Paige sits on the couch behind me while I kick Carter's ass in Madden. Each time I score a touchdown, he either throws his controller at the ground or he throws one of the sofa pillows at me. Meanwhile, Paige is busy working on her essay, but every now and then she glances over at the screen.
"Damn, Carter," she teases. "You really suck at this game."
He rolls his eyes and flips me off before looking at her. "Yeah, well. I've spent my life becoming skilled at other things. Jace may be good with his fingers, but I'm better with my tongue."
Paige giggles in a way that makes me see red. "Problem solved, then. Play with your tongue."
"Okay." He stands up and puts out his hand. "Let's go."
I know they're kidding. Deep down, I know that he would never go anywhere near her. But I can't help the monster that creeps up inside of me and tells me that I'm not good enough. I wasn't good enough for her before, and I'm not good enough for her now. Maybe dating Carter would be better for her. He's not stumbling his way through life.
"I'll be right back," I tell them as soon as the pressure becomes just too much.
Neither one of them is really paying attention, but I didn't expect them to. I go into my bedroom and make quick work of getting ahold of my pills. I pop two into my mouth and swallow them down with the beer I've been drinking for the past half hour.
Breathe, Jace. Fucking breathe.
I hide my stash underneath the bottom drawer of my nightstand and run my fingers through my hair as I try to find my chill. After a couple minutes passes, and I can feel the pills starting to kick in, Paige appears at my door.
"You good?" she asks.
I nod. "Just had to get new batteries for the controller, but I can't find where I put them."
It's a pretty good lie for coming up with it on the spot, and while Carter would probably see right through it, Paige doesn't. She smiles at me, and the two of us go back out into the living room.
While I wait for Carter to change the game to WWE, I look at the essay Paige is working on. It's already got seven pages, and it looks like she's about to start working on the eighth.
"What the hell are you writing, a dictionary?"
She looks down at me and pats me on top of the head. "Not everyone hires nerds to do their schoolwork for them, Jacey."
I groan and rest my head against the couch next to her. "That was one time."
"No, that was for one whole year. There is a difference."
"Yeah, yeah. Put that down and have some fun for once."
She shakes her head. "I can't. It's due tomorrow morning at nine."
My nose crinkles in disgust. "You signed up for a class at nine in the morning? Why do you hate yourself so much?"
"That's nothing," she says without taking her eyes off her computer. "My first class on Wednesdays is at seven in the morning."
"Ouch!" Carter chimes in. "And you live off campus, don't you?"
Nodding, her fingers continue to move across the keyboard. "That's what I get for transferring in the middle of the year. No dorms available and only certain class availability."
"That sucks."
The conversation seems to come to an end, but the gears in my brain keep turning. It's a horrible idea, and not one I should even be thinking about, but fuck if I don't want it. Maybe then I'd actually sleep at night.
"You could sleep here on Tuesdays," I suggest.
Carter's brows raise, and that actually makes Paige take her attention off her essay and puts it on me. "Seriously?"
I shrug, trying to play it off like it's no big deal. "Yeah, I mean it would be better than having to wake up at five-thirty just to get here in time."
She looks like she's actually considering it, and I all but hold my breath as I wait for an answer. Finally, she purses her lips. "I guess it would make sense. You really don't mind?"
"Nope." I look over at my roommate. "Trayland?"
He smiles like the cat that got the canary, and I want to nut-punch him for it. "Not at all."
"Okay, I'll try it then and see how it goes." She reaches over and laces her fingers through my hair for a second. "Thanks."
"No problem."
Paige gets up from the couch and stretches. All my attention is brought to the way her shirt lifts up and leaves her perfect skin on display. However, when I notice Carter giving me a look, I focus back on the screen.
The second she closes the door to the bathroom, my best friend throws a small pillow at me.
"I told you so."
"Fuck off."
Parties at SCU were always filled to the brim with kids trying to go as hard as humanly possible with no thoughts for possible repercussions. It's why more than an acceptable amount always ended up at the hospital with alcohol poisoning. Everywhere you look there would be someone doing a keg stand or someone else doing body shots. It was intense.
The parties here, however, are much more my style. They're more low-key and with less people just trying to impress others. Except for Charlotte's friends. They are definitely trying to impress anyone they possibly can.
I'm leaning against the kitchen island, talking to Zayn's girlfriend, Amelia, about her pre-law classes, when Jace bends down to say something into my ear.
"I'll be right back. Stay here."
I nod. "Okay."
While I'm listening to what Amelia has to say about which professors are good and which absolutely suck, my attention is drawn to the guy Jace walks up to. I think I’ve seen them together on campus before. He looks like your average student, but older. Maybe he's a senior who has just failed too many courses to graduate yet. Still, something about him rubs me the wrong way.
I tell Amelia to hold on and turn toward Carter to get his attention. "Who is that?"
He looks around until his eyes find Jace. He sighs and shakes his head. "It's no one. Don't worry about it."
"It doesn't look like no one."
I take a sip of my drink and weigh my options until one wins. As I put my glass on the counter and go to walk away, Amelia tries to stop me.
"Didn't he just tell you to stay here?" she asks.
