Ben pressed his lips tightly together and then huffed. “Fine,” he admitted. “I was bored shitless. In fact, I was so bored that I asked Léo to tell me all about how he’d invested my money, but numbers have never been my strength, and my mind wandered after five minutes. He had an invitation on his desk from the Crown Prince of Denmark, and it just sort of snowballed from there. I’ve read every book I can lay hands on that interests me, some of them twice. Léo keeps me busy some of the time—okay, most of the time—but he works sometimes, or has stuff with Malik, or Lucien if he’s here, and they always ask me, but sometimes they should have time just for them, right? I don’t want to be a clingy boyfriend. And for the, I don’t know, fifteen hours every week that I’m on my own, I have nothing left to do!” He sucked in a deep breath. “I looked online, and there are short-term and relief nursing jobs around, especially now that I’m learning French and have organized a long-stay visa, but I’d need to meet a bunch of conditions to get a work permit, and it’s not worth the hassle if I’m just going to be leaving soon.”
Dani pursed her lips. “Are you leaving soon?”
Ben knocked back the remainder of the wine in his glass. “I don’t know,” he said honestly. “The thought of leaving Léo makes my stomach hurt, but then I wonder if that’s just part of the holiday lenses.”
The what-the-fuck look on his best friend’s face almost made him laugh. “Holiday lenses?”
“Yeah. You know, like rose-colored glasses, but specifically for places you see and people you meet while on holiday.”
“You’re worried that what you feel for Léo is just because you’re in a glamorous place, and that if you settle into everyday life there, those feelings will go away.” Dani’s tone was so flat that Ben winced.
“It sounds dumb when you say it like that,” he complained.
“It’s not the way I said it that made it sound dumb,” she told him. “Think about it, Ben. You just finished telling me you’re so bored that you were willing to learn about investing and the history of the Danish royal family, both topics that have never interested you, and yet despite that, you don’t want to leave and go to Italy, a place you’ve always dreamed of seeing.”
Ben bit his lip.
“On top of that,” she continued, now sounding so exasperated he almost expected her to reach through the phone and smack him upside the head, “you haven’t just been seeing Léo occasionally. You’ve been living with him. In his apartment. Sharing a bathroom, a kitchen, and all the rest. You spend most of your time with him. ‘Familiarity breeds contempt’ is a proverb for a reason, you know. I’ll bet you’ve learned all his flaws, haven’t you?”
“He doesn’t have many,” Ben protested, and she pounced.
“But he has some?”
“So do I!”
“I’m not saying you don’t,” she said with heavy-handed patience. “But when people first meet and they’re in the la-la-love phase, they refuse to see each other’s flaws. The fact that you see Léo’s and still want to be with him means something.”
Ben chewed on his lip, then stopped, remembering how much that turned Léo on. “You’re right,” he said finally. “But, Dani, if I stay… I’ll miss you. Won’t you miss me?”
“More than you can imagine,” she said bluntly. “You’ll have Léo to distract you, at least. But we can talk every day, if we want, and obviously I’ll take every holiday I can in Europe. You guys can come visit here too. Your mum would probably have kittens if you never came home again.”
Ben chuckled as she meant him to, but his mind was elsewhere, and when Dani finished her wine and wished him good night, he smiled and blew her kisses and wondered what the hell to do next.
LÉO dropped his keys into their usual spot and called, “We’re back,” as he led Malik into the apartment.
“You sound so domesticated,” his cousin commented, voice rife with amusement. Léo thought about taking exception to that, but decided he didn’t care. He was rather domesticated these days, and he liked it. He loved knowing that he’d start and end each day with Ben.
So he smirked and raised an eyebrow at Malik. From the sour expression he got in return, his smugness had been noted.
“Hey,” Ben said, coming down the corridor from the bedrooms. “How’d it go? Did you buy anything?” He leaned up to peck Léo on the mouth, but avoided eye contact, his attention mostly on Malik, and Léo’s stomach dropped.
