by L. E. Bross
I stared at his hand long after she was gone. Just like that, nothing remained. So final. Permanent.
Darkness and Light. Balance. Alcaria may be the light he spoke of, but we both knew that I was not. I would upset that balance, I'd make more of what I just witnessed happen again. I was not just Light.
“I want to go home,” I said.
“Meri, please…we can go to Evelina, she can fix this...”
“You promised!” I couldn't take anymore death. Whether by my own hands or not. “I saw what you wanted me to see and I don't want it. I can't help you. Let me leave.”
Panic quickly overloaded my senses, and it felt like I was confined in a tiny closet trying to get out before I went insane. I just wanted to go back. I felt the tendrils of a new kind of darkness creeping along the edge of my mind. You can make him take you. My fingers twitched, and Kalian's eyes widened.
He took a step back.
The predator in me roared, and it took everything I had to remain still. I had to get out of here.
“Just take me home,” I ground out, the rein on my control slipping with each breath. Before I do something we’ll both regret.
“I can’t keep you safe out there,” Kalian all but shouted.
“But I can,” a familiar voice said.
The darkness fled and in an instant relief, so sweet I almost choked, flooded my body.
“Torin.”
He stood looking different but so familiar that I almost wept. Before I could take a breath I was there, across the clearing and in his arms. He was warm and solid and alive.
“You're okay,” I breathed against his neck.
His arms wrapped around me, and he pulled me tight against his chest. Words danced over my lips, everything I needed to tell him, but not here. Not when I’d been so close to doing irreversible damage.
“Take me home. Please.” I buried my face against his chest.
“You are home,” Kalian argued, though the determination in his voice had dimmed.
I turned in Torin's arms, brave in the safety of his embrace. “You saw what happened. I'm not what you need to save your kingdom, Kalian. You need someone good…” My voice broke and Torin tightened his hold on me. “You need someone who can heal and I can only hurt.”
“That's not true,” Kalian argued, but I could see the hesitation in his eyes. He struggled to reconcile what he'd seen with what Alcaria needed. “We just need to figure out…”
“No. I'm going home, to the only place where I belong.”
“I can't protect you out there,” Kalian said.
“I promised I'd always keep her safe,” Torin said. “And I can do it.” The touch of cockiness made me smile against his skin. Always so confidant. So strong. So mine.
“Safe.” Kalian snorted. “By keeping her from her real home.”
“Yes,” Torin said. “To keep her alive I did as she requested. You're responsible for all this, not me. You came and put her in mortal danger, Kalian.”
Kalian's fists clenched at his sides and his blue eyes blazed, but he made no move toward Torin.
“You turn to stone at every daybreak. Did you think you could come into the human world, turn her back and then leave her to the mercy of those after her throne?” Torin sneered. “And even here, if you stay too long, you will become like everyone else in Alcaria. How would you protect her then?”
A dull red tinged Kalian's cheeks and his fingers curled into tighter fists. He took one step forward before he stopped himself. A snark curled his lip upward. “It's not your concern, Elf.”
“It damned well is when Meri's life is in danger. Clearly you didn't think this through.”
“It's almost Midsummer's Eve! But then you'd love it if Alcaria fell into Dark hands, wouldn't you, Prince? Your side would have the advantage, the control. Taking her back would ensure that, so it's not as noble a gesture as she thinks it is. This is for your own benefit, Torin, your own Dark Court will be that much stronger.”
“You know nothing, Guard. I've been in the human world more than my own kingdom.”
“You've come back enough to know what's happening. You still sit on your throne and you've led your people against the Summer Court time and time again. You are the enemy here.”
Torin growled. “I am the only ally Meri has and would lay down my life to protect her, as would you.”
Warmth filled my chest. Knowing that Torin couldn't lie made everything he'd ever said to me that much more important. My life had been filled with endless lies from my mother, my teachers, social workers, but I had one person who really did believe in me. Not the Princess version of me, but the me who was broken and hopeless.
I stepped back and pulled Torin's arms around my waist, holding them tight against my stomach. His front to my back. The heat from his body securing our connection. He pressed his hand flat against my stomach, the familiar gesture making Kalian glare.
“Torin is the only person in my life that I trust completely. He has been there for me, protected me and made me feel safe. And, I'm not what you need, what Alcaria needs. I'm sorry.”
I still felt the remains of the life I had stolen from the earth, and the worst part was that I liked it. I liked the power that filled my veins and pushed away the pain. What if it happened again? What if I didn't stop? I couldn't destroy this place before I knew what I was doing.
Kalian started to argue but I held up my hand. “You saw what happened.”
“There's an explanation…”
“Find someone else. I can't be her.”
I slid from Torin's embrace and turned. His eyes were luminescent and I lost myself in them. He'd always been attractive, but now that I could see him, the real him, I never wanted to look away. His gaze softened and he cupped my cheek. This was my truth, this was what I knew.
“Will you take me home?”
His gaze dropped from mine, slashed over my shoulder even as his jaw went rigid.
