“Both?” she offered as they sat on a bench.
“Yeah, both.” He let out a sigh as his chest let go of the pressure that had been building over the past hour. “I can’t forget their faces.”
“I’m sorry.” She didn’t say more. He didn’t want more. He didn’t need to hear that someday he would forget, or that it would get easier. Maybe he didn’t want either of those things to happen. Those soldiers who died didn’t need to be forgotten. His life shouldn’t get easier.
The woman sitting next to him gave a quiet, calm assurance with her very presence. He hadn’t had a lot of calm in his life the past few years. He’d been happy. He’d kept busy. But calm? Not so much. He hadn’t thought too much about it until lately, when she was at his side.
“I don’t want to think about how God was okay with all those men dying,” he admitted.
“I know. I don’t blame you.”
“Would you stop being so easy to get along with?” He lifted her hand to his lips and held it there as he closed his eyes, thinking about how guilty he felt when he slept through the night without nightmares.
“One of us has to be easy to get along with,” she said.
“Right.”
He pulled her close to his side and held her, just held her.
“I don’t think God was okay with those guys dying,” she whispered against his shoulder. “I think He isn’t okay with the pain it causes you. But I also think that those men were blessed to have you there with them.”
The words poured over him like a balm, simple truths that were exactly what he’d needed someone to say. He held her a little tighter and realized he could get used to having this woman in his life.
It was something he’d never imagined, a woman in his life, a child that looked like him.
They were dangerous thoughts.
Chapter Seven
They sat together for a while on the dock, until a family spilled out of a van and headed down the ramp with coolers and fishing poles.
“Jake decided to take over cooking duty today,” Duke said as he stood, reaching for her hand. “Burgers on the grill. If we go back now, we’ll be in time for lunch and miss out on the work.”
“Sounds like a plan.” Oregon tossed him his keys. “I can’t take you white-knuckling the door handle all the way home, so you’d better drive.”
“You saw that?” He grinned, and she felt her heart shudder, half apprehension and half something else she didn’t want to acknowledge.
“I saw it.” She let him open the passenger door for her. “I didn’t do that bad.”
“Yeah, you did.”
As he drove she pretended it was just another Sunday, and that they weren’t heading for danger. After all, he was just supposed to be Lilly’s safety net. He wasn’t meant to be Oregon’s. She definitely wasn’t meant to be his. But she’d crossed a line, following him out of the church.
She just hadn’t been able to let him leave alone. Not with that tortured look in his eyes.
“I wasn’t going to fall apart,” he said as they got close to the Circle M.
She glanced his way, surprised by the abrupt comment and the defensive tone.
“I know you weren’t.”
He didn’t look at her, continuing to watch the road, his jaw tightening a little. Unsure wasn’t something Duke Martin was used to feeling. He probably faced every situation with a certain amount of courage and certainty because of his size and his overwhelming confidence. Sometimes known as ego. She laughed to herself at the thought.
“I heard that.”
She stared at the passing scenery. “I didn’t say anything.”
“You laughed.”
“I chuckled. There’s a difference. And I wasn’t laughing at you. Maybe at your ego, but not at you.”
“Thanks. That’s great for my self-esteem.”
“You don’t have a self-esteem issue.”
He slowed down to pull into the Circle M drive. “No, I don’t. But I guess I do have some issues.”
That was all he said. She waited, but he didn’t say more. As they got closer to Jake and Breezy’s, she asked, “And they are?”
“Oh, you want to know my issues?”
“Yes, I do.”
He reached over to turn down the radio. “I’m not very trusting. I haven’t ever had a long-term relationship. I always told myself I got that from Sylvia Martin, aka Mom. I never thought I’d have kids because I didn’t want to ever let a kid down. Now I think I’d like a few because if they’re all like Lilly, that would be pretty amazing.”
She didn’t know what to say. “She is amazing. But you know, all kids are different. And you would need to get married to have more kids.”
“Right, of course. I’ve been thinking about that.”
No, not the marriage discussion. Not now. “I didn’t realize it until now, but I’m starving.”
“Change the subject much?”
Duke stopped the truck, and she jumped out. Before she could head for the house, he caught up with her. There was a look in his eyes that said she’d better beware. This was probably how David felt when he confronted Goliath. No, David had been confident. He’d known from the beginning that he could conquer his fears and the giant.
But the giant Oregon needed to conquer wasn’t the man standing in front of her. She had other giants she needed to reserve her faith for. This man was just a distraction. A tall, devastatingly handsome distraction.
“I’m too big to brush under a rug, Oregon.” He grinned. “I can’t be ignored. I can’t be outrun.”
“Of course you can’t.”
He placed a sweetly chaste kiss on her lips and then backed away, just inches. “See, that wasn’t so bad.”
“Ewww, gross.”
He laughed, and Oregon spun around to face her daughter. Before she could explain, Lilly waved her off.
“Breezy said to tell you two that lunch is ready, and the twins are hungry. And hungry twins are not a good thing.”