Don’t be foolish, he chided himself. So Ben seemed a little distracted. Maybe he was just really interested in Malik’s new car.
Even in his head that sounded stupid.
As his cousin waxed rhapsodic about his brand-new McLaren, and Ben pretended to be fascinated, Léo herded them into the living area and then headed for the drinks cart. He’d thought about installing a full wet bar, but had always found that to be a little tacky in a private home. He noted the open bottle of wine and guessed Ben had been chatting with Dani. Maybe he’d had bad news from home? Léo wished Malik would leave so he could ask.
He fetched them all drinks and settled on the couch as close to his bunny as he could. Ben didn’t lean into him as he usually did, instead stiffening slightly. Malik must have noticed, because he stopped midsentence, umm’d for a moment, and then picked up again, shooting Léo a questioning look that Léo pretended he didn’t see.
To Léo’s everlasting gratitude, his cousin bolted down his drink and made excuses a few minutes later. Ben shot off the couch to show him out, which made Malik’s jaw drop, because he’d been coming and going from Léo’s homes for years without anyone bothering about such niceties. The look he gave Léo then was dire, with clear instructions to fix whatever the problem was.
“Lucien will be here on Friday night,” he told Ben as they headed toward the front door. “He suggested we go to the roulette tournament at the casino and watch people throw money away on a fool’s game. I think he wants to console one of the losers.”
“Maybe,” Léo heard Ben say, and he stood and began pacing. Ben had developed an odd fascination for Malik’s and Lucien’s dating lives, even going so far as picking out “likely” prospects for them if they were all out together. For him not to leap at this opportunity, something must definitely be wrong.
What the hell could it be? Everything had been going so well. Yes, he knew Ben was at somewhat of a loose end, but that was just because he wasn’t used to not working. It wouldn’t take long for him to become accustomed to it. Or maybe he could help Léo with some of his charity consulting. Not for investing, obviously, but a lot of charities concerned themselves with medical and health issues. A nurse advisor would be a big asset there. And now that the summer tourist season was well and truly over, Léo intended taking his bunny to Italy. He knew Ben had been looking forward to it, and planned to surprise him with the trip. They could spend several months there if they wanted, just wandering about. Léo quite liked the Italian countryside, as long as they avoided the tourists.
In the new year, he expected they’d be sorting out the paperwork for Ben’s EU residency. Maybe planning a wedding. He wasn’t particularly concerned about getting married himself, as long as he and Ben were together, but he knew his family would prefer a wedding, and if Ben wanted one, then he was in favor.
Ben came back into the room and collected the glasses on the coffee table, and Léo wondered if he should talk to him about his thoughts for the future. He’d assumed they were on the same page, but maybe not.
Or Ben could be preoccupied for a different reason entirely.
His gaze lingering on the way Ben was chewing his lower lip, Léo decided to worry about it later. Ben would say something if he thought Léo needed to know, right?
He followed Ben into the kitchen, his intentions lascivious, and came up behind him at the sink, wrapping his arms around his bunny’s waist.
“What do you think about the casino on Friday?” he asked, bending his head to kiss the soft spot beneath Ben’s ear. “I think Lucien actuall
y has his eye on one particular prospective loser.” He tried to ignore the stiffness in Ben’s body. “I’ve narrowed it down to—”
Ben turned in his arms and placed his hands on Léo’s chest, but instead of caressing, he pushed slightly. Léo let him go and took a step back, alarm almost choking him.
“Léo, stop for a second. We need to talk about something.”
Léo nodded, forcing himself to breathe normally even though he’d never heard of those particular words leading to anything good.
Ben looked around the kitchen, then took Léo’s hand and led him back to the couch in the living room. He sat them both down and then stared fixedly at his hands, his breathing irregular. The urge to fix everything rose in Léo, and he stroked a finger over his bunny’s cheek.
