‘I don’t know, Adam. I suppose there’s no challenge if a woman can buy and sell a man within three minutes of meeting him.’
Adam’s face hardened. ‘Yep, Brick would have been a real challenge. That fucker has a reputation for never fighting fair. He wears a copper spike on his thumb to gouge out eyes and keeps fine blades embedded in the soles of his boots.’
Viola picked up a bowl of water and placed it on the bedside table. ‘Why?’
‘So he can lacerate his victims after he’s beaten them senseless.’
Viola sighed as she squeezed out a wet flannel. ‘Do you think Sasha will make it? I’m worried she might turn into poor Lily.’
Silence. I watched Adam through my eyelashes as he threw open a porthole and carefully assessed the view. ‘I’ve never lost a battle when I’ve had good men on my side and I know what I’m doing. The only problem is that this time round is I can’t see who or what, I’m fighting. It’s like being buck naked, armed only with a fucking soup spoon and trying to hold off a gang of mercenaries all armed to the back teeth.’
I let a little snore escape my lips. Adam came to my side, kissed me gently on the cheek and smoothed my damp hair back from my face. I could tell by the golden light that was reflecting off a mirror that the huge orb of the sun was descending into the sea. I heard a flock of sea birds overhead and pictured them flying in formation, across the darkening sky. The sound of a sailor, swabbing the deck, drifted in through the open porthole. I desperately wanted to believe in redemption but the gargoyle was still clinging fast. I could feel his sharp nails raking my flesh.
As Adam was about to leave the cabin, I pretended to wake up. I gripped his arm, ‘Adam, will you still love me, if I turn into Lil or Rose?’
‘That’s just not going to happen. I won’t allow it. You know what? I reckon the Kane curse is nothing more than a genetic inclination to melancholy. But I’m not claiming superiority here, given the rampant libido and craziness in my own family.’ He glanced at me sharply. ‘Understand this, Sasha, our love is eternal. But I can only win this battle if I have your unconditional trust. You must stop resisting Grubb’s cure.’
So I did.
I started eating the gruels prepared for me by the ship’s cook and soon I could stomach solids. I also swallowed the foul-smelling Chinese herbal teas that Grubb concocted in his laboratory below deck. I had to hold my nose just so I could swallow the tinctures. Heaven knows what was in them but they did seem to be making me better. But on bad days I had trouble swallowing without gagging. Progress was slow, usually seven steps forward and five back.
Every evening Adam wrapped me in his Russian greatcoat and carried me up to the prow. It was then that I came to understand his burning passion for the sea. I watched the sun sink into the ocean as Adam read Homer’s epic poem, ‘The Odyssey’ to me. It must be almost impossible for sailors to resist the seductive lure of the sirens’ song when they’re feeling bored and lonely at sea. I privately congratulated Odysseus on his insistence that his crew stuff their ears with beeswax. I also admired his inventiveness in being lashed to the mast with chains, so he could relish the experience without being lured to an ecstatic death. Odysseus refutes the proverb, ‘You can’t have your cake and eat it too.’
I think a clever woman could learn quite a lot from Homer’s bare-breasted temptresses of the deep. Those femmes fatale certainly knew how to get their own way.
Adam brought the ship’s first mate, Satoru Hashimoto, to meet me and Satoru tried to teach me to meditate. I found it very difficult to concentrate as my mind tended to be all over the shop but I gave it a go. Often I’d be sitting in lotus position on a deck chair, with my eyes closed and meditating on whether or not Grubb would permit me a glass of wine with dinner. The meditative state is not easy to acquire, especially for those with devious minds and shifty thoughts.
Adam told me the name Satoru means enlightened and indeed Satoru was very gentle and patient with me. ‘Sasha, all you have to do is breathe. Don’t let your thoughts disturb you. Let them come and let them go. All you have to do is breathe.’
I tried very hard but inevitably I’d end up fantasising about magnums of Perrier-Jouët champagne on ice, when instead I should have been seeking Nirvana.
Eventually the sickness passed and a deep sense of calm overcame my fears. The gargoyle left in disgust. I heard him splash overboard at three in the morning. Interestingly enough, I later learnt that Grubb had given up trying to analyse the elixir and Adam had poured the remainder of it into the ocean at about three hours after midnight.
