And it was all too much.
His body was flush against hers. Breasts and hips crushed to him in a way that had instant sparks lighting up his entire body. His thighs bracketed one of hers, the heat of her seeping through his pants.
But it was her expression that really did him in.
Lola stared up at him, a combination of heat and surprise filling those deep brown eyes. Her lips were parted on a silent oh that morphed as her tongue shot out to swipe across her plump pink lips.
With a groan, Erik bent down and snagged her mouth. The kiss was far from soft. It was an avalanche of everything he’d been bottling up. It was heat and need and flamed hot and hard.
Lola made a sound, a mingled whimper and groan. Her hands found his waist and hovered, neither holding him in place nor pushing him away.
The taste of her was madness, and it wasn’t nearly enough. Erik leaned into her more. His palms, planted on the brick at either side of her head, flexed. He wanted to grab her, but at least a tiny part of his brain must have been working, because he hesitated.
Erik wasn’t sure how long it lasted. Enough to leave them both winded. Lola finally pushed him back several inches.
“No,” she whispered. “No.”
She scooted out from under his body, putting even more space between them. His chest ached from breathing too hard and something else he didn’t want to think about right now.
Slowly he turned, straightened, forced his balled fists into his pockets so he wouldn’t reach for her again.
Lola stared at him, framed by the windows at her back. The party raged behind her, everyone laughing, dancing, happy. The groom twirled the bride across the floor, her face tilted back with delight and bright with wonder.
While Lola stared up at him, misery and panic stamped across every feature.
Shaking her head, she said, “I will not do this with you again, Erik. I can’t.”
He watched her leave, frozen as if he’d been cemented to the spot. Everything inside him throbbed, with agony and need.
But she was right.
That kiss hadn’t been fair to either of them.
The problem was, they were going to have to figure out how to deal with each other without letting the past become a specter fueled by hate or this physical need driving them to sabotage the rest of their lives.
But tomorrow was soon enough to figure out how to move forward. Erik pulled out the chair Lola had used and sprawled into the shadows. For right now, he’d stay where he was. Because he didn’t trust himself not to put his hands all over her again.
7
LOLA GROANED AS she rolled out of bed. Sunday was her day. She tried not to go into the studio, not even for editing or paperwork. Especially after a long shoot like the one last night.
Thoughts of the wedding immediately turned to thoughts of that kiss. Which immediately sent liquid warmth spilling through her veins. She’d always known Erik could kiss, but...damn.
She’d been hyperaware of him all night, even before the kiss. Standing beside her, anticipating her needs, taking care of her...at least until the end when he’d kept his distance. She should have been grateful for the reprieve, but she wasn’t.
His attention had been sweet and unsettling all at the same time. He’d made her edgy. Several times she’d bitten back the need to tell him to give her room to breathe—doing that would have been admitting he was affecting her. And she refused to do that.
So instead, she’d gotten a little too close to the fire last night and felt it singe her. No more. She was proud of herself for pushing him away, because it had been touch and go there for a few moments. Everything inside her was begging just to give in and take what she wanted.
But she knew there was potential for a hell of a lot more if she let herself get wrapped up in him again. Nope, the smarter choice was to draw a clear line and refuse to step over it.
That was exactly what she’d done for the rest of the evening, and Erik had been quiet when he’d dropped her off at the studio. He hadn’t even insisted on following her home—not that she’d wanted him to, but she was surprised he hadn’t offered.
Lola shuffled out to the kitchen, stared longingly at her coffeepot, and then popped in a pod of decaffeinated tea instead. Her head was muzzy as she waited for it to brew.
It was just after ten, way past her normal time to get up. But Lola was cutting herself some slack today. Her plans involved a close relationship with her pjs, her bed and a book she’d been dying to read.
All of that got blown out of the water when a loud knock sounded on her front door. The last person she expected to find standing on her porch was Erik. Holding a picnic basket.
“What are you doing?” The door was open and the words out of her mouth before she’d meant to say them. If she’d been a little less groggy, she would have simply ignored the knock and pretended not to be home.
Without waiting for an invitation—that was really starting to piss her off—Erik slipped inside. He set the basket down on her kitchen counter.
“We’re going to the lake. I know the studio is closed today and you have the day off.” He held up his hands to forestall her protest. “We need to talk, Lola. In a relaxing public setting that won’t lead to arguments—” something enigmatic crossed his expression “—or kisses. We have some important things to figure out and not a lot of time.”
She didn’t need the reminder that soon he’d be leaving for California.
“You can’t have a bad day at the lake. It’s summer. Come on.”
A lazy day at the lake did sound nice. She hadn’t taken the time since the girls had dragged her out there at the end of last season.
Grumbling, Lola finally said, “Fine. But no funny business.”
A smirk crossed his face. “Remember who you’re talking to.”
Which didn’t do anything to settle her nerves.
“Scoot. Go get ready. We’re wasting daylight.”
And all the good spots would be taken if they didn’t hurry.