“The Guard is right, it's not safe for you back in New York, not yet. But I can take you to my home. And if you really want to go back and live in the human realm, I will find someone to teach you how to hide yourself, how to disappear. No one will care much after Midsummer's Eve and you would be able to live as you wish.”
“You can't just abandon your kingdom,” Kalian shouted.
“It's not my kingdom,” I shouted back. My wings reacted to the agitation and fluttered around me so hard that I knocked Torin back several steps. “See. I just want this all to go away.”
We were at a standstill, the three of us. If I knew how to get back on my own I'd have left both of them there, glaring at each other. Once again I didn't have a choice and I could feel the tension coiling in my stomach. Torin must have seen something in my eyes, because he reached out and took my hand.
I was able to exhale.
“If I take you back to get your things, will you come back here with me, away from Alcaria, but here in this realm until we can figure out how to give you what you want permanently. You'll be safe in my Courts and can have time to decide what you want. No one else will make your choice, Mer, I promise.”
I searched his eyes and saw only truth.
“I promise.” His whispered words were like a balm to my agitated soul. Finally my wings stopped their frantic fluttering and settled.
“I'm coming too.” Kalian drew up to stand at his full height.
“It's almost daybreak,” Torin pointed out. “You'll be of no use to her.”
Torin led us and in minutes, we were at the gate. Kalian insisted on passing through first, in case something lay waiting for us. He returned a moment later and nodded, though his face was pulled tight and filled with tension.
“Are you sure you won't wait. Only a few hours and I'll be able to watch over you as well.”
“I'll be back long before dusk and I won't have you frozen there.”
His shoulders dropped and his wings dragged on the ground. I could feel the hopelessness radiating from hi
m. I wanted to reach out and promise him that it would be okay, be I couldn't. Not after the things I'd done.
“I'll cloak her, she'll be fine.” Torin wrapped his fingers around mine and guided me toward the spot that shimmered in the sunlight. The gateway. Kalian made a noise of protest behind us, but Torin stepped through and I followed.
We were back at the arch.
Back in New York.
Home.
But that word didn’t feel right anymore.
Chapter 10
It had only been seconds, yet I already missed the warmth of the fey realm.
I shivered and heat rushed over my skin. When I looked down, I had on ripped jeans and my favorite sweatshirt. Somehow I was even wearing my boots.
“Glamour,” Torin said with a wink. “There are some perks to this too.”
He looked the same as before now, faded jeans and a tight t-shirt that made my mouth water, despite the circumstances.
“How?”
A grin turned his lips up. “There will be plenty of time to teach you all the tricks, Mer. Come on, even though I've hidden us, you're still vulnerable here. It's a hasty cloak. I can't risk using too much magic or it will alert every lone fey in the city. And anything worth its wings will see you coming a mile away anyway. You shine way too bright.”
The corner of his mouth turned up in a half smile when he said that. I loved the way his eyes softened when he looked at me. I made Torin ride the train back. He kept insisting that we would be much faster by foot, but I needed that tiny bit of normalcy, something to cling to. He grumbled about hoping there were no trolls in the tunnels, but followed me on. He even paid.
After we settled on the bench at the end of the car, I slid my hand into his and squeezed. Then I looked around and almost fell off my seat. They were all around us. All kinds of weird creatures I had never noticed before. Some even carried briefcases and had on suits, but there was no mistaking the horns or snouts or ears.
They largely ignored each other, but I saw a few glances thrown at me in a way that made me wonder if they could see me. Really see me. Torin slid closer and his body tensed. I guess he noticed it too. Maybe his idea had been a better one. Locked up in this tiny steel shell left very few options for escape.
When the train jostled to our stop, he pulled me from the car on a dead run. We burst above ground and the sunlight blinded me for a second. Torin stopped suddenly and his fingers tightened around mine. My neck prickled, but I refused to look back, terrified by what I might see there.
Besides, I was too speechless by what I saw above ground.
It wasn't the buildings that made me look twice, they were as dirty and run down as always. It was the sheer number of fey that co-mingled with the humans around us.
I wouldn't have thought South Bronx would be where they would choose to go. I mean, if they were going to be out here in the human world, you'd think they would go for a Penthouse Suite on Fifth or something. I clung to Torin's arm as we quickly walked the two blocks to our building. My attention caught on the steps where the guy who always shouted at me sat. He was one of them. Or more specifically, one of us.
He was a faery, that much was obvious by the sharp features and lithe body. But he was mangy looking, his hair limp and greasy and his clothing were in tatters. Much worse than any I had ever had to wear. He took a swig from a bottle and leered at me, missing more teeth than he had left.
I cringed back against Torin.
“What's wrong with him?” I whispered.
“He is Solitary. The ones who are not granted access to Outskirts. Be very leery of them—they would just as soon slit your throat as ignore you. There are good reasons why they have been banished are not allowed to live among their own kind.”
I’d seen the tiny fairy ripped to shreds, and if that wasn’t bad behavior, I wasn’t sure I wanted to know what would exile anything to our world.