Adam no longer had to tie me up to feed me. I ate everything put in front of me. I was ravenous and the ship’s cook was a talented Spanish chef. His seafood paella remains the best I’ve ever eaten. I made a miraculous recovery and the rest of the voyage was sensational. Adam arranged several ports of call and we were able to experience many exotic cultures.
Hildegarde said, ‘Our captain is full of surprises. I thought I’d died and gone to heaven when I found those stunning pearls hidden among my oysters.’
Viola murmured, ‘Adam has assembled a very fine crew indeed.’
I translated this to mean that there was more rough trade on board than you could poke a stick at. Viola was right in her element. There were so many manly men around and they were all doing things. She was in heaven.
The novelty of having young women on board brought out the sailors’ competitive streak and they started shaving and bathing on a daily basis. Adam pretended to be disgusted.
For the first time in months I slept soundly, curled up against my captain’s naked body. At night his tattoos came alive and the Japanese warrior and leaping carp merged with my dreaming state. Adam’s spirit watched over me and if I stirred he was instantly awake. His golden eye glittered in the darkness. My desire for him was insatiable and we made love hour upon hour. It was hard work captaining a large ship as well as satisfying me and Adam needed more sleep than he was getting.
I discovered it was possible to be with a man and not lose my essential self. He was mine. All mine. The Mariettas of the world could go to hell, for my captain had claimed me.
I returned home a changed woman. I couldn’t wait to get back to work in the patisserie. It was wonderful to be spending my working days with Snuff, Maggie, Charlie and Dolores again. I’d really missed all my staff, even Elmo Pinkerton. In my absence Elmo had matured. He’d lost his facial spots and acquired self-discipline. I was deeply touched when I heard Elmo insisting that he should do the heavy lifting of flour sacks for Dolores and Maggie. No doubt Snuff had something to do with Elmo becoming a gentleman.
Life was good and I was really looking forward to making a home with Adam. What I didn’t know was that it was too late. The jelly had already set. Even now I find myself asking, how could I not have noticed that things were amiss?
Adam slept on board the Sasha, as Roger was drinking heavily, roaming the battlements and cursing him. Their elder brother, Caesar Dasher, had not yet made port. In the Dasher family it was usually Caesar who tried to keep them nice. Lady Dasher hid in her private wing, making merry with her young men. Gossip did the rounds that she’d be dead within a year and furthermore, Clare believed she’d passed on her hereditary heart disease to Roger.
Shortly before we made port, Roger had consulted the town’s most incompetent doctor. He’d then dramatically informed his cronies that he’d probably be dead within eighteen months. Let’s face it, mother and son had always fancied themselves as lead characters in melodramas of their own making. It gave them licence to misbehave. Subsequently Adam only paid brief visits to the Dasher Estate in order to make arrangements for our wedding in the estate’s chapel.
Petrarch described love as ‘poison with a sweet taste’. Roger’s love for me had become both bitter and poisoned. He foolishly thought I’d rejected him because his younger brother had usurped him. Roger refused to entertain the possibility of my simply not liking him.
I l
ater learnt that Marietta and Roger had been united in their jealousy. Marietta wanted revenge and Roger wanted to teach Adam a lesson. Marietta was especially piqued at her namesake’s demise. She was incensed by the presence of the Sasha, moored in the port. Every day when she peered out her window she saw the new ship. I knew she was a proud woman and losing Adam to me must have been deeply humiliating. No doubt her enemies had a field day rubbing her nose in the shite, but even they acknowledged Marietta’s genuine love for Adam.
Marietta’s mood soured even further when one of the Cads composed a cruel ditty about the adventures of the Marietta on the high seas. The chorus ran along the lines of Marietta having to hump coals, instead of the very handsome Captain Dasher. I heard on the grapevine that Marietta was terribly hurt, even though Kieren O’Shea was attempting to secure her affections by squandering his vast inheritance on her.
Egged on by Roger, Marietta delved into her voodoo recipes and came up with an evil concoction she believed would render Adam impotent on his wedding night.
