by Jamie Pope
She took his face in her hands, bringing him close once again to leave a soft kiss on his lips. But he felt her wedding ring on his skin and this time it made him stop cold.
He pulled away from her.
“What’s wrong?” She grabbed him, keeping his body on top of hers. “Wait. Not yet.”
He touched the cool metal, knowing he shouldn’t have, knowing it was wrong to draw attention to it. “It’s nothing. The water was cold and your ring feels like ice on my skin.”
“My ring?” She frowned at him and then realized what he was speaking of. “Oh.” Guilt flashed in her eyes and he wondered if it mirrored his, if she could see it.
She’s Terrance’s wife.
As long as she wore that ring, he would have a hard time forgetting that.
“We have to get up anyway, Cass. I don’t want Teo to walk out on us like this.” He got up, knowing he was walking away. “I’m going to go get some towels. Why don’t you lay in the sun and dry off for a little while.”
Chapter 12
That evening Cassandra stepped into the beautiful room Wylie had made for her. She had cooked dinner for everyone at Mansi’s house. She and Wylie had played cards with Teo afterward, but Cassandra’s mind wasn’t there. The evening passed by in a blur. and when Wylie pulled back into his driveway, she made an excuse to escape him. She told him that she needed to change her slightly damp clothes. In truth, she needed space, time to think away from Wylie. The ring her husband had given her, the ring she never paid attention to anymore, because it had become so a part of her, was burning her hand. It now felt heavy there; and all throughout the evening she kept looking at it, remembering how it felt the day he slipped it on her finger.
It was a symbol of love from a man who was always loyal to her, who loved her tremendously and wasn’t ever afraid to tell her. It was a gift from a man who had been gone for . . . She had to think about it, because sometimes it seemed like just yesterday that they were laughing over one of his corny jokes, and sharing a home and sharing a life.
But it had been a long time now. Over a year, and for the life of her she couldn’t remember how she had spent those months. All she could remember was that the hole inside her was so big, it threatened to swallow her up.
But now she didn’t feel that way, didn’t feel so bad. Because instead of the raw, searing pain she felt when she first thought about him, she just felt a dull ache. Like something was missing.
She touched the ring, twisted it around her finger. Wylie said it felt cold, but it only felt hot to her because she couldn’t forget the hurt look that crossed Wylie’s face when he felt it on his skin.
But why should he be hurt? He walked away from her without looking back. And Terrance was there. Terrance loved her.
And she was kissing Wylie James while she wore Terrance’s ring. She was sharing a bed with him, and thinking about him when he wasn’t there, and happy to see him when he walked into a room.
It wasn’t right to wear Terrance’s ring when she was with Wylie. She twisted her ring again and it slid off her finger. She looked at it, her hands trembling slightly. It had never been off her finger since her wedding day. Her hand looked different without it. But as she looked up into the sea glass–decorated mirror that Wylie hung over her dresser, she realized that she was different. She looked different. She felt different. She wasn’t the same heartbroken twenty-three-year-old girl who married her best friend for all the wrong reasons.
Her cell phone rang, startling her. She reached for it, letting her abandoned ring slip from her and onto the dresser. She welcomed the distraction of a phone call. She didn’t want to think anymore. She thought it might be her mother, but when she answered, she was surprised to find that it wasn’t.
“Hello, Cassandra.”
Her father’s deep voice filled her ears. She hadn’t heard from him in a long time, not a phone call, not a visit. They had never been close. He was always busy. Not just a doctor, but an oncologist. Top in his field. He saved people’s lives. That’s what her mother kept telling her to explain away his absences. But he had retired three years ago and, even then, Terrance had seen more of him than she did. They golfed together. They went out for drinks. They were friends, more than friends really, and when Terrance died, she rarely saw her father. Maybe just a few times and then he could barely look at her. She felt like a disappointment.
“Hello, Dad.”
“How are you, sweetheart?”
She didn’t know how to answer him. How could she put it into words? There weren’t enough of them in the world. “I’m pretty good. You might even be able to stand looking at me now,” she said with a laugh, even though she knew it wasn’t funny. Bitterness. That was what she was feeling in that moment and she was surprised by it.
He was quiet for a long moment. “Damn it, Cassandra. I saw you lay in a coma for over three months. We thought you were going to die, and when you came out of it, it was like you were still dying. I’ve been a doctor for forty years. I’ve seen people die before my eyes, but if you think it was easy for me to see my own daughter waste away, you’re fooling yourself. It was killing me. I just wanted you to be yourself again.”
“He shot my husband right before my eyes. I watched Terrance die. I watched as the police officers put a bullet in the gunman’s brain. His blood spattered on my face. I could smell it. I would wake up at night still feeling it. Do you know what that’s like? Do you know what it’s like to wake up from a coma and find out your baby is dead and your husband is buried and you didn’t even have the chance to say good-bye? Maybe there are others who are stronger than I am, strong enough to take it, but I wasn’t. My life was gone. My whole life was taken from me and I just didn’t know how to handle it. And you wanted me to be myself again? You didn’t know me, and I don’t think I even knew myself.”
“Do you know now?”
