by Greyson Mann
I knew that sticking around the house would mean bad news. Dad would want me to help clean up the garage. Mom would be on my case again about inviting Chloe to be a part of my talent show act.
So, somehow, I managed to pull a “Dad” and crept away. And I headed straight toward Sam’s house by the swamp.
I wanted to see Sam, but I ALSO wanted to get a look at his huge, new trampoline. See, now that Chloe was out of the talent show, Sam could be my biggest competition. And I had a better shot at winning if I knew what I was dealing with.
But when I got to Sam’s, there wasn’t a trampoline. Not even a little one. Instead, slimeballs were scattered all over the yard. Had Chloe visited Sam and done some not-very-strategic exploding here, too? What was going ON?
I think I said that out loud, and Sam actually answered me. From up in the air. In a tree.
When I looked up, I screamed. I’m not proud of that, but sitting right next to Sam on the tree limb was his cat, Moo.
Sam thinks Moo and I are great friends, but that slime is mistaken. The one and only time I slept over at Sam’s, I woke up with that cat on my head. I still haven’t recovered.
Anyway, I tried to ignore the cat and focus on the trampoline. I asked Sam where it was, and he just shrugged. He said he’d broken it all up and donated the slimeballs to charity.
HUH?
“Yeah,” he said. “Some spider jockeys came by looking for slimeballs. They said mobs in the Nether need more slime for Fire Resistance potion. Did you know that, Gerald? They asked if I had any to donate. Boy, did they sure come to the right house!”
Spider jockeys? Huh, imagine that.
So Bones had struck again. He’d sent his jocks to take advantage of Sam’s niceness. Sometimes I think Sam’s brain is as mushy as his heart. Good thing he has me looking out for him.
I told Sam that Bones had just pulled a number on him. But instead of getting mad, Sam said he was already working on his next act. And he had his very own assistant.
I shouldn’t have asked. But I did.
Next thing you know, Sam was showing me his cat-training act with his personal assistant, Moo. And that act was just about as dumb as it sounds.
I almost said so to Sam. But I didn’t want to rain on his cat parade.
Besides, I had my own act to think about. And with Sam’s giant trampoline out of the talent show, my act was looking better and better.
As I walked home, I started thinking. If I actually won the talent show, I might have Bones to thank for it. He’d already knocked out two of my toughest competitors.
But then I started to wonder something else. When was Bones going to come after me and MY act? Wasn’t he even a LITTLE worried about it? Was I just small potatoes, or what?
DAY 29: TUESDAY MORNING
I sure didn’t have to wait long to find out when Bones was coming for me.
Last night’s dress rehearsal was pretty much the worst night of my rapping career. I don’t even want to write about it, but I have to. Because once I get it down on paper, I can crumple it up and forget about it.
And forget about the talent show.
And forget about becoming a famous rapper.
EVER.
So here’s what happened.
I was on my way to the dress rehearsal. It was after school this morning, but I had to run home to change clothes so that Cate could do my makeup.
That meant I had to run BACK to school.
But halfway there, I realized I’d forgotten my music. In fact, I’d been so focused on my costume, I’d totally forgotten to make a playlist!
I had no choice—I had to steal Mom’s Zombie Zumba DVD. Thank Golem she was running laps around the house instead of working out in the living room.
Anyway, I was running late now because of my second trip back home. So I had to SPRINT all the way to school. And you know how I feel about sprinting.
Then I started sweating. When I wiped my forehead, I ended up smearing my makeup. And I started to itch. Badly.
But that wasn’t the worst of it.
All of a sudden, from out of nowhere, someone YANKED my backpack and stopped me in my tracks.
When I turned around, there was nobody there! I was dangling by my backpack, which was stuck to the tree, pierced by an arrow. A SKELETON’S arrow.
What happened next was a big, itchy blur.
Bones showed up with his buddies and dumped my backpack. Then Mom’s Zombie Zumba DVD—the music for my act—disappeared. I’m pretty sure I’ll never see that again.
I could tell you how my dress rehearsal went. But you can probably picture it already. A sweaty creeper with makeup running down his face tries to rap with NO music and a serious case of the itchies.
Complete and total disaster.
That’s what I told Willow Witch when I passed her on my way home from school. “You’re going to win the talent show for sure,” I told her. “Bones ruined everyone else’s act. So it’s just you and him now.”
But Willow said something that shut me right up. She said she wasn’t even DOING an act anymore!
“I dropped out weeks ago,” she said. “When you convinced Sam to do his own act. My potion-brewing act didn’t seem very fun without him.”
