On the counter next to him, his cell buzzed, and Nathan’s name lit up on the screen.
“Hey Nate, what’s up?” His voice came out hoarse and scratchy.
“Shouldn’t I be asking you that? Are you ok?”
“Yeah, I’m good. Had a bit of a restless night but apart from that, everything’s fine. Why?”
“I’ve been trying to reach you all morning. I figured you might have gone out for a long run or something, but I just wanted to make sure.”
“Thanks, but I’m ok, you don’t need to worry.” Carter tried to sound confident and relaxed when really, he felt anything but.
“Well, if you’re sure…” Nate didn’t sound convinced but seemed content to let it go for now. “Look, I’m sorry to do this to you but as you know, DK has called me in for a new assignment. I’m only doing Comms, but I’ll probably be away for a month or so and I won’t be able to call my mom to check on her. Would you give her a ring about once a week to make sure she’s ok? She might need some groceries ordered for delivery, but I can give you the number to call for that. The store owner knows her and will sort it all out. He’s got a list of the stuff she usually buys.”
“Yeah, sure, I can do that.” Carter liked Nate’s mom and was happy to help out. He couldn’t help feeling a bit envious of his friend though, going off on a new op. One that he would probably have been team leader for had he been cleared by the docs already. He was glad Nate was going as he knew whichever team was deployed would have the best Comms support to guide them through the assignment.
“I knew I could count on you. Actually, as you’re still on leave, you’re welcome to use the beach house if you like. I know it might be a bit weird after what happened, but you wouldn’t be… bumping into anyone there. That cottage has been empty ever since you were there last, so she hasn’t returned. It might do you good to exorcise a few demons and reboot your head.”
“My head is just fine, thanks. And I have no demons to exorcise. I don’t care whether she’s there or not. Not that she would be, anyway. She’s fallen off the face of the earth so I can only guess that the Feds stashed her away somewhere while they build a case against her and the others involved in Seattle.”
“What are you talking about? Vanessa — sorry, Madison, was never charged with anything. The Feds were satisfied with her story. She was a victim just as much as all the other women, maybe even more so. I don’t know the details, but Jackson hinted at some pretty fucked up shit she’d had to go through. I’m sorry, I thought you knew.”
Carter felt as if the bottom of his world had dropped out from under his feet. Madison was innocent. He’d had his doubts before he left Seattle, but as she’d been cautioned by the FBI and he’d heard nothing since, he’d assumed he was wrong and they’d found enough evidence to charge her.
“Are you sure about this, Nate? Last I heard, the Feds were telling her she was being investigated alongside Peeters. Are you sure they haven’t hidden her away somewhere? Maybe in WitSec?”
“I’m telling you, she’s not with the Feds. I have no idea where she is, but there were no charges against her after she’d been interrogated, and she was discharged a week or so after you had everything wrapped up over there. Besides, Peeters was killed in prison by another inmate not long after he was sent there, so she wasn’t needed for any trial. I’m guessing someone didn’t like his attitude to women and what he’d done to those young kids.” The shrug of Nate’s shoulders was almost audible over the line. Carter rubbed the back of his neck, trying to make sense of what Nate was telling him
“It doesn’t matter anyway. She’s out of my life and not coming back, so what do I care? I don’t think I could trust her even if the Feds say she wasn’t in on it. She could have told me the truth in Florida, but she chose to deflect or lie every chance she got.” Carter wanted this conversation over with. It made him feel things he didn’t like and would rather forget. Konrad Peeters being murdered in prison didn’t surprise him, though. Sex traffickers and child abusers rarely lasted long on the inside.
“If you say so, man. If you change your mind, the keys to the beach house are in my desk in the office. I’m sure my mom would love to see you if you do decide to go down there, even if it’s just for a weekend. It might do you good, you’re not exactly in a great place right now.”
Carter didn’t respond to Nate’s comment. It was a bit too close to the truth. He promised he’d be in touch with his mom and wished him luck on the op before hanging up.
