by Anne Herries
‘That is foolish talk, sir.’ Aunt Beth sighed. ‘Have you learned nothing? Lottie may be coaxed, my lord, but she will not be bullied.’
‘I did not mean…’ Nicolas looked rueful. ‘It is my damnable temper again.’
‘You must learn to curb it, sir.’
‘You are very right, ma’am. I must.’
Should he return to Rothsay and wait for Lottie—or should he make a tour of the district and discover if she had stayed at a local inn?
If she returned to Rothsay, Aunt Beth would do her best to keep her there until he returned. She would be safe and comfortable, but if she were staying at an inn without much money she might be in trouble.
Chapter Fourteen
‘Lottie, you foolish girl!’ Aunt Beth rose from her chair and went forwards to embrace her. ‘I have been worried out of my mind. Rothsay was here. He was convinced that you had left him.’
‘Well, I have—or that was my intention,’ Lottie said. ‘Father has sold the house, but I suppose you knew that?’
‘Yes. He gave me twenty-four hours to leave so I came here.’ Aunt Beth looked at her anxiously. ‘What else could I do, Lottie?’
‘You did exactly right,’ Lottie told her. ‘I want you to stay here, dearest, just until I can find somewhere for us to live.’
‘Could we not live at your house in Bath, if you will not stay here?’
‘The house belongs to Rothsay. I want nothing of his, Aunt. He accused me of stealing his diamonds.’
‘I don’t know exactly what went on between you, my dear, but I do know that he is sincerely sorry for what he said to you, Lottie. Do you not think you could forgive him?’
‘You do not understand, dearest,’ Lottie said and held back a sob. ‘It is not just because of the diamonds. Oh, Aunt Beth, I love him so much. I thought I could accept this marriage of convenience, but it hurts too much.’
‘Of course it does,’ her aunt said. ‘You have been in love with him almost from the start, I think?’
‘Yes. I thought I could pretend to be the kind of wife he wants and needs. Rothsay does not want love from me. He merely desires a complaisant wife and an heir. I do not think I can be what he needs, Aunt.’
‘Are you certain that he wants only that, Lottie?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘He has gone to your father’s house to look for you. He seems genuinely distressed, my love. Could you not allow him to apologise to you? He has been good to us—to me. He has given me an allowance and told me this is my home. Even if we went elsewhere I should have a decent living. There are not so many men who would be as generous in the circumstances, Lottie.’
‘No, Nicolas is the most generous of men—that is why it hurts all the more. How could he imagine that I would want to steal from him?’
‘I dare say he is very sorry for having thought it, Lottie.’ Her aunt gave her a shrewd look. ‘Have you thought what will happen to the people here if you leave just like that? There may be no more improvements to the Hollow and certainly no school for the children.’
‘Oh, do not remind me,’ Lottie said. ‘I feel so guilty. If I stayed for a few days just to make sure everything is in order… Perhaps it would be best to discuss the future with Rothsay. He may wish to divorce me. He must have an heir and he will need a wife.’
‘Just so,’ her aunt said and smiled. ‘Besides, you must think carefully where you wish to go and what you will do. If you have a situation when you leave here, it will be more comfortable for you—and of course you will have to revert to your own name, Lottie.’
‘Yes, I suppose I shall.’ Lottie looked at her left hand. She would hate to take off her wedding ring, but it would probably be for the best. ‘I shall wait for a few days at least. In the meantime I must find a way to sell a few of my possessions. I have some silver items that were my share of Mama’s things…’
‘You would never sell those, Lottie?’ Her aunt looked shocked.
‘I may have to. It is either that or the brooch Papa gave me for my wedding.’
‘Better that than your mother’s things. Besides, I have a little money left. What do you need?’
‘I owe Rose three guineas. She paid for our lodgings—and I should like to give her a little more.’
‘I will give you five guineas for her, Lottie. You can always repay me when you have money again.’
‘Yes…’ Lottie frowned. ‘I had promised Lily Blake money for her dressmaking establishment. Perhaps I could ask Rothsay if he would consider giving her the money himself.’
‘Did you not know?’ Aunt Beth looked surprised.
‘Lily came here while you were away. She wanted to tell you that she had the money and had decided to go to Northampton and set up in business for herself. I thought you must have sent it to her?’
Lottie shook her head. ‘No, I meant to do it when I returned. I wonder…do you think Nicolas could have sent her something?’
