by Pilar Lepe
“He wanted me to move to New York with him.”
“And I always, you refused.”
“I only care about him, I don’t love him the same way.”
“Does the guy that could steal your hear even exists Eve Thomas?”
“I don’t think he has been born yet.”
“One day, love will hit you hard enough you won’t know what to do.”
“Well,” Eve said laughing, “until that day comes, I’ll stay here at my shop, and maybe he’ll come to buy his mother some flowers.”
“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to understand you.” Sarah said while shaking her head. “Let’s get to work, shall we?”
“Good idea. Someone called a while ago because they needed special flowers for a wedding, they would send pictures because they don’t know their names. Besides, I have to prepare roses for an award ceremony for a medical supply company.”
Between work and worrying about her mother, Eve forgot about Sam, but when the evening came, she couldn’t help feeling a little sad and she missed him; he didn’t call, it was obvious he left feeling upset but there was nothing she could do about it. Living together for a month had shown they were not perfect for each other since they were total opposites. Evelyn thought that maybe that was the reason Sam decided to take the job, if things had worked out, then maybe he would’ve refused to take the job.
It was past seven when Judith came through the door to look for Eve, she was pale and her movements were slow. When Sarah saw her, she gave Eve a nudge, who ran to see what was wrong.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I think lunch got me sick.”
“You always had a great stomach with food.”
“It seems like I don’t anymore.”
“Let’s go to the apartment.”
“But you’re shift hasn’t finished yet. Or is it time to close now?”
“Don’t worry, I’ll come down in a bit, if not Sarah can do it for me.”
“Sarah?”
“She helps me out. Let’s go upstairs, you give the impression that you’re going to faint any minute. Sarah!” she called right away. “If I take long, please close the shop for me.”
“Go on, I’ll take care of it. You can phone me later.”
“Alright!” Evelyn yelled from the door.
“Are you sure there’s nothing going on?” Eve asked her mother while she was helping her get into bed. “If there is, you better tell me.”
“Would you care if there was? You’re not angry at me anymore?”
“I still am, but that’s something different. Tell me, are you sick?”
Judith stared into space. Tears streamed down her face. Evelyn sat by the bed, and after hesitating for a while, she took her mother’s hand; Judith had never liked showing affection.
“Please, tell me what’s wrong.” Evelyn said. “Is it dad?”
“No...I have cancer.”
“Cancer?”
“Yes, according to the doctor who treats me in Michigan, it’s an aggressive type of cancer. He sent me to San Francisco because they’re experimenting with a new drug. I went today to get the first dose.”
“Does dad know?”
“I don’t want to tell him, he hasn’t been doing well himself.”
“But you can’t hide something this big from him.”
“Poor man, he’ll be alone.”
“Don’t say that, you can’t give up, you have to fight this. When will they give you the next dose?”
“Three months from now, we have to see how my organism reacts to it, that’s why it cannot be before.”
“Side effects?”
“Loss of appetite, insomnia, hair loss... nothing more.”
“Now rest, I’ll make you soup later, you want some?”
“I’m not hungry, I just want to rest.”
“But it’s light, you can’t refuse.”
“Evelyn.”
“What?”
“Thank you.”
Chapter 11
Evelyn let herself drop on the couch with both her hands on her face, she had a weird sensation all over her body; an extreme exhaustion that wasn’t from working, but from all the years from holding a grudge against her mother. Now Judith’s health had to be some kind of karma, however she was feeling sad, since she never wanted a revenge per say. When she realized this, she felt relieved because the weight of hatred was too much to carry.
She was so absorbed in her thoughts that she didn’t hear the phone ringing. As if waking from a dream, she shook her head and answered.
“Hello?”
“How are you? I was worried.”
“My mother is sick, she has cancer.”
“What?”
“Cancer, a very aggressive type.”
“What will you do?”
“I don’t know. Support her. Not economically, I don’t think she has trouble there, though dad has been sick too. They live on their own and my mom is more than sixty years old and my dad is almost seventy.”
“Eve, I know she has hurt you in the past and I don’t think you should leave her alone now, not under these circumstances.”
“I know, believe me that’s what I’ve been thinking right now.”
“OK, well get some rest now, tomorrow you’ll have time to think.”
“Thank you Sarah, I’ll see you tomorrow. Give Jimmy a hug for me.”
“Of course, goodbye.”
“Goodbye.”
She was in the kitchen making the soup she had promised Judith when Mark arrived. Without thinking about it, Evelyn broke down when she saw him; he looked at her worriedly and dropped his briefcase.
“What’s wrong?”
“It’s my mom.” She answered sobbing.
“What’s wrong with her? Is it serious?”
“Cancer.”
“How long?”
“I don’t know when they found it, the only thing I could figure out, is about her trip to San Francisco; is to try a new treatment.
“Does Gus know?”
“She doesn’t want to tell him, he’s sick.”
“I understand. And I know it hurts you.”
