by Joan Wolf
The marriage he had forced upon Adrian had not turned out as Charlwood had envisioned. I was not a social pariah. If anything, I had turned out to be an asset to Adrian. I liked people, and in turn they tended to like me. The way was clear for Adrian to embark upon a great political career, if that was what he wished. And now Charlwood had come upon evidence that Adrian was not even personally unhappy in his marriage; that there was passion between him and his unwanted wife.
I wished very much that Charlwood had not seen us on the terrace. I had a foreboding that the scene he had witnessed just might be enough to push him into doing something that would not be to the benefit of any of us.
* * * *
The ride home was mostly silent, but it was not the silence of discord. On the contrary, Adrian and I were cuddled next to each other in the corner of the carriage and he had his right arm around me, pressing me closely to his side. The dizziness that I felt had nothing to do with the air temperature and everything to do with the internal heat of desire that was steadily mounting inside my body.
It seemed an endless amount of time that we were enclosed together in the privacy of the dark carriage. As the horses trotted through the nighttime city streets, Adrian held me with his right hand, while his left slipped inside my velvet cloak and caressed my breasts. His fingers slid beneath the ivory silk of my bodice and rubbed gently back and forth across first one nipple and then the other. I could hear how ragged my own breathing sounded in the dark, and I couldn’t stop myself from leaning forward to meet his touch.
By the time we got home I could feel the wet heat throbbing between my legs. His condition wasn’t any better than mine, and we swept into the house and up the stairs to our bedroom in record time.
“Shall I call Jeanette to undress me?” I asked him as he closed the door behind us.
“No,” he said. “Come over to the fire and I’ll undress you myself.”
Since the dress I was wearing had a long row of tiny pearl buttons, this task proved to be far more excruciating than he had anticipated. He cursed as his big fingers fumbled with the delicate fastenings. “Good God, Kate, a medieval chastity belt couldn’t have provided any more protection than these beastly buttons!”
One of the buttons came completely off the dress and rolled across the blue rug. I laughed unsteadily.
“That’s the last of them.” He turned me around and pulled the dress down to my waist.
“I’ll do the rest,” I said.
“Don’t bother with a nightdress.” His eyes were glittering as his hands went to his own throat. He ripped off his neckcloth and started on his shirt.
I was trembling violently as I finished undressing. My clothes lay in a heap on the rug and my skin was flushed with the heat from the blazing fire. Adrian shed the last of his own garments, stepped toward me, and lifted me up against him. He kissed me, opening my mouth, and as I pressed my body along the length of his, the heat between us was scorching. My bare feet were swinging clear of the ground, and he carried me to the bed and laid me down, following after me, his hand moving to touch me where I most wanted to be touched.
“All right?” he asked, his voice hoarse.
“Yes,” I said, and opened my legs to receive him.
He entered me, and I locked my arms around his neck and lifted my legs to encircle his waist. Great waves of sensation washed over me as I felt the powerful thrust of him inside me, intensifying the feeling, lifting me higher and ever higher still, until I thought the need might kill me. Then he reared back a little and drove once more, deep into the heart of me. The last wave splintered into a dazzling shower of starlight, and shock after shock of pleasure poured through me, and at the same time I felt the hot flood of his seed pour into my womb.
We lay locked together for a long time, waiting for our breathing to slow, for our heartbeats to return to normal. At last I let out a long, heartfelt sigh.
Still keeping us connected, he rolled onto his side so that his weight came off me. After a while he said, “Did that feel good?” I could hear the smile in his voice.
My eyes were heavy, and I closed them. “Um,” I said drowsily.
“Tired?”
“Um,” I said again.
He moved carefully within me, and I felt him grow bigger. His face was lying just inches away from mine on the pillow, and I lifted my lashes and looked into his eyes. He moved again, and I could feel my mouth open in surprise.
“Adrian?” I whispered.
His eyes were very dark. “How good does it feel, Kate?” he said. “Tell me how good it feels.”
