“Well, aside from the obvious, sometimes…” I hesitated. “I can’t be sure—I don’t know how to read minds—but sometimes it seems like you’re trying to say goodbye when you’re saying something else.” That was the best I could sum up the sensation of anguish that his words triggered in me at times.
“Perceptive,” he whispered. And there was the anguish again, surfacing as he confirmed my fear. “That’s exactly why you’re wrong, though,” he began to explain, but then his eyes narrowed. “What do you mean, ‘the obvious’?”
“Well, look at me,” I said, unnecessarily as he was already staring. “I’m absolutely ordinary—well, except for bad things like all the near-death experiences and being so clumsy that I’m almost disabled. And look at you.” I waved my hand toward him and all his bewildering perfection.
His brow creased angrily for a moment, then smoothed as his eyes took on a knowing look. “You don’t see yourself very clearly, you know. I’ll admit you’re dead-on about the bad things,” he chuckled blackly, “but you didn’t hear what every human male in this school was thinking on your first day.”
I blinked, astonished. “I don’t believe it…,” I mumbled to myself.
“Trust me just this once—you are the opposite of ordinary.”
My embarrassment was much stronger than my pleasure at the look that came into his eyes when he said this. I quickly reminded him of my original argument.
“But I’m not saying goodbye,” I pointed out.
“Don’t you see? That’s what proves me right. I care the most, because if I can do it”—he shook his head, seeming to struggle with the thought—“if leaving is the right thing to do, then I’ll hurt myself to keep from hurting you, to keep you safe.”
I glared. “And you don’t think I would do the same?”
“You’d never have to make the choice.”
Abruptly, his unpredictable mood shifted again; a mischievous, devastating smile rearranged his features. “Of course, keeping you safe is beginning to feel like a full-time occupation that requires my constant presence.”
“No one has tried to do away with me today,” I reminded him, grateful for the lighter subject. I didn’t want him to talk about goodbyes anymore. If I had to, I supposed I could purposefully put myself in danger to keep him close.… I banished that thought before his quick eyes read it on my face. That idea would definitely get me in trouble.
“Yet,” he added.
“Yet,” I agreed; I would have argued, but now I wanted him to be expecting disasters.
“I have another question for you.” His face was still casual.
“Shoot.”
“Do you really need to go to Seattle this Saturday, or was that just an excuse to get out of saying no to all your admirers?”
I made a face at the memory. “You know, I haven’t forgiven you for the Tyler thing yet,” I warned him. “It’s your fault that he’s deluded himself into thinking I’m going to prom with him.”
“Oh, he would have found a chance to ask you without me—I just really wanted to watch your face,” he chuckled. I would have been angrier if his laughter wasn’t so fascinating. “If I’d asked you, would you have turned me down?” he asked, still laughing to himself.
“Probably not,” I admitted. “But I would have canceled later—faked an illness or a sprained ankle.”
He was puzzled. “Why would you do that?”
I shook my head sadly. “You’ve never seen me in Gym, I guess, but I would have thought you would understand.”
“Are you referring to the fact that you can’t walk across a flat, stable surface without finding something to trip over?”
“Obviously.”
“That wouldn’t be a problem.” He was very confident. “It’s all in the leading.” He could see that I was about to protest, and he cut me off. “But you never told me—are you resolved on going to Seattle, or do you mind if we do something different?”
As long as the “we” part was in, I didn’t care about anything else.
“I’m open to alternatives,” I allowed. “But I do have a favor to ask.”
He looked wary, as he always did when I asked an open-ended question. “What?”
“Can I drive?”
He frowned. “Why?”
“Well, mostly because when I told Charlie I was going to Seattle, he specifically asked if I was going alone and, at the time, I was. If he asked again, I probably wouldn’t lie, but I don’t think he will ask again, and leaving my truck at home would just bring up the subject unnecessarily. And also, because your driving frightens me.”