Well, she might as well have opened up a bottle and splashed a potion of Guilt in my face.
Turns out, Bones wasn’t the only one ruining people’s acts. I’d ruined one, too.
So, like I said, I’m pretty much done. With everything.
I’m going to take a shower and get this makeup off my itchy skin. Then I’m going to drown myself in apple cider vinegar. And then I’m going to bed.
DAY 29: TUESDAY MORNING (PART 2)
Yeah, so I thought I was going to bed. But I couldn’t sleep, even when I tried counting golems.
And sometimes writing in my notebook makes me feel better.
So I was sitting there, looking out the window and thinking about what to write. And do you know what I saw?
MOM.
She was dragging a TIRE around the yard. Chained to her waist. With Cammy riding on it like a sled in the Taiga.
What in the Overworld??? I ran out there to see what was going on.
Mom said she’d heard that you could use tires for exercise. She was huffing and puffing, and for the first time, I saw how STRONG she looked. I mean, that creeper looked TOUGH pulling that tire. Even if she WAS my mom!
So I started thinking about how creative she was to use that tire for exercise. And about how she says when life hands you moldy mushrooms, you should make mushroom stew.
I’d been handed a lot of moldy mushrooms lately, that’s for sure. But Sam and Chloe have, too. And even Willow.
So I decided right then and there that it was time for us all to make a little mushroom stew. Starting now.
Sure, the rest of the creeper world is going to sleep. But I’m wide awake. And I feel like running. No, I feel like SPRINTING. All the way to Sam’s house. So that’s what I’m going to do.
But first, I’ve got to go wake up my sister. Yeah, you know which one.
DAY 29: TUESDAY NIGHT
My friends and I worked ALL day on our talent show act. Not the trampoline act or the cannonball act or the walking-through-fire act. No, we came up with something new. Together.
I’m not saying it’s any good. I mean, Sam insisted on keeping his assistant, Moo. So there’s that. And I’m pretty sure this act isn’t going to launch my rapping career anytime soon.
But for some reason, I’m feeling pretty good about it.
Or, at least, I was. Until the doorbell rang right before dinner.
Well, I almost had a panic attack right there in the living room. Ziggy NEVER comes to my house. It was like I knew something bad was going to happen.
And it did.
Before I could step outside with him, he asked if I was ever going back to sprinting class. Because if I wasn’t, he wondered if he could borrow my running shoes.
He pointed
down at his own, which were full of holes. Boy, that zombie must have been tearing it up on the sprinting field lately.
Well, what was I supposed to say to that? My mom was standing right inside the door!
So I did what any sneaky creeper would do. I changed the subject. I told Ziggy I was happy to see him because I’d just put together a new talent show act, and I’d REALLY like him to be a part of it.
I knew he’d say NO. I’d already asked him once. But I figured I’d get points with Mom for being so friendly.
Well, imagine my surprise when Ziggy said YES. And then he invited me to go with him to scare villagers on Halloween night after the show.
“Halloween?” asked Mom.
Phew! It looked like changing the subject had paid off. But after Ziggy explained what Halloween was all about, Mom snapped right back to attention. She asked Ziggy—NOT me—how long it had been since I’d been at sprinting class.
A smarter kid might have had my back. But, like I’ve said, Ziggy isn’t the brightest zombie in the pit. He told Mom the truth. I hadn’t been at sprinting class in three whole weeks.
Well, Mom flipped right out. She said that if I didn’t have time for sprinting class, I didn’t have time for this talent show either.
I felt another panic attack coming on. But I tried to take a deep breath and think fast.
I figured that Ziggy got me into his mess, so he was going to get me out. I told Mom that Ziggy and my other friends were counting on me. If she punished me, it would hurt them, too.
Dad even backed me up on that. He said maybe we could talk about the sprinting thing AFTER the talent show. So if I hadn’t already forgiven him for the cannon thing, I pretty much did right then and there.
So I think the show’s still on. Except now I’ve got to find a way to work a zombie with a big mouth into our act. By tomorrow.
I’m so nervous and itchy, I think I might come right out of my skin. But I have to keep it together. Because what I said to Mom is true.
Even if I wanted to bail right now, I can’t. My friends are counting on me. We’re in this together now.
So here goes nothing.
DAY 30: WEDNESDAY
Remember Chloe’s cannon?
I feel like I just launched out of that thing and am flying high. I don’t think my feet are ever gonna touch the ground.
I wasn’t feeling that way BEFORE the talent show. No, I was a nervous wreck. But the first act to perform was Bones and his bony brothers. And you’ll never guess what song they played.
