Holden moved away from the desk. What was she saying now? “What truth about you?” His blood curdled in dread as certain implications of her remark took hold of him.
“Once we started being together, I was so wrong to keep this from you.”
He couldn’t handle this another second. “Tell me!”
“I—I can’t have more children—” Her voice faltered.
The answer was so unexpected, and so far from his fear that she might be dying of a disease that he couldn’t take it in.
“After Chase was born, we’d hoped to give him a sister or brother, but we couldn’t get pregnant. I went through months of testing. Finally, the specialist diagnosed me with a condition called early menopause. Every possible avenue for having my own baby with the man I love was closed to me. At first I didn’t want to believe it and suffered for a long time.
“After Trent was killed, I decided the fates were against me. I had to live for Chase. He’s my life, but outside of him I’ve had to fight to get back my love for everything that was once important to me.
“Since meeting you, I’ve returned to the world I used to love. That’s what you’ve done for me. But I was wrong not to let you know about my condition the second you told me about losing your wife to cancer. Forgive me. If anyone was meant to have children one day, it’s you.”
“Jessica...”
“You’d be wasting your time to spend one more minute with me. That’s what I came to tell you. You already know I love you, Holden, and I’ll never forget you as long as I live.”
Holden was so stunned by her revelation, and so relieved to know she wasn’t dying, he wasn’t prepared when she started to leave his office. He raced after her and pulled her back against him until she relaxed in his arms.
“Listen to me.” He buried his face in her hair. “There’s nothing to forgive. Being unable to have more children isn’t something you tell someone as soon as you meet. I thought you were about to tell me you had a life-threatening disease and didn’t have long to live. Don’t you realize I can handle anything as long as I know nothing’s wrong with you?”
Jessica whirled around in his arms and lifted her wet, beautiful face to his.
“I’m so sorry. After what you’ve lived through with Cynthia, I should have come right out with it when I walked in this office the first time. But it doesn’t take away from the fact that there is something wrong with me. Horribly wrong. For you to go on seeing me keeps you from meeting other women who want and are able to have babies with you. Your babies.”
“I don’t want another woman.”
“But I can’t do the one thing that brings ultimate joy. When I told Trent we were expecting, he was so happy it turned him into a whole different man. I saw it. If you decide you want to marry again, you need to find a woman who can do that for you.”
“Please don’t back away from me, Jessica.”
To his chagrin, she was beyond hearing him for the moment. “You should be able to have your own little boy who adores his daddy. I’m not going to see you anymore.”
He took a sharp breath. “You can’t do that.”
“I have to.”
“How will you explain this to Chase?”
“I’ll figure it out.” She made a turn to leave.
“Wait—”
“I can’t. Mom’s watching Chase and it’s getting late. I shouldn’t even be here now while you’re on call.” Her moist eyes lifted to his one last time. “God bless you, Sheriff Granger. You’re the absolute best of the best and will always be the hero of the entire Fleming family.”
Holden knew this wasn’t the time to stop her. Jessica was so convinced she was doing the right thing, she was in no mood to listen to him right now. He admired that strong will of hers, but she’d underestimated the strength of his love.
At ten thirty he called it a night and left headquarters for home.
Knowing he wouldn’t be able to sleep yet, he shrugged on a robe and went out on his back porch. The stars filled the heavens and the familiar scent of sage permeated the warm air. A night like this stirred all his senses. His desire for Jessica was eating him alive.
I can’t have more children.
He’d heard the agony in her voice as she told him that fact. Only now did he realize he was devastated, for himself and for her. Since meeting her he’d imagined them being together and raising a family. It hurt him to know that if they married, they would never have a baby together. After getting to know Jessica and Chase, he realized that was what he truly wanted.
But as sad as that made him, it was nothing compared to the thought of losing her. He’d told her he didn’t want another woman. That declaration had poured unedited from the depths of his soul. He couldn’t take it back because it was the truth.
He went to bed and for the rest of the night he laid out the plan in his mind to win her back. When Thursday morning dawned, he showered and shaved. After putting on a clean uniform, he left a message for his house cleaning service that came once a month.
On his way to the office, he grabbed a bite of breakfast. Following that, he went to the office to draw up a new schedule for the deputies patrolling the city and outskirts. After letting Jenny in dispatch know he was on call even though he was leaving the office for a while, he put on his sheriff’s hat and drove to Weaver’s Fine Jewelry.
Matt Weaver, the owner, smiled when he saw him. Holden had covered a break-in at the store last year. “Sheriff? I hope this isn’t official business this time.”
“Only of a personal nature,” he said.
“Ah, I see.”
“I want to buy a one-carat solitaire diamond ring set in white gold. Nothing gaudy.” That wasn’t Jessica’s style. “What have you got to show me?”
The jeweler did a double take. “They’re right down here.”
Holden walked to the next counter. Matt put a tray of rings on top of the glass. “Do you see anything you like? The princess cut is very popular. So is the marquis.”
They all looked beautiful, but the round cut stood out to Holden. “May I see this one?”