I turn around and shrug. "It's a really good thing he isn’t the boss of me, then, isn't it?"
She looks over at Zayn pleadingly, and he gives me a look that might matter if we were actually friends. "You might want to stay here."
"I don't, but thanks."
He nudges Carter to try to get him to stop me, but he doesn't. So I smile triumphantly and head over to Jace.
The guy he's talking to is at least 6'4" with more piercings than I can count. Honestly, he doesn't look like the kind of person Jace would be talking to. But then again, there's a lot of new things I apparently don't know about him. All I do know is that I don't like the feeling I get when I look at this guy.
"Hey, do you still have my Chapstick in your pocket?" I ask Jace. It's a total copout, since him and I both know I never gave him any Chapstick in the first place, but it works. I turn my attention to the guy he's talking to and pretend I didn't realize he was there. "Oh, I'm sorry. Am I interrupting?"
"Yes," Jace says at the same time his friend says “No.”
He snickers at Jace and puts his hand out toward me. "Rinaldo. And you are?"
Jace steps in front of me. "Leaving."
As he grabs my shoulders and leads me out the door, I glance back at Rinaldo, who smirks as he watches the interaction. It isn't until we get outside that Jace releases me.
"Rude much?"
He runs his fingers through his hair as he tries to calm down. "You shouldn't be around guys like that."
I place a hand on my hip and hold my ground. "Why not? You talk to him."
"That's different."
"How?"
He gets up in my face, so close that I'm breathing him in, and it reminds me of the altercation we had when I showed up at his dorm-room unannounced and wouldn't leave. "Because it is."
I shake my head. "That's not an answer. Why is me talking to
him any different than you talking to him?"
"Leave it alone, Paige," he says as he steps away and goes to head back inside.
"No. Not until you tell me."
"You'll be waiting a long time then."
I stand there, watching as he goes back into the party and leaves me in the cold.
Note to self: getting something out of Jace is harder than it used to be.
THE NEXT FEW DAYS, something is off with Jace that I just can't seem to figure out. A part of me wonders if he's still mad about the stunt I pulled at the party. When I went back in that night, I completely ignored him, but he wasn't trying to talk to me either. He just kept himself in my orbit—I'm guessing to make sure I didn't go anywhere near Rinaldo.
I'm sitting with my dad one night, pretending to watch something on TV, when my phone rings and Carter's name appears on the screen. It's not like him to call me this late, at least not when he isn't begging me to try talking to Jace.
"Hello?"
"Paige," he says on a sigh of relief. "Is Jace with you?"
I look around the mostly empty room, even though I don't need to. "No. I think he's been avoiding me since Friday night. Why?"
"Fuck!" he shouts, and I can faintly hear someone that sounds like Zayn tell him to chill out.
"What's wrong? Is Jace okay?" I'd be lying if I said Carter's tone isn't making me worry.
He takes a deep breath. "I don't know. Can you come here?"
I look at the time. 12:15 a.m. It must be serious. "Yeah. Give me half an hour."
As I get up from the couch, my dad watches me and looks concerned. "Jace okay?"
"I'm sure he's fine. Carter is just a little paranoid lately."
Thankfully, he buys it, and I get into my car and head to campus.
THE SECOND I WALK in the door, half of me is expecting Jace to be sitting on the couch and telling Carter he’s an idiot, but instead, all I see is Zayn and Carter. Carter is pacing across the kitchen with his phone held to his ear, whispering, “Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up.”
"What the hell is going on?" I question.
Carter hangs up and focuses all his attention on me. "When's the last time you talked to Jace?"
"Uh, yesterday? I asked him if he was mad that I talked to that Rinaldo guy, and he said no, but I'm pretty sure he was lying."
"Can you try calling him?"
A part of me wants an explanation, but he doesn't look like he's in the mood to reason with anyone, so I take out my phone and dial Jace's number. It rings for a little while and then goes to voicemail. I hang up and shake my head.
"He didn't answer."
Carter looks at Zayn with more fear than I've ever seen on his face. "I told you. Something is wrong."
My brows furrow as I put my purse down on the counter. "Why do you think something is wrong? Since when is it weird for Jace to be out past midnight?"
"It's not," Carter tries to explain. "But he usually answers his phone."
"Seriously? You made me come here because he's not answering his phone? Maybe he's driving."
He looks like he wants to start yelling at me, until Zayn taps his arm with the back of his hand. "You need to tell her."
"I can't. He'll kill me."
He shrugs. "He might not be around to. She needs to know."
"Know what?" Neither of them says anything. "Carter! Know what?"
Carter throws his head back and groans before nodding at Zayn and locking his eyes with mine. "After what happened in Tallahassee, he basically lost control. I've been trying to help him, but he doesn't want it. He shuts me out, and he won't talk to me. He won't admit it, but he's been doing drugs."
"What?" I start to laugh, even though a part of me thought this too, a little while back. "No, he's not. I'm with him all the time. I think I would know if he was on drugs."
"He is, Paige." He puts a hand on my shoulder. "Zayn saw him buying them from Rinaldo a few months ago. That guy you saw him with at the party? That's his dealer."
