by Cora Carmack
“There are so many crazy things in that statement that I don’t even know where to begin.”
“You will begin by eating, or we’ll be late for Directing.”
Grumbling, I shoved a few fries in my mouth to appease her.
She rummaged around in her purse for her phone, but her hands closed around something else. “Oh, I forgot. I have Advil . . . you want some?”
I swallowed and said, “Why would I want that?”
She quirked her head to the side, “Aren’t you sore after . . . you know . . . getting your freak on?”
Stupid Bliss. So freaking stupid.
“Oh! Oh, right. No, no I’m fine. I took a bunch this morning. I’m good, thanks.”
“That a girl.”
I moved through the rest of the day on autopilot, ready to get home and crawl into the cocoon of forgetting that is sleep. I didn’t even bother taking off my clothes before I fell into bed.
My phone woke me a few hours later. It was Cade.
“Hey babe—you ready to hangout?”
I peered blearily at the clock PM. It was only 7 o’clock.
I yawned. “Yeah . . . sure. What did you have in mind?”
“Well, I was thinking—“
“No drinking,” I cut him off. “I cannot handle any drinking.”
He laughed. “No hair of the dog for you? Fine . . . Lindsay’s playing tonight at Grind. How does coffee sound?”
I yawned again. Lindsay was a fellow theatre major. A night listening to her music would be simple and mellow. Exactly what I needed. “Coffee sounds perfect.”
When I walked outside 20 minutes later, my head swung from side to side, paranoid that I’d run into Garrick. When I was certain no one was around, I jogged into the parking lot and climbed in to Cade’s beat up old Honda.
He greeted me with a smile. I resisted the urge to glance back in the direction of Garrick’s apartment.
“I forgot to mention earlier that you looked great today. I mean, minus that lovely hung-over quality. You never wear skirts to class.”
I wanted to say, ‘Just drive already!’ But that would have sounded crazy even for me. So I answered, “Oh, I burned my leg, and I’m not supposed to wear tight clothing over it.”
“Seriously?” He asked. “What happened?”
I couldn’t exactly tell him the real reason. Because then he’d want to know whose motorcycle it had been and why I had been with them and yadda, yadda.
“Oh, I burned it with my straightener.”
“You burned your leg with your straightener? How long is your leg hair?”
You’d think after all the lying I’d done in the past twenty-four hours that I would be getting slightly better at it. You would be wrong.
“Ha-Ha. So funny!” I grimaced. “I knocked it off the counter, you punk, and it hit my leg.”
I fiddled with the air-conditioning vent even though it barely worked in his piece of junk car.
“Just don’t drop your coffee on yourself. Or better yet . . . get iced coffee.”
I said, “Aye, aye captain.”
Grind was a cute little house on the edge of campus that had been turned into a coffee house a few years ago. Inside you ordered coffee, and outside there was a veranda where they hosted live music on most nights. The inside was packed. I sent Cade outside to find seats, and told him I’d get the drinks. I got an iced café mocha for me and a smoothie for Cade. He doesn’t even like coffee, but he comes here for me.
I stood in line for 10 or 15 minutes, so by the time I headed outside, I had no idea where Cade was. I strolled past the tables, nodding at people I knew, avoiding eye contact with those I didn’t. I caught Lindsay’s eye up on stage as she was setting up, and she grinned.
Finally I spotted Cade standing by a table up near the front. It was an awesome spot considering how packed this place was.
I came up behind him, and nudged my elbow into his back.
“Jesus, Cade, I thought I’d never find you out here. Couldn’t you have at least texted?”
Cade glanced over his shoulder at me, then wrapped his arm around my shoulder, and took the smoothie from my left hand.
“Sorry, babe, I was talking and got distracted. Look who it is!”
He pulled me forward, and there was Garrick.
This time, I wasn’t lucky enough to have already put down my coffee. So when I saw Garrick, it slipped out of my hand, and splashed all over my feet.
Cade, with his super fast reflexes, narrowly dodged getting it all over his Toms.
“Holy crap, Bliss. I was joking about the iced coffee, but I’m glad you listened. I swear you didn’t used to be this clumsy.”
I still couldn’t speak. My feet were cold and sticky. And my face felt way too hot.
“Here,” Cade said. “Sit down, Mr. Taylor said we could share his table.”
“It’s Garrick, Cade.” I’m sure he’d told Cade that half a dozen times already.
Cade ignored him and turned to me. “ I’ll run inside and get you some napkins. You want another drink?”
“No, no. I’m good, Cade. You stay. I’ll go clean up.”
“Forget it. You like Lindsay’s music much more than I do. All ‘be the change’ and ‘girl power’ stuff. I don’t want you to miss it. Sit.” This time, his hands pushed down on my shoulders until my butt hit the seat. Then he was off, and I was left alone with Garrick again.
“What are you doing here?” My question came out angry.
By comparison, he was sweet and calm, and possibly a little sad. “My Internet still isn’t hooked up at the apartment, and I needed to check my email. I can go, if you’d like.”
YES.