MY song. Well, it was Mom’s song first. Or maybe it belongs to the Zumba-loving zombies.
Yup, Bones stole my music. Sure, he played some drums, too. And there was a skeleton who laid some vocals over the top. And a jockey in the back who mixed it all up on his laptop.
But I’d know that song ANYWHERE. And when I heard it, I was FURIOUS. Like the blowing-up kind of mad, except I’m not that kind of creeper.
When it was our turn to go onstage, I stood up, ready to kick some spider jockey butt.
And to become invisible.
Yup, Willow came through for me, after all. She splashed me with that potion right before we went onstage.
So when I started rapping, I felt cool as a cucumber. I wasn’t nervous at all!
I opened the act with a little rap, and when Sam came onstage, I added some new lyrics. They came to me today, just like that. Funny how easy it is to write when you have your friends by your side.
Turns out, Sam’s cat-training act was a big hit. He gave commands like, “Moo, don’t roll over.”
And, of course, she didn’t. He tossed one of his slimeballs and said, “Moo, don’t fetch.” And she didn’t.
Well, the audience cracked right up. So Sam started laughing too—so hard that he started bouncing. Which made everyone laugh even more. See, Sam doesn’t need a trampoline. His talent is his cheerfulness. He always bounces back, that guy.
Then Chloe came out and did some strategic exploding. She was so good! And when her explosion triggered fireworks—MY fireworks—the crowd went crazy, just like I knew they would.
Willow used one of the fireworks to set her ring on fire, and with her potion of Fire Resistance, she walked right through those flames. I think I’m finally starting to understand what Sam sees in her. She’s all right—I mean, for a witch. And a girl.
And Ziggy? Well, it turns out that the guy has rhythm after all. He did hip-hop moves while I rapped. I think behind his rotten green flesh, that zombie might be hiding a whole lot of potential.
As I was finishing up my rap, I realized something. Mobs in the front row were actually STARING at me. Which would be tough to do if I were still invisible. Which meant …
I was no longer invisible.
The potion had worn off! But I didn’t even care. My friends and I rapped the last verse together. And then we took a bow.
So, before I write anything else, I should tell you right here and now that we did NOT win the talent show. Nope. We took second place, and Bones and his band took first.
Now, maybe I would have been upset about that if the show’s “very important guest” had actually been a talent scout or a famous rapper like Kid Z. But it wasn’t.
You know who the guest of honor was? Ms. Wanda. Our old art teacher with the broken foot.
Bones didn’t look all that thrilled when she hobbled onstage to give him his trophy—and a sloppy kiss on his bony cheek.
So after that, I was really okay not winning first place. I felt like a winner anyway. Especially after the show when I happened to walk by Bones and heard him humming a catchy little rap. MY rap, in fact.
Boy, did I bust his bony butt. I smiled wide and said, “Whatcha humming there, Bones?”
I don’t even think he knew he’d been doing it. But he shut right up, and his gaping eye sockets got even wider. And then he kind of waved his lame trophy in my face and scurried away.
But I think we both knew who’d won that battle.
So I guess my 30-Day Plan to win the talent show kind of paid off. Not the way I’d planned it exactly. But …
… maybe even better.
DAY 31: THURSDAY
I didn’t think there’d be a Day 31 in this plan, but I have to tell you what’s happened since the talent show.
First, I didn’t get in trouble for skipping sprinting class. Why? Because when I got home from the talent show, Mom was lying flat on her back on the couch. I guess she overdid it lugging that heavy tire around the other day, and now her back is killing her.
Now don’t get me wrong. That’s NOT a good thing. But when Dad asked if she wanted to talk about the sprinting class situation, she waved us away and mumbled something about exercise not being “all it’s cracked up to be.” So maybe I won’t get grounded after all. And hopefully Mom won’t be looking for her Zombie Zumba DVD anytime soon either.
Then Dad said I could go spook villagers with Ziggy. Chloe, Sam, and Willow came, too. And guess what? We fit right in with those villager kids in their Halloween “skins.”
They were dressed like witches, skeletons, and zombies. And I even saw a kid wearing a CREEPER skin like me.
Anyway, this one villager dressed like a witch stopped me and asked what I was “supposed to be.” When Ziggy said I was a famous creeper rapper, she looked pretty impressed. She even asked me to autograph her trick-or-treat bag.
When I started my 30-Day Plan a month ago, I thought I’d be so famous right now, witches would be begging for my autograph. So I guess I was kind of right about that!
I mean, I’m not selling T-shirts with my picture on them yet. But, hey, a creeper’s gotta start somewhere.
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