by K. J. Sutton
He didn’t move. “Why not? Because it would require some kind of passion? Because it would remind you what it feels like to be alive again?”
“You’re one to talk.”
“We’re getting off topic,” he snarled.
“Your Majesties.”
Lyari stood in a shadowed corner. At the same time, we both spun toward her and snarled, “What?”
Her expression was solemn. She looked at Collith, and in that moment, I knew what she was going to say. I’d seen that look on a police man’s face, once, when he realized he was looking at a child whose parents had just died.
My stomach clenched, and the anger in the air dissipated. I wished there was a way to save Collith from what he was about to experience. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe Lyari was here for something entirely different. Don’t say the words, I thought helplessly.
But then Lyari said them. “It’s Naevys, my liege.”
The ground had almost finished its consumption of Naevys Sylvyre.
It was impossible to tell where the roots ended and she began. I studied the veins in her eyelids, how her eyelashes looked like black feathers against her pale cheeks. She was still beautiful—the spell hadn’t changed that. Collith crossed the room, approaching her without making a sound, as if even his footsteps might harm her.
“Mama,” I heard him whisper. He stopped before her, clenching his fists. He’d been about to reach for her. She was too fragile. Too brittle. A single touch could make her shatter.
I stayed near the doorway, feeling like an intruder. Watching Collith, seeing his enraged helplessness, I realized he had never prepared for this moment. He shouldn’t have had to. Faeries didn’t age. Faeries didn’t fade. They were creatures of everything eternal.
“May I have a moment?” Collith asked, turning slightly to direct the words at me. His gaze was averted. His jaw worked, as though he were holding back a scream.
Sorrow clawed at my throat as I nodded. “Of course,” I managed.
I left the room without hesitation, making sure to pull the door shut behind me. There was a gathering of Guardians in the passageway, faeries who had guarded Naevys often throughout the years. All of them wore identical expressions of grief, and it struck me, looking at them, that families could form anywhere. Even within the Unseelie Court.
We waited silently. Though I was wearing a thick hoodie, I wrapped my arms around myself. The stillness was so profound that I could hear armor shifting whenever one of the Guardians moved. It came to an abrupt end when Nuvian stalked down the passageway.
“Is it true?” he demanded, his eyes immediately going to me. “Is he here?”
I inclined my head toward Naevys’s room. With burning eyes and a tight mouth, Nuvian moved to wait with the rest of us.
Minutes later, Collith reemerged into the tunnel. “She wants to see you,” he said to me, his eyes dark with pain. From the corner of my eye, I could see Nuvian staring—it was the first time he’d seen Collith since he’d vanished.
I nodded again, then followed Collith back into the other room. He stayed near the door, giving us the illusion of privacy, and I went up to Naevys as I had so many times before. Her breath was the weakest I’d ever heard it. The faint wheezes made my heart ache as she struggled to open her eyes and look at me. When she did, I saw that the whites had turned to yellow.
“Have faith in him,” the faerie whispered through her cracked lips.
I stepped closer, using my experience as the queen to hide any feeling from my face. “Have faith in Collith?” I asked gently.
She paused. Her throat worked. “Yes. Yes, Collith. He does not always… make the right choices. He needs someone… to have faith.”
“Okay,” I agreed. I didn’t need to think about it. “I promise I’ll always try to have faith in your son. He makes it pretty easy, anyway. You did a good job raising him, Naevys.”
But she didn’t answer.
I witnessed the moment Collith’s mother finally let go—her face relaxed, making me realize that it had been rigid with pain all this time. The fingers that were still visible slightly drooped. I looked back at Collith, my heart in my throat.
His face was devoid of all feeling. Without another word, he walked away, his long legs carrying him down the tunnel faster than I could keep up with. Nuvian broke into a jog to keep up with him, and his sword made a clinking sound with every step. Seconds later, the two males were swallowed by the tunnel’s black mouth. The other Guardians stayed with me. No one spoke. The silence was broken only by the sound of our shoes crunching over dry earth.