“No,” I sighed. “I’m not going to run you off. I just wish you hadn’t invited us to sit with you.”
“Well, Cade didn’t say he was here with you. I was just trying to be nice.”
“I’m sorry . . . I just . . . this is awkward. Cade doesn’t know—”
“—I’m not going to tell him, if that’s what you’re worried about. I’d like to keep this job, and besides, your personal life is none of my business. What happened between us is over. ”
His voice turned hard as he spoke. Over? Why did that feel like a punch to the stomach? His teeth were clenched, drawing my eyes to strong, smooth line of his jaw.
“You shaved,” I said. Clearly . . . no filter.
His jaw unclenched, and he looked at me in confusion. “Uh, yes, I did.”
We sat in silence, and I just couldn’t get myself to stop looking at him. His eyes were ocean water blue, and without the scruff he looked younger, less rugged sexy and more boy-next-door hotness.
His eyes dropped to my lips, and I realized I was biting down on the bottom one. God, I wanted to kiss him again.
I sprung up from my seat, “This was a bad idea. I’m going to go. Tell Cade I got sick or something.”
He stood, too. “No, Bliss, wait. I’m sorry. Don’t leave. I’ll . . . Shit, I don’t know what I’ll do. I’ll just sit here quietly, and you two can ignore me completely. I promise.”
At that moment, Lindsay stepped back up onto the small makeshift stage, and the lights came on, and people clapped.
If I were going to leave, I needed to do it now. If I got up in the middle of the set, Lindsay would see and she’d be pissed.
So against my better judgment, I sat back down.
Garrick kept his promise, and kept his eyes glued to his screen. I sat quietly as Lindsay did her sound check, my neck strained tightly to resist looking at him.
Cade arrived back right as Lindsay was introducing herself.
“Hey.” He whispered. “Randy was busing, and he let me borrow a towel. I figured this would be better than a bunch of napkins.”
Then he lifted one of my sticky feet into his lap, removed my shoe, and started wiping down my leg with the damp towel. I giggled when he passed a particularly ticklish section.
I heard Garrick stop typing.
Garrick went back to his computer, Cade focused on Lindsay, and I ducked my head down to get a closer look at my feet. When I was sure they weren’t looking, I clenched by eyes shut and let out a silent scream. A real scream would have felt better, but I would take what I could get.
I recognized Lindsay’s first few songs, having heard her play several times before, both on the stage and just in the greenroom during rehearsal and between classes. She had this great, raw, acoustic sound, and her lyrics were always some kind of social commentary, calling people on their bullshit. Which is why when she leaned into the mike and introduced her next song, I was so incredibly surprised.
“This next one is a little bit different for me. The lovely owner of this establishment,” She pointed off to the side. “Wave Kenny.” He looked under duress, but he waved. “Anyway . . . Kenny made a request that I play at least one song that wasn’t . . . how did you put it, Kenny? Bitter or Political, I believe is what he said. And since, I’m incapable of writing anything like that, I’m singing a song written by a friend of mine who wishes to remain anonymous. It’s called Resist. ”
The song opened gently, with a simple progression of cords, similar to Lindsay’s normal sound. Then it turned, became mournful, passionate, almost desperate. She sang . . . and I wished I had left when I had the chance.
No matter how close, you are always too far
My eyes are drawn everywhere you are
The quiet conversations that had been happening before stopped. It was such a dramatic change that all eyes fixed on her. But I could swear that I felt one pair of eyes on me.
I’m tired of the way we both pretend
Tired of always wanting and never giving in
I can feel it in my skin, see it in your grin
We’re more. We always have been.
Think of everything we’ve missed.
Every touch and every kiss.
Because we both insist.
Resist.
His gaze was this physical weight pressing against my skin. My heart thudded quickly in my chest, and my breaths came shorter. I didn’t want to resist. I couldn’t help it. I looked.
Hold your breath and close your eyes
Distract yourself with other guys
It’s no surprise, your defeated sighs
Aren’t you tired of the lies?
But he wasn’t looking at me. He wasn’t typing, but his eyes were fixed on his computer, and he seemed . . . unaware. Was it just me? Was I imagining it all?
Think of everything we’ve missed.
Every touch and every kiss.
Because we both insist.
Resist.
No matter how close, you are always too far
My eyes are drawn everywhere you are
Suddenly, I didn’t want to be here anymore. I couldn’t be this close to him. I was going to go crazy. It was stupid . . . even more stupid than having a one-night stand would have been, but I liked him. He didn’t like Shakespeare, and he rode a motorcycle, and he was my teacher . . . but I liked him.
I’m done. I won’t ignore.
I won’t pretend or resist.
I want more.
CHAPTER TEN
LINDSAY FINISHED OUT the last few chords, then stuck her tongue out and said, “Blech. Happy, Kenny?”
Cade laughed and gave a loud whoop! The crowd started clapping and whistling. I tried to raise my hands to join, but they were like lead in my lap.
