"I'm not going out with Kari again," Brad says.
"Why the hell not?" Nate asks. "She's gorgeous."
"I just don't get along with her."
"What are you talking about? You guys get along great."
"I don't feel anything for her, okay? There's nothing there."
"You just haven't spent enough time with her."
"Nate, you're not getting it. I don't want to go out with her. End of story."
He cocks his head. "Is there someone else?"
"If there was someone else, you'd know about it. We live in the same damn house."
"Doesn't mean I'd know about it. You're hardly ever home. I don't know where the hell you go. You could be going to see a girl, although if you were, I don't know why you'd try to hide it from me."
"So going back to tonight," I say, stopping Nate before he pushes Brad for answers about where he goes, because the answer is he's spending all his time with me. "Are we going out or not?"
"I vote for yes," Brad says. "Let's go to the brewery. Drink. Play some darts."
"Let's do it some other night," Nate says. "Heather's free tonight and I really want to meet her. And I know Kari wants to see you again."
"Who's Heather?" I ask Nate.
"Kari's friend. Kari said she'd introduce us, but it's not gonna happen if Brad doesn't go out with her. She wants it to be a double date."
Brad sighs. "I'm not going out with Kari again. I don't want her thinking I'm interested when I'm not."
"Then just go as friends," Nate says.
"She sees me as more than that."
She does? What does he mean by that? Did she try to kiss him?
"C'mon," Nate says. "Just do this for me one more time."
"You don't need me to go on dates with you. You can go out with Heather without me."
"But we already said it'd be the four of us. And if you dump Kari, my chances with Heather are over."
Brad's eyes dart to me. I nod, then look away, letting him know he can do this. I don't like it, but we really need Nate to find someone. It's the only way I'll get time alone with Brad this summer.
"Fine, but only tonight," Brad says. "After this, you're on your own. I'm not doing any more of these double dates."
"Great! I'll go call her and let her know." Nate walks off.
"Sorry," Brad says, lowering his voice. "I tried to get out of it."
"I don't think you have a choice. You have to go or Nate will think something's up. He's already wondering where you go when you leave the house."
"I'll tell him I joined a gym. He knows I work out all the time."
"The gyms around here close at ten. He'll know you're not there if you're out late."
"Then I'll figure something else out." He looks over at Nate, who's smiling as he talks on the phone. "Maybe we should just tell him. He's doing a lot better now. He's going on dates. Meeting girls."
"That doesn't mean he's moved on. When he's upset about something, he tries to stay really busy so he doesn't have to think about it."
"Did he call you yesterday?"
"No. And I only got a few texts. But that doesn't mean he's over what happened."
"Hey, guys," Tara says, coming up to us. "Got any plans for tonight?"
"Brad's going out," I tell her. "I'm staying home."
"You want to go out with me?" Tara asks.
"Where?"
"Drinks. Dancing." She smiles. "Maybe bring someone home. There's this new bar on tenth. I hear it's full of single men."
Brad coughs, then clears his throat.
"Sounds fun," I tell her, "but I can't really go out right now. I'm a little short on cash."
"How about you?" she says to Brad. "What are you doing tonight?"
"Nate and I are going out."
"Without Riley?" Tara turns to me. "Is Nate still mad at you?"
Everyone knows what happened with Nate and me. I don't know who told, but the news spread and now everyone thinks Nate and I are fighting.
"He's not mad," I tell her. "He has a date tonight."
"I feel sorry for whoever she is," Tara says.
"Why? What do you mean?"
"When I went out with Nate, all he did was talk about you. It was so annoying. No offense. I don't have anything against you. I just didn't want to talk about you all night."
"Yeah, he shouldn't have done that. I don't think he does anymore." I look at Brad. "Does he?"
"Sometimes. But when it happens, I change the topic."
Tara laughs. "You're going on his dates with him?"
"Only temporarily."
"They've been double dating," I tell her. "But Brad's getting tired of it. I think tonight's the last one."
"Definitely the last one," he says, eyeing me.
TJ blows his whistle. "Everyone to their places."
Tara leaves, and I see Nate heading toward to his chair.
"We should go," I say.
"I'll see you tonight," Brad says before walking off.
Tonight? After his date? This is so messed up. My boyfriend's going on dates, then coming to see me after they're over. We can't keep doing this. We need to find a better way to hide this from Nate.
19
One Month Later
Nate
"So about tomorrow," Heather says. "What time are we going to the party?"
"I don't know. I was thinking maybe we should skip it."
She laughs, assuming I'm kidding. "Nate, this is my friend's engagement party. We're not skipping it."
I've been dating Heather for almost a month now, and although she's a great girl, I can't seem to make myself feel anything for her. I've tried. I take her out all the time. We talk on the phone. We even took a weekend trip to Tulsa to go visit her cousin. Heather's smart, beautiful, and we get along well, but my heart just isn't into it. It belongs to someone else.
I don't like admitting it, even to myself, but it's true. I'm still in love with Riley. It was May when I told her how I felt, and now it's July. I thought by now I'd be over her. I'm good at pretending I am. Everyone thinks I've moved on, including Riley. She keeps telling me how happy she is that I found someone, even though being with Heather means I hardly ever get to go out with Riley anymore.