When I reached the surface, greeted by a cold gust of wind in my ears, the Guardians that had accompanied me topside were no longer in the passageway. I stepped into the open and saw there was also no sign of the Unseelie King.
Grief had strange effects on people—I knew that better than anyone—and worry dug a hole in my stomach. I broke into a run, heading in the direction of home. I prayed Collith would be there.
I’d only gotten a few yards into the trees when I spotted him up ahead. Nuvian was probably nearby, as well. Relief made me pause, and I leaned against the closest tree trunk, waiting for my pulse to slow. Breathe, Fortuna, just breathe. I was about to emerge from the shadows when Laurie materialized.
He had his back to me, and his moonlight hair gleamed even though there was no light. Something glowed in his hand, as well. “I thought you quit,” Collith muttered, making me realize it was a cigarette.
Laurie shifted, allowing me to see his face, and took a long drag. Even now, after the biggest loss of his life, he was the height of fashion. He wore a suit of deep blue, and the handkerchief poking out from the pocket looked like silk. “I did,” he answered, tapping the end of his cigarette. “I only indulge myself when the sorrow is too much to bear.”
Collith made a bitter sound. “As if you feel sorrow.”
“I feel a lot of things, Collith.” Laurie’s voice was unexpectedly sharp. Collith didn’t immediately snap back, which surprised me. They fell silent, standing close to each other, smoke rising into the air.
“Even after you cut up my face, she would ask about you,” Collith said. It took me a moment to realize he was talking about Naevys.
“What about after she found out I was the one who gave that spell to Sylvyre?” Laurie asked softly, his lips curved into a bitter smile.
There was another pause, and it became so long it seemed Collith wasn’t going to answer. Then he said, “I never told her.”
Laurie tossed his cigarette to the ground and stepped on it. Their pain was obvious in every movement. “She was more of a mother to me than my own. I wish I’d been there when she moved on to the next dimension.”
There was another stretch where neither of them spoke. I told myself to move forward, make them aware of my presence, but then Collith asked, “Why did you do it?”
Laurie’s head turned. “Do what?”
“Give up your throne for her.”
At first, Laurie said nothing. I interpreted his silence as surprise, because that was my own reaction to Collith’s question. Really? After his mother just died, this is what he wants to talk about? But Laurie had apparently decided to humor him, because his answer came a few seconds later.
“This… thing with Fortuna snuck up on me. At first, I only wanted to know her because I was curious about her motives. As time went on, and I learned more, I couldn’t get enough. She can be vicious enough to shoot a werewolf in the kneecap, yet compassionate enough to sit with your mother for an entire night. She can face a dragon to save someone she loves, yet tremble in a cruel human’s presence. She won’t say a word about her own pain, yet she never fails to say something delightfully cutting if someone annoys her. She makes no sense, don’t you see? And I’m fascinated by her. Utterly fascinated.
“I gave up my throne because creatures like Fortuna Sworn only come along once in a lifetime, and I’m going to make damn certain she stays alive.” He faltered. “
It’s selfish, really. I’ve reached the point where I don’t… enjoy thinking of a world without her in it.”
“You love her.”
Collith didn’t sound angry about it; he said it like a simple truth. Laurie turned his head again, and I saw another smile touch his lips. “So do you,” he countered.
They stared at each other, and something moved in the air between them. After a moment, Collith looked away. “You’re wrong about her, you know—Fortuna isn’t a puzzle or an enigma. Actually, she was pretty easy to figure out. I used that knowledge to my advantage when we first met.”
“And what did you figure out?” Laurie asked.
“It’s family. That’s all she cares about. She can be selfish sometimes, yes, and she’s so stubborn I’ve wanted to pull my hair out… but at the end of the day, she would die for them. The ones she loves. Once she considers you part of that circle, you’re the luckiest bastard alive.”