“No, they’re not.” Duke hugged Lilly. “Let’s see if we can help.”
Lilly looked from Oregon to Duke. She looked up at the man who was her dad, acceptance written on her face. Oregon’s heart eased because the look spoke of forgiveness, of getting past the anger.
Oregon followed the two of them up the front walk, her heart slowly returning to normal. She’d always known it wouldn’t be easy to come here, to allow Duke in her daughter’s life. But now she saw how wrong she’d been. She didn’t have to fear him in her daughter’s life. She had to fear him in her life.
She found Breezy in the kitchen. The twins were sitting in matching high chairs. The toddlers were almost identical, with dark hair and blue eyes. Rosie had always been the more vocal of the two. These days Violet seemed to be trying to catch up. When Oregon kissed Rosie on the cheek, Violet said, “Aunt Oregon.”
“Oh, no.” Oregon glanced at Breezy to see if she was guilty.
“Don’t look at me. That’s Brody’s doing,” Breezy said. “He’s been printing wedding invitations. Something to the effect of ‘Lilly Martin would like to invite you to the wedding of her parents’.”
“I’ll have to hurt him,” Oregon muttered as she kissed the twins, then rounded the counter to where Breezy was cutting up some herbs. “Anything I can do?”
“There isn’t much left to do. Marty has the day off, but she left a salad and potato salad in the fridge. I’m just fixing up some ranch dressing.” Breezy handed her a knife. “Slice tomatoes for the burgers?”
“I can do that.”
Ten minutes later they were all at the table, hands held as Jake asked the blessing on the food. Duke sat across from her, and Brody sat next to him. As the food was passed around, Brody cleared his throat.
“What?” he asked as he squeezed ketchup on his burger.
“Not funny, I think is what she wants to say.” Duke grabbed the ketchup from his younger brother. “I think if you’re working, you’ll have less time to scheme.”
“No scheming going on here.” Brody started to eat.
Duke wasn’t giving up. Oregon could see it in his eyes. He’d gone from teasing to serious.
“Maybe tomorrow instead of lounging around the house like you’re retired at twenty-six, you ought to try helping out around here. We’ve got to get the hay cut and baled before that rain hits next week. And if that doesn’t keep you busy, I’ve got a couple of geldings that we need to start working so we can put them on the website for sale.”
“I’d love to help you out, but I’ve got an appointment in Austin.”
“Is your appointment going to take all week?” Jake asked.
“Nope,” Brody answered.
Oregon handed Violet a small piece of hamburger, which the little girl chomped down in three seconds flat. It was easier to handle a two-year-old than the conversation going on around them. Next to her, Lilly watched with rapt attention.
Brody finished his burger and sat back in his chair. “The invitations were a joke.”
“I’m not laughing,” Duke said calmly as he piled a second helping of salad on his plate.
Brody downed a glass of tea and pushed his chair away from the table. “Maybe you should laugh.”
“Brody, is there something...” Breezy started. Brody cut her off with an easy look, but that look didn’t quite reach his eyes.
“It’s nothing, Breeze. I’ve got stuff to take care of.”
“You wouldn’t be going to have that knee checked tomorrow, would you?” Jake asked.
“Sure, that’s what I’m doing.”
“Need me to come along?” Jake asked as Brody headed for the door.
“Nope.”
“You aren’t looking for Sylvia, are you?” Duke asked.
Brody shot Duke a look. “Does it matter? It isn’t like she wants to be found. Besides, she knows where we live.”
“Yeah,” Duke said. “She knows.”
Next to Oregon, Lilly moved from her chair. As Brody limped away, Lilly asked to be excused and went after him. Oregon heard her call him Uncle Brody, asking him to wait up.
“We should just give him space, stop cornering him,” Duke said.
“Yeah, I would agree if I wasn’t worried about him.” Jake tossed his napkin on the table. “Eventually he’s going to have to tell us what’s going on.”
Breezy cleared her throat. “We have company, and I’m pretty sure one of you just said you should give him space. He’s probably taking a walk, and Lilly is hobbling along behind him, talking his ear off and making him forget his troubles. Brody isn’t a little boy who needs to be fixed. He’s a grown man who’s working through something in his life.”
Duke and Jake remained in their seats. They gave each other a look, then went back to eating. Silence hung over the table, broken only by the occasional jabbering of the twins. Oregon wondered what it had been like in this home before Breezy came along. She knew their past had been rocky. As kids, the Martins had worked hard to keep the ranch going while they basically raised themselves. Oregon had heard the stories. Ten years ago they’d shipped their youngest sister, Samantha, off to boarding school to keep her from forming an attachment to a ranch hand. It seemed that they had a tendency to plow forward into any situation, hoping for the best.
And Oregon didn’t want Duke plowing his way into her life and taking control. Somehow she’d have to make that clear to him. He was in her life for one reason, because Lilly needed him. Oregon didn’t. She’d have to make the boundaries clear.
For them both.
