"Not now," the Geek snarled, nervously playing with his program. "I'm too busy worrying."
"I'll give it a try, hot stuff," Massha volunteered from my other side. "Maybe I can say it in less technical jargon than our friend here."
"I'd appreciate it," I admitted.
That got me a black look from the Geek, but Massha was already into it.
"First, you've got to understand that for the most part, bookies aren't betting their own money. They're acting as agents or go-betweens for people who are betting different sides of the same contest. Ideally, the money bet on each side evens out, so the bookie himself doesn't have any of his own money riding on the contest."
"Then how do they make their money?"
"Sometimes off a percentage, sometimes… but that's another story. What we're talking about is odds. Okay?"
"I guess so," I shrugged.
"Now, the situation I described is the ideal. It assumes the teams or fighters or whatever are evenly matched. That way, some people bet one side, some the other, but overall it evens out. That's even odds or l-l."
She shifted her weight a bit, ignoring the glares from our fellow patrons when the entire row of seats wobbled in response.
"But suppose things were different. What if, instead of an even match, one side had an advantage… like say if Badaxe were going to fight King Rodrick?"
"That's easy," I smiled. "Nobody would bet on the King."
"Precisely," Massha nodded. "Then everybody would bet one side, and the bookies would have to cover all the bets with their own money… bets they stood a good chance of losing."
"So they don't take any bets."
"No. They rig things so that people will bet on the king."
I cocked an eyebrow at her.
"They could try, but I sure wouldn't throw my gold away like that. I'd back Badaxe."
"Really?" Massha smiled. "What if, instead of betting one gold piece to win one gold piece, you had to bet ten gold pieces on Badaxe to win one back?"
"Well…"
"Let me make it a little harder. How about if you bet one gold piece on the King, and he won, that instead of getting one gold piece back, you got a hundred?"
"I… um … might take a long shot on the King," I said, hesitantly. "There's always a chance he could get lucky. Besides, if I lose, I'm only out one gold piece."
"… And that's how bookies use odds to cover themselves. Now, how they figure out how many bets they need on the King at 'x' odds to cover the bets they have on Badaxe at 'y' odds is beyond me."
I looked at the Deveel next to me with new respect.
"Gee, Geek. I never really realized how complicated your work is."
The Deveel softened a bit. They're as susceptible to flattery as anyone else.
"Actually, it's even more complicated than that," he admitted modestly. "You've got to keep track of several contests at once, sometimes even use the long bets from one to cover the short bets on another. Then there are side bets, like who will score how often in which period in the Big Game. It isn't easy, but a sharp being can make a living at it."
"So what are the odds tonight?"
The Deveel grimaced.
"Lousy. It's one of those Badaxe and the King matchups, if I was following your example right. In this case, the team you'll see in red trunks are Badaxe.
They're hotter than a ten dollar laser and have won their last fifteen bouts. The weak sisters … the King to you… will be in white trunks and haven't won a bout in two years. When the Mob put their bet down, the odds were running about two hundred to one against the whites." I whistled softly.
"Wow. Two hundred in gold return on a one-goldpiece bet. Did you remember to act surprised when they put their money down?"
"I didn't have to act," the Geek said through tight lips. "Not with the size bet they came up with. Being forewarned, I had expected they wouldn't be going small, but still…" He shook his head and lapsed into silence. I hadn't really paused to consider the implication of the odds, but I did now. If betting one piece could get you two hundred back, then a bet of a thousand would have a potential payback of two hundred thousand! And a ten thousand bet…
"How big was their bet?" I asked fearfully. "Big enough that if I lose, I'll be working for the Mob for the rest of my life to pay it off… and Deveels don't have short life-spans."
"Wait a minute. Didn't Aahz tell you that if you lost, we'd cover it out of our expense money?"