I miss Riley, and want to see her, but in order to do that, I have to break up with Heather.
"Nate, are you listening?" Heather asks, wrapping her arm around mine as we walk through the park. It's the same park I went to with Riley the night I told her I love her. Just being here again is making me relive that night. Those feelings. Excitement and hope one minute, loss and sadness the next.
Heather stops just before we get to the fountain. It's dusk and the lights just turned on.
"Isn't it beautiful?" Heather says.
"Yeah," I mutter, wishing it was Riley standing next to me. I know I shouldn't be thinking that when I'm on a date with Heather, but the fact that I am tells me I need to end this. I keep putting it off, thinking my feelings will change, but if anything, I'm feeling less for Heather now than when we first started dating. The more I'm with her, the more I miss Riley.
"Let's go sit on the bench," Heather says, pulling on my hand.
"I don't want to stay. Let's keep walking."
"You want to leave? We just got here and the lights just turned on." She tugs on my hand again. "C'mon. Let's just sit for a few minutes."
I reluctantly follow her to the bench, my stomach knotting up like it did when I sat here with Riley. Except back then, my nerves were from the excitement I felt finally being able to tell Riley that I loved her and wanted a future with her. I thought for sure she'd tell me she felt the same way.
Now my nerves are caused by knowing I have to tell Heather it's over. I can't keep this going when I don't feel anything for her.
"Heather, I need to say something."
"Go ahead." She smiles and holds my hand. It reminds me of when I held Riley's hand as we sat on this same exact bench and I poured my heart out to he
r. When she turned me down, my heart felt like someone had shoved a dagger through it. I was left with a stabbing pain in my chest, a pain I still feel when I think about Riley with someone else. I know it'll happen someday. She'll find a guy and be happy, which is all I've ever wanted for her. I was just hoping she'd be happy with me.
"Nate, what it is?" Heather asks, scooting closer.
"I don't want to say it." I look down at our joined hands. "But I need to."
She sighs. "You're breaking up with me."
I look up and our eyes meet. "Heather, I'm sorry. I really wanted it to work out."
She looks over at the fountain. "There's someone else."
"No. Heather, I'm not cheating on you. I just don't feel the way I should after a month of dating. I wish I did, but I don't."
She looks back at me. "It's that girl, isn't it?"
"What girl?"
"That girl. Riley. The one at the pool. You keep saying she's just a friend, but the way you're always looking at her, I knew." She sniffles. "I knew you were more than friends."
"We're not. I swear. Nothing's going on between Riley and me. She doesn't see me that way."
"But you see her that way."
My head drops. "Yeah. I do."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because I thought I could get over her. I thought dating you would...fix things. But it didn't."
"So you were using me. You were using me to get over her."
"No. Heather, that's not what I was doing. I really wanted this to work out. I keep telling myself to forget about Riley, but I can't. I need more time. I'm sorry I didn't figure that out sooner."
She stands up. "You never should've asked me out when you were in love with someone else."
"I know." I get up from the bench. "I'll take you home."
"Forget it," she says, walking off. "I'll just call a friend."
"Heather, wait." I catch up to her, stopping her. "You don't have to call anyone. I'll take you home."
"Just go. I really don't want to be around you right now." She wipes her eyes and keeps walking.
I don't follow her, but instead just watch as she gets her phone out and calls her friend. She continues down the path, then stops, her body trembling as she cries.
"Shit," I mutter, wanting to go comfort her but knowing I shouldn't. I'm the last person she wants to be around right now.
I feel awful, knowing I hurt her. Now I know how Riley felt when she told me she didn't have feelings for me. It was even worse for her because we're such good friends. We hate seeing each other in pain, but it's a million times worse when we're the cause of that pain. But that night, I didn't care that Riley was hurting. I wanted to get back at her for the pain I was feeling from her rejection. It was wrong for me to want that, but my own pain was causing me not to think straight.
Walking back to my car, I get out my phone and call Riley.
"Hey, Nate," a deep voice says.
"Who's this?"
"Brad," he says, laughing. "You didn't know it was me?"
"No. Why are you answering Riley's phone?"
"She went to the bathroom and didn't take her phone. So what's going on? Aren't you on a date?"
"What are you doing with Riley? I thought you were going to the gym tonight."
"I did. Then I got home and was bored, so Riley and I decided to meet up for dinner. We're at the pizza place on Douglas."
Riley told me she was tired and going to bed early tonight. I guess she changed her mind. This happens all the time. Riley says she doesn't have plans, but then ends up going out with Brad. I didn't think those two would get along so well, but I'm glad that they do. If she's hanging out with my cousin, she won't have time to find a boyfriend.
"Care if I join you?" I ask.
"At the restaurant?" He sounds hesitant, like he doesn't want me there. But why wouldn't he? Is it because of Riley? Does she not want me around? Our relationship is still strained, but I want to get us back on track. I don't want to lose her.
"I can head over there now, if that's okay."