A week after their conversation, Carter packed his bag, jumped in the car, and headed for Florida and Port St. George. He didn’t think, just acted, or he probably wouldn’t have gone.
It was a long drive, but he only stopped for food and rest when he absolutely had to and kept pushing forward towards his destination. Taking the turn towards the beach, he started to seriously doubt the wisdom of his actions. Too late now. He drove past the top of Main Street and followed the sandy road towards Nate’s house. It all still looked the same. The beach was nearly deserted at that early hour, and Carter couldn’t wait to go for a quick swim after the long drive even though the water would be chilly. He’d only stopped at a motel for a few hours’ sleep because he worried he might nod off at the wheel otherwise. He was too keyed up to rest for long, though, and had soon been on his way again.
He’d found the keys in Nate’s desk drawer when he’d been in to give an update to his boss. The doc had cleared him physically fit for duty, but the psych eval wasn’t scheduled for another three weeks. The staff shrink wanted him to take a little more time to make sure any lingering effects of his hospital stay and the infection were well and truly out of his system before putting him through the rigorous mental evaluation. Carter hadn’t been happy as he was itching to get back, but he had no choice but to wait until the doc was ready.
He dropped his bag on the floor in the same bedroom he’d used last time and then opened the doors to the back deck. Even though he had a similar view from his own house, this seemed different somehow. Definitely warmer and even a bit brighter. It was probably just his imagination, but he didn’t care. He liked it here. It was calming and relaxing. He dropped down on the sand and started walking towards the village. Everything looked the same, almost as if time had stood still in the eighteen months since he was last here. He settled in the diner for breakfast and coffee and looked around for Lydia, the waitress, but she was nowhere to be seen. With Madison out of his system, he figured he might be able to pick up where they’d left off. He could do with a good fuck and Lydia was young, gorgeous and hopefully still single. He quickly quashed the feeling of unease at the thought and put it down to not having got laid for a very long time. He just hoped the equipment still worked.
Carter fell back into the same routines he’d followed last time he’d been there. The only change was that he ran in the opposite direction. He knew Madison hadn’t returned to the cottage, but he was reluctant to stir up old memories by doing the same route they had done so long ago. He also didn’t want to see the cottage empty, or worse — seeing it with someone else living there. Back when he thought something had happened to Madison, he’d contacted the owner and paid the rent up front in cash. He hadn’t wanted her to return and find the cottage rented out to someone else, but that money had run out last month.
He ran every morning and evening before it got too dark and during the day, he spent at least an hour working out in the spare bedroom. Nate kept a few weights and a treadmill in there which Carter made good use of. He kept the alcohol to a minimum as well, only allowing himself a couple of beers in the evening at most and made sure he went back to the healthy diet he used to enjoy with plenty of vegetables, salads and fruit. He started feeling like his normal self and even though he’d been slightly disappointed to find Lydia with a boyfriend, it was probably for the best anyway. He could stay celibate for another week or so before going back home and finding some fun company there. It would be a lot less complicated, and he c
ould concentrate on making sure the doc would clear him at his psych eval when he got back. The nightmares were still haunting him but were less frequent and not as harrowing, so that was another good sign he was on the right course.
It was a cool, damp afternoon when Carter decided not to be a coward and started to walk in the direction of the cape, taking him past Madison’s cottage. As he neared the little house, a wave of memories and emotions threatened to overwhelm him, but he gritted his teeth and carried on walking. He kept his eyes firmly fixed on the horizon and refused to look at the building, but on the way back his resolve crumbled, and he stopped and studied the house where Madison had lived. A sign by the side of the verandah caught his eye and he walked closer to see it properly. He was shocked to find a local realtor’s For Sale board, and a heavy weight settled on his shoulders. This was it. Madison wasn’t coming back and someone else would soon be living there. Carter hung his head and squeezed his eyes shut. His hands formed fists at his side and he needed a few deep lungfuls of air before turning away and walking back to the beach house.
