by J. L. Perry
••••
Carter is on my doorstep at 7:00am. I never asked him to come with me this morning, but I guess he’s invited himself. My dad didn’t take the news too well last night. Carter insisted that he come with me to break it to him, but I felt it was something I needed to do alone. I hate that my dad has to go through this all over again.
When his shoulders slumped and he buried his face in his hands and cried, it broke my heart. That was when I realised I need to fight this with everything I have. I need to be strong for him. No matter how I’m feeling on the inside, no matter what the outcome of the tests, I have to put my big girl panties on and deal with it the best way I can.
“You don’t have to come with us this morning,” I tell Carter when I answer the door. “My dad has taken the next few days off work to be with me.”
“Well tough, I’m coming as well. For both of you,” he says as he pushes his way past me and enters the house. His pigheadedness should piss me off, but it doesn’t. I find myself smiling at his retreating back as he walks down the hall towards the kitchen. I may or may not be in for the fight of my life, but it’s good to know if I am, I’m not alone.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Carter
Once all the tests are completed, we have to wait two agonising hours for the results. After Indi’s mini breakdown when we arrived home from the doctors yesterday, I was worried how she’d cope today, but she’s been a real champ. I’m proud of her. Surprisingly, I’d say she’s faring the best out of the three of us.
Her dad has been quiet since I arrived at their house this morning. He’s barely said a word. When she was taken in for her tests, he paced the corridor until she came back out. It tore at my fucking heart. I can only imagine what this must be like for him. Indi’s all he has left.
As we sit here waiting to hear her fate, my stomach is churning. Ross’ leg is bouncing up and down nervously, and Indiana is sitting there as cool as a fucking cucumber. That both astounds and worries me. Fuck I pray we get good results.
“The doctor will see you now, Ms. Montgomery,” the nurse says appearing in front of us.
“Good luck, Pumpkin,” Ross says grasping her hand and giving it a squeeze.
“Everything is going to be okay, Daddy,” she replies smiling. Now I understand why she’s been acting so calm today. She’s doing it for her dad.
“This way,” the nurse says gesturing with her hand for Indiana to follow. We both stand at the same time.
“I’ve got this, Carter,” Indi says, turning her head in my direction. “I’ve already discussed this with my dad. I’m going in to get the results alone.”
“You discussed it with him, not me. I’m coming whether you like it or not,” I snap. She’s not fucking doing this alone.
“Or not,” she says narrowing her eyes at me. It brings a smile to my face. I reach for her hand and lace my fingers through hers.
“We’re doing it together. End. Of. Story.” She tries to pull her hand from mine, but I tighten my grip. I don’t think so. When she realises I have no intentions of letting go, she sighs.
“Fine, you stubborn arse,” she mumbles, making me chuckle.
“Takes one to know one,” I whisper in her ear as I follow her into the doctor’s room. She pinches my hand spitefully and I smile. I love her spunk.
“Take a seat,” the doctor says when we enter. “I’m Doctor Emmerson, the oncologist here at the hospital.” After the introductions, we’re seated. My eyes drift to Indiana. From the outside she looks so calm. Reaching over, I grasp her tiny hand in mine again. When I feel it trembling, I know she’s anything but. It tugs at my heart. Please let her be okay. “I have your results back,” he says, the passive look on his face giving nothing away. Fuck doctors and their poker faces. At least if his expression gave a hint of what was to come, I could prepare myself. Then he goes and says the exact words I’ve been dreading. “Indiana, I’m sorry …” That’s all I hear as the rest of the words are drowned out by the thumping of my heart. I feel Indiana’s grip on my hand tighten.
Noooooo! This can’t be fucking happening.
••••
Our sombre faces say it all. Devastation. I offered to drive Ross’ car home from the hospital. He was in no state to get behind the wheel. I listen intently as Indiana recounts everything the doctor told her. Everything I missed as my world around me crumbled.