"Um, sure, you can join us. Actually, it'll be good. Riley keeps saying she wants to get to know Heather better."
"Heather isn't coming. Just me."
"Did something happen?" he asks, sounding concerned.
"Yeah, we broke up."
"Shit. I'm sorry, man."
"Don't be. It was me. I just couldn't keep it going."
"I thought you liked her."
"I do, but not like I should after dating her for a month."
"That's too bad. I thought you two were a good couple."
"On paper we are, but my heart just wasn't in it."
"Gotta listen to your heart."
"Yeah, so anyway, I'll see ya soon."
I get in my car and drive across town to the restaurant. When I go inside, I find Riley and Brad in a booth near the back.
"Hey." I slide in next to Riley.
She leans over and hugs me. "Sorry it didn't work out."
"It's okay. It wouldn't have worked anyway. We'll both be moving soon for jobs."
"You heard back from the interview?" Riley asks, sounding excited. I know she's just being supportive, but part of me was hoping she'd show at least a little sadness over the thought of me moving away.
"Yeah, but I don't have the job. I still have to do the in-person interview."
"When's that?"
"Not sure yet. Might be next Friday. If so, I'm thinking I'll stay the weekend and check out the city."
"That's great," Brad says. "Sounds like you might be moving to Dallas."
"Yeah, maybe."
Last week I had a phone interview with a company in Dallas. If the in-person interview goes well and I get the job, I could start as early as August. I don't feel ready to leave yet, but there's really nothing keeping me here other than Riley. She's the main reason I don't want to leave. I keep thinking she'll change her mind about me, but I know she won't. Accepting that is harder than I thought it would be.
I turn to face her. "So what happened tonight? You kept saying how tired you were and how you wanted to sleep. I thought you'd be in bed by now."
"That was the plan, but then my mom brought her new boyfriend over. I called Brad to come rescue me."
"You could've called me."
"You were on a date."
"Riley, you know you can always call me if you need help."
"I didn't need help. I just needed to get out of the trailer for a couple hours. They should be done by the time I get back."
"Is this the new guy? What's his name?"
"Lou." She rolls her eyes. "The drunk butcher."
"He really drinks at work?"
"Yeah, but he owns the place so he can."
Brad laughs. "I can't believe the guy's still alive. Drinking while working with knives? That's insane."
"I can't stand him," Riley says. "He doesn't treat my mom well and he stinks like rotten meat. The other day he came over still wearing his bloody apron. I got home from work, saw him, and left. I went to April's place until he was gone."
"Any news about the salon?" I ask her.
"Not yet. We're supposed to hear this week. The paperwork is being signed today and then they'll announce the new owners. I don't even care anymore. I just want it to be over. I don't know why it took so long."
"Financing. Legal stuff," Brad says. "It all takes time."
I put my arm around Riley. "I'm sure they'll keep you around. You're one of their best employees."
"Yeah, but I'm not sure I'll stay."
"Where would you go?"
She shrugs. "Maybe Texas. Or Florida." She glances at Brad. "Someplace warm and close to the ocean."
"You're moving?" I ask, shocked she didn't tell me this.
"Maybe. I haven't decided yet."
"You always said you'd never leave here."
"Because I didn't think I could. But now I think I can." She smiles at Brad and he smiles back. What's that about? Hav
e they talked about this?
"What about your mom?" I ask.
"I can't take care of her forever. I don't want to be forty and still living with her and paying her bills."
"Riley, I've told you to get your own place a million times and you've never agreed with me. Why now?"
"I'm tired of supporting her. I work two jobs and extra shifts to make money and then she goes and spends it all on shoes and alcohol and her boyfriend. We never get ahead. She's going to have to figure out how to get by without me. I don't want to live in that trailer forever. I want my own place."
My jaw drops, shocked that she's saying this, or even considering it.
"Nate, you know I can't keep doing this," she says, noticing my shock. "We've talked about this."
"Yeah, for years, but you never listened."
"I'm older now. I'm realizing I can't keep taking care of her." She glances at Brad again. Why does she keep doing that? And why does he keep giving her that subtle smile, like he's trying not to, but can't help it? Is there something going on with those two?
What am I thinking? They wouldn't do that, especially behind my back.
"I think moving would be good," I say to Riley. "Better than good. It's awesome. I'm glad you're finally thinking of yourself for once." I smile. "Any chance you might move to Dallas?"
She smiles back. "I don't know, but I'll definitely come visit you if you get a job there. I liked Texas, even though I was only there for an hour."
"What do you mean? When did you go to Texas?"
She doesn't answer, her eyes darting to Brad.
He clears his throat. "We took a drive one day."
"And you drove to Texas?" I ask.
"Yeah. Just across the border. Riley said she'd never been there, and I was bored and wanted to take a drive, so we went. We didn't plan it. It was just a spur-of-the-moment thing."
"When was this?" I ask Riley.
"I don't know. Maybe a month ago?" She gives me a nervous smile and shrugs. "It wasn't a big deal."
"It is to you. You've never left the state. Why didn't you tell me this?"
Better If He Goes (Always You Book 1) Page 20
