So, I made the tough choice of protecting my heart, instead of listening to it, and never looked back.
Another text comes through, and I toss all memories into the tiny box in the back of my mind, where they belong.
Carter: Oh come on. He would, too. Let's not test that theory though.
I don't get a chance to answer before another one comes through.
Carter: There's a party tonight at my boy's house. You should come.
His boy? Since when are him and Zayn or Easton friends? I guess there's a chance that's not the party he was referring to, but I know Carter—he's always at the biggest ones. It's just how he operates. Once, he even ditched one of Jace's parties to go to one at NHU. It only took about an hour before even Jace left to meet up with him, not giving a shit that there were over a hundred kids in his house.
I could answer and make an excuse, but unlike Charlotte, Carter isn't one to buy it. It wouldn't even surprise me if he came over, threw me over his shoulder, and dragged me there. So instead, I swipe out and switch over to Instagram.
Of course, the first thing to pop up on my feed is a picture of Becca. She's smiling brightly with a few of our sorority sisters. It looks like they're at some type of Polar Bear Plunge, but she looks happy. And besides, it's not very cold in Southern California, even in the middle of January. I don't think they'll end up with hypothermia any time soon.
A part of me envies her. I used to live for things like that. There was no greater place in the world than being surrounded by all your closest friends. I think that’s why I enjoyed high school so much. They say college is the best years of your life, and maybe it would be if my college experience didn’t get cut short. But for me now, it was being at Haven Grace Prep. Sometimes I wish I could go back to those days, and those nights.
"You miss it," my mom says, appearing out of nowhere over my shoulder.
I startle from the sudden intrusion. "What? No."
She hums. "Don't lie to me. I can see it on your face."
Busted. "I mean, yeah, I guess, but I'm where I need to be right now. You and Dad need me."
"Paige, what we need is for you to be happy. And this? Sitting around the house every day waiting for us to ask you to do something? That's not being happy."
"I am. I love being here with you and Dad."
She levels me with a look, but it's a soft one. "No you don't. I see the way you break inside every time you leave that bedroom. This is eating you alive."
Dropping my gaze and staring at my lap, I sigh. "It's just hard, but that doesn't mean I'd rather be anywhere else."
"I know, sweetheart. I know." She reaches over and places her hand over mine. "But I don't think getting out every once in a while would make the whole world fall apart."
"No." I shake my head. "You need me here."
A small chuckle bubbles out of her mouth. "Oh, please. I've been taking care of that man for as long as I can remember. I think I can handle it."
I'm wracking my brain for another excuse, but there isn't one. Nothing comes to mind that would get me out of going out tonight. I can't even fake sick, because a simple cold could kill my dad. So instead, with a heavy sigh, I nod and switch to Charlotte's contact info. It only rings for a second before she answers.
"Tell me you changed your mind," she begs.
I roll my eyes playfully. "Yeah, I did. I'll meet you there."
Char screeches through the phone so loud it nearly pierces my eardrum. "I promise you won't regret this!"
A few thoughts run through my mind when I realize Jace will most likely be there too, since Carter is going, and I really hope she's right. Because there is a very good chance I will regret it. Especially if Carter is wrong.
PULLING UP TO THE house, it isn't at all what I expected. It's a two-story, white house with a car and a motorcycle in the driveway. It's obviously not the nicest house in the area, but then again, no one rents nice houses to college kids. That's like giving a sixteen-year-old a brand-new car. You'd be setting yourself up for failure.
Charlotte is waiting for me on the porch when I climb out of my car. She had texted me and offered to pick me up, but I want the ability to leave whenever I want, so I nicely declined. However, judging by the way she lights up when she sees me, I don't think I have that option anyway.
"I'm so glad you're here!" she squeals, grabbing my hand and pulling me over to a group of her friends. "Girls, this is Paige. Paige, this is Olivia, Demi, and Lola."
