by R. R. Banks
“Of course,” he replies. “You are one of my flock and I fear I haven't done a good enough job of making sure my whole flock is doing well. Feeling appreciated and loved. You are feeling loved, aren't you Calee? You're feeling the love of God in your life?”
“I feel the love of God in everything, everyday,” I say. “Thank you.”
“Excellent,” he says. “I'm thrilled to hear that.”
The trip to town is short – the Ark only sits a few miles away from the heart of Elk Plains. Harold pulls to a stop near the curb and gets out, opening my door for me. I slip out and immediately lower my eyes as I've been taught to do. Raymond falls into step beside me and we walk down the street with Harold following close behind.
We wander through the farmer's market and Raymond picks up a few things – fruits and vegetables mostly. He tries to make normal, everyday conversation with me. The way he's acting not only creeps me out, but it's making the warning bells in my head go off long and loud. None of this makes any sense to me and the longer I don't know what's happening, the more concerned I get.
“Hey, come with me,” Raymond says. “I want to show you something.”
I let Raymond lead me down a side street, the warning bells growing louder and louder in my mind. Up ahead, I can see police and emergency vehicles parked on the Mercy Bridge and a feeling of dread overwhelms me.
“What's going on?” I ask, my mouth suddenly dry.
“I don't know,” Raymond says. “Let's go and find out.”
He exchanges an odd look with Harold that sends a cold shiver down my spine. I don't know what's going on, but I have the distinct feeling that the both of them do. And that this whole episode is nothing but a show for me.
“Sorry folks, the bridge is closed,” says an officer stationed at the barricade.
“What's going on, officer?” Raymond asks.
The cop looks behind him – probably to make sure nobody is within earshot. People in this town love to gossip – even the cops. Looking back at Raymond, the cop's face is grim.
“Murder,” he says, pitching his voice low. “They're fishing the body out of the river now.”
“Murder?” Raymond asks, his voice colored with shock. “How terrible.”
“Tell me about it,” he says. “First murder in almost three years in this town.”
The knots in my stomach are tightening painfully and I feel like I might be sick. I don't know who it is they're fishing out of the river. There's no possible way I could know. But somehow, I know all the same. My head is spinning and my body is trembling.
“What happened?” Raymond asks the cop.
The cop looks around again before turning back to us. “Victim took four bullets – two in the chest, two in the head.”
“Awful,” Raymond replies. “What is this world coming to? Do you know who the poor soul is? I'd like to include him in our prayers back at the Ark.”
“Danny Miller,” the cop replies.
I look up and find Raymond looking directly at me. His eyes lock on to mine and hold them – and I find myself powerless to look away. He knows. He knows everything. I can see it in the way he's looking at me. In the cruel twist of his mouth and the hardened look in his eyes.
Tears well in my eyes and I feel my knees grow weak, suddenly unable to support me. I feel myself falling, see the darkness creeping in at the corners of my vision, and let myself surrender to it. But then I feel a pair of strong arms around me. Holding me up. A rough, calloused hand is slapping my face.
“Stay with me, Calee,” Raymond says. “Stay with me, sweetheart.”
I come back to myself and realize that I'm in Harold's arms. He's carrying me like a child and I'm looking straight into Raymond's face – though I feel like I'm looking into the face of the Devil himself.
“The poor dear,” Raymond says to the cop. “The excitement of it all must be a little too much for her. I think I should take her back to the Ark so she can get some rest.”
“That's probably a good idea,” the cop replies.
I want to say something. Want to tell the cop to arrest Raymond for Danny's murder. Want to tell him to save me because my life is in danger. But when I open my mouth to speak, nothing comes out. My mouth is dry, my head is pounding, and I have no words at all.
I watch the rescue crews hauling Danny up from the river. I see his limp, lifeless body hanging in the harness like a rag doll. The tears roll down my cheeks and I'm powerless to stop them.