The question took her off guard, but she nodded. “Being here helps. I’m living again. Sometimes I even feel happiness.”
“You’re happy there.” Her father cleared his throat uncomfortably. “How’s the boy?”
“‘The boy’?” She shook her head, thinking about Teo, but realizing that her father didn’t know about him. “You mean Wylie James?”
“Your mother tells me he was a Marine. I see that he was a decorated soldier. A hero.”
“Yes,” Cass said, but she hadn’t known that. She hadn’t talked to Wylie much about his service or his life at all. It had just been about her. Selfishly about her.
“I didn’t know that your mother was going to call him,” he said quietly. “She wouldn’t tell me where you had gone at first. I thought she had you . . .”
“You thought she had me committed?”
“We talked about it. When you didn’t respond to the therapist we brought to you, we were worried you were going to try to—”
“No,” she cut him off. “There were days when I didn’t care if I lived or died, but I was never there. I never wanted to end it.”
“I’m glad to hear that.”
“Wylie has helped me.” She looked around the beautiful room that he had made for her, at the details he had put into it, at the time he had taken to make her happy. “Part of him is still that same sweet boy he always was.”
“Oh,” he said, and then fell quiet for a moment. “Do you think you’ll be ready to come home soon? It’s been a month.”
“Home”? Harmony Falls was the place she had spent her life, but it didn’t feel like home to her. It would probably never feel like home again. “No, I’m not ready to go back there.”
“Your mother and I miss you.”
“I miss you too,” she said truthfully. Her father had been absent, but he wasn’t a bad father. She knew she was loved. “Call me again, okay?”
“Yes, sweetheart. I will.”
She disconnected, placing her phone back on her dresser, and she felt dazed. There were too many emotions going through her, too much to process in that m
oment.
“Cass? You all right?” Wylie was standing just outside the door, worry in his big brown eyes.
“Um, yeah.” She turned away from him to sit on the bed. Her knees felt like they might give out on her.
“I heard you yelling.” He crossed the room and sat next to her on the bed, his big body giving her no space.
For a moment memories of that afternoon invaded her, when he was on top of her, kissing her, and the sun was beating down on them and she felt warm and safe and beautiful and wanted.
“Tell me what happened?”
“My father called.”
“Oh.” Wylie’s body stiffened slightly, causing her to look up at him. “I’m sure he’s worried about you here.”
She nodded. “I haven’t seen him in months, you know. They live five minutes away from me and I couldn’t remember that last time I saw him. He said it was killing him to see me that way. But part of me thinks he didn’t want to come over because not having Terrance there was too much for him.”
“He loved Terrance, ever since we were kids. He wanted him for you. When Terrance died, all his dreams for your future died with him.”
Wylie’s words brought back a memory of her wedding day. She had been terrified that day. Unsure. Knowing she was about to enter a marriage with a man she wasn’t in love with, but too afraid to back out, too afraid she was going to break his heart and lose the only man who really loved her. She thought she had hid her feelings from the world, but her father came to her a few minutes before he was supposed to walk her down the aisle: “I’m glad you’re with the right man. Terrance will love you. He’ll take care of you. You’ll never regret marrying him, just like I never regretted marrying your mother.”
At first she thought his words were just meant to be encouraging, something that any father would say to his daughter on her wedding day, but now she wondered if those words had a greater meaning.
“He wants me to come home.”
He searched her face, his expression unreadable. “Do you want to go home?”
“No,” she said without hesitation. “He asked about you.”
“Your father does not like me, Cass.” Wylie’s eyes flashed with something that looked suspiciously like anger. “It’s probably killing him that you’re living with me.”
“He shouldn’t care.”
“He thinks I’m trash,” he said harshly. “I wasn’t good enough. He probably thinks I’m still not.”
“Good enough for what?”
“For you.” He looked down at his rough hands. They were the hands of a workingman, so different from her father’s, so different from Terrance’s.
“Last time I checked, I was the one deciding who was good enough for me. And I still don’t understand why you think that. He’s never spoken poorly about you to me. I think he’s proud of your service.”
“‘Put your life on the line for my country, but stay the hell away from my daughter.’” He laughed without humor. “I knew when I first came to Connecticut. I knew the first time he saw me. I was trash and no doctor wants a Bubba from Alabama to come anywhere near his daughter.”
“But my father didn’t know about us.”
“He did. He’d always known, even before there was an us. I couldn’t hide it. I couldn’t stop looking at you. But in my defense you were a smoking-hot sixteen-year-old.” He grinned that boyish grin of his and her heart slammed against her rib cage.
“Did he say something to you?”
“Yeah.” He shrugged. “A few times, but that’s not important. It’s in the past. And you married Terrance. That’s all he wanted for you.”
She was silent for a moment, with that too-overwhelmed, numb feeling sweeping across her.
“Are you sure you’re all right, Miss Cass?” He touched her face lightly.
She ignored the question, because she wasn’t all right. “Is my father the reason you left me?”
He hesitated and then shook his head once. “Your father is a good man, Cass.”
“And so are you. He told me you’re decorated. I didn’t know.”
Wylie frowned. “He’s had me checked out. I shouldn’t be surprised.”
“Tell me about it.”
