I dip two fingers inside of her and use my thumb on her clit, getting both of the most sensitive spots on her at the same time, and I can feel as she's coming apart. Her breathing is shallow, and her stomach keeps tightening. She turns her head to face me, finally locking her eyes with mine, and every answer I've been looking for is right there in them.
We meet halfway, and just as our lips touch, our tongues connect. Tasting her is everything, and as her tongue wraps around my own, I firmly believe I could live in this bed for the rest of my life, as long as she stays in it with me.
Her hand slides under my sweats and over my cock, this time intentionally, and as her fingers wrap around it, I swear I see stars. She pumps me up and down as I continue to work magic on her. It's everything I've needed and didn't even fucking know it.
As she starts to reach her high, her movements get sloppy, and she moans louder. I swallow them down and try to keep her quiet, but if Carter wakes up to it, I don't care. Consider it payback for all the times I had to listen to his headboard banging against the wall.
"Fuck me," she orders against my mouth.
I shake my head and continue the exact same motion, knowing it's only a matter of time before she completely explodes. Her moans turn to whimpers as she chases her orgasm, and with a little extra pressure on her clit, her pussy tightens around my fingers and she lets go while I work her through it.
Her mouth slows against my own, and while still kissing her, I gently remove her hand from my pants. My cock all but screams in protest, especially after not cumming from someone else's touch in over a year. However, I know it's the best choice.
"What are you doing?" she questions. "You didn't finish."
I kiss her once more, soft and slow, and then back away. "Tonight wasn't about me."
She stares into my eyes, like she has a million different questions, but she must find all the answers, because she doesn't ask any. Instead, she rolls closer, into my arms, and lets out a breath of air. I kiss the top of her head and rub my hand up and down her back.
Just as I think she's asleep, her voice pierces the silence. "Why didn't you want to have sex with me?"
I should've known she was going to ask that. I pull her impossibly closer and rest my head on hers. "Because you felt like you had to avoid me after we kissed. I didn't want to do anything you're not ready for."
She's quiet for a second, and then with a kiss on my chest, she sighs. "Goodnight, Jace."
"Night, babe."
PAIGE IS GONE LONG before I wake in the morning, but it doesn't make me feel ditched in any way. I knew before going to sleep that she had class in the morning. I roll over and find a note on my nightstand in familiar girly handwriting. With my face still smushed into the pillow, I unfold it and bring it closer so I can see what it says.
Jace,
Didn't want to wake you. Thanks for letting me sleep over, and for other things.
xoxo,
Paige
P.S - You still snore.
I couldn't fight off the smile if I tried.
Sitting through five hours of classes is absolutely torture, especially when Paige is texting me, acting like her old self again, and I haven't had a pill since early last night. My head is fucking pounding, and no amount of caffeine seems to be getting rid of it. I even consider leaving class early, but if my dad finds out, I'm fucked.
When I can't seem to pay attention, I take out my phone and send a quick text to Paige.
Jace: Please tell me your day is going better than mine.
It only takes a few minutes for her to get back to me.
Paige: I mean, it's not the worst. What's wrong?
Jace: Head is pounding. Massive case of blue balls. You know, the usual.
She sends me three angry cursing faces and a middle finger emoji before sending any actual words, but with every emoji she sends, I cheer up just a little more.
Paige: That is entirely your fault. I tried.
I have to keep myself from laughing, because let's face it—she's right.
Jace: I was being a gentleman. Last time I ever do that shit.
Paige: Your fault.
Throughout this whole class, texting her is the only thing that takes my attention away from the aching in my head. I'm even starting to have trouble sitting still, which tells me I need to take something, and soon. If I wait too long, it gets really bad. Let's just say withdrawals are not exactly a good time.
AS SOON AS I get a free minute, I rush back to my dorm and into my room. Grabbing a pill, I’m shocked to see how low my stash is getting already. I think I just picked up from Rinaldo a week ago. Usually, I don't need to restock for at least two weeks. I must be taking more than normal without realizing it, but I've been trying to make sure I'm in the best shape when I'm around Paige. I guess that's just been more often than not recently.
It takes a few minutes, but the headache finally starts to subside, and everything feels normal again. I didn't take enough to get fucked up—just enough to take the edge off. Paige is on her way over, and the last thing I want is to be anything less than myself while she's here, especially after last night.
A knock at the door pulls my attention to it, and I'm almost surprised to see Carter standing in the doorway. I didn't even realize he was home. I nod for him to come in, and he walks over to sit on my bed.
"How's everything going?"
I shrug, trying to play it off nonchalantly, but I don't think he buys it. "It's all right. Can't complain too much."
He smiles, almost looking relieved. "That's good."
I'm picking up my clothes from getting ready this morning off the floor, when I realize he picked up the note I left on my nightstand. Before I can even try to stop him from reading it, he chuckles.
"Thank you for letting me sleep over, and other things?" He looks at me questioningly. "Other things?"
I gaze back at him, emotionless, until he catches on. In an instant, he screeches like a girl and jumps up off my bed.
