trying to have a normal college career, the memories continued to haunt her. It was the main reason why she’d had to leave. Even though she had finally built up enough courage to return to the annual block party, sitting in that same bed with a lust-filled white boy was too much for her.
She raised the volume of her music and laid back on the grass; trying to make herself invisible once again.
There was nothing Logan wanted more than to join Nu Epsilon. How could he not? He had only been there an hour and he was already friends with most of the fraternity. Most were football players, but there were athletes of other sports as well. Like Phillip, most were very happy to meet him. Together with Kevin, they drank all the leftover beer from the previous night. Logan held out his cup for another round as a frat brother, Howie, refilled it.
“So, Logan,” he slurred. “Tell us about last night, man.”
Logan’s heart jumped and yet he knew this was the moment he was waiting for. “What do you mean?” he asked coyly. The guys hissed and laughed.
“What do I mean?” repeated Howie. “I mean… tell us about what happened when we saw you going off with Nasty Cassie.”
Logan turned up his lip. “Nasty Cassie?” he asked. The name sounded so horrible that he could not imagine that they were talking about the same person.
Howie turned to Phillip. “Hey, Phil!” he cried a little too loudly, “I thought you said you told him.”
Phillip approached Howie and smacked him across his head. “I never said that you idiot!” he exclaimed. “How the hell would he know anything about Cass?”
Kevin raised a hand. “Hey, does someone want to bring us up to speed. What’s the deal with this girl?” Another frat brother, Ricky, came up with another bottle of beer for Kevin and sat across from them.
“Your friend here seems to have stumbled into the pussy of the biggest freak on campus,” he said as he passed over the fresh brew.
Kevin went wide eyed. “No shit?” he asked.
“’Fraid not,” said Phillip. “That chick has screwed almost every guy on campus.”
“Or at least every guy in the frat,” said Ricky. Howie and a few of the other brothers laughed. Logan couldn’t believe his ears. Cassie definitely seemed adventurous sexually, but to have sex with a whole fraternity? He needed details. Something was adding up.
“When did this happen?” he asked.
Phillip sighed. “Do you really want to hear this, man?” he asked. “You might feel like you have to wash afterwards.”
“Yeah, dude!” said Howie, who had clearly been drinking before they arrived. “Even looking at that chick will get you herpes.” Once again, everyone laughed except Logan who deep down was growing tired of their insults.
“Just tell me,” he said with finality.
Phillip shrugged and took a sip of his beer. “Alright, but just because you asked,” he said. He cleared his throat as if he were getting ready to recite a story for a small child. “It happened her freshmen year. Like all the other little freshmen girls, she heard there was a party with free booze and came running over. Now, we tend not to keep track of every girl that comes through here, but it’s hard to forget a girl like Cassie. See, back then she had this big puffy hair and stood out in the crowd, but she didn’t need to stand out just by her appearance.”
“This chick was doing keg-stands, body shots. I mean… We drink a lot, but this chick was incredible. Most of the freshmen dip out around midnight, but she stayed just as long as a lot of upperclassmen. So, we invited into the house to keep partying. We ain’t one to use drugs, but a few people, including her, took some shrooms and they were fading in and out of reality. Well, one thing leads to another and she starts sucking this dude’s dick right in front of us! I mean, we were shocked, dude! Seriously, how the fuck are you just going to start sucking a dude off right then and there? So we’re all freaking out, but don’t get it twisted. We’re all thinking that this is the nastiest bitch on campus. And we were right.” Phillip took a swig of his drink; the alcohol loosening his tongue with each passing minute. “This chick starts fishing through all of our pants and starts sucking off every dude in that room off. Myself included! And when we were about to nut, this chick actually has us unload it on her!”
As the men around him laughed and reminisced about the group event, Logan sat there furious. He knew it was stupid, but he felt something special for Cassie. Now, all he could think of is those eyes looking up at swollen members, ready to take their loads as soon as possible.
Phillip must have noticed his mood change. “Hey, dude,” he said as he clutched his arm gently. “It’s okay, man. She ain’t worth getting upset over.”
“Yeah man,” said Ricky. “She’s a fucking whore.” Logan hated to, but he was starting to believe what they were saying about her. What else would you call someone like that? Logan just sipped his beer and pretended be too stunned to talk. Occasionally, he would join in and tell them what a good lay she was, but it made him sick to his stomach that he would associate with someone like that so easily. When they were sufficiently drunk, Logan and Kevin bid farewell to their new friends and headed back to the dorm. The campus was very quiet at 2 AM, with only a few students walking around. Kevin was deep in conversation about something he was interested in, but Logan could think of one thing: he was determined to never let Cassie get too close to him again.