"He did." the Deveel said. "And he also pointed out that if you were covering my losses, you'd also take all winnings if things went as planned. I opted to take the risk, and the winnings, myself." Massha leaned forward to stare. "Are you that confident, or that greedy?" "More the latter," the Geek admitted. "Then again, I got burnt rather badly betting against Skeeve here in the Big Game. I figure it's worth at least one pass backing the shooter who's working a streak."
I shook my head in puzzlement.
"Aren't you afraid of losing?"
"Well, it did occur to me that it might be me and not the Mob who's being set up here. That's why I'm sitting next to you. If this turns out to be a double cross …"
"You're pretty small to be making threats. Geek," Massha warned.
"… And you're too big to dodge fast if I decide I'm being had," the Deveel shot back.
"Knock it off, both of you," I ordered. "It's academic anyway. There won't be any problems … or if there are, I'll be as surprised as you are, Geek."
"More surprised, I hope," the Deveel sneered. "I'm half expecting this to blow up, remember?"
"But Aahz has assured me that the fix is in."
"Obviously. Otherwise, the Mob wouldn't be betting so heavily. The question is, which fix is going to work, theirs or yours?"
Just then a flurry of activity across the arena caught my eye. The Mob had just arrived … in force. Shai-ster was there, flanked by Guido and Nunzio and backed by the remaining members of the two teams currently assigned to the Bazaar. Seen together and moving, as opposed to individually feeding their faces at Fats', they made an impressive group. Apparently others shared my opinion. Even though they were late, no one contested their right to prime seats as they filed into the front row. In fact, there was a noticeable bailing out from the desired seats as they approached.
It was still a new enough experience for me to see other beings I knew in a crowd at the Bazaar that I stood up and waved at them before I realized what I was doing. Then it dawned on me! If they saw me sitting with the Geek and then lost a big bet, they might put two and two together and get five!
I stopped waving and tried to ease back into my seat, but it was too late. Guido had spotted my gyrations and nudged Shai-ster to point me out. Our eyes met and he nodded acknowledgement before returning to scanning the crowd. Crestfallen, I turned to apologize to the Geek, only to find myself addressing a character with a pasty complexion and hairy ears who bore no resemblance at all to the Deveel who had been sitting beside me.
I almost. .. almost!… looked around to see where the Geek had gone. Then I did a little mental arithmetic and figured it out.
A disguise spell!
I'd gotten so used to fooling people myself with that spell that when someone did the same to me, I was completely taken in.
"Still kinda new at this intrigue stuff, aren't you?" he observed dryly from his new face.
Fortunately I was saved the problem of thinking up a suitable response by the entrance of the contestants. With the scramble of planning and launching our counter-offensive, I hadn't really been briefed on what the Mob was betting on except that it would be a tagteam wrestling match. No one said what the contestants would be like, and I had assumed it would be like the matches I had seen back on Klah. I should have known better. The two teams were made up of beings who barely stood high enough to reach my waist! I mean they were small! They looked like kids … if you're used to having kids around with four arms each. "What are those?" I demanded.
"Those are the
teams," the Geek said helpfully.
"I mean, what are they? Where are they from?"
"Oh. Those are Tues."
"And you bet on them? I mean, I've heard of midget wrestling, but this is ridiculous!"
"Don't knock it," the Deveel shrugged. "They're big on the wrestling circuit. In fact, teams like this are their dimension's most popular export. Everyone knows them as the Terrible Tues. They're a lot more destructive than you'd guess from their size."
"This is a put-on, right?"
"If you really want to see something, you should catch their other export. It's a traveling dance troupe called the Tue Tours."
Massha dropped a heavy hand on my shoulder.
"Hot stuff, remember our deal about my lessons?"
"Later, Massha. The match is about to start."
Actually, it was about to finish. It was that short, if you'll pardon the expression.
The first member of the favored red trunk team simply strolled out and pinned his white-trunked rival. Though the pin looked a bit like someone trying to wrap a package with tangled string, the red-trunker made it seem awfully easy. All efforts of his opponent's partner to dislodge the victor were in vain, and the bout was over.