The owner handed it to him for closer inspection. “You’ve picked the most traditional cut. You also have a fine eye. This one at $6,000 is an E-grade exceptional white diamond with an SI2 flawless clarity rating. What is the ring size you need?”
“I’m not sure. She’s five feet six and probably weighs 120 pounds.”
Matt nodded. “If you want this diamond, I’ll mount it on the right sized band.”
“How long will it take you?”
“Two minutes.”
“Terrific. I’ll wait.”
While the jeweler changed the diamond to a different sized band, Holden pulled out his wallet to get his credit card. Matt came back with the ring in a little black velvet box.
“That’s perfect.” Holden handed him the card.
“If the size isn’t right, have her come in. Do you want me to gift wrap it?”
“No, thanks. I plan to give it to her just like this.” As soon as possible. There was no time to lose.
“Congratulations, Sheriff.”
“Thank you. Do me a favor and don’t tell anyone.”
“My lips are sealed. Whoever she is, she’s a very lucky woman.”
“She’s the love of my life.”
Holden put the box in his chest pocket and walked outside to his truck. He headed to work until noon, then asked Deputy Sykes to cover for him for an hour and drove to Style Clips. There was a parking space near the entrance.
Her mother was busy when he walked in. She smiled at him. “Jessica is upstairs. You can go up. She’s alone right now.”
“Thanks.”
He walked through the salon and took the stairs two at a time to the apartment above.
Taking a deep breath, he knocked on t
he door.
“Mom?”
A second later, she opened it. Her face glistened with tears. “Holden—” She backed away from him. “What are you doing here?”
“Maybe this will explain.”
To her shock, he threw his cap on the nearest chair and got down on one knee. Looking up at her, he said, “Jessica Fleming? Will you marry me?” He pulled the little black velvet box out of his uniform pocket and opened it for her.
She actually cried out when she saw the exquisite diamond solitaire ring winking up at her. He put the box in her hand.
“I don’t care if it’s impossible to get you pregnant. I’m in love with you and want to live the rest of my life with you and no one else. I won’t lie to you. It hurt to hear about your condition, but having a baby isn’t the reason I want you to be my wife. With you I’ve found my other half. You make me happy I’m alive.
“If you push me away, you’re condemning me to a life of pain and emptiness I don’t want to think about. Do you hear what I’m saying?” He got to his feet. “I already love Chase. Given time maybe he’ll let me be a father to him.”
“Holden—”
“Don’t say anything right now. I can see in your eyes you still don’t believe me. But I had all night to consider what it means not to have children with you and it doesn’t matter. I love you. That’s it for me. Now I’m late for work and might not have a job if I don’t accomplish something today. Text me your answer.”
Chapter 11
Before Jessica could stop him, he grabbed his hat and flew out the door. Once again, Holden had misread her.
She stood there with the ring box in her hand, so overjoyed by what had just happened, she felt like she was in a trance.
Her mom texted her. She heard the little ding and knew she needed to go downstairs to take care of her next client. But as much as she was dying to put the ring on, she wanted Holden to do it.
After slipping the box in her jeans pocket, she went downstairs and tried to pretend in front of her mother that Holden’s visit had to do with the case. For the rest of the day she kept quiet. Later, after she’d picked up Chase, she’d call her mother and they’d talk.
Jessica couldn’t remember her feet touching the ground once she’d gone home to exercise Bucky. Chase helped her fix enchiladas for dinner. “When’s Holden going to come over again?”
“I have an idea how we can find out, honey. After I shower and get dressed, let’s drive over to headquarters and see Holden. We’ll take him some dinner. If he’s there, I’m sure he won’t mind if we stop by and make plans with him. You can ask him all the questions you want.”
A half hour later, they drove into town. As usual, Chase wore his hat. She parked in front of headquarters and texted Holden.
I’m out in front. Will you ask Deputy Sykes to let me in?
Her pulse raced when he answered almost immediately that his deputy would look for her.
After they got out of her car, Chase carried the dinner plate covered in foil to the main entrance. The deputy smiled at them. “Come on in. The sheriff is waiting for you. Smells like you’ve brought him something good to eat.”
“Yup,” Chase said. “We made dinner for him.”
“How lucky can a man get. Hey—where did you get that hat?”
“Holden gave it to me.”
“Well, how about that?”
“We’re friends. Come on, Mom.”
She smiled at the deputy before hurrying after her son. He knew exactly where to go. Holden met them when they were halfway down the hall. Surprise lit his eyes to see she’d brought Chase with her.
Holden approached Chase. “What’s going on?”
“We brought your dinner. I helped make it.”
“How did you know I was starving? I can’t wait to eat it. Thanks!”
The three of them walked the rest of the way to his office. He sat behind his desk and took the foil off the plate. “Oh, boy. Enchiladas. My favorite! You even brought me a fork. Can I dig in?”
Chase stood next to him. “Yup. Mom said you’d be hungry.”
Holden’s all-encompassing gaze focused on her. “She was right. Guess what? I loaded up with groceries earlier this week. Tomorrow I’ll drive you over to my house and we’ll pack a lot of sandwiches and treats and we’ll go on a hike.”