He rolled his eyes. “Of all the things about me that could frighten you, you worry about my driving.” He shook his head in disgust, but then his eyes were serious again. “Won’t you want to tell your father that you’re spending the day with me?” There was an undercurrent to his question that I didn’t understand.
“With Charlie, less is always more.” I was definite about that. “Where are we going, anyway?”
“The weather will be nice, so I’ll be staying out of the public eye… and you can stay with me, if you’d like to.” Again, he was leaving the choice up to me.
“And you’ll show me what you meant, about the sun?” I asked, excited by the idea of unraveling another of the unknowns.
“Yes.” He smiled, and then paused. “But if you don’t want to be… alone with me, I’d still rather you didn’t go to Seattle by yourself. I shudder to think of the trouble you could find in a city that size.”
I was miffed. “Phoenix is three times bigger than Seattle—just in population. In physical size—”
“But apparently,” he interrupted me, “your number wasn’t up in Phoenix. So I’d rather you stayed near me.” His eyes did that unfair smoldering thing again.
I couldn’t argue, with the eyes or the motivation, and it was a moot point anyway. “As it happens, I don’t mind being alone with you.”
“I know,” he sighed, brooding. “You should tell Charlie, though.”
“Why in the world would I do that?”
His eyes were suddenly fierce. “To give me some small incentive to bring you back.”
I gulped. But, after a moment of thought, I was sure. “I think I’ll take my chances.”
He exhaled angrily, and looked away.
“Let’s talk about something else,” I suggested.
“What do you want to talk about?” he asked. He was still annoyed.
I glanced around us, making sure we were well out of anyone’s hearing. As I cast my eyes around the room, I caught the eyes of his sister, Alice, staring at me. The others were looking at Edward. I looked away swiftly, back to him, and I asked the first thing that came to mind.
“Why did you go to that Goat Rocks place last weekend… to hunt? Charlie said it wasn’t a good place to hike, because of bears.”
He stared at me as if I was missing something very obvious.
“Bears?” I gasped, and he smirked. “You know, bears are not in season,” I added sternly, to hide my shock.
“If you read carefully, the laws only cover hunting with weapons,” he informed me.
He watched my face with enjoyment as that slowly sank in.
“Bears?” I repeated with difficulty.
“Grizzly is Emmett’s favorite.” His voice was still off-hand, but his eyes were scrutinizing my reaction. I tried to pull myself together.
“Hmmm,” I said, taking another bite of pizza as an excuse to look down. I chewed slowly, and then took a long drink of Coke without looking up.
“So,” I said after a moment, finally meeting his now-anxious gaze. “What’s your favorite?”
He raised an eyebrow and the corners of his mouth turned down in disapproval. “Mountain lion.”
“Ah,” I said in a politely disinterested tone, looking for my soda again.
“Of course,” he said, and his tone mirrored mine, “we have to be careful not to impact the environment wit
h injudicious hunting. We try to focus on areas with an overpopulation of predators—ranging as far away as we need. There’s always plenty of deer and elk here, and they’ll do, but where’s the fun in that?” He smiled teasingly.
“Where indeed,” I murmured around another bite of pizza.
“Early spring is Emmett’s favorite bear season—they’re just coming out of hibernation, so they’re more irritable.” He smiled at some remembered joke.
“Nothing more fun than an irritated grizzly bear,” I agreed, nodding.
He snickered, shaking his head. “Tell me what you’re really thinking, please.”
“I’m trying to picture it—but I can’t,” I admitted. “How do you hunt a bear without weapons?”
“Oh, we have weapons.” He flashed his bright teeth in a brief, threatening smile. I fought back a shiver before it could expose me. “Just not the kind they consider when writing hunting laws. If you’ve ever seen a bear attack on television, you should be able to visualize Emmett hunting.”
I couldn’t stop the next shiver that flashed down my spine. I peeked across the cafeteria toward Emmett, grateful that he wasn’t looking my way. The thick bands of muscle that wrapped his arms and torso were somehow even more menacing now.