As Harold carries me away, I look over at Raymond who is giving me a predatory smile that borders on sinister, the expression on his face triumphant.
Chapter Thirteen
“Did you really think I wouldn't find out?”
I'm sitting on the rough wooden floorboards, staring at the bare walls of the Reflection Room – a place I never imagined I'd find myself. Raymond is sitting in a chair against the far wall staring at me, the look on his face one of rage and disgust.
I look up at him, not knowing what to say. I'm numb with fear and I'm trembling uncontrollably. The adrenaline has long since worn off, leaving me feeling wrung out. Exhausted. I'm out of tears, I'm out of any feeling except fear. I'm so scared, I can't even mourn for Danny.
“I asked you a question, Calee.”
I shake my head. “No, I didn't think you'd find out.”
“That was your first mistake, sweetheart,” he says. “Second, actually. Fucking that townie was your first mistake.”
I lower my eyes and pick at my fingernails. I don't know what to say. There's nothing I can say, really. My worst fears have come true and it will likely cost me my life. Just like it cost Danny his.
“I know everything, Calee,” Raymond says, his voice low and menacing. “You can't put anything by me. You should know that by now.”
I remain silent, my eyes fixed on the ground. I'm not going to be baited into giving Raymond what he wants – either a fight or to have me begging him to spare my life. It's just not worth it to me anymore. But there is one thing I would really like to know.
“How did you know?” I ask.
“I have eyes and ears everywhere,” he says. “Have you learned nothing in your time with us?”
I raise my eyes and look at him. Lifting my chin, I hold his gaze, doing my best to not show him the fear that is coursing through me. In my mind's eye, I keep seeing Danny's limp body being hauled out of the river and a current of dark anger begins to trickle into my veins. I narrow my eyes and stare at Raymond with all of the hate and contempt I can muster.
“How did you know?” I repeat the question.
“Would you believe me if I said that God told me?”
“We both know you don't actually believe in God,” I spit. “God is a useful tool for you. A prop. Nothing more than an opiate for the masses.”
He looks at me, his eyebrows raised. “Wow,” he says. “Look at who's sounding all educated now. Guess you were doing more than just screwing that teacher, huh?”
“How, Raymond?” I spit again. “How did you know?”
He shrugs and tips his chair back, folding his arms over his chest as he stares at me. “Guess it doesn't matter now,” he says, “given that you – and that bastard inside of you – are gonna die and all. It was Ruth. Ruth sold you out. She made me an interesting proposition – her freedom for some valuable information. She bought her way off the Ark by spilling it all. Gotta admire her ingenuity and entrepreneurial spirit. First time I've ever had something like that happen before.”
My heart sinks to depths I didn't think it could sink to. I'd been right not to trust her. To keep information from her. And now – now it's too late for regret. She'd done what she did and although I can't say I entirely blame her – I'd probably do just about anything to get out of this hell-hole myself – I can hate her for it. And I do. I hate her with every fiber of my being.
“Don't worry though, sweetie,” Raymond says. “My Shepherds made sure her trespasses against you didn't go unanswered. S
he's been – taken care of.”
Taken care of – Raymond-speak meaning that Ruth was as dead as Danny and buried in a shallow ditch somewhere.
“Don't pretend it had anything to do with me, Raymond,” I hissed. “This is all about you. There's no way you were going to let somebody like Ruth extort you like that. Your pride and your ego wouldn't tolerate it. You killed her because you have to control everybody and everything around you.”
Raymond laughs and runs a hand through his hair. He looks at me with an amused expression on his face.
“Well, look at you,” he says. “Looks like little Calee's all grown up now. Got a little townie fuck-buddy, found herself a spine and is thinking for herself these days. Color me impressed, sweetheart.”
I guess there's really no reason to hide it anymore. No reason to play the meek, demure little brainwashed girl. I'm going to be killed soon anyway. At the very least, I want to go out knowing that Raymond knows I see him for who and what he is. It's not much, but it's all I have. All I'm going to get.