"Well, that's that," the Geek said, standing up. "A pleasure doing business with you, Skeeve. Look me up again if you tie on to a live one."
"Aren't you going to collect your bet?"
The Deveel shrugged.
"No rush. Besides, I think your playmates are a little preoccupied just now."
I looked where he was pointing and saw Shai-ster storming toward the dressing rooms with Guido and Nunzio close behind. None of them looked particularly happy, which was understandable, given the circumstances.
"Whoops. That's my cue. See you back at the Yellow Crescent, Massha." And with that, I launched myself in an interceptor course with the angry mobsters.
Chapter Nineteen
"These blokes need to be taught to respect their superiors."
-GEN. CORNWALUS
I ALMOST missed them. Not that I was moving slow, mind you. It's just that they had a real head of steam on.
"Hi guys!" I called, just as Shai-ster was raising a fist to hammer on the dressing room door. "Are you going to congratulate the winners, too?"
Three sets of eyes bored into me as my "friends" spun around.
"Congratulate!" Guido snarled. "I'll give 'em congratulate."
"Wait a minute," Shai-ster interrupted. "What did you mean, 'too'?"
"Well, that's why I'm here. I just won a sizable bet on the last match."
"How sizable?"
"Well, sizable for me," I qualified. "I stand to collect fifty gold pieces."
"Fifty," Guido snorted. "You know how much we lost on that fiasco?"
"Lost?" I frowned. "Didn't you know the Reds were favored?"
"Of course we knew," Shai-ster snarled. "That's why we were set to make a killing when they lost."
"But what made you think they were going to … Oh! Was that what you were talking about when you said you were going into gambling?"
"That's right. The red team was supposed to take a graceful dive in the third round. We paid them enough … more than enough, actually."
He sounded so much like Grimble I couldn't resist taking a cheap shot.
"Judging from the outcome, it sounds to me that you paid them a little less than enough."
"It's not funny. Now, instead of recouping our losses, we've got another big loss to explain to the Big Boys." "Oh come on, Shai-ster," I smiled. "How much can it cost to fix a fight?"
"Not much," he admitted. "But when you figure in the investment money we just lost, it comes to…"
"Investment money?"
"He means the bet," Guido supplied.
"Oh. Well, I suppose that's the risk you take when you try to make a killing."
An evil smile flitted across Shai-ster's face.
"Oh, we're going to make a killing, all right," he said. "It's time the locals at this Bazaar learned what it means to cross the Mob."
With that, he nodded at Guido who opened the dressing room door.
All four wrestlers were sharing the same room, and they looked up expectantly as we filed in. That's right. I said we. I kind of tagged along at the end of the procession and no one seemed to object.
"Didn't you clowns forget something out there?" Shai-ster said for his greeting. "Like who was supposed to win?"
The various team members exchanged glances. Then the smallest of the red team shrugged.
"Big deal. So we changed our minds."
"Yeah," his teammate chimed in. "We decided it would be bad for our image to lose… especially to these stumblebums."
That brought the white team to its feet.
"Stumblebums?" one of them bellowed. "You caught us by surprise, that's all. We was told to take it easy until the third-round,"
"If you took it any easier, you'd be asleep. We were supposed to be wrestling, not dancing."
Shai-ster stepped between them.
"So you all admit you understood your original instructions?"
"Hey, get off our backs, okay? You'll get your stinking money back, so what's your beef, anyway?"
"Even if you gave us a full refund," Shai-ster said softly, "there's still a matter of the money we lost betting on you. I don't suppose any of you are independently wealthy?"
"Oh, sure," one of the reds laughed. "We're just doin' this for kicks."
"I thought not. Guido. Nunzio. See what you can do about squaring accounts with these gentlemen. And take your time. I want them to feel it, you know?"
"I dunno, Shai-ster," Guido scowled. "They're awfully small. I don't think we can make it last too long."