Edward followed my gaze and chuckled. I stared at him, unnerved.
“Are you like a bear, too?” I asked in a low voice.
“More like the lion, or so they tell me,” he said lightly. “Perhaps our preferences are indicative.”
I tried to smile. “Perhaps,” I repeated. But my mind was filled with opposing images that I couldn’t merge together. “Is that something I might get to see?”
“Absolutely not!” His face turned even whiter than usual, and his eyes were suddenly furious. I leaned back, stunned and—though I’d never admit it to him—frightened by his reaction. He leaned back as well, folding his arms across his chest.
“Too scary for me?” I asked when I could control my voice again.
“If that were it, I would take you out tonight,” he said, his voice cutting. “You need a healthy dose of fear. Nothing could be more beneficial for you.”
“Then why?” I pressed, trying to ignore his angry expression.
He glared at me for a long minute.
“Later,” he finally said. He was on his feet in one lithe movement. “We’re going to be late.”
I glanced around, startled to see that he was right and the cafeteria was nearly vacant. When I was with him, the time and the place were such a muddled blur that I completely lost track of both. I jumped up, grabbing my bag from the back of my chair.
“Later, then,” I agreed. I wouldn’t forget.
11. COMPLICATIONS
EVERYONE WATCHED US AS WE WALKED TOGETHER TO OUR LAB TABLE. I noticed that he no longer angled the chair to sit as far from me as the desk would allow. Instead, he sat quite close beside me, our arms almost touching.
Mr. Banner backed into the room then—what superb timing the man had—pulling a tall metal frame on wheels that held a heavy-looking, outdated TV and VCR. A movie day—the lift in the class atmosphere was almost tangible.
Mr. Banner shoved the tape into the reluctant VCR and walked to the wall to turn off the lights.
And then, as the room went black, I was suddenly hyperaware that Edward was sitting less than an inch from me. I was stunned by the unexpected electricity that flowed through me, amazed that it was possible to be more aware of him than I already was. A crazy impulse to reach over and touch him, to stroke his perfect face just once in the darkness, nearly overwhelmed me. I crossed my arms tightly across my chest, my hands balling into fists. I was losing my mind.
The opening credits began, lighting the room by a token amount. My eyes, of their own accord, flickered to him. I smiled sheepishly as I realized his posture was identical to mine, fists clenched under his arms, right down to the eyes, peering sideways at me. He grinned back, his eyes somehow managing to smolder, even in the dark. I looked away before I could start hyperventilating. It was absolutely ridiculous that I should feel dizzy.
The hour seemed very long. I couldn’t concentrate on the movie—I didn’t even know what subject it was on. I tried unsuccessfully to relax, but the electric current that seemed to be originating from somewhere in his body never slackened. Occasionally I would permit myself a quick glance in his direction, but he never seemed to relax, either. The overpowering craving to touch him also refused to fade, and I crushed my fists safely against my ribs until my fingers were aching with the effort.
I breathed a sigh of relief when Mr. Banner flicked the lights back on at the end of class, and stretched my arms out in front of me, flexing my stiff fingers. Edward chuckled beside me.
“Well, that was interesting,” he murmured. His voice was dark and his eyes were cautious.
“Umm,” was all I was able to respond.
“Shall we?” he asked, rising fluidly.
I almost groaned. Time for Gym. I stood with care, worried my balance might have been affected by the strange new intensity between us.
He walked me to my next class in silence and paused at the door; I turned to say goodbye. His face startled me—his expression was torn, almost pained, and so fiercely beautiful that the ache to touch him flared as strong as before. My goodbye stuck in my throat.
He raised his hand, hesitant, conflict raging in his eyes, and then swiftly brushed the length of my cheekbone with his fingertips. His skin was as icy as ever, but the trail his fingers left on my skin was alarmingly warm—like I’d been burned, but didn’t feel the pain of it yet.