“Not today.” He brushed his lips across her. “I’m going to run you a bath. Your clothes are still damp. You’re good with Teo. I know he can be a lot, but he’s been better since you’ve been here.”
“Five-year-olds are kind of my specialty. When he turns six, it’s all over for me.”
The side of Wylie’s mouth curved into a half smile. “Do you think you’ll want to go back?”
“To Harmony Falls?”
“To teaching.”
“I—I don’t know. I don’t think I’ll see school in the same way.”
“I understand that.” He nodded and rose from the bed. “You need time. Take as much as you need of it here.”
* * *
Wylie walked toward the door and a flash of gold caught his eye. It stopped him dead in his tracks. Cassandra’s ring was on the dresser, sitting next to her cell phone. She had taken it off—taken it off, even though she never did; even though he thought it was going to be a permanent fixture on her hand. He felt it every time he held her hand and it reminded him that she married a better man than he was.
She had been distracted all evening. She pretended not to be, fooling Teo and Mansi, but not him. He saw how many times she had looked down at it. Saw how many times she had twisted it around her finger and he felt guilty. He shouldn’t have said anything. He heard her speaking to her father. She had watched Terrance die, wasn’t there when he was buried. She had every right to wear that ring . . . for as long as she wanted, forever if she needed to.
“What’s the matter, Wylie James?”
“Nothing,” he lied, but when he turned around and saw the worried look in her eyes, he knew he couldn’t walk out of the room without telling her the truth. “Your ring? You know it’s there?”
“Yes.” She nodded, her eyes glued to his face. “I took it off. It was time to come off.”
He wanted to tell her that she didn’t have to, to forget about that afternoon and what he had said, but he couldn’t force himself to say that. “Nova sent over some of those fancy bath salts her salon used to sell. You want me to dump some of those in the water?”
“Yes, please.” She gave him a tiny smile. “And bubbles, if you’ve got them.”
“Of course I’ve got them, girl. Who says Marines don’t like a good bubble bath every once in a while?”
He walked away from her then. Maybe hopeful was the wrong thing to feel, but he was feeling it.
Chapter 13
A purple streak of lightning lit up the sky behind her parents’ house as pretty white flakes of snow floated to the ground. She had never experienced thundersnow before. And even though she was feeling a jumble of things, she couldn’t take her eyes off the skies. She was alone in her parents’ house rather than being in her own tiny apartment in town. Her parents were away in Antigua for their anniversary and Cassandra was there to keep her mother’s little dog company. She looked over to the terrier, who was curled up on her bed fast asleep, unbothered by the turbulent weather going on around her.
Cassandra wished she could say the same, but she hadn’t heard from Wylie in two days. That was odd for him. They had spent every free moment they had together. It was the reason she had gotten her own place. So nobody would question why she didn’t sleep in her bed every night. But when she went over to his apartment last night, his car was gone and the lights were off. When she went in, she found that his duffel bag was missing.
But she knew he couldn’t have left. He wouldn’t have. It wasn’t like him to leave and not say a word. She knew him too well, had been with him too long for him to do that. But this morning she found a note on her door. It just said, I’m sorry. There was no signature, but she knew it was him by his small, neat handwriting.
But he hadn’t left. She knew h
e wanted to go into the Marines. She knew he had been putting it off for her, but he hadn’t gone without telling her. Without discussing it.
He couldn’t have.
Right?
The doorbell rang, making her jump. She ran toward it, not meaning to, but it might be him. He might be there.
She threw open the door and froze. “What happened to you?”
Terrance was there, with his lips busted, eyes black and nearly swollen shut, nose twice the size it normally was.
She pulled him inside and immediately pulled him into her arms. “Who hurt you?” She was crying. She hadn’t realized it till she felt the hot tears splash on her chest. “Who did this to you?”
“You don’t know?” he asked into her hair. “He didn’t tell you?”
“Who didn’t tell me?” She looked up at him. “What happened?”
He looked at her for a long moment and she could tell he was hiding something from her.
“Terrance, you tell me what happened. We’ll call the police. You can’t let whoever did this get away with it.”
“I got into a fight the other night.”
“Where? At school? You’re supposed to be in Boston. Why are you home?” So many questions were rolling around in her head. “What the hell happened?”
“Bar fight. Patriots are playing the Giants in the Super Bowl. I ran my mouth. Said some things I shouldn’t have said and I paid for it.”
She didn’t believe him. She couldn’t believe that something like that could have happened to him. But what other reason was there for it?
“Does Wylie know about this?”
“You haven’t spoken to him?”
“No. I haven’t seen him in two days.”
“Oh.” He nodded. “Do you think I could stay here with you, Cassandra? I’ve been hiding from my mother. I don’t want her to see my face like this.”
“Of course. Let me get you some ice.”
* * *
Cass opened her eyes, looking up at the ceiling in Wylie’s bathroom. The water was cooling off, but she didn’t want to get out yet, not while the memory of that night still circulated around in her mind. It was the first time she felt truly torn between the two of them. She couldn’t stop thinking about Wylie, but she had been so worried about Terrance. He had needed her that night. He had come to her when Wylie had walked away.