* * *
Duke drove Oregon and Lilly down to the cottage. Lunch together had made him realize something. They were a family. A broken one, he guessed, but a family nonetheless. She was a mom. He was a dad. Lilly was their daughter.
So how did they work it out for the best? It was something they’d have to discuss. When they reached the cottage, Lilly took off for the barn and the horses that were gathered at the fence. It hadn’t taken his animals long to figure out that she would give them attention. And probably an apple or two.
“She’s a great kid, Oregon.” He started with that. It was a simple, nonthreatening statement.
She looked up at him but kept walking, her skirt swishing around her ankles, silver hoop earrings jangling. She was tiny enough he could just scoop her up and carry her where he wanted. He grinned at the thought, because he knew if he tried any such thing, she’d fight like a wildcat.
“I’m going to make coffee.” She tossed the comment back at him. It wasn’t an invitation. But at least she wasn’t telling him to take a hike.
He followed Oregon inside. The house no longer felt like the place he’d lived for over six months. It didn’t smell like bacon and leather. Today it smelled like spring, and like Oregon. Soft, feminine, easy to hold.
He shook his head, amazed by that thought. Half afraid of it. He glanced out the window at the girl on crutches leaning over the fence, petting the chestnut gelding he planned on giving her.
He understood that the idea of sharing her daughter didn’t sit well with Oregon. He was a bachelor who hadn’t given a second thought to the woman he’d met years ago.
But he was determined to make things right. Oregon filled the coffeepot with water and measured coffee into the filter basket. He studied the room, noticing the changes she’d made, the small things that were all Oregon. The scented candle on the counter, lace curtains over the window, a bouquet of flowers on the kitchen table.
He returned his attention to Oregon. She stood at the window, shoulders hunched forward, a hand to her eyes. The gesture propelled him in her direction. He didn’t know what to say, so he stood behind her, wrapping his arms around her to pull her against his chest. At first she resisted, but then she softened in his arms. He bent to kiss the top of her head, and he watched out the window as she had.
Lilly stood at the fence, hugging the chestnut gelding. The sun touched her dark hair, touched the red-gold of the horse. The dogs were nearby, stretched out on the grass. This kid belonged here. Belonged to him. His heart filled up with love and pride for his daughter.
And the woman in his arms.
He dropped a kiss on the top of Oregon’s head. “She’s going to be okay.”
“I know she is.” She sobbed, and he felt a shudder go through her. “I want to know that if something should happen to me, you’ll take care of her. We need to go to a lawyer and make sure she is legally yours.”
He’d planned to talk about his rights and the fact that he should help support them financially. Eventually. But this was a little more serious than what he’d planned on saying right now. He stood there for a minute, still holding Oregon, her strawberry-scented hair teasing his senses, and his heart feeling like someone had just set a trap for him to fall into.
His marriage proposal that day in the hospital had been rash, and he hadn’t really thought things through. Hadn’t really thought about how it would make them a couple.
“Of course I’ll be here for her. But I don’t think we need to expect the worst.”
“You never know, Duke. None of us are guaranteed tomorrow.”
“No, I guess you’re right.” He struggled against the unsettled feeling her words evoked.
She broke away from him and leaned back against the counter to look up at him. With a trembling hand, she brushed a strand of hair from her eyes. “I’m sorry, Duke. I know that you know way too much about live
s lost too soon. I just need to know that you’re ready to be a dad. I don’t want Lilly to have a part-time father. I want her to have the real thing, because it matters.”
“I know it does. But I’m not going anywhere. Neither are you, for that matter. I want time with Lilly. I want to teach her to ride, and someday teach her to drive. I want to scare those boys that try to date her. I want to be there when she gets married. And I’m pretty sure I owe you some support.”
She swiped at the tears streaming down her cheeks. He pulled a tissue from the box on the counter and pushed it into her hand. She thanked him and wiped her eyes.
“I’m sorry I waited so long to tell you. I planned it out, knew what had to be said, and then didn’t know how to do it. I just...didn’t want her to go through what I did as a kid.”
“Don’t worry. I’m not walking out on her. And I hope you’re not leaving town with her.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“Now maybe we could discuss that horse out there she’s petting.”
That distracted her from the thoughts that were putting those tears in her eyes. She glared at him. “What have you done?”
“I bought my kid her first pony. Well, not really a pony.”
“Duke, you know how I feel about this.”
He shrugged it off. “Yeah, I know you want her to earn the money. Don’t worry. She’ll have to continue to earn the horse by doing chores.”
“And you get to be the hero.”
“No, we’ll both be the hero. Let’s do this together, Oregon. Let’s give our kid a horse. We’ll make the rules together. That’s how we’ll parent her. Together. If that’s acceptable to you. If not, we’ll do something else.”
It took a minute but she finally nodded, agreeing to his plan. “Okay, we’ll let her work for the horse you’ve bought. But next time, we talk before you make the decision to buy.”
“Next time I talk to you before, not after.”
Her smile returned, lighting up her gray eyes and doing something to his heart. “You’re going to be a good dad, Duke.”
The Rancher Takes a Bride Page 7
