by Cat Shinier
“Finally,” he says hoarsely. My desire for him is at least as strong as his for me. We practically lunge at each other. Our lips meet. Not a trace of the soft kisses we exchanged before, but demanding and probing. He conquers my mouth and a delicious feeling of physical weakness spreads throughout my body. I respond to his kiss with all the passion I can muster. His hands move towards my behind. Gently he caresses the thin silky material and can feel my underwear.
“You are wearing the lingerie that I bought you?”
I am breathless, and barely manage to whisper “yes” towards his lips. His hand glides downwards over my hips. Then they change direction and move upwards, over my stomach, and rest on my breast.
He pushes the material aside adroitly and starts playing with my nipples while I feel his hard shaft on my stomach. My muscles inside contract with joyful anticipation.
Then he lifts me up so that I am positioned along his stomach and above his erection. I lean my back against the wall of the elevator, and my legs envelop him and cross on his back. He pushes aside the lace of my brassiere, takes my breasts and starts caressing my nipples with his mouth, subtly sucking and biting at them
My desire for him has totally bowled me over. I feel like I am melting from the inside out. My vagina is pulsing, and it’s the very first time that I am experiencing an orgasm with a man. It comes over me like force majeure and passes over me like a huge tsunami-like wave throughout my whole body, not to be compared to any orgasm I ever had with myself. This one is so powerful I am happy that Shamar is holding me. I hear a sheer endless moaning and realize that it is me. I have been experiencing my lust completely oblivious to everything around us. I open my eyes and meet fluid mother of pearl. Shamar is breathing heavily as if he is running a marathon.
“Oh darling, you’re so hot,” he whispers along my lips. Then he kisses me again and places me back on my feet.
“I want you so much, Luna, but this is just not the right place for our first time. We’ll save the elevator for another time...”
He flips the black switch again, and the elevator starts moving again. I can see myself in the mirror. My lips are swollen, and my eyes are large and luminous. My dress is in disarray, and I think to myself that these express lifts are so fast that there is hardly any time to correct your appearance when you need to. When we arrive upstairs, Shamar picks me up, crosses the hallway, the living room and the hallway. Suddenly Matthew appears in front of us, opens and closes his mouth without saying anything.
“Matthew, we won’t be needing you anymore tonight. Thank you. Good night.”
Matthew says good night to us completely impassively and without even moving the tiniest facial muscle and retreats back into his room. Shamar continues moving towards his bedroom carrying me.
I lose a shoe on my way there, and it crashes to the ground. Shamar opens a huge white door and turns on the light. I see a huge round bed in the middle of the room that is surrounded by a soft milky light. Before he puts me down on the bed, I kick off my second shoe. My passion has evaporated, and I am now overcome by gnawing doubt. I have to tell him. I have to tell him beforehand. The time to do that could not be worse, I think to myself. So I sit up carefully and try not to mess up my beautiful dress. Shamar is standing at the end of the bed and is undoing his tie while he slips off his shoes.
His gaze is dark and full of passion as he stares at me. I know exactly what is to happen next. But it won’t.
“Shamar, I am so sorry but we have to talk.”
“But not now, sweetheart.” He has taken off his suit jacket and is unbuttoning his shirt. He has anticipation written all over his face and all over his body. Specifically, a particular part of his body.
“Yes. We have to talk. Now.” His movements slow down.
“You’re kidding me!”
“No Shamar, I’m not kidding you.” My eyes burn and I blink.
Slowly he sits down next to me in his elegant pants and his unbuttoned shirt. He takes my hand and gives me a deep look.
“What is wrong Luna? Am I too fast or have I hurt you in some way?”
I shake my head. “No, nothing of the sort. There is something I have to tell you about myself,” I stutter.
“Darling. Tell me. I’m listening.” Shamar is sitting next me and has let go of my hands to not inhibit me. His facial expression is grave.
I desperately try to find the right words. My eyes burn, and I have a hard time keeping back my tears. Oh God, why is it so hard. It was not my fault, I curse at myself.
* * *
“I’m going to have a hard time telling you what I am about to tell you. So please just listen. And if you don’t want to see me afterwards, I will accept that and will leave tomorrow morning and disappear from your life completely.”
Shamar takes a deep breath.
“Luna, I can’t imagine that there could be anything that would cause me to not want to see you anymore and send you away.” He looks at me and nods encouragingly.
So I take a deep breath myself and start to tell my story.
“I was 17 years old when I fell in love with a boy in my class. His name was Peter. It was the last year before graduation. I thought he was nice, and I really liked him a lot. He gave me the feeling of being pretty and desirable. We went on a few dates and studied together for the final exams. We kissed sometimes, but nothing more happened during all that time while we studied together. Up until the day we wrote our final exam. We were all completely hyper and were all really happy to know that all the exams were over.
It happened one day in early May. The parents of a boy in our class had gone on a trip, and the boy was alone at home. So we had a huge party. Drank lots of alcohol, listened to music and goofed around. Peter was there, too. At some point, Peter grabbed my hands and pulled me upstairs and after him.