She has a tumour. On a positive note it’s small. The doctor’s pretty confident if they find no other cancers, six weeks of radiation therapy may be all she needs. He assured her it’s the best solution for her particular diagnosis. It cuts out all the unnecessary risks associated with brain surgery.
Ross doesn’t respond to anything Indi says. I glance at him in the rear view mirror, and the pain, shock, and disbelief that this is happening again, is plain to see. He’s usually so tough, so put together. It brings a lump to my throat. To find out your only child has the same disease that killed your wife would be a pretty hard pill to swallow.
“Everything is going to be okay, Dad,” she says turning and reaching for his hand in the back seat. I’m in fucking awe of her. She’s just been told she has a tumour on her brain, and she’s the one comforting and reassuring him. She’s the one who’s being positive and optimistic when it’s plain to see he’s consumed with doubt. “The doctor even said that medicine has come so far since Mum’s diagnosis all those years ago. Plus, we found it early. Hers came years after the symptoms started.”
Every word she speaks has a calming effect on my aching heart. I’m devastated that this is happening. I’d give anything to change her situation. I don’t want to lose her before I’ve even got her back, because over the past few weeks I’ve realised that my life without her in it, is unimaginable. She completes me.
She sounds so confident, so sure of herself. If she thinks she’s got this, then fuck me she has. Who am I to rain on her parade? Her positivity is inspiring and may be just what she needs to beat this motherfucking tumour.
She has to go back to the hospital on Monday for an MRI. The doctor wants to make certain that the cancer is confined to her brain, that there’s no secondary cancer present in her body. If there isn’t, he gives her as high as an eighty percent chance of survival. I’m fucking stoked about that. I’d rather a hundred percent, but if eighty is the best he can give then so be it. They’re pretty good fucking odds. I’d be lying if I said that twenty percent didn’t scare the living shit out of me though.
Now we just have to pray the tumour is confined.
When we arrive back at the house, the three of us go inside. Ross heads straight for the fridge and grabs a beer. “Want one?” he asks me.
“Sure.” Alcohol is not the answer I guess, but I think in this situation it’s needed.
“Would you guys mind if I had a lie down? I didn’t get much sleep last night. I’m tired,” Indi asks.
“Of course not, Pumpkin,” her father says as he walks towards her and wraps her in his arms. “I’m sorry I haven’t been very supportive today, it’s just …”
“Shhhh, Daddy. You have nothing to be sorry about,” she replies sliding her arms around his waist. “I love you. I know this is hard for you, but it’s going to be okay.”
“I love you too, baby girl,” he says leaning down to kiss the top of her head before letting her go. She takes a step back and looks over at me.
“Thanks for coming today, Carter. It meant a lot to me.”
“Don’t sweat it,” I reply, the corners of my mouth turning up briefly. My heart feels so heavy. “I’ll be with you every step of the way.” And I will be, whether she wants that or not. She smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. For a split second she almost looks like she’s going to cry, but she recovers quickly. It makes me wonder. Maybe she’s not faring as well as she’s making out. I can’t blame her. I’m not sure I would be, if I was in her predicament.
I continue to sit at the kitchen table with Ross while he drinks h
imself into oblivion. To be honest I feel like doing the same, but I don’t. What good is that going to do? It’s not going to fix anything. Instead, I choose to be his rock. The one he’s been for me for the past five years.
The hours pass and Indiana doesn’t re-emerge from her room. Everything in me wants to go to her. To make sure she’s alright. “I can’t go through this again,” Ross says suddenly, his voice cracking. He buries his face in his hands, and I can tell he’s on the verge of a breakdown. I feel for him, I do, but he needs to pull himself together. His daughter needs all the support she can get right now.
“Look at me, Ross.” He raises his head and his glassy eyes meet mine. “You can, and you will. She’s your daughter. It sucks, I know, but you’ve gotta get your shit together, mate. She needs you.”
“I know … I know,” he says shaking his head. I’ve never seen him like this before. “She’s my baby girl. She’s all I’ve got.” He looks up at me, his eyes brimming with tears. “I don’t think I could go on if I lost her too.”