*****
Freshmen orientation week was so boring that it made Logan want to head to class. His only saving grace was football practice causing him to miss the early morning activities. Still, four hours of bullshit lectures about rules and regulations was enough to drive him up a wall.
Logan arrived at class a little earlier than expected. Since he knew he was not great in school, he made it a point to look good in front of the professor. Especially since this was going to be his toughest class: English. Specifically, world literature. His father used to joke and say that he should not struggle since he speaks the language, but Logan had barely passed any of his high school English classes. He found them incredibly boring and pointless and he knew this was going to be no different.
Logan posted himself in the middle of the lecture hall. Not so far away that he would get distracted, but close enough that he would probably never be called on to share his opinion. He wanted to get in and out as painlessly as possible. However, he soon realized that it was not going to be that easy.
He looked up at the door to see Cassie walking in. Logan was confused, since this was a freshmen level class. His immediate thought was that she was stalking him, but he completely wiped it from his mind. He watched her take a seat at a small desk to the side of the board and take out her laptop. She had large stereo headphones on and was gently bopping her head to the music as if nothing around her existed. He started to wonder if she had just entered the wrong classroom. Logan’s thoughts of Cassie vanished completely once the professor, Ms. McCoy, entered and started class.
“Good morning everyone,” she said. “Welcome to World Literature, I’m your professor, Ms. McCoy. To my right, here, is one of my most talented writers: Ms. Cassie Franklin. She is my teaching assistant this semester and she will be available to assist in your research papers that you will do over the course of the semester.”
Cassie looked up and waved politely at the class. With so many people, it was clear she did not see Logan, but he couldn’t help feeling nervous when she looked in his direction. However, his fears were irrational. What should he have to fear? It was her reputation that was at stake. Logan decided to sit back and try to focus on the task at hand. No sooner had he thought that, Cassie was handed a stack of syllabi for the class and was instructed to pass them out. Logan tried to slump in his chair as best he could as Cassie passed around the syllabi.
His heart beat faster as she got closer. The closer she approached, the better he saw her and began to think just how pretty she was this morning. When she arrived at his row, she passed down the papers and before moving glanced up and locked eyes with Logan. Time seemed to stand still for both of them. Logan felt himself hardly able to breathe until Cassie turned away and continued her job. It was incredible. Like the party, Cassie’s eyes seemed to have a hypnotizing effect on him. He could not help but get lost in her eyes. If she truly did act whorish and slutty, her eyes did not hurt in getting her any guy she wanted.
The class felt like an eternity. Logan could have sworn he saw Cassie staring at him from time to time. He also was getting a strange vibe from her body language. She looked almost on edge, but he knew that could not be. Everything he had been told about her made him think that she was not the type of person to feel uneasy about seeing someone she slept with formerly. When Ms. McCoy dismissed the class, he watched as Cassie darted from the room as quickly as she could. He did not know what was wrong with her, but now he knew that something didn’t quite add up about the story he had been told by Phillip.
Cassie slammed the stall door shut behind her as she began to breathe heavily. She knew that there was a chance she would see Logan again, but she did not think she would have to see him. Out of the four English professors teaching, he chose the one that happened to be her mentor.
Cassie felt sick to her stomach and was almost on the verge of tears. She couldn’t stay in that class with him staring at her the entire time. Perhaps he was trying to figure out if she would be down to have sex once again. It wasn’t uncommon. After the party her freshmen year, Cassie was hit up by every single frat brother of Nu Epsilon; asking her if she would like to come over and “smash”. It disgusted her and for a time she thought about leaving. But how could she admit to her parents that she had done such a stupid thing? So she stayed, haunted by the mistakes of one night.
Cassie closed her eyes tightly as she wished for her body to just disappear and she could be truly invisible. But that would never happen, and the mere thought of that made things even worse.
Every other day, Logan attended class and tried to pay attention to the lecture at hand. His mind, however, kept drifting back to Cassie, who kept track of the notes and graded papers while Ms. McCoy taught. Cassie avoided him constantly, even going so far as to “accidently” forget his paper on Ms. McCoy’s table.
When he wasn’t in class, he was at practice. The knowledge that he had bedded “Nasty Cassie” made him very popular with the football team. They kept saying how good a catch that was and asking all sorts of intimate details: how long did she suck him off? Did she ever give him a tit-job? What about anal? All of these questions made Logan uneasy, but he tried to answer as best he could.
He did not want to tarnish her reputation any more than what it already was, but part of him felt like he had no choice in the matter. These were his teammates and Nu Epsilon could help him with his future. It wasn’t right, but he convinced himself that this was how the world must work.