They all look like they came out of some kind of model magazine, with their long hair in perfect waves and their makeup that looks like it took hours to put on. Yeah, I feel a bit out of place, but I can't leave now, so I smile and greet them with as much happiness as I can manage.
We all make our way into the cramped house. People are literally everywhere, including climbing on top of tables and making out on the stairs and the couch. It takes me a minute before I find Carter. He's standing next to Zayn who has a blonde goddess under his arm. Easton is next to them, chugging a beer as Zayn's girlfriend smacks him for it.
"That's Easton and Amelia Donovan," Charlotte fills me in. "Amelia started dating Zayn last year. It was a total shitshow. You should have seen it. They tried to hide it but it was totally obvious. To everyone but Easton, anyway."
Wow. Now that I look at them, I can see the similarities, but my eyes are very quickly torn away when Carter turns around to talk to a familiar face. Sitting there, on top of the island, is none other than Jace London. He looks so carefree, but there's a darkness brewing under the surface. His hair is longer now, long enough to cover his eyes. I can't tell if it's because he likes it that way or because he can't be bothered to cut it. Regardless, it looks good as he swipes it away from his face.
He must be able to feel my stare, because his gaze locks with my own. I swallow harshly and try to control my breathing, but it's no use. He only looks at me for a second before he grabs his beer and hops down. Tilting his head back, he swallows the rest in one go and slams the bottle down on the counter. After mouthing something to Carter that looks a lot like "fuck you," he comes walking straight toward me, ignoring the calls of his name from his little brother.
If I thought being apart for over a year would get me over him, I was horribly mistaken. It hasn’t even been a few minutes of being in the same vicinity and already, I’m reacting to him the same way I always used to. My palms are sweaty, my heart is racing, and all I want is to end up right back where I was—wrapped up in his arms in a tangled mess of the sheets.
My breath hitches as he stands right in front of me and looks me up and down, but before I can say anything, he smirks—and not in the sexy way I’m used to.
"So she is alive," he murmurs with a venomous tone. "Too bad."
Just like that, he pushes his way past me and out the door, and all I can do is watch him leave.
I lay on my bed, throwing a ball into the air. It's probably risky, being as if it hits me in the face, it could break my nose. But lately I can’t seem to care about anything. Besides, with the amount of narcotics coursing through my bloodstream right now, I probably wouldn't even feel it.
The door opens, and I don't even need to look to see who it is. I groan under my breath as Carter walks over and sits in the chair near my desk.
"I really need to remember to lock that door," I say to no one in particular, but it hits its target.
He chuckles. "I'd just break it down."
"You already did that. Remember?"
"That was different," he argues. "I thought you were dead."
Bullshit. "It was four in the morning. Any normal person is fucking sleeping at that hour."
"Whatever."
Neither one of us say anything else for a bit, and the only sound that fills the room is that of me throwing and catching the ball. Honestly, I'd prefer it to stay that way, which is probably exactly why he breaks the silence.
"So, I was surprised to see Paige last night."
And there
it is—the topic I hoped like hell to avoid. "I wasn't."
"No?" he asks. "She looks good, though she didn't stay very long."
"I wouldn't know."
Honestly, I would like to pretend I didn't see her at all. Maybe then I could get the image of her fucking doe eyes looking up at me like she was looking for someone to save her. Unfortunately for her, I'm no one's hero. Not anymore. Hell, I can't even save myself.
"Yeah, because you left as soon as she got there. You should have stuck around and said hello."
This time, I throw the ball with a little more force than intended and it hits the ceiling. "No thanks."
"Oh, come on," he presses. "You can't tell me she didn't look hot."
"Then you fucking date her," I snap.
He cringes for a second. "God, no. You hit that way too many times."
I shrug. "Wouldn't be the first time you had my sloppy seconds."
Carter comes over and catches the ball right out of mid-air. "Paige is anything but sloppy seconds, and you and I both know it."