He moved again, and I felt the first wave of sensation begin to roll up through me. His eyes had narrowed. A strand of hair had caught in his lashes, and I puffed gently to blow it away. Another wave washed through me.
“Tell me,” he said again. “How good does it feel?”
“Very good,” I breathed. “It feels very good.”
“God,” he said. “I think I could do this all night, Kate.”
“Just once more,” I said. “I think that’s all that I can stand.”
* * * *
He woke me early to see if I wanted to take the horses to the park, but when I sat up the room began to spin and I had to lie down again. “I haven’t been feeling very well in the mornings lately, Adrian,” I admitted. “Perhaps we could go later?”
“I have to be at the Horseguards for most of the day,” he said.
“Oh.” I lay back on my pillow and gazed at him. There was a pale golden stubble on his cheeks and chin, and his hair was ruffled and hanging in his eyes. I badly wanted to go with him and I tried to sit up again, but it was no good. The room swam before my eyes and my stomach heaved.
Damn.
“What’s wrong, Kate?” He sounded alarmed.
I closed my eyes and faced the truth. “I think I am with child, Adrian.”
He didn’t say anything. I opened my eyes a little and peeked at him.
“You don’t sound very joyful,” he said quietly. His own face looked grave.
I wasn’t joyful. I didn’t have time; to be sick right now. I had too much daughterly business to complete before I could begin to turn my attention to being a mother. However, I could hardly say this to Adrian.
I shut my eyes again and said, “It’s hard to be joyful when you are feeling sick.” I sniffed. “And I really wanted to go riding with you this morning.”
“We’ll find another time to do our riding, sweetheart,” he said gently. I felt his lips touch my forehead. “I promise.”
I looked up at him. “Are you happy?” I asked.
“I am happy about the baby,” he said. “But I’m not happy that you are feeling ill.”
I managed a smile. “I’ll get better. The morning is the worst.”
“Have you seen a doctor?”
I shook my head.
“I’ll get the name of someone good and have him come and call on you,” he said.
Of course he was concerned. If this baby was a boy, he would be Adrian’s heir. I would have to see this doctor. “All right,” I said listlessly.
“Go back to sleep, sweetheart,” he said.
I looked toward the window to see if I could judge the time, and my eyes fell upon two telltale piles.
“Adrian! Our clothes!”
He turned to look. “Yes. What about them?”
“We can’t leave them there. How will it look?”
His eyes glinted, but his voice was grave. “Not good, Kate,” he said.
“Will you please pick them up?” I said urgently. “I would do it myself, but if I try to get out of this bed I will be sick.”
“That would look even worse,” he said. The glint in his eyes was even more pronounced than before.
“It’s not funny, Adrian!” I said. “I do not want my maid finding my clothes thrown on the floor like that. She will know exactly what happened last night. She’s French.”
He grinned.
“Adrian! P
ick up those clothes!”
He stood up. He was not wearing any clothes at all, and he looked marvelous. If Jeanette could see him now, she would really think he was a Greek god.
“Don’t upset yourself, sweetheart,” he said soothingly. “I will pick up the clothes.”
And he did. He even folded them neatly and piled them on a chair before going next door to his dressing room to get ready for the day.
Chapter Twenty-one
It wasn’t until I woke again at ten o’clock that it occurred to me that I had made a mistake in telling Adrian about the baby. We were due to leave for Newmarket in three days. What if he thought I shouldn’t go?
Aside from an upset stomach when I awoke, feeling tired, and occasional bouts of dizziness, I was perfectly fine. I told this to Dr. Adams, the young doctor who called to see me that very afternoon at Adrian’s request.
Initially, I had not been pleased by Dr. Adams’s youth. He was a slim, almost boyish-looking man, and it was terribly embarrassing having to talk to him about such intimate matters as my sex life with Adrian and my monthly flow. I felt I would have been more comfortable with an older, more fatherly kind of man.