One day, in his dorm room while he was surfing the net, he stumbled on Cassie’s picture on a social media site. His heart felt heavier in his chest as he opened up her profile page and started to scroll through her pictures. Each picture was incredibly artistic and despite being classified as an English major, she most definitely could have found success being a photographer. Every once in a while, he managed to find a picture of her. It was equally as artistic, but with a hint of sadness. He did find one, however, with her smiling. She seemed to be at a coffee house with some friends. Her hair was as large and fluffy as the brothers of Nu Epsilon described. He realized that this was a picture before the infamous orgy. He stared at her a long while as Kevin approached behind him. Logan was startled when he finally felt Kevin’s presence over his shoulder.
“Jeeze, dude!” he cried.
“Oh, shut up,” replied Kevin. “What are you doing?”
Logan quickly attempted to close the window. “Nothing. Research!” But Kevin wasn’t buying it. He quickly grabbed Logan’s wrist before he could drag the mouse and exit out of the browser window when he saw her.
“Is that her?” he asked. Logan sighed and nodded sheepishly. Kevin smirked. “She’s cute.”
Logan rolled his eyes. “Whatever, man,” he said, offended.
Kevin frowned. “What did I say?” he asked.
Logan turned around and got in his face. “Look, just because you want the Nu Epsilon guys to like you more, doesn’t mean you have to join in making fun of her!” he cried.
Kevin looked at Logan in confusion. “All I said was she’s cute!” he said defensively. “What’s your deal?”
“My deal?” Logan asked. “My deal is that ever since I first got here, the only thing people seem to want to discuss is me having sex with some random girl who left me in a room after fucking me!”
Kevin’s eyebrows raised. “Wait,” he said. “What do you mean? She… she just had sex with you and then left?”
Logan nodded. “Everyone has been assuming that I left her alone up there, but that’s why I was looking for her at the party. Something was up so I wanted to make sure she was okay,” he said. “And now she won’t even look at me and I have no idea why.”
Kevin sat down on the bed and began to think deeply. “That doesn’t really add up,” he said. “I thought she was supposed to be miss party girl.”
Logan shook his head. “If you met her in a normal situation, that’s probably the last thing you’d think.”
“So why didn’t you say something?” asked Kevin. “You know, when everyone was asking for details.” Logan scoffed.
“Are you kidding me?” he asked. “I didn’t get here because of my brains like you did, Kevin. All my life, I’ve had to rely on my ability to be able to either charm or work around the system. I’m not throwing my future away at the very beginning just because I feel bad.”
Kevin sighed. “That seems a little cold, man,” he said as he went back to his own desk. “But it’s your decision. I’m not going to talk you out of anything.” Kevin turned around and looked at his roommate and friend. “Just know that you can talk to me if you need to.” Logan looked at Kevin surprised. It had only been two weeks since the semester started, but here was Kevin; willing to keep his secret. He already liked Kevin before, but he knew now that he truly had an ally in his roommate.
Kevin, however, did have a point. What Logan was doing was not right, and it demanded to be remedied. He didn’t need to confront his brothers of Nu Epsilon, but there was one person he knew that de
served to be spoken to.
*****
On Thursdays, Cassie was one of the tutors for the writing center, which was attached to the library. Her ability to be invisible seemed to work well, as no one wanted help from the black girl with the almost shaved head. She didn’t mind it, though. After the incident, Cassie was no longer interested in making new friends at school. She had a few acquaintances and a few people she would even study with, but Cassie was the very definition of a loner.
Her head bopped along to the music she was listening when suddenly she tapped on the shoulder. Cassie jumped in her seat and turned around to see the source of her new nightmare’s standing in front of her. Logan smiled awkwardly at her as she slowly lowered her headphones.
“Uhm, hi!” he said. “Remember me?” he asked. Cassie raised an eyebrow. Did he seriously just ask that question? How does one forget who they’ve slept with?!
“Yes,” she said. “Can I help you?”
Logan took in a deep breath. “Well, I was hoping I could see you again…” That struck a nerve. Cassie wanted so much to slap the hell out of him. Acting like they were strangers and that nothing happened between them was one thing, but for him to now hope to have sex was just insulting.
“Yeah, I don’t think that’s going to happen,” she snapped. “After all, I think we get our fill in class, don’t you?”
Logan’s face turned bright red. “Wait, you think…” Logan took a deep breath. If she wasn’t mad at him, she would have thought this little show was adorable. As it was, however, she found it incredibly annoying. “I’m not trying to ask you for…you know,” he said glancing over his shoulder as if he were in some spy movie. “I was hoping you could help me with my papers.”
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