Chills washed over my arms when an enormous ogre stumbled from a dark alleyway, a bag of trash gripped in his fingers. Bloodshot eyes blinked against the sunlight as sharp teeth tore through the flimsy plastic and he ate the contents. I fought back the urge to vomit when the stench of week-old trash filled my nose.
No one around us, fey or human, even blinked.
Torin hurried me past and soon we stood in front of the steps to our building. My mind reeled at everything around me. I’d been living among all these creatures for years and never even knew it. How? How could I have missed them, when it was so obvious now?
It came as no surprise that the two children who always sat on the third step of my building were not really children at all. Two very unkempt boggarts sat in despondent silence, puffing on cigarettes and mumbling to themselves. I wondered why they had chosen to disguise themselves as children, but before I could think to ask, their heads snapped up and they looked over my shoulder.
Terror filled their faces and they jumped up and darted inside. In fact, all the fey creatures had suddenly disappeared in the blink of an eye. The only movement on the street came from the few humans who went about their business in abject ignorance.
Torin's body went rigid beside me, and I started to ask what was wrong. Then I heard it. The panting. Coming from behind us and getting closer by the second. My wings twitched to life when the unmistakable scent of fetid breath filled the air around us.
“Shit, a Troll must have scented you. Run Mer!”
Terror fueled my legs, and I propelled up the steps just as the thing lunged. I felt the brush of its claws against the tips of my wings and shuddered at the jolt of revulsion that shot through me. Everything blurred as we raced up the stairs faster, flight after flight we climbed higher. I could hear the grunts of our pursuer, the sound echoing around us until I thought I would explode.
The thing behind us was quicker than I would have thought a troll to be. I could feel it breathing down my neck, but I heeded Torin's words and didn't look back. We burst onto our floor and darted down the deserted hallway. Thankfully we were faster.
Several feet before we reached it, the door to his apartment flew inward and he threw me through the opening. I tripped over the mattress on the floor and tumbled over myself, landing in a tangle of limbs and wings against the far wall.
Torin slammed the door shut and waved his hand over the knob. I heard the locks sliding into place just as the door shook from the impact of something huge hitting it. The snarls of frustration echoed from the other side.
“We're safe for the moment,” Torin said. “I cloaked this room and your scent. That thing will give up before too long. It thinks we've disappeared.”
“That was a troll?” I asked.
My heart still tried to climb out of my throat and I swallowed several times to coax it back where it belonged. How could Torin possibly be so calm after that near escape?
“A Troll Scout,” he said. He tilted his head and listened, then his body relaxed. “It's gone. They don't stick around if they can't smell what they're looking for.”
“I thought Trolls were clumsy and slow?” I gasped, still trying to catch my breath.
He waved dismissively. “They're fast as hell and just as violent, but stupid, thank the fey. Whoever sent it thought you could be caught before getting inside safely. Which means they know you're here.”
He sighed and laced his fingers behind his head, pacing back and forth in the small room.
“So what now?” I asked.
He made a few more turns then stopped. His face was pinched, his shoulders tense.
“Now you stay. I need to take care of a couple of things. You'll be safe, but do not leave the room, Mer. This place is cloaked, but if you step outside this space, they will know it within minutes. I'll be back soon, then we can go away and nothing will bother you again.”
“Wait, you're leaving me here? But what if you don't come back?” Panic made my voice sound a little like Minnie Mouse. I didn't want to be alone with a monster right outside the door, no matter how safe he said
I was. And he might have escaped the Hounds before, but what if he wasn’t so lucky this time.
He stepped into me, and my arms wound around his waist.
“I won't be too long. I need to…finish a few things,” he whispered, his breath hot against my ear. I wanted him to stay right there with me and gripped him tighter. “I promise I’ll be back very soon and I swear you’re safe as long as you stay inside. Can you do that for me?”
How many times had I been by myself. Why was now any different? The wolves at the door might be wearing different skin, but I could deal with it. I pressed my lips to his, letting the familiar feeling of safety fill me enough to last.
“Don’t take too long.”
With another peck, he nodded. I watched him open the door, look around then close it. I was alone. I tried to tell the fear rising inside me that he didn't leave me here forever. He’d left his jacket slung over the back of a chair and I grabbed it, let his scent fill my lungs until my breathing was less ragged. He would come back.
I scooted close to the wall and leaned back so I could slide down, tucking my knees to my chest. My wings spread out and wrapped around me, a small sense of security in this now fucked up world. Funny how just a day ago I had cursed these things on my back, but now, they were a natural part of me. Like they had been there forever.
I guess technically they had been, I just didn’t know it.
Hours passed as I sat in silence, fighting with my brain to remember anything about my life from before. As the daylight faded outside the window, I grew more and more uneasy. How long did I give Torin before I was allowed to start worrying? I let my head fall onto my arms and closed my eyes.
Exhaustion pulled me under, and for a few blissful hours, I slept without worry.
When I woke, the sky outside the window was black. The apartment was eerily quiet. Torin still had not returned. What were my options? The only other person who claimed to be able to protect me was...wait, it was night. Kalian would be in his gargoyle form. He’d be on the roof right?
Could I get up there before one of the beasts waiting would tear me apart?