I get up from my chair and make my way around to his side of the table. He’s had enough to drink. “Come on,” I say placing my hands under his arms and helping him up. He stumbles, but finds his feet. “I think you need to lie down.”
“Maybe you’re right,” he slurs. “I’m glad you’re back, son. You’re just what my girl needs.” His words make me smile. I love that he thinks I’m good enough for her, even though I still have my doubts if I am. I guide him towards his bedroom before laying him down on the bed. As I remove his shoes and pull the blanket over him, he closes his eyes.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” I tell him as I turn to leave.
“Carter.”
“Yeah.” I stop, looking at him over my shoulder. His eyes remain closed.
“I love you like you were one of my own,” he mumbles. I feel the corners of my mouth turn up. I can’t tell you what it means to hear him say that. I stand there briefly watching him. He’s the closest thing to a father I’ve got. Before I get a chance to reply, he lets out a loud snore. I shake my head and chuckle. Fuck me if I don’t love him too.
I gently close his bedroom door as I leave. As I head down the hall towards the front door, I stop. I feel compelled to check on Indi before I go. Turning, I head back down the hall towards her room. I raise my hand to knock, but I pull back. If she’s asleep, I don’t want to wake her. She needs her rest.
Reaching for the handle I quietly open the door, trying not to make a noise. I’ll look in on her then leave. I smile when I see her lying on her bed, her back to me. What I wouldn’t give to be beside her right now. As I turn to leave, I hear a sniffle. Is she crying? I see her hand come up to wipe her face. Fuck, she is.
“Indi,” I say as I take a step towards her bed. She turns her head and looks at me over her shoulder. Her eyes are red and puffy. She looks so sad. It breaks my fucking heart. I don’t hesitate. Kicking off my shoes, I climb into the bed beside her. No words are spoken as I pull her towards me and wrap her in my arms. She slides her arm around my waist, crying softly into my chest. Tears rise to my eyes as I tighten my hold. The enormity of today and what lies ahead, finally hits home.
It makes me hate myself even more. Why couldn’t I have had my shit together all those years ago? We’ve waisted so much time. One thing is for sure. I’ll be beside her every step of the way from now on. I’ll cherish every second of our time together. However long that may be.
Losing her to this isn’t an option I ever want to face.
••••
I open my eyes to find sunshine flooding the room. At first I’m disorientated. I’m wrapped in warmth. My gaze moves down to find Indi sound asleep on my chest. It brings an instant smile to my face. Christ she’s beautiful. Her long dark lashes are splayed against her cheeks. Her sexy-as-fuck plump lips just itching to be kissed. Her leg is thrown over mine, pinning me to the bed. Her arm is still draped around my waist.
My morning wood is straining against my jeans. Having her wrapped around me isn’t helping matters. Fuck. What I wouldn’t give to be able to flip her over and have my way with her.
Lifting my head off the pillow slightly, I place a soft kiss on her forehead. A smile graces her face as she lets out a sexy little sigh and snuggles in closer. The leg that’s draped over me rises slightly. It’s now inches away from my cock, making it grow even harder. Shit. I need to adjust that fucker because it’s become painful, but I don’t want to wake her.
I’ve never spent the night with someone like this before. If I could stay here like this, wrapped up in her forever, I would. I lay here watching her until she finally stirs. “Morning, beautiful,” I say when I see her eyes open. She lifts her head off my chest as her eyes dart around the room before landing on mine.
“Carter.” The shock on her face makes me smile for some reason. “What time is it?” I turn my head to look at her bedside clock.
“8:00am.”
“Shit. Did you stay here all night?”
“It appears so. We must’ve fallen asleep.” She tries to sit up, but I tighten my grip. I’m not ready to let her go yet.
“Let me up,” she pleads.
“Nope. I’m not done holding you.” She sighs as her eyes meet mine again.
“That’s nice, but I’ve gotta pee.”