“I thought nothing concerning her could affect me.”
“But you were wrong.” Mark said rubbing her back.
“I was ready to have a discussion, to yell at each other. Anything but this.”
“”What are you going to do? Ask her to stay during her treatment.”
“She won’t like that, dad is alone, aside from everything, they’re very close.”
“You have a brother.”
“He’s in Canada.”
“Would you go?”
“To Michigan?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t know, I never thought of going back.”
“Maybe it’s time.”
“Leave you, the shop?”
“Mom, I’m an adult, if I need help for something I have Sarah...and Deb.”
“And how is that going?” She asked wiping her tears away.
“Slow, but good, very good. We don’t want to rush into it, she still has two more semesters to go. If everything goes well, we might wet married in a couple of years.”
“Who would’ve said? Seems like yesterday I thought you to ride a bike and today you’re making wedding plans...I think I’m starting to feel old.”
“No, I think it’s time you start living a little. You’ve always lived for me, you should make that trip.”
“I already said I wouldn’t, especially now that she’s sick.”
“I also think it’s time you work out your differences. They’re old and they need to relief their conscious and you need to forgive.”
“Son.” She was starting to cry again. “You are do generous, it is incredible you hold no grudge against anyone, not even against your father.”
“You don’t get anything from it, just to embitter your life. It’s true, it did bother me seeing Judith here so unexpectedl
y, but then I realized I am no one to judge her, life takes care of it on its own. And about dad, I don’t hold a grudge against him, but I hope I don’t ever see him again.”
“I envy your view in life, I can’t be lie you; I hold a lot of hatred in my heart against that man.”
“You know what? Let’s not waste time talking about people who don’t deserve it and tell me what you’re cooking.”
“Oh! I had forgotten about that, I’m making soup for your grandma.”
“Mom!”
“If you chose to accept her apologies, you should call her grandma. You want me to prepare something for you?”
“No thank you, I’m going over to Deb’s.”
“I was thinking it might be time for you to get a car.”
“To contaminate even more?”
“But you would spend less than taking a cab everywhere.”
“That’s true, I’ll think about it.”
“It doesn’t have to be brand new, you know?”
“You’re also right about that, but I’ve been at the firm less than a year, it will be complicated.”
“We’ll see what we can do. You can’t drive the van all the time. I have no problems, but it’s painted with flowers everywhere.”
“My friends laugh but I don’t care.”
“We agree then, now I’ll take some soup to your grandma.”
When Evelyn went into the room, her mother was sleeping. She stared at her for a minute, she had changed a lot; she didn’t look scary, she looked helpless, very tired. She moved her mom gently to wake her up. The lady woke up slowly and she looked at her daughter puzzled.
“Oh! I had forgotten I’m not at home.”
“I bought you chicken soup.”
“Thank you sweetie, but I’m not hungry.”
“Don’t you know that if you’re sick and you eat, you’ll recover quickly?”
“I’m not sick, it’s just a condition.” She said annoyed.
“Whatever you say, but you have to eat something. Please, just a bit.”
“Fine, I’ll try.”
“When will you tell dad?”
“I don’t know, if I knew that treatment works, I would never tell him.”
“But you can’t hide something like this, you shouldn’t.”
“And if he doesn’t take it well? I don’t want him to have another attach because of me.”
“You have to ease him into it, but you have to do it.”
“Would you come with me to St. Clair?”
“What for?”
“To help me tell your dad, I’m scared.”
“Scared?”
“If he realized I’m scared of dying.”
“You’re not going to die, you have to convince yourself and you have to be strong.”
“I am not scared of dying really; I’m scared of leaving Gus alone.”
Evelyn didn’t know what to say. What could she say in a situation like that? Death was not her favorite subjects to talk about; she never really talked about it.
“Eve.”
“Yes?”
“Why didn’t you accept the gift?”
“I was angry.”
“Would you think about it now?”
“I promise to think about it.” She smiled. “Now you must rest. Are you still leaving tomorrow?”
“Yes, your father probably misses me, you know he’s a mess in the kitchen.”
“I know. Sleep well.” Without thinking about it she leaned to give her a kiss on Judith’s forehead surprising herself.
“Sweetie.” Judith took her hand and squeezed it. “I love you.”
Chapter 12
Next day Judith woke up with a smile across her face and that made Evelyn feel a lot better. Her experiences with illness was nothing more than a cold, but she figured that having a good mood was really important to deal with a condition like Judith’s.
“Mom, I’ll take you to the airport.”
“That won’t be necessary sweetie; you have to open your shop. Didn’t you tell me your helper was not coming in the morning?”
“Yes, Sarah has to take Jimmy to the doctor, and before everything, she is my friend.”
“I’m sorry, I know I can be harsh most of the times but I’m happy you have someone to count on when you need it, someone that listens to you, supports you.”
“She has been like a sister to me, and though she is younger than me, she has been like a mother a lot of the times.”
“Oh! I have hurt you so much my dear.”