As William Congreve put it, ‘Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned.’ In reality, the lengths scorned men will go to often exceed those of women.
I heard most of this from Lovely Leonie Harris when Viola brought her to see me at the gaol. Eight months prior to this Leonie had been taken in and housed by Marietta. Leonie had succumbed to a vile venereal disease and didn’t have the money to take the cure. Marietta generously paid for an experienced Hobart doctor to return her to good health. The story touched me. Clearly Miss Marietta Zendik isn’t quite the hard-nosed bitch she’d have everyone believe.
Leonie also told me, ‘Roger Dasher put Marietta up to it. He got her to concoct a potion that he could slip to his brother. It was meant to make Captain Dasher incapable of fulfilling his marital duties on his wedding night. You can’t believe how jealous Roger was of Adam! Marietta refused to do it at first but Roger talked her round with sweet words. He played Marietta like a fucking violin. And we all knows what happened next.’
Miss Zendik may have been a raving beauty and Wolfftown’s most successful courtesan but she was an incompetent sorceress, incapable of casting even the simplest love spell. One of the ingredients she used was mandragora, more commonly known as mandrake. It’s also been called Satan’s apple and the devil’s testicles. Mandrake has a long history as an ingredient in love spells and it was the most important magical plant in the middle ages. Significantly it has also been used since the first century as an anaesthetic for surgery. Marietta’s terrible concoction was disguised with vanilla sugar, blended with Cognac and secreted in a tarte aux pommes purchased from my patisserie. It was delivered to Adam on board his ship by an unknown delivery boy. Satoru Hashimoto told me he looked like any other ten-year-old street urchin.
But as Leonie told me, ‘You’ve got to believe me, Sasha. Marietta didn’t want Captain Dasher dead. She wanted him alive and fuckable so she could have a last shot at winning him back. There’s nothing she don’t know about bringing a bloke to his knees.’
As tradition demanded, I did not spend the night before the wedding with my beloved. I stayed in my private quarters at the shop and Adam slept on board the Sasha.
Shortly after Adam wolfed down the poisoned tart he told Satoru Hashimoto, ‘My friend, I’m feeling less than chipper. It could just be bile and bad temper. I loathe the thought of spending the whole day with Roger and my mother tomorrow. I just know that they’ll be up to all their usual tricks. I’m retiring to my cabin. Don’t let anyone disturb me unless the ship is on fire. But when Grubb gets back from shore leave, tell him I’m sick as a dog and want to see him.’
So Satoru carried out his orders, Adam’s crew accorded him privacy and nobody was around when their captain passed out. He died shortly after Grubb returned to the ship. Grubb told me that Adam was mostly unconscious prior to his death and even when he briefly rallied, he appeared to be drugged to the eyeballs. There’s some consolation in knowing that my love didn’t suffer a slow, agonising death.
Adam’s last words to Grubb were, ‘Tell my only love, Sasha . . . tell my sweet darling . . . I think she’s been a bit fucking heavy-handed with that cooking brandy of hers.’
There’s never a day when I don’t miss my captain. For what is the secret to happiness? Simple. It is intimacy with another being. Not to be confused with the fleshy delights; although sexual congress with a soul mate compares favourably with Albinoni’s Adagio or the first shaping of a croquembouche. Happiness is intimacy of the highest order.
How do I know this? Simple. I attained it with Adam.
25
TEPID TEA WITH COLD REVENGE
It was common knowledge that Captain Dasher had eaten an apple tart, boxed and beribboned from my patisserie. Prompted by Algernon Wolff, witnesses came to the conclusion that Adam’s death had to be my doing. Mrs Adair testified in court that I’d sold her a tarte au pommes on the very same day Adam died. Many other customers who’d taken tea at my shop testified that they’d eaten slices of tartes au pommes, but had experienced no ill effects. The autopsy revealed that poisonous plant drugs were in Adam’s system, including mandrake. Accordingly, judge and jury concluded I’d miscalculated the strength of an aphrodisiac.