Disappearing into her bedroom, Lola was careful to shut and lock the door. Not that she expected Erik to barge in where he wasn’t wanted. The lock was more for herself than for him.
Ten minutes later, Lola stared at herself in the mirror and bit back a groan. She’d never been the kind of woman to care overly much about the slight curve of her stomach—and the black bikini she’d bought just after Memorial Day on a shopping trip with the girls looked just fine. For now.
What bothered her was the thought of spending the day with Erik while she was practically naked. Just the thought of Erik’s eyes on her had her body tingling with anticipation.
Maybe she’d just keep her cover-up on all day. She buttoned up the oversized men’s shirt she used and didn’t bother putting anything else on since it hung almost to her knees. Tossing a towel, sunscreen, straw cowgirl hat and the book she’d planned to read today into her bag, Lola headed back down the hallway, purposely avoiding a second glance in the full-length mirror.
She did not care how she looked. She’d tied her hair in a messy knot on the top of her head and smoothed some tinted moisturizer with sunscreen across her face. How she looked didn’t matter. She wouldn’t let it matter.
At the last second, she grabbed her camera, the one she kept at home and used for her personal pictures—the one Erik had given her—and added it to the pile.
Erik reached for her stuff. Lola reluctantly relinquished her tote but kept hold of the camera in its bag. It didn’t escape her notice that his gaze snagged on the worn fabric. It was as familiar to him as it was to her, and a tiny flutter of panic ghosted through her belly.
She followed him outside and waited as he stowed her things behind the driver’s seat before sliding into his truck. She immediately noticed the two steami
ng cups sitting in the console. The heavenly scent of coffee wafted up to her and she groaned.
“I’d kill for some coffee right about now.”
“No need for that. Yours is right there.”
She frowned at him. “I can’t have coffee.”
“No, you can’t have caffeine. Yours is decaf.”
Slumping down in her seat, Lola crossed her arms over her chest. Yes, she realized she was pouting, and right now she didn’t care. “That’s just cruel, Erik. Decaf isn’t even worth the effort.”
He shrugged. “Seven months is a long time, Lo. You might want to at least try your options before deciding they suck.”
The longer she sat in the truck, surrounded by that mouth-watering scent, the more she thought maybe he was right. Finally, unable to resist, Lola reached for the cup and cradled it in her hands before taking a sip.
And nearly orgasmed at the burst of flavor across her tongue. It had been a long week since she’d found out she was pregnant. “Are you sure this is decaf?”
“Absolutely.”
Okay, so maybe the next few months wouldn’t be so bad if she could still have this pleasure.
Erik chatted as they drove, filling the twenty-minute ride with inane comments about people he’d run into and things he’d done in the last six years. By the time they arrived, she was laughing at some story he’d told, comfortable enough with him to reach over and smack his arm.
That was one of Erik’s many talents. Somehow he’d always had the ability to put people at ease, no matter the situation. His charm and self-possession just translated to others. It was a skill she’d often envied.
Lake Wetumpka stretched through three counties and was a hot spot for summer activity. Lots of little coves had been carved from the forest surrounding the huge lake. The resort Lexi’s husband, Blake, had built several years ago stood on the opposite bank from where Erik had parked, breathtaking even as it blended into the natural backdrop in the distance.
Lola could see clusters of guests as they took advantage of the water sports the resort offered. While it looked fun, her body wasn’t quite up for that kind of activity today. She had something a little less strenuous in mind, so she didn’t object when Erik grabbed her hand and led her down a path through the thick trees. They arrived at a quiet clearing. The ground was brown and sandy, a mixture of dirt, moss and large grains of sand. Instead of the shells found on the coast not far away, smooth stones were scattered about by the lake.
This was where they’d always come. Not just the large group of friends who managed to gather on hot summer days, but she and Erik alone.
The memory of one particular night was scored into her brain. This was where she’d lost her virginity. Had Erik chosen this spot because it was where they’d always come, or because of those particular memories?
Erik shooed her away when she tried to help him set up their stuff. Unlike when they were younger and all they needed was a towel, today he’d brought an armload of paraphernalia. A picnic basket with drinks and food. A couple of low-slung beach chairs and even an umbrella that he insisted on setting up so the shade fell over her.
She didn’t have the heart to tell him she didn’t need all the fussing. Not after he spent fifteen minutes making their spot perfect.
The heat derailed her plan to keep her shirt on for the entire day, sweat pearling on her skin already. Comfort won out over worry, and she dropped her shirt onto the ground before heading for the water.
Wading in, she dunked her head under the surface. The sensation of the cool water on her heated skin was amazing relief. Kicking onto her back, Lola began to float, letting the water cradle her. Her eyes shut against the glare of the sun.
She felt him as he moved close, her body reacting to his nearness like a metal filing to a magnet.
His fingers brushed against her body beneath the water, and she sucked in a breath. But the touch was fleeting, there and gone before she could really register it. She wanted more. Which was exactly why she rolled onto her belly and took a huge stroke to move away.