“I'm not your sweetheart, you evil bastard,” I say. “I never was. And I see you, Raymond. I know exactly what you are. A predator. A child rapist. A –”
“Shut your mouth,” he says, his tone cold.
“What? That hit a little too close to home?” I taunt him. “Don't like being called out for the pedophile you are?”
He's out of the chair and standing in front of me before I even have time to think. I hear the crack of flesh meeting flesh a split-second before I feel the stinging in my cheek where he slapped me. Raymond grabs me by the hair and hauls me to my feet. Pressing me against the wall, he's standing face-to-face with me, his nose inches from mine.
His expression is dark, his face contorted with rage. His nostrils flare and there is a wild, almost insane light in his eyes that chills me to the bone.
“Don't push me, Calee,” he hisses.
“Or what? You'll kill me?” I ask. “You're going to kill me no matter what I say.”
His fingers dig into my cheeks as he holds my face close. The smell of his breath – whiskey and cigarettes – is overpowering.
“The manner of your death is still up for debate,” he says, his voice low.
“Dead is dead,” I spit. “Doesn't matter how I get there.”
He chuckles. “Sure, it does,” he says. “You can either go peacefully. Humanely. Or, you can go covered in your own blood, begging me for mercy like a coward.”
I don't know what's gotten into me. Maybe it's facing the certainty of my own death that's giving me courage – or an excessive dose of foolishness – but I spit in Raymond's face. He doesn't even flinch when the glob strikes his cheek. I watch is sliding down his face as a thin, cruel smile forms on his lips.
Raymond releases my face and takes a handkerchief out of his pocket, never taking his eyes off mine as he wipes the spit from his face. He tucks the cloth back into his pocket and smiles at me – a smile that promises retribution and pain. The air in the room is thick and saturated with tension and the expectation of violence.
And then with the speed of a coiled snake striking, Raymond's fist lashes out, rocking my head backward as it connects with my face. My head hits the wall behind me, setting off an explosion of pain unlike anything I've ever felt, and for a moment, I see stars. Darkness creeps in at the edges of my vision and I start to feel lightheaded.
Raymond just laughs and steps away from me, walking toward the door. With his hand on the knob, he turns back and looks at me.
“You know,” he says. “According to the Bible, back in the day, adulterers were often stoned to death. I think it's time to bring that tradition back – don't you?”
Chuckling to himself, Raymond opens the door and steps out, slamming it shut behind him. I listen to the sound of him locking the door from the outside followed by his footsteps as he walks away. I sink to my knees, my head still spinning, my face a live wire of pain.
The tears come and I can't hold them back as I lay down on the floor, the rough wooden planks biting into my skin. I sob until the darkness finally pulls me under.
Chapter Fourteen
I'm awakened by the sound of the door to the Reflection Room being unlocked. Scurrying to the far corner of the room, I huddle there, my stomach churning and my head spinning. This is it. This is really it. I'm going to die.
The door opens and the darkness of the night comes rushing in. The fact that it's nighttime throws me off – Raymond won't kill me at night. No, he'll kill me by the light of day, where everybody can see.
Somebody steps into the doorway, but I can only see their silhouette. It's a woman – which adds to my confusion.
“Calee,” she says and rushes forward.
I cower in the corner, trying to press myself further into the wall as she reaches for me. My heart feels like it's going to explode in my chest and there is so much adrenaline coursing through me, I feel like my body has an electrical current running through it.
The woman drops to her knees before me and takes my hands in hers. And when she leans close, I have to blink several times. I can't believe what I'm seeing – or fathom what she's doing here. It's Raymond's newest wife – the girl I'd met earlier in the day. The girl who seemed completely enraptured by him.
“R – Rachel?” I ask.
“We need to get you out of here,” she says. “Can you stand?”
I shake my head, trying to clear out the thick cobwebs of confusion. “W – what are you doing?” I ask. “What –”
“We don't have time for that, Calee,” she says. “Please, can you stand up?”