“Ben, whatever this is, we can fix it. I can help. Just tell me—”
Ben’s strangled laugh cut him off. “Léo, I’m sorry,” he began, and Léo’s already strained nerves twanged. “I’m so sorry I’m freaking you out. Everything’s fine. There’s nothing to fix. I promise.”
The air gushed out of Léo’s lungs in relief, and he grabbed Ben and pulled him onto his lap. “You scared me,” he muttered against his neck. “I was sure you were going to say that you were leaving, that you didn’t love me.”
Ben was shaking his head as he pulled Léo’s face up and kissed him. “I love you,” he said, then kissed him again. “I love you so much it shocks me. But I am leaving.”
Léo went into freefall, his arms dropping nervelessly away from Ben as shock reverberated inside him. Distantly, he was aware that Ben was saying his name, but it didn’t truly register amidst the explosive noise in his head.
Ben was leaving him.
Sharp pain brought him back to the living room. Ben had pinched him—hard. Léo gasped and yanked his arm away.
“Oh good, you’re back. I’m sorry again. I blurted that out without thinking about how it would sound. Léo, I love you. I’m not leaving you.”
Léo swallowed hard, the relief that flooded him battling with his fear and shock. Unable to sit still, he surged to his feet, remembering too late that Ben was in his lap. His bunny tumbled to the floor with a yelp.
“Je regrette,” Léo muttered, helping him up but beginning to pace as soon as Ben was on his feet.
Ben grabbed his hand as he passed. “Léo, listen to me for a minute. I’m sorry I’m messing this up, but please try to hear me out.”
Léo pulled his hand away and went to sit in the armchair across from the couch, afraid to touch Ben for fear he’d grab on and not let go.
Ben stood wringing his hands for a moment longer, then slowly sat again and took a deep breath. “I love you,” he started. “You know that, right?”
Léo nodded jerkily, not trusting himself to speak.
“Right, okay. So I’m not leaving you. But I am going to leave. I… I’ve been… a bit bored lately. I’m used to being busy all the time. Even when I was traveling through Europe, I packed every day with sightseeing and other activities. Being… idle has been difficult for me. I wanted to be with you, so I’ve been ignoring it, pretending it’s okay, but I’m worried that it will become a problem between us.”
Léo found his voice. “So we find something to occupy you. Leaving is going to be just as big a problem between us because we won’t be together!”
Ben sighed. “I’m not leaving because of that. I’m sorry, I’m still fucking this up. I’m such a dipshit. Our time together has been amazing. Being with you is like a fairy tale. I love you so much, it hurts to think of being apart. But I’ve heard so many stories of holiday romances that just… fade away. And I’m scared that we’ll settle into happiness here and I’ll make huge changes in my life, and then in a couple of months it will turn out that it was just the holiday glow that made it so good.”
That logic went through Léo’s head a few times, but the flaws were still there. He shook his head, confused. “That doesn’t make sense, Ben. You’ve just finished telling me you’ve been bored. If you were still seeing everything with ‘holiday glow,’ then you wouldn’t have been bored. The fact that you could be at all dissatisfied means you’re seeing things clearly.”
“That’s what Dani said.” Ben rubbed his forehead. “But I can’t help worrying. So I’m going to leave.”
“Stop saying that!” Léo roared, his nerves frayed.
“But I’m coming back,” Ben rushed to assure him. “I’m going to continue my trip. I’m going to take the same amount of time I’ve spent here and see more of Europe. We’ll stay in touch the whole time—phone calls, texts, maybe even the occasional overnight visit. But not being together all the time will give us space to assess if we’re really meant to be together. If the feelings don’t fade once we’re not spending every second together, then I’ll know I’m making the right decision to… move here. If that’s what you want. And if they do start to fade, then it won’t matter. We’ll both remember our time together fondly but move on with our lives.”
Léo waited for a three-count, wanting to make sure Ben was finished this time. When the silence began to draw out, he stood and went over to the drinks cart. His hand hovered as he tried to pick a drink, but nothing seemed quite right. In the end, he grabbed the vodka, glanced at the glasses, then took a belt straight from the bottle. He turned with the bottle still in hand to see Ben staring at him with his mouth open.