Filling the longing with something other than them, she said, “It’s been so long since I’ve visited the lake.”
“That’s a shame. There’s a lake back home, different but the same in a lot of ways. Some of the guys and I make a point of going out there a couple times during the summer when we’re not out on calls.”
“Your friends. Mostly other smoke jumpers?”
He shrugged, his gaze pulled away. “Mostly.”
“Tell me about them.” The request popped out of her mouth before she could even really think about it. The stories he’d shared on the car ride yesterday had piqued her interest. A huge part of her wanted him to fill in the blanks for her. Wanted to know all about the life he’d lived and the things he’d done without her.
The rest of her didn’t want the reminder that he’d moved on, walked away and built something she had no part of.
He chuckled, and a wicked little grin twisted his mouth. “You know I’ve moved around a lot, so it’s difficult to form lasting friendships when you’re there and gone. But smoke jumping lends itself to camaraderie.”
“Sure, putting your lives in each other’s hands...you have to trust and respect the guy standing beside you.”
“Exactly. I’ve been in Cali for a couple years now.”
The longest he’d been anywhere, aside from Sweetheart. She almost asked him why he’d stayed there when he’d ditched everywhere else but was afraid the answer would be a woman, even if he wasn’t seeing anyone now. She wasn’t ready to hear details of his love life. Maybe never would be.
“I’m close to three or four of the guys. But it’s different, you know?”
She did know. She knew how close he’d been with Colt and the other guys at the station. When you spent so much time together, especially under stressful situations, it was difficult not to become close. She’d watched those same bonds form between her dad and the men he served with, the guys who would come over to their house for summer barbecues and football games. She’d seen the anxieties shared by the women who lived with the same fear her mother had, and the kids who dealt with their dads missing dance recitals or Christmas mornings.
She’d been that kid. She’d become that woman when her brother and Erik had joined the department.
Then, when he’d left, he hadn’t just walked away from her. He’d walked away from his best friend when Colt had needed him most.
She needed to remember that. He’d walked away before. Had continued the same thing as he traveled from place to place. But putting down roots in California...maybe he’d changed?
Not that it really mattered. Because even if he had, those roots weren’t in Sweetheart.
“Look,” she said, “I didn’t mean to bring up things that don’t matter anymore.”
Something sharp flashed across Erik’s face, and faster than she’d expected, his hands wrapped around her upper arms, holding her in place. The lake wasn’t deep here, probably around four feet. Water sluiced down her body as he pulled her up to stand, drawing her in until his face was inches from hers.
Anger, anguish and something deeper twisted his mouth. “Don’t tell me it doesn’t matter, Lo. As long as Colt is in that chair, it’ll matter.”
She watched the turmoil rolling through him, felt the reverberation of it deep inside her own chest. For so long she’d wanted to blame him, make him the scapegoat, even as Colt told her she shouldn’t. Even as her own conscience twinged when she tried. Now, staring into the truth of the pain he lived with every day...she couldn’t do it anymore. Everything inside her wanted to make it go away. Wanted to soothe him, because she couldn’t stand to see him ache.
Instinct and memory had her rising onto her toes until her mouth touched his. For a moment, a breath, before his grip on her
arms tightened, pushing her away.
So many mixed signals. She couldn’t process them, especially with her brain short-circuiting from the simple feel of his lips against hers.
She hated herself a little for leaning into the space he put between them, chasing more. When was she really going to learn to let him go?
“Don’t,” he growled. Pain flashed through her chest. Did he really not want her to touch him? But then he said, “Don’t try to use what’s between us as a bandage.”
Lola sucked in a harsh breath. “What is between us, Erik? I don’t really know anymore. Chemistry and fire, that kiss last night proved that. But that’s always been there.”
His fingers flexed, squeezing her arm in a way that made her body throb. She wanted him to touch so much more. Instead, he let her go, dropping his hands and leaving her skin cold without his warmth.
“I’m trying to be on my best behavior here, Lola. To do the right thing.”
The right thing. She was so damn tired of fighting what Erik made her feel. Were they ever going to be in the same room together without striking sparks off each other? Maybe she just needed to let go, give in and let fate take control.
Maybe she needed closure, a moment that wasn’t fueled with pain or guilt or alcohol.
“What exactly do you think is the right thing, Erik? Because I don’t know anymore. What I do know is that being this close to you and not having the right to touch you makes me ache.”
He closed his eyes, making her wonder whether he was praying or searching for strength.
But when he opened them again, she realized it didn’t matter. The heat that engulfed her left her skin feeling too tight and ready to burst, spilling everything she was at his feet.
“You always have the right to touch me, Lo. Any time. Any way.”
A part of her wished that was true—the part of her that couldn’t say no to what he was offering, even as the rest of her screamed that she should. That nothing between them had actually been settled and she was simply kicking the can down the road, delaying the inevitable and setting herself up for more pain.
Up in Flames Page 9