We went up one floor into the bedroom of our friend’s parents. I was giggling the whole time and thought it was really exciting to be in someone else’s bedroom. Peter closed the door and locked it, and said that it would be nicer not to have someone barge in on us. Then he pulled the duvets off the bed and threw them on the floor and pulled me onto the bed with him.”
My eyes are burning, and a tear slowly rolls down my cheek and over my chin before falling to my dress. Shamar swallows and strokes my face with the back of his hand, but does not say anything. I take a deep breath and continue with my story.
“So we were lying there on the bed kissing. And at some point I was naked. I don’t remember how, but suddenly I was naked somehow. And Peter wanted to have sex. I was curious what it was going to be like, and I was not as nervous as I would have been, had I been sober and not had as much alcohol. So I went along with what he was doing.
Then Peter asked me if I was on the pill. I wasn’t because there hadn’t been any reason to be. And so Peter was really furious because now he had to do something about that. So he rummaged around the two night tables alongside the bed, hoping to find condoms. But he didn’t. Instead, he found lubricating cream.
He squirted some of the lubricating cream into the palm of his hand and looked at me and said Luna, today you’re going to lose your virginity, but not the way you thought you would. I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about. Then he started rubbing the cream all over his penis. I had never seen a man naked up until that day. I watched him massage himself with that cream.
It did not take very long before he looked at me and said that he was ready and that I was supposed to lie down on my stomach. I did not know what was about to happen and flipped over on my stomach. I felt his hand spreading the lubricating cream all around. I thought that was part of it. It was my first time. And then Peter lowered himself down on me and pushed my legs apart. The next thing I felt was his trying to insert his penis into my behind.
He was all ready, and nothing was going to stop him. He put his arm around me and simultaneously inserted his erect penis into me. It hurt like hell. I thought I was going to tear apart.
I told him to stop and tried to shake him off. But that seemed to titillate him even more. He supported his arms on my back and pinned me under him. I could not move. And he continued to ram into me, again and again. It hurt so much I screamed, so he pressed my face into the mattress so no one would hear me. The ordeal felt like it lasted an eternity, and it hurt incredibly.
I was crying after it, in such pain and so ashamed. The next thing I remember was Peter getting dressed again and throwing the covers that had been lying on the floor over me. ‘That was nice, Luna,’ he said before he unlocked the door and left the room, leaving me all by myself.”
At this point, I am crying with Shamar, and my face is covered with tears. Shamar has not said anything yet and is listening to me. I cannot read the expression on his face.
“I don’t know how long I lay there, unable to move. At some point I just got up, collected my clothes and got dressed and ran home in the middle of the night. I did not tell anyone what happened, except my friend Susan. And since then I haven’t even looked at a guy, let alone thought about sex or a relationship.” Until you came, I think to myself.
“Did you ever see this guy Peter again?”
“I saw him during our graduation ceremony when we got our diplomas. I felt so hurt and embarrassed when I saw him. He only grinned and continued on his way, and I never saw him again, which was just fine with me.”
In the meantime, Shamar has gotten up and walked around the bed. Now he sits down on the bed and embraces me. My head lands on his chest, which has that unique fragrance. His fragrance.
My tears and my black mascara leave a few spots on his open shirt and his skin. He is holding me and stroking my back with this hand to calm me down. “Sshhhh” he whispers quietly. “Sshhhh.”
“You carried around that burden with yourself all this time. Why didn’t you get help and go see a therapist to talk about it? That would have helped you cope with the memory. That was definitely rape. You could have reported him to the police.”
His voice is soft and understanding, and I can tell that my story has gotten to him.
“I just couldn’t. It was impossible. How could I have proven what happened? No one would have believed me. And I could not have told a stranger about what happened. How was I going to prove what I was saying was true? Susan knows about it, and now you do, too.”
I have now collected my wits again and can look at him.
“Do you … do you want me to leave now?”
I look at him and am full of fear. I am so in love with him and am afraid that he will be revolted by what I have told him.
“Darling, how could I ever let you go? What happened to you was awful. It followed you for so many years of your life and made things hard for you. The only mistake you made was that you did not go and get help in trying to overcome the trauma. I feel honored that you feel free to be so honest with me.”
I cannot hold his gaze and look down at the floor. He hugs me again and strokes my back, which feels heavenly. I hear his calm and steady heart beat and feel his warmth on my chest and his hands on my back.
“We will not rush into anything, Luna. Okay? Nothing will happen if you don’t want it to happen.”
I nod.
“That is just it. I want to so badly, but I am afraid.”
He takes a deep breath.
“What?”
“Shamar, I want to. I want to sleep with you. I know it will be completely different.”
He looks at me, and his eyes have become all dark again. I can clearly see the passion.
“Luna, I would be overjoyed. But this would be the wrong time. You are agitated and have cried. Come darling, just slip into bed with me. There is no rush. We don’t have to push things.”
I smile at him. Mascara smeared all over my face, my nose dripping – a pitiful sight, to be sure.
“Come, let me help you.”