"What the hell do you want from me?" I yell as I sit up. "She ghosted me, remember? Or did you forget that part?"
"Yeah. I also remember someone not locking it the fuck down before we left, no matter how much I told you to," he counters.
"And what? Be one of those guys who talks about his feelings?" I spit as I try to walk past him, but he doesn't let me. "That's not me, and you know it."
He rolls his eyes. "Maybe it's not, but it caused you to lose the girl. It doesn't take a damn rocket scientist to figure out why she cut you off. For all she knew, you were out fucking most of Tallahassee."
"Maybe I was."
"Yeah, okay. Are you forgetting I was there with you?" A smirk makes its way onto his face, and I want nothing more than to deck him for it. "It took you months before you even looked at another girl. It took until—"
I shove him back before he can finish that sentence. "You say her name, and I swear to God, it'll be the last damn thing you ever say."
His eyes lock with mine, and I can see the determined look in them as his lips form the one name I never want to hear again.
"Davianna."
Nothing could stop me from swinging my fist directly toward his pretty boy face, but he was anticipating it. He catches my punch before it can cause any damage, and then his knee comes up to get me right in the stomach. I double over in pain, and Carter quickly climbs on top of me. He pins my arms above my head and hovers over my face.
"You want to be a fucking douchebag? Fine," he roars. "But don't expect me to deal with it. I've babied your ass enough the past eight months. I'm not doing it anymore."
"Get the fuck off me."
"No."
I buck my hips to try to knock him off, but he's like a goddamn tank. Meanwhile, my chest is tightening by the second. Not only is the thought of Paige a sore subject, but just hearing Davianna's name is enough to trigger the worst memories.
"Trayland, I'm serious! Get off me. I can't fucking breathe."
He finds some mercy and falls to the side. I immediately roll over onto my knees, trying to find my breath again while not actually being able to do anything about it because I know he would stop me. Besides, he may know I'm taking part in illegal activities, but it's never been confirmed.
"Look at yourself," he tells me in a low voice. "You're a mess, and you can believe me or tell me to screw off, but I think Paige can help you. You just have to let her."
"Fuck no." Not a chance in hell. "She fucked me over once. No way am I ever making the mistake of trusting that girl again. I'd rather be dead."
He stops for a second, and when I look over at him, I see the utter despair on his face. "You'd rather be dead instead of a lot lately, and that's exactly what I'm afraid of."
I drop my head in defeat, but no words come out of my mouth.
He isn't wrong.
A PART OF ME was hoping that party would be the last of seeing Paige. I should have known luck wasn't going to be on my side like that. And it's not like this is a massive school. I'm bound to run into her, especially when I'm pretty sure Carter is working against me to make sure it happens. What I didn't expect, however, was for her to have the balls to try talking to me—especially after what I said to her at that party. But sure enough, as I'm leaning up against the wall, talking to Rinaldo about his run this week to pick up some shit, here she comes.
"Listen man, I'll talk to you later," I tell him.
It's not that I care about Paige, exactly. But I don't want her in his sights either. He's never given me a reason to think he's a bad person, but he deals drugs for a living. He's not exactly a model citizen.
Rinaldo shakes my hand and walks away, and I'm about to as well when Paige steps in front of me. Her light brown hair looks like she just ran her fingers through it, and her green eyes glisten in the sunlight. Just like there wasn't a whole block of time where we didn't speak, the corner of her mouth raises slightly.
"Hey," she breathes.
It's the comfort level for me. The way she looks at me like I'm her favorite person in the world. And maybe at one point I was, but I'm not anymore. She made that clear when she vanished from my life without so much as a goodbye.
"Yeah, no."
The smile drops right off her face as I walk past her. Thankfully, she's not Carter and doesn't even make an attempt to stop me. Instead, she sighs and heads in the opposite direction. And me? I'm stuck thinking about all the times I stared into those eyes and felt like I was home.