"Well, do your best. Skeeve? Would you join me outside? I don't think you're going to want to see this."
He was closer to being right than he knew. Even though I had been through some rough and tumble times during recent years, that didn't mean I enjoyed it-even to watch.
The door was barely shut behind us when a series of thuds and crashes erupted inside. It was painful just to listen to, but it didn't last long.
"I told them to take their time," Shai-ster said, scowling at the silence. "Oh well, I guess …" The door opened, revealing one of the white team. "If you've got any more lessons out there, I suggest you send them in. These two didn't teach us much at all." He shut the door again, but not before we caught a glimpse of the two bodyguards unconscious on the floor. Well, Guide was on the floor. Nunzio was kind of standing on his head in the corner.
"Tough little guys," I remarked casually. "It must be the four arms. Think you could find work for them in the Mob?" Shai-ster was visibly shaken, but he recovered quickly. "So they want to play rough. Well, that's fine by me." "You aren't going in there alone, are you?" I asked, genuinely concerned.
He favored me with a withering glance.
"Not a chance."
With that, he put his fingers in his mouth and blew a loud blast. At least, that's what it looked like. I didn't hear a thing.
Before I could ask what he was doing, though, a thunder of footsteps announced the arrival of two dozen Mob reinforcements.
Neat trick. I guess the whistle had been too high for me to hear… or too low.
"They got Guido and Nunzio," Shai-ster shouted before the heavies had come to a complete halt. "Let's show 'em who's running things around here. Follow me?"
Jerking the door open, he plunged into the dressing room with the pack at his heels.
I'm not sure if Shai-ster had ever actually been in a fight before, much less led a team into a fight. I am, however, sure he never tried it again.
The screams of pain and anguish that poured out of that room moved me to take action. I walked a little further down the hall and did my waiting there. It turned out my caution was needless. The wall didn't collapse, nor did the ceiling or the building itself. Several hunks of plaster did come loose, however, and at one point someone pok
ed a hole in the wall… with his head.
It occurred to me that if the fight fans in the arena really wanted to get their money's worth, they should be down here. Additional thought made me decide it was just as well they didn't. There were already more than enough beings crowded into that dressing room… which was as good a reason as any for my staying in the hall.
Eventually the sounds of battle died away, leaving only ominous silence. I reminded myself that I had every confidence in the outcome. As the length of silence grew, I found it necessary to remind myself several times.
Finally the door opened, and the four Tues filed out laughing and chatting together.
"Cute," I called. "Don't hurry or anything. I can worry out here all day."
One of the white team ran up and gave me a hug and a kiss.
"Sorry, handsome. We were having so much fun we forgot about you."
"Um… could you do something about the disguises before you kiss me again?"
"Whoops. Sorry about that!"
The taller red team member closed his eyes, and the Tues were gone. In their places stood Aahz, Gus, Tananda, and Chumly. That's why I hadn't been worried… much.
"Nice work, Gus," I said, nodding my approval. "But I still think I could have handled the disguises myself."
"Have you ever seen a Tue before?" Aahz challenged.
"Well… no."
"Gus has. That's why he handled the disguises. End of discussion."
"Used to have a secretary named Etheyl," the gargoyle explained, ignoring Aahz's order. "She was a big fan of the wrestling circuit."
"A secretary?" I blinked.
"Sure, haven't you ever heard of a Tue Fingered Typist?"
"Enough!" Aahz insisted, holding up his hand. "I vote we head back to the Yellow Crescent Inn for a little celebration. I think we've thwarted the Mob enough for one night."
"Yeah," Tananda grinned. "That'll teach 'em to pick on someone their own size."
"But you are their size," I frowned.
"I know," she winked. "That's the point."
"I say, are you sure, Aahz?" Chumbly interjected. "I mean, we gave them a sound thrashing, but will it hold them until morning?"
"If they're lucky," my mentor grinned. "Remember, once they wake up, they're going to have to report in to their superiors."
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