Laurie made a soft sound, and if I didn’t know better, I’d say it was a sound of agreement. My face felt hot. I took advantage of the lull in their conversation and finally approached. The faeries faced each other, and they hadn’t noticed me yet. “What do the humans say? May the best man win,” Laurie murmured.
“Walk me home?” I said to Collith quickly, speaking louder than necessary. Their heads swiveled toward me, and I could tell they were both wondering if I’d heard them. I couldn’t deal with it tonight. I walked past the two males, aiming in the direction of home. Collith appeared beside me and Laurie, I assumed, returned to the Seelie Court.
I didn’t let myself wonder how he’d been coping with the loss of his throne.
The entire way back, Collith didn’t speak, and I didn’t make him. The house was full of shadows and silence when we stepped through the front door. Collith secured the locks while I hung my coat and took off my boots. As he moved to do the same, I stood there and waited. I still didn’t say anything, because I knew there were no words that could ease his pain.
After a moment, Collith faced me. His features were difficult to see, but he didn’t walk away or speak. The quiet was so absolute that we could both hear the heat kick on. Air hummed through the vents. “Want a drink?” I asked finally. Collith nodded, a barely perceptible movement.
I turned around and headed for the kitchen, turning on the light as I went. The liquor was in a cupboard to the right of the sink. No one had restocked it since our night of celebrating—there was only cheap vodka, an unopened bottle of triple sec, and some whiskey. I took out the whiskey and poured it into two glasses, then carried both to the table. I set one down in front of Collith and settled into the chair across from him.
He put his hands around the glass as if it were a warm mug. His expression was perplexed, a line deepened between his eyebrows. “How do I survive this?” he asked.
I couldn’t tell if he was actually asking me or thinking out loud. The question sent my thoughts toward those long months after losing Mom and Dad. Most people had fuzzy memories of their childhood, but mine were sharp. Loss and trauma had that effect, like putting a magnifying glass on every day that went by without the person you loved.
“When someone dies, there is no surviving—there is only enduring,” I said softly. I took a small drink of the whiskey, and it burned going down my throat. “Everyone is different when it comes to pain. Some are numb. Some deny. Some just break. Me, I walked around feeling like there was this huge hole in my chest. I could only focus on that moment, then the next one, and the one after that. Enduring each one until the hole started to close and the sharp pain became a dull ache.”
It was similar to what Damon had said about scars, I thought. Maybe, no matter where the pain came from, creatures of every species experienced healing in a similar way.
Collith didn’t respond for a long time. He sat in his chair, staring at the table. The heat clicked off and the silence returned. He downed the rest of the whiskey, set the glass aside, and stood up. His eyes met mine and he said, “I need you, Fortuna. Right now.”
I arched my neck back. The answer was easy. “Okay.”
He held my gaze for another moment, as if he was giving me a chance to change my mind. When I didn’t utter another word, Collith lifted me into his arms and carried me into my bedroom. He dropped me onto the bed and turned to close the door. Then, with silence ringing around us, he came back and started to remove my clothing. My jeans, sweater, bra, underwear, and socks became a pile on the floor. Within a minute, I was completely naked.
There was no chance to feel self-conscious, because Collith pulled his shirt off. Light slipping beneath the door allowed me to admire the detailed lines of his chest and stomach, the defined V that vanished inside his jeans. His hair fell over one eye as he undid the zipper. I watched him finish undressing, and seeing his body made my own ignite. Without thinking, I reached forward and slid my hand up his shaft. Collith froze. I started to move my hand up and down, enjoying his reaction to every stroke. Seeing evidence of the power I had over him made me bold.
Without a word, I stood up and pushed Collith onto the bed. He didn’t argue—he propped himself up on his elbows and watched me. When I bent over and took his cock into my mouth, he sucked in a breath, as if he hadn’t been expecting it. I swirled my tongue around the tip, loving the sounds he made. Those sounds, combined with the way he was still looking at me, sent a rush of power through my veins.