"Goddamn, man. You're fucking quiet."
"Or you sleep like a rock. But not everyone needs to let the whole floor know they're having sex in order to make a girl feel good, bro."
He narrows his eyes at me and flips me off. "Dick."
"Honest dick, though."
The door opens and closes, and Carter bounces his eyebrows suggestively. I grab a sweatshirt off the back of my chair and ball it up before throwing it at him. Paige walks in just in time to see it hit him right in the face.
She hums in amusement. "Nice shot."
"I try."
Carter huffs and murmurs something about us being the worst as he goes to leave the room, but just as he gets past Paige, he turns around and makes a hole with one hand and proceeds to stick his index finger in and out of it.
Paige rolls her eyes playfully. "You have the maturity of a thirteen-year-old boy. You do realize I can see you in the mirror, right?"
He freezes for a second, as if getting caught actually has an effect on him, and then starts doing it more as he walks out of the room, looking Paige right in the eye as he does. Once he's gone, she turns to me and places a hand on her hip.
"What?" I hold my hands up in innocence.
"Do you two just sit around and talk about your sex life? Maybe while stroking your cocks together too?"
I cock a brow at her and chuckle. "Why? Does that thought turn you on?"
She smacks me in the arm, and I fake a yelp.
"Oh, don't be such a baby."
Holding out my arm, I pout like the biggest man-child in existence. "Kiss it better."
"Absolutely not," she deadpans but I don't relent.
Finally, she rolls her eyes and places a chaste kiss on my arm.
"Thank you," I tease. "And for the record, he saw the note you left me on the nightstand. So him knowing is your fault. But if you'd rather picture us jerking off together for your spank bank, feel free."
Paige goes to smack me again, but I jump away just i
n time to avoid her and run into the kitchen.
THE TWO OF US sit on the couch and watch TV for a bit, which eventually ends up turning into Paige teaching me how to cook. When she turned on the food network, I was so confused by how they were able to take a bag of flour and a couple other ingredients, and turn that shit into a full damn meal. Paige, of course, took that opportunity to insist she show me how to cook.
"How do you even know how to cook?" I ask her. "You're just as silver spoon as I am, if not more."
She continues kneading the dough like a goddamn professional. "My grandmother taught me. She was never really big on hiring chefs or anything like that. So, whenever I would spend the weekend at her house, she would cook and show me how to make different things."
I try to whisk the eggs like she told me, but I genuinely have no idea. Finally, I give up and walk until I'm standing behind her. My arms come around and I press my front against her back. She tenses for a second, and then melts into my touch.
"I thought you were whisking."
Pressing a kiss to where her tank-top leaves her shoulder exposed, I feel her shiver. "I was, but I'm no good at it, and I don't like not being good at things."
I kiss her skin again, and this time it must tickle, because she giggles and shies away. I hold her still and keep doing it, then start burying my nose into her neck. She must not have realized how much dough was stuck to her hands, because when she goes to push me away, it ends up all over my face and in my hair.
She gasps when she notices it, and I stare at her gaping until she breaks out in a fit of laughter.
"Oh, you think that's funny?" I reach over and grab a handful of flour.
"No." She raises her hands in defense. "It's not funny. It's not funny! Jace!"
I clap my hands together, and the flour covers everything around us, including her. She blows it away from her mouth and cracks one eye open slightly, her floury face making her green eyes almost glow.
"Seriously?"
Smirking, I can't stop myself from winking at her. "Seriously."
Within seconds, it turns into an all-out flour war. Even the dough ends up in pieces and thrown against the wall. And when we finally fall to the ground, unable to breathe from laughing so hard, I cradle her in my arms. It's just another example of how much better off I am with her in my life.
Before she came back, I was just the shell of a man, going through the motions. But she has me laughing again, and actually wanting to wake up in the mornings. It's refreshing.
"You're the worst," she tells me as her laughter calms.
I hum, but instead of answering her, I bend down and press my lips to hers. It feels different, since we're both covered in God knows what, but the effect is the same. She moves her mouth against my own, but neither one of us takes it further than a kiss.
The moment I pull away, I can already see the overthinking written all over her face. "What's wrong?"
She shakes her head and looks away, but I grab her chin and turn her to face me again. With a caring look, she finally caves.
"I just..." She pauses for a second, as if she's trying to figure out how to word it. "What are we doing?"
My brows furrow. "Sitting on the ground in a mess that Carter will probably kill me for?"
"No," she chuckles. "This. You and me. What are we doing?"
"What do you want to be doing?"
"I don't know. I mean, I don't think either one of us are in the right place for a relationship. With my dad's condition, and no one will tell me what the hell is going on with you…I don't want to start something that's doomed to fail." She turns and glances up at me, looking unsure. "Does that make sense?"
I nod slowly. "It makes perfect sense."
And I'm not just telling her that to make her feel better. It genuinely makes sense. Granted, she might not know exactly what is going on with me, but she knows it's something. And everything with her dad, I feel like I'd be selfish to say we both don't need to work on our own things before we have an actual relationship. But still, I don't want to stop this.