I let her help me to my feet and then stare at her. She looks back toward the door, nervous. She's jittery and even in the gloomy shadows inside the Reflection Room, I can see the fear in her eyes.
“The gate in the south wall is unlocked,” she says. “Raymond and the Shepherds are all drunk right now. You should be able to get to it without being seen.”
“I – I don't –”
“Calee, you need to get out of here,” Rachel says, her voice urgent. “They're going to kill you. They're going to fucking stone you to death. You need to run.”
Everything is happening so fast and I'm so confused. I look at her and then at the open doorway. None of this makes sense. She's Raymond's wife. This morning, she seemed to be devoted to him. I look at her again and shake my head.
“Why are you helping me?”
She looks to the door and then back at me. And by the dim lighting coming in from outside, I can see the tears welling in her eyes.
“Because I need your help,” she says. “I need you to get help and come back. I need you to save me. I need you to get me out of here.”
The tears are falling down her face and I pull her to me, embracing her tightly. My heart goes out to this girl – I know exactly what she's going through.
“Please, promise me you'll come back,” she says. “Promise me you'll bring help and get me out of here.”
I kiss the top of her head. “I swear it,” I vow. “I'll get you out of here.”
She steps back and looks at me as she wipes the tears away from her face. “You need to get out of here, Calee,” she says. “Now.”
“What about you?” I ask.
“I'll be fine,” she says. “I'll lock the room and give them a mystery to figure out. Maybe it buys you a little more time.”
“Come with me.”
She shakes her head. “I'll slow you down,” she says. “You'll be able to move faster if you don't have to worry about me.”
I nod and give her a long look before I head to the door. Sticking my head out, I look around the compound and see that it's deserted. Stepping out, I head toward the rear wall of the compound – to the gate Rachel said was unlocked.
I tense and feel my stomach roil when I hear voices echoing around the compound. Laughter and slurred words – the Shepherds are drunk, but they're out walking around. Moving from a bush to a stack of crates to anyth
ing I can use for cover, I pick my way to the gate, only breathing a sigh of relief when I finally get to it.
Reaching out, I grip the handle and have a sudden, overwhelming fear wash over me. What if Rachel is setting me up? What if this was some sort of test? Or a trap? Ruth had already screwed me over and put me in this position in the first place – can I afford to trust another of Raymond's minions?
I take a deep breath and try to calm myself down. Force myself to think clearly. Logically.
None of that makes any sense. Raymond is planning on killing me anyway, so why would he go through all of the trouble of having Rachel set me free? Either way – being stoned to death or shot outside the compound walls – I end up dead, so having Rachel free me makes absolutely no sense and would serve no purpose at all.
Not when he can kill me in front of the whole cult and use me as an example to keep the others in line and under his thumb.
I turn the latch and as the gate opens, I let out a silent sigh of relief. But then, I grimace as the hinges squeal as I push it open wide enough for me to slip through. My heart is pounding as I let the shadows swallow me whole as I run off into the night, putting as much distance between me and the Ark as I can.
Although I don't have a plan, my feet seem to lead me in the direction I need to go. It's not too long before I find myself at the door of Danny's cabin. Taking the key from underneath the rock beside the door, I let myself in. I stand in the doorway, staring at the darkened interior for a moment, letting the full impact of what's happened wash over me.
Grief for Danny hits me like a hammer and I feel my knees weaken. Tears well in my eyes and there is a physical pain in my heart. No, I didn't love him, but I cared for Danny. And he didn't deserve to die. Because of me.
I double over and sink to my knees, burying my face in my hands as I sob. I'm on my hands and knees, my tears splashing onto the wooden floor of Danny's cabin. And what makes me hate myself even more is that not all of my tears are for him. I feel the weight of all the years I spent under Raymond's thumb pressing down on me. Smothering me. Threatening to choke the very life out of me.