However, Dr. Adams was so cheerful and brisk and matter-of-fact that it was not as bad an ordeal as I had feared it would be. And my worst fear—that he would ask me to take off my clothes—did not come to pass. He simply talked to me, told me that I was probably not quite two months pregnant, that I was perfectly healthy and could continue with my normal life as long as I made certain that I got enough sleep.
“I can go to Newmarket later this week for the races?” I asked.
“Certainly,” Dr. Adams replied. He gave me a very nice smile. “I don’t think I would recommend Derby Day at Epsom, but Newmarket should be perfectly safe, Lady Greystone.”
As I saw him off, I actually felt glad that Adrian had chosen a young, modern doctor who did not have antiquated notions about the dangers of pregnancy.
He had also chosen a doctor who obviously knew something about Newmarket. The other major racetracks in England—Epsom, Ascot and Doncaster—all had grandstands and catered to crowds of all classes. Epsom on Derby Day regularly boasted an attendance of over 100,000 people, and with the beer tents doing a brisk business, it could get rather rowdy. I knew because I had been there. Nor was racing the only attraction for the spectator at these tracks. Dicing, gaming, wrestling, and boxing were going on in various tents all over the racetrack grounds.
The track at Newmarket, on the other hand, was exclusively for racing and exclusively for the upper-class owner and spectator. The biggest crowd, such as the one that would gather on Guineas day, wouldn’t number more than five hundred people. There was no grandstand. The men watched the races on horseback; the women from carriages. There was no chance of my being dangerously jostled at Newmarket. I knew that, and I was thankful that the doctor knew it also.
“Dr. Adams says that I am perfectly fine and there is no reason why I cannot go to Newmarket” were the words with which I greeted Adrian when he came home at five o’clock to change his clothes. I had been waiting for him in the red salon and had given Walters strict orders to ask his lordship to see me as soon as he came in. Ned had been keeping me company, and we were playing kit-cat-cannio together when Adrian walked into the room.
“I win, Aunt Kate! I win!” Ned shouted. We were both sitting cross-legged on the red Persian rug in front of the fireplace, with a pad of paper and some pens between us. We turned at the same moment to watch Adrian crossing the floor.
He looked down at the row of three A’s Ned had made diagonally across the grid of squares. “If you are the one with the A’s, then it certainly looks as if you have won, Ned,” he said.
“Aunt Kate and I have discovered that the one who has the X always wins, Uncle Adrian,” Ned confided. He drew another grid of nine boxes. “See. If I put my first X here,” Ned proceeded to put an X in the upper right-hand box, “and then I put my next X here,” another mark was made in the lower left-hand box, “then the O person can’“ stop me!”
Adrian looked at the grid intently, and then he nodded. “You’re right, Ned,” he said. “It was very clever of you to figure that out.”
“Aunt Kate helped,” the little boy said generously.
“Good for you, Aunt Kate,” Adrian said.
Ned’s nurse appeared in the doorway. “Time for dinner, Master Ned,” she said.
Ned gave me a longing look.
“Go along with Miss Pettigrew and have your dinner,” I said. “I’ll come to see you later and tell you a story.”
The little boy stood up. “Oh, good,” he said. “I like your stories, Aunt Kate.”
Adrian put out his hand to me and I let him pull me to my feet. A current of awareness passed between us at the touch of our hands.
Ned reached the door, turned, and gave us a sunny smile. “Bye for now, Aunt Kate. Bye for now, Uncle Adrian.”
“Bye for now, Ned,” we chorused in return.
After the little boy had gone, I told Adrian about what Dr. Adams had said.
“Did you tell him about the dizzy spells?” he asked.
“Yes. I told him everything, Adrian.” I could feel my cheeks flush. “He certainly asked me everything!”
“Very well,” he said after a moment. “Then there seems to be no reason why we can’t go to Newmarket.”
“There is no reason at all,” I said, and my smile was as sunny as Ned’s had been.