‘I imagine he thought recompense was needed after what happened, though it was scarcely his fault, Lottie. Sam Blake was a fugitive from the law and any of the landowners around here would have told their keepers to shoot on sight. Rothsay did not instruct Larkin to do that, but the man acted within the law.’
‘It is a bad law and should be changed. If I were a man, I should do something about it.’
‘Well, perhaps your husband will one day, Lottie. If you guided his thoughts, he might do a great deal of good—as you could yourself if you stay here.’
‘What are you up to, Aunt?’
‘I am only asking you to reconsider,’ her aunt said. ‘I understand why you ran away—but men are sometimes wrong-headed, Lottie. They make mistakes. My husband was often misguided and even careless, but I forgave him—and I loved him. Your mother loved your father until the day she died, and she forgave him far worse.’
‘Yes…’ Lottie’s throat caught with emotion. ‘I know. Mama said we must always give others the benefit of the doubt—but Nicolas thinks I am a thief. How can I stay with a man who has such a low opinion of me? Papa always knew Mama was good, even though he let her down so many times.’
‘Well, you must decide,’ her aunt said. ‘But at least let him have the chance to apologise.’
‘I suppose I ought to speak to him. We must try to be civilised and make certain that the scandal is kept to a minimum.’
Lottie decided to walk to the lake. She had been back for three days now and Nicolas had not come home. Perhaps he had gone back to London. She was not certain what she ought to do for the best. Aunt Beth insisted she should wait for a while and speak to Nicolas and the servants were all so pleased to see her back home.
It was her home. She felt relaxed and comfortable here even though her heart ached. Having visited the Hollow and seen how much improvement had been made in the past weeks, she knew that it would be a crime if the work did not continue. The vicar had called on her, asking if she meant to set up her school and begging her to consider his curate for the post of teacher.
‘Bernard is a good man and would do well in a local school, my lady. His stipend is very little and the poor lad cares for his sick mother. He cannot hope for preferment for some years, because he has no influential family to help him. If you could see your way to giving him a chance, he would repay you.’
‘Well, I shall certainly interview Mr Bernard,’ she said.
The young man did indeed sound exactly what she had hoped to find. His duties would be light and would not prevent him carrying out his work at the church, for the hours were compatible.
If only she could continue as she had been until the disastrous visit to London. Lottie wished that she had not taken it into her head to try to make Nicolas jealous. The last night she had spent with him had shown her how very much she loved him, and left a constant ache about her heart. She was no longer satisfied to be a complaisant wife. She wanted to be loved and needed. Nothing less would do for her now. It would probably be better if she left befor
e Nicolas returned. Aunt Beth was settled here and she need not worry about her. Lottie could establish herself somewhere and then her aunt…
Her thoughts were suspended as she saw a man walking towards her. For a moment she thought it was Nicolas and her heart raced. Then, as he came nearer, she saw that it was Bertie Fisher.
Lottie liked her friendly neighbour, but at the moment she would have preferred to be alone.
‘Lady Rothsay,’ he said and swept off his hat. ‘I thought I might find you here. There was a great deal of talk when you did not attend the duchess’s ball. People were speculating that you had left Rothsay. I decided to come down and investigate.’
‘I am grateful for your concern, sir. It was just a little headache that kept me from that engagement. I am much better now.’
‘You must know that I am your good friend, Lottie. If you are in some trouble, it would be my pleasure to help you.’
‘You are very kind, sir.’ Lottie smiled as she saw his earnest expression. ‘I think I have been a little foolish, but there is nothing you can do to help.’
‘Is Rothsay treating you properly? When he first announced the marriage, I thought it was merely because the family needed an heir, but I’ve changed my mind.’
‘Have you—why?’
Lottie took the arm he offered and they turned back towards the house. She smiled up at him, because he was a good friend.
‘Oh, because of the way he looks at you, and the way he acted on the night of the duchess’s ball. He seemed like a man in torment.’
‘Perhaps he was thinking of his lost love?’
‘Lady Elizabeth Madison?’ Bertie shook his head. ‘I happen to know for a fact that she received a rebuff from him quite recently. I have it on the best authority—her own—that he turned down the offer of an affair. She was most put out and told me in a fit of temper. I do not think you need concern yourself about that lady. Any man who preferred that scold would have to be mad.’
‘Oh, Bertie, you are a darling.’ Lottie reached up to kiss his cheek. He grinned and kissed her back. It was not until they resumed walking that she realised Nicolas was coming towards them and had seen their embrace.