“Did you just drink from the bottle?” he asked faintly.
Léo ignored the question. “That is the stupidest idea anyone has ever come up with,” he declared, hearing the rough edge to his voice and deciding more vodka was the answer. Ben’s eyes followed the bottle’s path and widened when Léo swallowed another slug. The liquor burned down his throat and dulled some of the turmoil inside him. He watched Ben’s Adam’s apple bob.
“It’s not stupid,” he defended.
“It fucking is!” Léo shouted. He whirled around and put the vodka back before he was tempted to throw it. When he turned back, Ben’s face was sheet white.
“You swore,” he said, his voice cracking. “You never swear.”
Léo sucked in a deep, shaky breath through his nose, fighting for control. He went over and sat next to Ben and took his hands.
“Listen to me,” he urged, aware that his accent had deepened and struggling to keep his English vocabulary. “I love you. You’re right, I never swear, but the thought of you leaving, even overnight, much less for months, makes me want to swear nonstop all day.”
“And drink from the bottle,” Ben added, smiling weakly.
“And drink from the bottle,” Léo affirmed. “I’d even drink cheap wine.” Ben chuckled, and Léo squeezed his hands. “You’ve made me so angry right now by suggesting that what we feel might not be real, that I know it is. It must be. How can I still love you while I’m this angry if it’s not real?”
Ben swallowed again, his gaze dropping. “I guess that’s true,” he said, and hope surged in Léo.
“So you can see why your idea seems stupid to me,” he went on. “Even though everything between us has been wonderful, there have been moments that were not perfect. If our feelings were going to fade, they would have started to do so in those moments. Yes?”
The silence pressed down between them, and a bead of sweat rolled down’s Léo’s back. Why wasn’t Ben agreeing?
Finally Ben sighed and met his gaze. “You’re right. And that’s what Dani said too. I know it’s true.”
Léo closed his eyes. “But you’re going anyway.” He let go of Ben’s hands and ran his fingers through his hair, a nervous habit his nanny had broken him of when he was a child.
“I’m going anyway,” Ben confirmed. “I honestly don’t want to, and I’m positive I’ll be back. But if I don’t, I’m always going to worry. This is going to nag at me, and eventually it’ll cause problems between us. I’d rather take a few months now to set my mind at rest. Please try to understand.”
Léo sighed. “W
hen are you going?” Ben’s wince confirmed his worst fears. “No. You cannot just announce this and leave. I get tonight. If you’re going to leave me for four months, I get you tonight.”
Ben hesitated, then nodded. “Okay. We can have tonight.” He sat back down beside Léo, then climbed into his lap and leaned his head against Léo’s. “I love you,” he whispered. “I love you more than I could have imagined. I remember when I first saw you, and it’s like a scene in a movie. In my head, music plays and everything goes out of focus except you.”
Léo wanted to chuckle, to tease Ben, but all he could think was that in a few short hours Ben would be leaving, his bunny, gone, and he’d be alone in this apartment that was stupidly big for a single man. He would have nobody to eat breakfast with, nobody to check in with before making plans. Nobody would come and knock on the door while he was working and offer him coffee, and nobody would cringe and pretend to hide it when he used valet parking.
He kissed Ben. He yanked at his shirt, desperate to feel the warm skin beneath, to be in control for just a little while longer. Ben’s hands were on Léo’s trousers, just as desperate, and soon they were naked, kissing, rubbing against each other, working themselves into a frenzy.
“Bedroom,” Léo panted, but Ben shook his head.
“No, here.”
“We don’t have supplies,” Léo argued, then moaned as Ben grabbed his dick and squeezed. “Do that again,” he gasped. Ben obliged, then let go. He bent over the arm of the couch, nearly giving Léo a heart attack with the view, and then a moment later he was back, wriggling against Léo’s lap, a condom in one hand and a small bottle of lube in the other.
The Bunny and the Billionaire Page 15