I looked at Garrick, and this time he was looking at me. His eyes were dark, and when we connected, he made no effort to look away. Maybe I hadn’t been imagining his stare earlier. We watched each other as the clapping died down, and for the first time in my entire life I really understood that “heart beating out of your chest” thing because it felt like there was something inside of me, desperate to get out.
Before I went crazy, I ripped my eyes away, stood, and pulled Cade up by his elbow.
“Hey, what’s up?” He was so good at reading me, and I watched as his eyes went from amused to concerned. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah, of course. I’m just tired. Can you take me home?”
“Sure, of course.” He pressed a hand to my cheek like he was my mother checking my temperature. He barely took his eyes off me as he said, “Thanks for letting us share your table, Mr. Taylor. See you Wednesday.”
“It’s Garrick, Cade, please. You two have a good night.”
Garrick looked only at Cade as he spoke, which was probably for the best. With an arm wrapped around my shoulder, I let my friend lead me out an archway on the side of the property that led to the parking lot.
I’d never been so glad to climb into a rusty car that smelled faintly of oil and cheese. Cade climbed in beside me. “You sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah, I promise, I’m just tired.”
“Okay.” He didn’t look convinced. “Let’s get you home then”
He turned the key, and nothing happened. No engine, no lights, nothing.
“Aww . . . shit.”
“What?” I asked. “What does that mean?”
“It means my car is a piece of crap.”
He turned the key again, and when nothing happened he slammed a palm into the steering wheel. I pulled my legs up into the seat and laid my head against my knees.
“Hold on a sec.” Cade climbed out of the car, and popped the hood. I stayed curled up in my seat trying to mentally erase the last 24 hours from my brain. Somewhere between analyzing every look Garrick had given me tonight and planning out what I would say and how I would act in our next class, I must have fallen asleep.
The next thing I knew, Cade was shaking me awake, and the car was definitely still not on.
I rubbed at my eyes, and climbed from the car.
“Sorry, I guess I was even more tired than I thought.”
“Listen, we can’t get the car started, and we’ve tried everything we can think of.”
My brain didn’t register the “we” until the hood started lowering, and Cade was still standing beside me.
And of course, there was Garrick again. Because the world just couldn’t make anything easier on me.
“We even tried jump-starting it using Mr. Taylor’s bike.”
“I told you, it’s Garrick, Cade.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know. So anyway, since I don’t live far away . . .”
Oh lord. No. Please no. Cade was an RA in one of the dorms, which meant he could walk home. I, on the other hand, lived a few miles from campus.
“I asked Mr. Taylor, and he said he could give you a ride home. Turns out you guys even live in the same apartment complex.”
“You don’t say.” I tried to turn my gritted teeth into a smile. “That’s nice of him, but I can just call Kelsey to come get me. It’s no big deal.”
“But y’all are going to the same place . . .” Cade’s confusion was endearing, but I sort of wanted to kick him in the shins.
“Yeah, but—“
“Bliss,” Garrick interrupted. God, I would never get tired of hearing him say my name is his delicious accent. “It’s fine. Really. I don’t mind, and I’ll have you home in no time. I promise.”
He was looking at me like this was the most casual thing in the world. Like having my arms wrapped around him as he drove would be totally okay. Like I didn’t still have a bandage on my leg from the last time I’d been on that bike.
Cade yawned. He looked as tired as I felt. I knew if I pushed the issue, and wanted to wait for Kelsey, he would wait with me.
I rubbed at my eyes, and took a deep breath.
It wasn’t deep enough.
“Okay, fine. Thanks . . . Mr. Taylor. And I’ll see you tomorrow, Cade.”
Cade smiled, oblivious to my tormen
t, and said, “Great!”
He placed a quick kiss on my forehead, said goodnight to us both, and then jogged across the road and onto campus.
I didn’t even bother with the calming breath this time. I knew it wouldn’t help. I set my shoulders, and turned to face him.
He watched me for a second, frowning, and then said, “You cannot call me, Mr. Taylor.”
Despite the tension between us, I laughed. It really was ridiculous . . . considering. “Okay . . . Garrick.”
There was no good way to do this, so he just handed me the helmet, and climbed on the bike. He didn’t have to tell me to be cautious of the exhaust pipe as I got on the bike, but he did anyway.
Tonight he had on a light jacket because a cold front (or well . . . as cold as it got in Texas) had just come through. I held onto the jacket instead of him. The ride was even scarier without something more solid to hold on to, but I refused to wrap my arms around him. Mostly because I wasn’t sure I would have the willpower to unwrap them if I did.
When we arrived, I was off the bike in seconds. I think I said goodbye. Honestly, I was so panicked that I just bolted. And he let me. When I slipped inside my apartment, I risked a glance back. He was still on the bike, and after a second, he started it back up, and took off. I watched him go, battling crazy urges to follow him.
No matter what I was feeling . . . there couldn’t be anything between us.
WEDNESDAY, I WAITED in the greenroom until the very last minute, so that the class would already be full by the time I got there. I had my headshot and resume with me as assigned, and I took a seat with Cade way off to the side, so that there were about a dozen people between Garrick and I.