Damn! Why am I letting her affect me this much? She’s gone and never coming back. He needed to forget she ever existed and move on with his life. There were plenty of women out there who were happy to just fuck with no strings attached. He just needed to find one, get laid, and everything would be good. It sounded hollow even to his ears, but Carter was determined to go back to his fuck ‘em and leave ‘em lifestyle. He didn’t do relationships, with or without strings, ever.
The next morning, before he even knew what he was doing, he was on the phone to the realtor selling the cottage.
“I saw the sign for the cottage out on Sandy Lane. I’m interested in buying it. Could you tell me the purchase price?”
“I’m sorry, sir, but it was sold this morning.”
“Right. Can you tell me who bought it?”
“I really shouldn’t be saying anything, but I think the buyer is a developer wanting to build several houses on the plot. You can put in an offer, if you like, and I can check with the vendor if he’s willing to consider it.”
“No, don’t worry, I don’t want to get into a bidding war with a developer with tons of cash. I’d never win it, and don’t want to waste everyone’s time. Thanks very much, anyway.” Carter hung up and felt disappointment wash over him. He wasn’t sure what he would have done with the property, but at least it wouldn’t have had some stranger living in it. Or worse, be torn down and replaced with boxy condos which seemed to be what would happen if the realtor was correct.
Carter spent the rest of the day feeling moody and irritable. He didn’t feel like doing his normal workout, so he settled in front of the tv and flipped through the channels until he found a ball game to keep him distracted. Daylight was waning fast due to an incoming winter storm, and the wind was steadily increasing in strength.
Despite the excitement in the game, Carter found it hard to concentrate. He was restless and started pacing the small room from wall to wall. He felt trapped and needed to get out, but the storm was about to hit, and the weather office had declared it a bad one. I have to get out! I can’t stay here, its driving me nuts. I need air! Carter paced faster and faster as the walls were closing in on him, and he knew he had to get outside. Damn the consequences. Being out in the storm was still a better alternative to going crazy in that small house. He wrenched open the back door and ran onto the beach. As heavy raindrops started to fall, he fell to his knees in the sand by the water’s edge. Within seconds he was drenched through to his skin, but he didn’t care. His lungs filled with large gulps of air, but still he struggled to breathe. His throat constricted and sweat broke out all over his skin, immediately washed away by the torrential rain. Large waves washed up on the sand and threatened to drag him out with them, and for a short second he was tempted to let it happen.
No, you can’t do this. Get up! Walk away! This isn’t you. You’ve never been a coward so don’t be one now. Get up, start walking, run, do something! Carter forced himself to his feet and started running along the beach. The wet sand sucked his feet in deep and made every step a huge effort. Soon, his muscles were screaming in pain, but still, he kept running. It felt as if he’d been running for miles when his legs simply gave way and he sank into the cold, wet sand. He bowed his head against the driving rain and strong winds. He stayed in that position for god only knew how long before he dragged himself upright and turned his face to the darkened skies. The rain ran in rivulets down his soaked skin and his hair was plastered to his head. The clothes he wore clung like a second skin and he shivered in the gusting winds. He turned around and started back in the direction he’d come from when a small figure huddled on the sand near a small building caught his eye. For a second he thought it was Madison, but that was impossible, right? He stood squinting through the rain, thinking it was a pile of rocks or seaweed, or he was seeing things that simply weren’t there. The figure moved. Carter froze. Who would be out here in the dark in this weather, apart from his own stupid ass?
Chapter Thirty
“Carter? Is that you?” A small voice pierced the noise of the howling wind. Fuck! It was her. It was Madison. The way it had monopolized his dreams for so long, he’d recognize that voice anywhere.
“Madison? What the hell are you doing here? You’re gonna get yourself killed!”