Following my instincts, I pulled away and crawled onto the bed. Still completely naked, I put my legs on either side of Collith and effectively straddled him. I felt his hands grip my hips. His eyes devoured me as if I was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. Heat and desire pumped through me, and I kissed him again, grinding instinctively against the hard length beneath me. Just as Collith opened his mouth to say something, I sank down onto his cock.
“Fuck,” he groaned.
I started moving in a circular motion and coaxed more sounds from him, liking how they made me feel. After a few minutes of this, Collith sat up, adjusting me so I was in his lap. Our rhythm only broke for a moment. Then I was moving again, riding him with one hand tangled in his hair and the other braced on his shoulder. His mouth closed around one of my nipples, and the sensation made me gasp. A drop of sweat slid down the small of my back.
“I’m close,” Collith growled, finding my clitoris with his fingertips. “I want to watch you come. Come for me, Fortuna.”
I arched my head back, eyes closed in ecstasy. The combination of his fingers and his body beneath mine was too heady, and within seconds, it pushed me over the edge. I fell and fell, crying out as I went.
As his own climax came to an end, Collith rolled onto his back. I draped my leg across his thighs and tucked my arm around his rib cage. We stayed like that for a while. I didn’t want to speak until Collith did. My mind began to wander, and I realized that we hadn’t used any protection this time—I’d have to buy a morning-after pill tomorrow.
Then something wet touched my cheek, and when I raised my head, I saw that tears glittered on Collith’s face. All thoughts about contraception vanished.
“Oh, Collith.” My heart broke for him. I murmured meaningless things into his hair, holding him even tighter, while Collith’s body shook with soundless sobs. It took several minutes to notice tears streaming down my cheeks, too. Sniffling, I raked his hair back and whispered, “You should know. I didn’t save you because it was the right thing to do; I saved you because I could no longer imagine a world without you in it.”
It was the same thing Laurie had said about me. I watched Collith’s eyes flicker as he realized this. “I love you, too,” he said softly.
There was something terrifying about hearing the words out loud. “Collith…” I couldn’t go on.
He touched my cheek. “It’s okay. You don’t need to say it back.”
I wanted to. It would be the truth, and there shouldn’t have been anything to stop me from saying the words back. Maybe I was still subconsciousl
y waiting for the other shoe to drop. But all of that was behind me now. Wasn’t it?
Not a huge priority right now, I reminded myself as Collith rolled away to stand up. He gave me a reassuring smile, but there a shadow in his eyes I worried I was partially responsible for. “I’m going to hop in the shower. Join me?” he asked.
The answer to that one was easy, too.
Chapter Twenty
I woke with a kitten curled on my chest. Her purring filled my ears as I turned, wanting to see Collith beside me, needing the reassurance that I hadn’t dreamed getting him back.
But the other side of the bed was empty again.
Images from my dreams lingered, making it difficult to separate them from reality. My mother’s slumped body. A goblin peering at me through the bars of a cage. Steam rising from water as the Leviathan’s body sank far, far below. Jassin’s catlike eyes smiling into mine. Blood running from Collith’s nose as he crashed face-first onto the ground.
Every bad memory and every terrifying experience I’d accumulated over the course of my life. Oliver had been the stopper, the gatekeeper, and now that he was gone they were free to flood my mind each night.
A moment later, my alarm sounded. Damn it. I was supposed to be at Bea’s in an hour. If I wanted to make it, and avoid another angry rant from Angela, it was time to leave this warm bed. When I sat up, a chill raced over my skin and the kitten made a mewling sound.
“How the hell am I supposed to deny that face?” I muttered, sinking back down. She tucked her oversized head into the crook beneath my chin.
For a few minutes, I slipped in and out of darkness, trying to keep track of the numbers on the clock. A sound woke me, and I stirred at the same time Collith opened the curtains. Luminosity flooded the room. I covered my face instinctively, peeking through my fingers to admire Collith’s shirtless torso. Morning light streamed in around him like a halo. He came toward me, and the kitten took advantage of the open door.