“Oh.” I chuckle as I let her go. “How are you feeling today?” I ask as she climbs over the top of me.
“Fine,” she says smiling. It doesn’t reach her eyes, so I know she’s lying.
Whilst she’s in the bathroom I adjust my cock, but don’t move from her bed. I’m gonna need to keep her busy today. I don’t want her moping around worrying about the MRI on Monday.
When she re-enters the room, I sit up. “I better get going before your dad finds me in your room. He does own a shotgun.” She giggles at my comment.
“He likes you, Carter. I think you’re safe. Besides, I’m not a kid anymore.”
“Finally, you admit it,” I say as I reach down and grab my shoes off the floor.
“Ha ha. Very funny.” Sliding my feet into my shoes, I stand. I take the few steps that separate us, snaking my arms around her waist. Thankfully she doesn’t seem to mind.
“Get ready. I’ll be back to get you in about an hour.”
“Where are we going?” she asks, the corners of her lips turning up.
“Out for the day. Do you mind if we take our parents with us? I think it will do them both good to get out of the house.”
“Of course not,” she answers, her smile widening.
“Wear something comfortable and warm.” She’s gonna need it where we’re going.
“Okay,” she says. Inching my face forward, I place my lips gently on hers. It’s just a simple peck, but I feel compelled to kiss her. I’m a patient man. I’m willing to wait as long as it takes. In the meantime though, I’m going to sneak in whatever I can. Anything that could possibly hurry her along.
I need her. Her diagnosis yesterday only intensifies my desire to have her, sooner rather than later. Situations like this make you realise life is short. You need to live everyday like it’s your last.
“Your dad had a lot to drink yesterday,” I tell her. “I had to put him to bed. He’s probably going to be feeling pretty shitty today, but try and talk him into coming with us. I don’t like the idea of him being alone.”
“You’re very sweet, Carter Reynolds,” she says reaching up and running her hand down the side of my face. “Who knew?” She’s smiling when she says the last bit, so I don’t take offence.
“What can I say? You bring out the best in me. You always have.” This time she cups my face in her hands and pulls my head down towards hers. When her mouth covers mine, I pull her body closer, groaning. Hot damn. Now this is the kind of kiss I’ve been pining for.
Fuck I’ve missed her lips. Missed these crazy-arse feelings she makes me feel. It’s electric. Her touches and kisses make me feel electrified. That’s the best way to describe
it. It’s like a current that shoots through every inch of me. Sweet Jesus.
She makes me feel alive.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Indiana
My lips are still tingling even after Carter leaves. I’m grateful for everything he’s done for both me and my dad. He’s been so supportive. I’m not sure how I would’ve got through yesterday without him. As pissed as I was that he forced me to go to the doctor in the first place, I’m thankful for it now. It was the push I needed. He only had my best interests at heart. I can’t be mad at him for that.
It may just be the difference between living and dying. My mum waited years before getting her diagnosis. Thanks to Carter, I only waited weeks. I at least have a fighting chance of kicking this tumour’s arse. Sadly, my mum didn’t have that luxury.
It’s made me think a lot about everything she went through. I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t upset me. I hate that she waited so long to see someone, despite my father’s pleas. If she hadn’t, there’s a good chance I may not have had to grow up without a mother. My dad may not have had to live without his soulmate.
My poor dad. I’m gonna fight this motherfucking tumour with everything I have. I refuse to let this be the end for me. I refuse to bring more heartache to him. This would destroy him, I know it. After mum passed, having me to care for was the only thing that gave him the will to carry on. To keep existing.
After I shower, I make my way into the kitchen to find him sitting at the table drinking coffee. Carter was right: he does look like death warmed up. “Morning, Daddy,” I say in a chirpy voice. Today I’m feeling optimistic. The tears I shed last night will be my final ones. I refuse to shed anymore. Positive thinking from this day forward. No matter what the MRI shows, I’m going to live every day to the fullest. I refuse to live like I’m dead while I’m still alive.
“Morning, Pumpkin. How are you feeling this morning?”