"What if we just don't define it?" I suggest.
"Like friends with benefits?"
I tilt my head from side to side. "Like a pending relationship with pre-order perks."
The corners of her mouth raise in amusement. "You're really selling this."
"Oh, come on." I groan. "Think about it. Do you really think we'll be able to keep our hands off each other now?"
"Probably not," she admits.
"Exactly. So why even try?"
It takes her a minute of thinking about it, but I can tell the minute I win by the way she sighs and pulls me down into another kiss. Her arms stay wrapped around my neck, but when I go to deepen the kiss, all I can taste is flour. She must taste the same thing because we both cringe.
"Okay, that's gross."
I carefully move her off my lap and stand up before offering her my hand. "Come on."
She takes my hand, but looks confused. "Where are we going?"
"Showering," I tell her as if it's obvious. "Unless you want to stay covered in flour until you go home."
"Together, though?"
I chuckle and head toward the bathroom. "Oh, man. We're going to see each other naked. How awkward."
My teasing tone only gets a response from an even sassier Paige. "Eh, old news."
"Ouch," I say, moving my hand to my chest. "You wound me."
"You'll get over it." She pats me on the side before slipping past me and through the bathroom door.
And if we happen to exchange oral favors in the shower, not stopping even after Carter comes home and screams my name for making a mess—well, that’s between us.
A FEW DAYS PASS of Paige and I sneaking around, and we’ve only slipped up once. I went over to visit her dad, and the three of us chatted for a bit about why hockey was better when there weren't so many safety rules. When Paige went into the kitchen to grab something to drink, I excused myself for the bathroom, and instead, went to find her. If we had known her mom was home, we probably wouldn't have started making out, but we didn't.
And she caught us.
I thought it would be more uncomfortable than it was, but I guess with aging comes maturity. It probably would have been mortifying if we were sixteen or something. But instead, we're twenty-year-old adults. However, I did hear Paige tell her mom she doesn't want to hear a word about it as she followed me back into the living room. Secretly though, I think her mom has been champing for us to get together for a while.
The one thing I still can't manage to stop is taking the pills. I don't want to. They help take the edge off, and I'm afraid that if I don't take them, Paige might realize she doesn't want to be with such a broken mess of a man. Hell, I couldn't blame her. And besides, I like the way they make me feel, but apparently I can only hide it for so long, and that time has run out.
"What do you want for dinner tonight?" Paige asks. "I want to bring my dad some soup from Vestuitos."
Today is Sunday, and Paige slept over last night, which has gotten me off my scheduled hits. My head feels like it's about to cave in, and all I want to do is punch a fucking hole in every wall in this place. So, I have to take a risk.
"I could do Italian," I tell her as I rummage through my nightstand, trying to look inconspicuous.
Trying to go for casual, I don't even check to see if she's looking before I sneak the pill into my mouth and swallow it down with water. My mistake, though, because when I turn around, she's staring straight at me with furrowed brows.
"What was that?"
Shit. Think fast. "Tylenol? I have a headache."
She gets up from the desk and comes over to me. "Yeah? Show me the bottle."
"What?"
"Show me the bottle."
The look on her face tells me that Carter’s been running his mouth. I have two options: lie or tell the truth. And being as lying hasn't done me much good with her in the past, I go with the only one I feel like might kee
p her from leaving.
"Paige," I say her name like she's going to run. And she might.
She takes a step away as I try to reach for her. "It wasn't Tylenol, was it?"
I shake my head but don't make eye contact with her. I can't bring myself to. I don't think I would be able to handle that judgmental look on her face. I've seen her give it to others, and it's fucking brutal.
"Why?" she questions.
"It helps."
It's probably not the best explanation, but it's all I can manage right now.
She scoffs and starts pacing the room. "Therapy helps, Jace. Doctor-prescribed medication. Not something you picked up from Pablo off the street corner."
"It's Rinaldo."
"I don't care!"
Her tone makes me feel like I want to go on the defensive, until she takes a deep breath. She comes over to me and places her hands on either side of my face.
"I just don't want anything to happen to you, Jace," she says with so much honesty it damn near knocks me on my ass. "Those drugs are dangerous. Promise me you'll stop."
The mere thought of giving up the pills makes me feel like I'm going to have a massive anxiety attack, but the thought of losing Paige feels like my entire world is going to fall apart in an instant. There is no winning here. I can't have one without the other. She will leave me either way.
It's wrong. So wrong it's sinful. But the next words to come out of my mouth are the only thing I can reason with. They're a massive lie, and bound to cause more harm than good, but it's all I've got.
"I promise you I will try."
I'm pulled out of a peaceful slumber to the sound of someone groaning. It takes me a minute to even realize what it is, until Jace starts thrashing around in bed next to me. He's murmuring something inaudible, but it definitely isn't good.
"Jace," I say softly, trying to wake him up.
Change My Game: An Emotional Second Chance Romance (North Haven University Book 2) Page 10