“Same as you, I suppose. Don’t worry, I can take care of myself.” Madison’s slight figure rose from the sand and started back towards the cottage. Carter hadn’t even realized he’d stopped so close to it.
”Wait! Maddie, please stop!” Carter tried to move but his legs felt as if they were filled with lead. Somehow, he still reached her before she made it to the house. His hand shot out of its own accord and he grabbed her gently around the wrist. Madison stumbled back and he could feel the fear radiating off her.
“Let me go! Please, don’t hurt me!” Madison’s frightened voice burnt a hole in his chest and he released his grip.
“I’m sorry. I would never hurt you. I just didn’t want you to leave.” Carter had to raise his voice to be heard over the howling wind.
“Why? I thought you couldn’t stand the sight of me. My crimes were more than you could stomach, and I don’t blame you. Just know, I did it to protect myself. I had no idea he’d abducted so many women. When I left it it was just a few…” Her voice trailed off and was swallowed up by the wind. Her hair whipped in long, wet strands around her face and her clothes were soaked from the torrential rain. A shiver worked its way through her body and her lips started to turn blue.
“Why did you go back to him? Did you help him find more girls?” Carter knew he was being an asshole, but he had to hear to hear it from her.
“I didn’t go back! I would never go back to that monster! Just leave, Carter. You’re not interested in the truth and I can’t do this anymore. I just need to be left alone.” Madison turned back towards the dark house, but Carter quickly stepped in front of her. Standing so close he could just about see her face in the dark and driving rain.
“Please, don’t go. I am interested, I promise. I know I was being a dick back in Seattle, and I should have heard you out. I’m so sorry. Please, let’s get inside somewhere and talk.” Carter pleaded with her. His mind was spinning with a maelstrom of emotions. He’d been so angry by what he felt was a betrayal through lies and omissions that even in the face of Nate’s bombshell of an explanation, he still found it hard to let go. He hadn’t been ready to admit he’d behaved like an insensitive ass and had hurt a woman who had snuck under his skin and into his heart. Especially since he didn’t do relationships! He watched as a flood of emotions lashed her face and her eyes darkened to bottomless pools. One by one, the emotions drained away until all that remained was a vacant mask. Carter stood frozen to the ground until he realized she was slowly sinking to her knees. He wrapped a hand around her waist before she fell to the wet sand and gently scooped her up in his arms. With hurried strides, he brought
her back down the beach to his house since he wasn’t sure if the cottage was livable, and he wasn’t going to risk it.
Aiming straight for the bathroom, he placed her on the floor in the shower, clothes and all. She moaned softly but didn’t stir. He turned the water to hot and then got in himself and held her while the spray of heat worked its way through their chilled bodies. Once her skin felt warm to the touch he turned the water off and wrapped a large, fluffy towel around her. He needed to get her clothes off though, or she’d soon be cold again. From his drawer he pulled out a large sweatshirt and a pair of jogging pants.
“Maddie, I’m going to undress you now. I promise, I will touch you as little as possible and be as gentle as I can, but I can’t leave you in these wet clothes. Do you understand me?” He spoke in a soft voice but only got a whimper in reply. He was relieved to find she was wearing a loose-fitting jumper and a pair of yoga pants which were easy to remove. He considered leaving her bra and panties on, but decided they were too wet and would only be cold and uncomfortable. He really hoped she wouldn’t make him regret his actions when she woke up. He removed the last of her clothing as fast as he could and tried very hard not to let his eyes roam over her naked body. The sweater and jogging pants swamped her small frame, and he had to roll up the sleeves and pant legs several times before they were a reasonable length. He placed her on his bed and pulled the covers up before getting himself changed into dry clothes. Then he settled in the armchair by the window with the small bedside light on in case she woke up, and so he could keep looking at her. A calm spread through his chest with a warm glow settling deep in his belly. For the first time in many months, he no longer felt the need to be constantly on the move. He was perfectly content to just sit and watch as Madison slept.
Agent Undone Page 30