At hearing Carter’s admission, little things I hadn’t put thought into start to run through my head: The reason he didn't want me anywhere near him. The reason he got so defensive. The reason he wouldn't answer the question, no matter how hard I pressed.
I should’ve seen it. Hell, I did see it. I just didn’t want to believe it. But now, it’s painstakingly clear. He’s a drug addict, and it’s only getting worse.
"Oh my God." Images of Jace lying somewhere unconscious fill my mind. "Oh my God! What if he's dead in a fucking ditch somewhere? We have to find him!"
I grab my purse and head for the door when Carter tries to stop me. "Where are you going?"
"We have to go look for him!"
"He could literally be anywhere. We have no idea where he is," Zayn tells me.
"I don't care," I say confidently. "I can't sit around and just wait for him to come back. If he comes back."
Neither one of them tries to stop me again as I walk right out the door.
I SPEND HOURS DRIVING around, until it's damn near three in the morning. I've checked the center of campus where everyone normally hangs out. I've checked the lake. I even drove up to that cliff where I stupidly confessed that I was in love with him. I can't seem to find him anywhere.
The longer he's missing, the more I start to get worried. What if he overdosed somewhere? What if he's lying in a ditch? What if Rinaldo had him killed because of the way he wouldn't let him talk to me at Zayn's party? There are so many different scenarios it makes my head spin.
As I drive down the road, staring out the window at the side of the road that leads to campus, I realize the gravity of what I'm doing. I'm not looking for Jace walking down the street. I'm looking for his body. It's like I've already convinced myself he's dead.
Tears stream down my face until I need to pull over. My hands pound against the steering wheel as one of my worst fears creeps in. What am I going to do? What if he really is dead?
I don't even realize my phone is ringing until I go to throw it across the car. Carter's name shines into my face and I squint before answering it.
"He's home," he says before I can even get a word out. "He just walked in."
"Oh, thank God," I sob.
I don't think I could feel any more relieved at the moment. My entire body feels like it could float away like a balloon. I turn my car around and head back toward campus.
"Tell him to stay there," I tell Carter. "Don't let him fucking leave."
"Yes, ma'am."
Before he hangs up, I can faintly hear as he tells Jace that he's in trouble.
Damn right he is.
USUALLY, YOU WOULD KNOCK before going in someone else's house, or dorm room for that matter. It's polite, and manners are important. Right? Well, not this time. I barge through the door, and while I'm happy Jace seems completely unharmed, he might not be in a minute.
He and Carter stand up as soon as I walk in the door. I give Jace a once-over and then look at Carter.
"Get out," I demand.
Jace's eyes widen as Carter doesn't hesitate for a second. He passes by me and walks straight out the door. Meanwhile, my sights are set on Jace.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?"
He points to himself in confusion. "Me?"
"No, the wall," I deadpan. "Yes, you. What the fuck were you doing until damn near three in the morning?"
"Wow, okay, Mom. I didn't realize I had a curfew."
"Oh, don't give me that shit. You could have at least called. You had Carter worried fucking sick."
He grabs his bottom lip and looks me up and down in the same way he used to. "Just Carter?"
"What?"
"You said Carter was worried sick," he explains. "Just Carter?"
I shake my head. "Oh, please. You know I was worried, too. You should've called. A simple text message would have been fine."
He takes a step forward, making me take one back. "Why were you so worried, Paige? I'm right here. I'm fine."
"Because."
"Because why?"
It's the same thing from the other night, only this time the tables are turned. This time, I'm the one with the answers. He takes another step toward me, but this time I hit the wall.
"For the same reason you were worried about me the other night," I counter. "I'm allowed to care about you."
"You are." He places a hand on the wall and leans over me. "But I think it's something more than that."
"It's not."
"No?"
"No."
My father was right. I'm a shitty fucking liar.
Slowly, he leans in and I put a hand on his chest to stop him. "What are you doing?"
Jace runs the back of his hand down the side of my face. "I'm going to kiss you."
"W-what? Why would you do that?" My confidence is slipping. "Don't do that."
"Why not?"
He's so fucking arrogant, in all the best possible ways, and I can't even answer him. All it would be is another lie, and he’s looking at me like he can see right through it.
"Why not, Paige?" he repeats. "What are you so afraid of?"
His lips are so close, only inches from my own, and I watch as his tongue juts out and licks across them. As if I have no resistance at all, it's me who ends up closing the gap. Our lips collide, and it's everything it always has been. He instantly pushes his body into mine, so I'm pressed between him and the wall. The kiss is intense, like it's breathing life back into the both of us, and I'm living for it.
Fingers lace into my hair while my hands grip at the front of his shirt. I don't know if I'm trying to keep him close or push him away at this point. All I know is that I need this, but as we stop to catch our breath, I realize how bad of an idea it was.
"That."
I stand there, staring at Paige as she stares back at me. Neither one of us seems to move an inch, like we don't want to kill the moment by saying or doing the wrong thing. I can tell by the look on her face that she wants this, but she also doesn't want to want it.
Change My Game: An Emotional Second Chance Romance (North Haven University Book 2) Page 8