Grandpa and friends testified in court and knocked themselves out trying to defend me. Despite all evidence to the contrary, I was found guilty of killing Captain Adam Napoleon Medici Dasher. The assumption was that I’d slipped a deadly aphrodisiac into an apple tart and had it delivered to Adam on his ship. The anonymous delivery boy didn’t come forward, so a piece of the puzzle was missing. On the fateful day of Adam’s death we’d been extremely busy. We’d sold so many of the damned apple tarts that it was impossible to recall who’d actually bought them. Also, many of our wealthy customers sent delivery boys and servants to make purchases on their behalf.
As Milton Freebank pointed out to the jury, surely if I was going to have a single boxed tart delivered to Captain Dasher I would have arranged for my apprentice to safely make the delivery?
Milton also provided an element of doubt by asking the court, ‘How do we know if the poisoned apple tart was even baked by Miss Torte? And what was to prevent the murderer from cleverly utilising a Sasha Torte Patisserie box to deliver the poisoned tart to the deceased? Perhaps the murderer had purchased another tart weeks earlier and retained the packaging? And let’s not forget that there was no handwritten note from the bride to her bridegroom. Don’t you find that distinctly odd? That on the eve of her wedding Miss Torte sent a warm apple tart to the man she loved with no message?’
Milton’s logic had no effect. For, under the spell of Algernon Wolff’s brilliant oratory, the judge found it easy to conclude that I’d been messing around with aphrodisiacs. Admittedly I did have prior use of aphrodisiacs against me, but this was never brought up in court. No doubt because of all the important people who’d been involved in the orgy at Lady Dasher’s ball. This did not mean however that the matter had been forgotten. I had many enemies among members of the judiciary, whose wives and daughters had gone astray at the Dasher Winter Ball. I was the perfect prey; grieving and in a state of shock. Milton Freebank did his best to defend me but Roger had already bribed or blackmailed several jury members.
Viola was furious. ‘Bloody hell. Adam was never in need of aphrodisiacs! In all my experience I’ve never met a more virile, libidinous gentleman so skilled in the art of pleasuring women.’
Immediately after the judge had given his verdict, Roger gave Algernon Wolff the slip. He then paid me an unwanted visit in the holding cells while I awaited transportation to gaol. Roger bribed the guards to leave us alone. I had nothing to say to him but my lack of response didn’t put him off. ‘Sasha, look at me. We need to talk. Adam and I may have had a love–hate relationship but I didn’t mean to kill him. I had to let you take the blame. Mother would have disinherited me. Good grief, imagine me having to work for a living. It’s diffe
rent for you. You enjoy working. Commerce is in your blood. You hail from a long line of hardworking barmaids and actresses.’
Roger tried to make eye contact with me as I sat slumped on the ground but I refused to look up. He moved a chair close to the bars of my cell, sat down and leant forward so we were at eye level. ‘There’s no need for you to be so fucking rude, Sasha. I’ve got problems too you know. With my dodgy ticker I might not even last out the year.’
He stood up, strutted over to the barred window and peered across the harbour. I knew he was stalling for time while he thought of what to say next. ‘Sasha, if you chose to start speaking well of me – as opposed to publicly accusing me of perjury – I could arrange for you to be pardoned in my last will and testament. A little appreciation, a few well-placed lies and some empathy from you would ensure your conviction gets overturned after my death. Naturally this would be conditional on you gagging Brendan Kane, Tim O’Flaherty and the rest of your entourage. My reputation has taken a bollocking. That Balcombe bitch has been particularly outspoken.’
He stared hard at me but I made no response.
‘Chin up, Sasha, it’s only a murder charge and you’ll eventually be freed. How about I secretly marry you and we make a child on the sly? You wouldn’t have to live with me because you’d still be in gaol. That way I could acquire an heir and the Dasher line wouldn’t expire. Then after my death you’ll be set for life.’
My gut churned but I said nothing.
He paced the floor. ‘Should I take that as a no? I see. We’ll discuss the matter another time. You know darling, I could make your incarceration very pleasant. Let’s think. How about a complete refurbishment of the gaol’s North Tower? We could install a kitchen in which you could continue your patisserie business. Law abiding citizens are clamouring to sample your wares. They’re fascinated by femmes fatale such as yourself.’
The Scandalous Life of Sasha Torte Page 33