“Sorry, I said that without thinking it.”
“But you’re right, I should’ve been there for you to support you and help you through rough times. I was blind; the only think I cared about was what people would say, you have no idea how much I regret it now.”
“Well, Mark says he should look forward and if we think about the past too much, we won’t be able to.”
“You son is a great kid, very down to Earth, I hope he keeps going like that. Well, I should go. Promise me you’ll come, with Mark and his girlfriend is he wants to, if you have a friend, he could also come.”
“Thank you mom, but I don’t want to think about men for a while, they are very complicated, and at this point I won’t change for anyone.”
“And you don’t have you, you’re fine. You’re beautiful and have your ideas straight.”
“Mom, please call as soon as you get there, please. I also want David’s number...”
“Oh! I have it here somewhere.” She gave Evelyn her cellphone so she could find it.
“Wait, let me write it down. I’ll put it on the fridge so I won’t lose it.”
“OK love, I’m leaving, it’s almost ten and my plane leaves at eleven.”
“It’s time to open the shop as well.”
After her mother left, Evelyn felt a whole on her chest. She felt extremely helpless and she started to cry. She thought on the lost time, she blamed herself for not taking the first step, why had she left her grudge take over for so many years; maybe if she had taken the first step, then she wouldn’t feel sorry about the years she lost with them, and now she didn’t know how long she had left. But now she felt free and she had to change things around; visit them whenever she could, but her first mission was to talk to her brother. She understood that it wasn’t them who pushed her away, it was her who drove them away.
“Eve! Eve!”
“Huh? Sarah! Weren’t you supposed to be late today?”
“Doctor Mitchell canceled the appointment. Where’s your mother? I was hoping to be here earlier so you could take her to the airport.”
“She already left.”
“You’re not OK.”
“No, but I don’t want to talk about it right now. Why don’t we make the list to go buys the flowers? I could go early tomorrow.”
“Of course, besides I saw some strange flowers on T.V. last night, we could buy some of those.”
“Do you remember what they’re called?”
“No, but I can look over the internet.”
“OK, do that after.”
Sarah moved away, Evelyn was having one of those days a lot more often lately. Not even 10 minutes had passes when Eve looked for her while she was arranging some flowers.
“Sarah? Would you mind if I leave you on your own for a while?”
“Of course not, go on, take a break.”
“I need to lie down for a moment.”
“Don’t worry, and don’t come down until you’re feeling better.”
“I truly don’t know what I would do without you.”
She said she’d only rest for a while, but as soon as she got to her apartment she went directly to her bedroom and closed the curtains to shut the sunlight, then she looked for he pajamas and changed into them. She got into bed and closed her eyes.
She wasn’t prepared for the wave of emotions that was drowning her. She had her life under control, being completely independent with no one to tell her anything. Now ev
erything was too overwhelming: Sam left her for a new job because he wasn’t patient enough to make it work, offering a change which he knew she wouldn’t accept. Why would he do that if he knew how things were between them? She never gave him guarantees that she would fall in love with him, however he was persistent; maybe it was her fault when she offered to move in together.
Her mother, she didn’t know whether she hate Judith, but she did have a huge resentment against her, why appearing after so many years when the wounds were almost cured? A lot of the times she forgot her mother even existed; it was as if she was born out of nothing, without family or roots. The anger she felt for so long, made her change her phone number so they wouldn’t call her again. Though the times she had spoken with her father, she would hang up as soon as he gave her mom the phone because she didn’t want to talk to her. She had also forgotten about the times Judith told her she was sorry, but Evelyn didn’t want to listen. She preferred to hold a grudge against her mother all these years, blaming her for everything, because she didn’t want to recognize that if she had never accepted to go upstairs with Josh, nothing would’ve happened, but she also wouldn’t have Mark, she thought for a moment.
She felt tears stream down her face, but she didn’t cry because that was not the solution. The solution was to make things right again, start over with her mother and close the wounds.
She felt relieved at the thought. Her past had come back to her, but she felt free, looking at everything with another perspective. This new stage of mental and spiritual calmness cuddled her into a deep sleep.
Chapter 13
It was four o’clock when she woke up. When she looked at the clock she couldn’t believe she had slept for almost six hours. Her mother had been three days in Sacramento, Sam had left two days ago to move to New York, but she felt it was a lot longer than that. She thought of calling him, but what for if he wouldn’t come back unless she accepted his proposal. The best thing to do was to leave things how they were. He was probably going to meet some blonde New Yorker and would forget about her. She got out of bed and the cat woke up also stretching out. She took him and put him on her chest to pet him. She loved to feel the softness on her skin.
“Hey you. Where do you go when you disappear from my sight?” Simba responded with a purr. “Probably doing something you shouldn’t do.” She left the cat at the foot of the bed. She was so comfortable but she had to go with Sarah. She had been alone all day and it wasn’t fair. She was putting her feet down when she heard the phone.