Chase let out a sound of excitement. “Is it okay if I bring my backpack?”
“That’ll be perfect. Then we’ll be able to carry everything.”
The phone rang on the desk, interrupting them. Holden picked up and talked police business. Probably a deputy. Jessica waited until he hung up.
“You’re busy, and we only came to bring you dinner. Since we’re going on a hike tomorrow, we need to get home to bed. But before we go, I wanted to show Chase what you gave me today. I couldn’t believe you had to leave the salon before you could put it on my finger.”
Her heart pounded heavily as she pulled the ring box out of her purse and handed it to Holden. When he opened it, the emotion coming from his eyes took her breath away.
Chase looked at her. “Hey—that’s a ring!”
“A very special one, Chase,” Holden said in a husky voice. “It means I love your mother.”
“She loves you, too.”
Jessica could tell Holden was totally taken aback. “That makes me very happy. Did your mother tell you?”
“Nope. But I’ve been praying.”
“Chase, honey—”
Holden got up and walked around the desk. Looking down at her, he reached for her left hand and slid the ring on her ring finger.
Chase moved close to him. “Are you going to get married?”
Her heart skipped a beat waiting for Holden’s answer.
“How would you feel about that, Chase?”
“Since my real dad died, I want you to be my dad.”
The moment was one Jessica would remember all her life as she watched Holden sweep him up in his arms. Those silver eyes had teared up. “Guess what? The first time I met you, I wished I had a boy just like you. That’s why I gave you my own hat. I love you more than anything, Chase.”
“I love you, too!” He kissed Holden’s hard jaw. “Wait till I tell Joey the sheriff is going to be my new dad!”
Of course the phone would ring at that tender moment. Holden reached for it. After a moment, he lowered Chase to the floor. “I’ve got to go. Deputy Sykes will see you out.”
“Don’t worry about us.” This would be their life from now on. She’d better get used to it. Holden pressed a kiss to her mouth before dashing out of the room and down the hall.
Chase looked up at her, but he still wore a smile. “I bet he has to catch a bad guy.”
“While he does that, we need to leave.” Jessica rolled up the empty paper plate with the foil and put it in the wastebasket. The movement caused the sparkle from the diamond to catch the light and dazzle her eyes. “On our way home, let’s stop at Nana’s for a minute. She won’t be in bed yet. I want to show her my engagement ring.”
When they reached the salon, Chase told her mom the great news and Jessica’s mother let out a cry of joy.
There was so much to tell her mom, but that could wait. All Jessica said was, “When Holden told me he would live with pain and emptiness for the rest of his life without me, he was describing how I felt to turn him down. I couldn’t do it.”
The three of them hugged before Jessica and Chase left to go home. Jessica figured she wouldn’t hear from Holden until morning. Chase got down on his knees to say his prayers. It took longer than usual. Then he came to the end. “Thank you for giving me Holden for a new dad. I never wanted anyone else, ’specially not Seth. Amen.”
That name froze Jessica to the bone. She helped her son get under the covers. “Chase? Why did you mention Seth?”
“He told me he liked you, but I had to keep it a secret.”
Sickness rose in her throat. “When did he tell you that?”
“When he gave me the truck.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“He got mad when you weren’t there. It scared me. I’m glad we don’t have to go to Dad’s work anymore.”
“Oh, honey—” She held her boy close for a minute. His behavior was no longer a mystery. “You don’t have to be afraid anymore.”
“I know. Holden will keep us safe.”
“He’ll always do everything in his power to protect us.”
Years from now she and Holden would tell him why Trent really had that accident.
Her son threw his arms around her neck. “I love Holden so much.”
“So do I. Now it’s time to sleep. Just think. Tomorrow we’ll all be together for the whole day.”
* * *
Since Holden had to leave, he took advantage of the time to phone his parents and tell them the news. He’d already told them last week that he was bringing a woman and her five-year-old son to Cody with him soon. They hadn’t asked a lot of questions, but had to know it was important.
After the grief he’d gone through losing Cynthia, they had to have wondered how long it would take before he met someone else. But when he got them on the phone and asked them to turn on the speaker, they couldn’t hide their shock when he told them he and Jessica Fleming would be planning their wedding soon.
“How long have you known her?”
“A month, maybe a little more.”
“So fast?” his mother cried.
“When you meet Jessica and her son, you’ll understand why I fell so hard.”
“Holden,” his father chimed in, “this doesn’t sound like you.”
“I agree. She came into my office just over a month ago, fearing that her husband—who was killed in a car crash two years ago—had been murdered. By the time she left, I knew I’d lost my heart.” His voice throbbed.
“Murdered?”
“Yes.” For the next few minutes he explained what he’d discovered and how it had led to the ultimate arrest of Seth Lunt. “Throughout the investigation we were either together or in touch constantly. After the killer was arraigned, I bought a ring and asked her to marry me.”
Home on the Ranch: Wyoming Sheriff Page 14