* * * *
The day we left for Newmarket, the sky was gray with the promise of rain. We took two coaches; one contained Louisa and me, and the other contained all of our baggage as well as Jeanette and Rogers, Adrian’s valet. Paddy had left the previous day with Sean MacBride, Finn MacCool’s old groom, so it was just Harry and Adrian riding beside the carriage.
It was one of those cold, damp spring days that can chill you to your very marrow. Adrian had provided us with rugs inside the coach, and I huddled under one, grateful for the warmth of the wool. Next to me, Louisa did the same.
“It’s a pity Caroline could not come,” she said as the horses trotted briskly out of Berkeley Square.
“I know. It’s unfortunate that the Race Meeting is the same week that they were invited to visit Holkham. But you know Edward! Once he heard about how Mr. Coke had improved his livestock herd, I don’t think God Himself could have detained Edward from taking a look. He certainly couldn’t be put off for a mere horse race.”
Louisa chuckled. “Lord Ashley is as devoted to his cows as you are to your horses, Kate.”
“He seems to be. Isn’t it amazing?”
The chaise hit a bump and we both bounced. I pulled the rug more securely around my waist and wiggled my toes. They were cold already. I wished I had allowed Walters to give us a few hot bricks.
Louisa said, “Do you know anything about where we will be staying, Kate?”
We were to be the guests of Sir Charles Barbury himself. Adrian had met him for the first time only a few weeks ago, and lo and behold, here we were, invited to the home of the permanent president of the Jockey Club for the week the most prestigious of Newmarket’s races was run. And Sir Charles probably felt himself honored that Adrian had accepted his offer of hospitality!
“Sir Charles’s estate lies between Newmarket and Mildenhall,” I said. “I’m afraid that’s all I know, Louisa. Papa and I certainly never rated an invitation to visit Sir Charles. When we went to Newmarket, we stayed in a lodging house.”
I thought of the lodging house where we had stayed on our last visit, and of what had happened while we were there. Unbidden, unlocked for, the image of my father’s face appeared before my mind’s eye. It was not his face as it had looked after he had been shot, but as it had been for the rest of my life: vivid with the sheer joy of living.
Oh, Papa. My lips moved to form the words, but no sound came out. I felt such terrible sadness. He had been only forty-six years old. It wasn’t yet time for him to
die.
I felt the cushion under me move, and then Louisa was close beside me, reaching over to cover my cold hands with hers. “He must have been a very fine man to have had such a wonderful daughter,” she said softly.
I didn’t trust my voice, so I blinked and nodded.
“I felt so sorry for you, Kate, that winter at Charlwood,” my cousin said hesitantly. “If I seemed ... uncaring... it was that I did not wish to intrude upon your grief. You did not know me, and I thought any attempt of mine to console you would be unwelcome.” Her fingers tightened briefly, and then she took her hand away and sat back. “I just want you to know that it was not lack of concern on my part that kept me silent.”
My throat muscles felt too tight. I said, “I understand, Louisa.” My voice sounded thick, and I swallowed. I could feel tears pressing behind my eyes.
What is the matter with me? I thought. I never cry.
Silence fell between us until we were out of London and on the road north. At last I was able to say in my normal voice, “Paddy is a lucky man.”
Louisa had been looking out the window of the coach, but at my words she turned, her expression both surprised and bewildered. I explained, “You are a woman who knows how to be silent. Papa always said such a woman is worth her price in rubies. Unfortunately, it’s a virtue I never managed to acquire.”
Louisa laughed.
I said in a rush, “Louisa, Adrian said he would lease Lambourn to Paddy if the two of you should ever decide to marry.”
The first drops spattered against the carriage window. “Say that again,” my cousin said.
I repeated my words, adding, “You can be sure that Adrian means the lease to be very reasonable. It’s a perfect place, Louisa. Lambourn’s wonderful for horses, and it’s only a few miles away from Greystone. We could see each other all the time.”
“Oh, Kate.” Now it was Louisa’s turn to fill up.
The rain against the window sounded as if it was coming down more steadily.
“It wasn’t even my idea,” I said. “Adrian came up with it all on his own.”