He turned without a word and strode quickly away from me.
I walked into the gym, lightheaded and wobbly. I drifted to the locker room, changing in a trancelike state, only vaguely aware that there were other people surrounding me. Reality didn’t fully set in until I was handed a racket. It wasn’t heavy, yet it felt very unsafe in my hand. I could see a few of the other kids in class eyeing me furtively. Coach Clapp ordered us to pair up into teams.
Mercifully, some vestiges of Mike’s chivalry still survived; he came to stand beside me.
“Do you want to be a team?”
“Thanks, Mike—you don’t have to do this, you know.” I grimaced apologetically.
“Don’t worry, I’ll keep out of your way.” He grinned. Sometimes it was so easy to like Mike.
It didn’t go smoothly. I somehow managed to hit myself in the head with my racket and clip Mike’s shoulder on the same swing. I spent the rest of the hour in the back corner of the court, the racket held safely behind my back. Despite being handicapped by me, Mike was pretty good; he won three games out of four singlehandedly. He gave me an unearned high five when the coach finally blew the whistle ending class.
“So,” he said as we walked off the court.
“So what?”
“You and Cullen, huh?” he asked, his tone rebellious. My previous feeling of affection disappeared.
“That’s none of your business, Mike,” I warned, internally cursing Jessica straight to the fiery pits of Hades.
“I don’t like it,” he muttered anyway.
“You don’t have to,” I snapped.
“He looks at you like… like you’re something to eat,” he continued, ignoring me.
I choked back the hysteria that threatened to explode, but a small giggle managed to get out despite my efforts. He glowered at me. I waved and fled to the locker room.
I dressed quickly, something stronger than butterflies battering recklessly against the walls of my stomach, my argument with Mike already a distant memory. I was wondering if Edward would be waiting, or if I should meet him at his car. What if his family was there? I felt a wave of real terror. Did they know that I knew? Was I supposed to know that they knew that I knew, or not?
By the time I walked out of the gym, I had just about decided to walk straight home without even looking toward the parking lot. But my worries were unnecessary. Edward was wai
ting, leaning casually against the side of the gym, his breathtaking face untroubled now. As I walked to his side, I felt a peculiar sense of release.
“Hi,” I breathed, smiling hugely.
“Hello.” His answering smile was brilliant. “How was Gym?”
My face fell a tiny bit. “Fine,” I lied.
“Really?” He was unconvinced. His eyes shifted their focus slightly, looking over my shoulder and narrowing. I glanced behind me to see Mike’s back as he walked away.
“What?” I demanded.
His eyes slid back to mine, still tight. “Newton’s getting on my nerves.”
“You weren’t listening again?” I was horror-struck. All traces of my sudden good humor vanished.
“How’s your head?” he asked innocently.
“You’re unbelievable!” I turned, stomping away in the general direction of the parking lot, though I hadn’t ruled out walking at this point.
He kept up with me easily.
“You were the one who mentioned how I’d never seen you in Gym—it made me curious.” He didn’t sound repentant, so I ignored him.
We walked in silence—a furious, embarrassed silence on my part—to his car. But I had to stop a few steps away—a crowd of people, all boys, were surrounding it. Then I realized they weren’t surrounding the Volvo, they were actually circled around Rosalie’s red convertible, unmistakable lust in their eyes. None of them even looked up as Edward slid between them to open his door. I climbed quickly in the passenger side, also unnoticed.
“Ostentatious,” he muttered.
“What kind of car is that?” I asked.
“An M3.”
“I don’t speak Car and Driver.”
“It’s a BMW.” He rolled his eyes, not looking at me, trying to back out without running over the car enthusiasts.
I nodded—I’d heard of that one.
“Are you still angry?” he asked as he carefully maneuvered his way out.
“Definitely.”
He sighed. “Will you forgive me if I apologize?”
“Maybe… if you mean it. And if you promise not to do it again,” I insisted.
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