Two Years Ago
"Jace!" Paige giggles as I lift her right off the ground. "Put me down!"
I can't help but chuckle. "Not a chance, babe."
Carrying her through the house and up the stairs to my room, I kick the door shut behind me and throw her down onto my bed. No part of me seems to care that my brother is home, or that my parents could very well be, too. All that matters right now is her, and the way she was teasing me all fucking day.
"Could your skirt be any fucking shorter?" I muse.
She bites her lip and pulls it down further, but there's no use. "It's from freshman year. All my new ones were in the wash, and one was at Becca's."
My brows raise. "So your solution was to wear a skirt two sizes too small, and then drop a pencil in front of me so you had to bend down to get it?"
"I mean..." She nibbles on the tip of her finger and looks like the picture of devilish innocence, if that even makes sense.
I climb onto the bed beside her and run my hand slowly up her leg while our gazes stay completely locked and unfaltering. I watch as her breath hitches when I reach my target. I lean down and gently press my lips to hers, because as much as I want to fuck her until the bed breaks, she's the kind of girl who deserves to be treated like a princess.
I don't think I'd ever be able to explain it to its entirety, but there's something about her. Everything with us is just easy. There's no pressure for it to be something ridiculously serious, but there's a mutual understanding there.
The only thing I know for sure is this: college is going to suck without her.
IF SOMEONE HAD TO rank college activities, the parties would have to take the top spot. Hands down, no questions asked. Now, that could have something to do with the fact that I spend most of my classes feening for my next fix and struggling to focus, and all my off time being high out of my mind, but I don't remember much of the classes. What I do remember, however, is this—sitting at Zayn's, with the whole place moving around me and no one breathing down my neck about what the fuck I'm doing.
Carter and Zayn are talking animatedly about something sports-related when Amelia's smile grows. She looks over at Carter and nods toward the front door. Sure enough, Paige is walking in with the same girl I've seen her around campus with.
She looks good, as much as it kills me to admit. Her hair is tied up, and the crop top she's wearing goes well with her high-waisted jeans. She hands her jacket to the freshman Easton paid to take coat
s—like this is some kind of fancy-ass party—and then heads over to get a drink.
The thought of leaving passes my mind. I mean, staying anywhere she's at isn't a good idea for me. Especially not in the state I'm in. It's part of the reason I've avoided her so much, other than the fact that she made her bed when she cut me off like she did. But if I leave, I'd be letting her win, and I'm enjoying this too much to do that.
Instead of taking off, I pop open another beer and relish in the feeling of it flowing down my throat.
IT TAKES TWO WHOLE hours before Carter fucks it all up, which is impressive for him, really. Usually it only takes forty minutes, max.
I had my suspicions of him having something to do with her sudden desire to talk to me, but that's all confirmed tonight when he calls her over and starts talking like we're still the best of friends. She glances over at me for a second, but it doesn't last long, and I keep my eyes to myself.
"Do you remember that night we all went to the lake?" Carter asks. "It was the middle of summer, and Grayson insisted on swimming even though we all told him not to. The one with the leeches."
Paige tilts her head to the side. "I don't think I was there."
"Sure you were. You and Jace disappeared for like a half hour, and Becca was convinced you were murdered." He looks over at me. "You remember, Jace. That was the same night you told me—"
"Do you ever shut the fuck up?" I cut him off.
I know exactly what he's referring to, and I also remember what I told him that night, too. But I never told her, and I sure as hell don’t intend to.
Paige's eyes widen as if she's surprised by my tone, but Carter hardly reacts. The smirk on his face tells me what his intentions were, and I'm not fucking playing his game.
"I'm not doing this," I announce.
Paige doesn't dare to speak right now, but Carter never has had any common sense. "Doing what?"
"Taking this damn trip down memory lane. It's not happening." I turn my gaze to Paige. "Road’s closed."
Change My Game: An Emotional Second Chance Romance (North Haven University Book 2) Page 4