Shamar has risen and holds his hand out to me. I grab it and get up, too. Gently he unzips my dress. It falls to the ground as light as a feather. I get out and bend down to pick up the dress to place it on one of the chairs. Shamar turns around and goes to get one of his T-shirts for me. I grab his T-shirt and disappear in his bathroom. It is equipped the same way mine is, just that he has his own personal body care products. But I find the things I need, there are enough utensils that the hotel has provided for overnight stays and so I don’t have to go back to my own bathroom to brush my teeth. I slip off my brassiere and into his black T-shirt.
The T-shirt is way too big for me. It has an elaborate monogram on back, SI – Shalazar Industries and reaches half way down my thighs. Shamar is now wearing boxer shorts. And there are two little plastic bottles of water on the night tables.
“In case you get thirsty tonight. Just get into bed here and I will be right with you.”
While I snuggle into this huge bed, Shamar goes to the bathroom, comes back a few minutes later and gets into bed with me. Then he kisses me tenderly on my lips and puts his arm around my neck. I turn to my side and put my head on his chest. I can feel his warm skin through the T-shirt and listen to his calm heartbeat.
“Sleep, darling,” he whispers. I lie there in the dark and listen to his regular breathing. At some point I close my eyes and fall asleep.
* * *
I wake up the next morning and am all alone. It is daylight outside, and I assume that Shamar is busy at work. I go into the bathroom and take the bathrobe that is hanging over the door, wrap it around myself and collect my things in my bedroom. My brassiere, the dress, a shoe, then open the door to the living room and find the other shoe lying there. The large table is still set but Shamar seems to have already had breakfast. Matthew is placing a fresh plate and cutlery and a cup on the table.
“Good morning, Miss Buchholz. How are you doing this morning?”
I stop next to the table. “Good morning Matthew. Thank you, I am fine. I hope you are, too?”
I have absolutely no idea if it is okay to ask a butler something like that. But Matthew does not seem to care. He looks happy and beams at me.
“Thank you, Miss Buchholz; I am quite all right, too. Would you like to have breakfast?”
“Yes, I would. Maybe croissants like yesterday? They were delicious. And I could take a shower before I sit down to eat. Can I have breakfast in about half an hour?”
“Miss Buchholz, you can have breakfast any time you like. The breakfast will be served in 30 minutes if that is okay with you. And I have an envelope that Mr. Shalazar left it for you.” He hands me a manila envelope which I take from him to read it upstairs in my room.
“Thank you, Matthew. I’ll be back in 30 minutes.” With those words I turn around and run back up the stairs, taking two steps at once. When I have reached the hallway I open the envelope, and a heartbeat later I unfold the later.
Chapter Nine
Darling,
I had to leave you this morning. An important appointment that could not be postponed. I am so honored by your trust. I will not disappoint you. Please be ready at 12. And pack things for two days, we will be back on Monday.
Shamar
* * *
Suddenly my heart rate shifts into a higher gear. We’re taking a trip. Where to? And why? What’s the plan? Well, I guess I know. Last night I let him know that I want him as much as he wants me.
So I disappear into the bathroom, take a shower and shave the tiny hair stubbles all over my whole body. Armpits, legs and bikini area are as smooth and soft as silk afterwards. I am prepared for whatever happens.
I put on some comfortable clothes and run down the stairs to my breakfast table. Despite yesterday evening’s lavish dinner, I manage to eat a large breakfast of two croissants with butter and jelly, and an apple and banana. Then I go back upstairs and start packing my overnight bag for the weekend. My white dress, cargo pants and T-shirts.
The wardrobe I’ve brought along is pretty limited seeing that I had to stick to the maximum weight. So now, seeing that I don
’t have a large selection to choose from I have an easier time repacking the things I want to bring along. I’m done in a jiffy and decide that I’ll spend the hour I still have to myself sunbathing next to Shamar’s private pool.
I am enjoying the book I’ve brought along, when I hear the sliding doors being opened, and Shamar appears. He still has on the traditional robe, and his head is covered, making him look quite distinguished as he walks towards me.
“Luna,” is all he says. He gathers the kaftan to be able to kneel down. Then he kisses me. “You’re early, Shamar,” I say grinning, then kiss him. After a moment or two he moves away. “I could hardly wait to see you again, darling.”
“Where will we be going?” I want to know.
“It’s a secret. You’ll see when we are there but I am sure that you will like it.” He stands and offers his hand to help me up from the sun lounger.
“But I am sooo excited – couldn’t you just give me a little hint?”
He laughs and embraces me lightly. Then he gives me a kiss.
“Okay, we are going to the desert – but that is all I am going to say.” Then he laughs again when he sees the surprised look on my face.
“Come on, why don’t you change. Then we can leave.”
While I run up the staircase for the 2nd time today, Shamar is standing at the bottom of the staircase watching me with an amused look on his face. Then he turns around and disappears in his own bedroom. I exchange my bikini for my underwear and pack the bikini in my suitcase. Then I slip into a dark pair of jeans and a T-shirt. I tie my hair back to a ponytail and push my sun-glasses up on my head to hold my hair back. Then I put on my sneakers, and I am ready.
I grab my bag and start down. Matthew seems to have disappeared which is a shame as I would have loved to say goodbye to him. Shamar exits from his bedroom carrying a small backpack over his bag. He is dressed just as casually as I am. Black jeans and a black polo shirt.