‘Lottie—’ Nicolas’s expression was cold and angry ‘—I have been looking everywhere for you. What am I to infer from this—are you leaving me for Fisher?’
‘Come off it, old chap,’ Bertie said. ‘No need to jump to conclusions. I’m a great admirer of your wife, but wouldn’t dream of coming between you. What you saw—well, it wasn’t what you think.’
‘I was speaking to my wife.’ Nicolas glared at her. ‘If you will grant me a few minutes alone with Lottie, sir. I need to clear the air.’
‘Not if you’re going to bite her head off again.’ Bertie squared his shoulders. ‘I ain’t one for quarrelling, but I ain’t prepared to stand by and see you make Lady Rothsay’s life a misery.’
‘Going to challenge me to a duel? You can’t be serious, Bertie. You know you don’t stand a chance against me.’
‘Have a damned good try.’ Bertie looked stubborn. ‘Lady’s honour and all that…’
‘Please do not be stupid, either of you!’ Lottie lost her temper. ‘You are both being ridiculous. I refuse to be a bone of contention between friends. It was a friendly kiss because I was miserable, Rothsay—and if you can’t believe that, it is best I leave at the first opportunity.’
Lottie ran past them and into the house.
How dared they fight over her? Lottie was furious as she went up to her room. Why was Nicolas always so swift to think the worst of her? First he accused her of selling the diamonds, now he imagined she was conducting a clandestine affair with Bertie Fisher, of all people! He must still believe she was truly like Clarice.
She felt so ashamed. Aunt Beth thought she should continue to live under Nicolas’s roof, but how could she? If Clarice was back in England for good it would only be a short time before people discovered that Lady Rothsay had a sister—and Clarice’s reputation could ruin her. Between them, they would bring shame on Nicolas’s proud name and his family.
She must leave as soon as she had spoken to Nicolas. It might be better if she went abroad. Nicolas must be regretting the day he offered marriage to Clarice and then ended up with her sister.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, she bent her head, covering her face with her hands. She could no longer hold back the tears. It had been foolish to come back here. She should have found somewhere to live and sent for her personal things. When the door opened, she refused to look up.
‘I am sorry, Lottie. Bertie is a good friend to us both and I am a fool for being jealous of any man who looks at you.’
‘No, please, Nicolas,’ Lottie said and looked at him. She wiped the back of her hand across her eyes. ‘It is mere foolishness. I understand why you despise me—my sister is a thief. Her morals are not those of a decent young woman and you think me her equal. I am sorry. I should never have agreed to take her place.’
‘Do you regret it for your sake or mine?’
Lottie’s eyes closed for a moment, then she looked at him. ‘For both our sakes, Nicolas. I find it does not please me to be the kind of wife you require—and I am certain you must wish you had never seen either Clarice or me.’
‘Your sister is certainly a problem,’ Nicolas admitted. ‘I had hoped she might stay in France and not trouble us, but I dare say a way to control her excesses may be found.’
‘What do you mean?’ Lottie wiped her cheeks with a lace kerchief. Her eyes widened as he sat on the edge of the bed beside her. ‘Clarice cares for no one. She must have known I would guess she had taken the diamonds.’
‘She thought you would not give her up to the authorities. Do not fear, my love. I have no intention of handing your sister over to a magistrate. For one thing it would cause a scandal for us, and another—I owe her something for tearing up the contract, as I did. Though she herself did not sign it, she could have found a way to sue me for breach of contract had she chosen.’
‘If she guessed that, I dare say she might,’ Lottie said and gave him a watery smile. ‘You were right, she is a thief. I am sorry you were forced to buy back the diamonds, Nicolas.’
‘Be damned to the wretched things. They mean nothing to me. I would have left them in the bank, but I thought you might like to wear them.’
‘I should have done if Clarice had not stolen them.’
‘Why did you not tell me at once, as soon as you discovered the theft?’
‘I knew only Clarice could have taken them. I went into your room to recover my pearls, which I left the previous evening—and when I returned she was there. She asked for money. I gave her what I had—and then after she had gone I discovered the necklace was missing. I wanted to tell you but I was ashamed of what she had done—and even if she is a thief she is my sister…’
‘You thought I might have her arrested for theft?’ Nicolas nodded. ‘I had Blake arrested, didn’t I? You could not know that I would have given him a lenient sentence and had him released early on promise of good behaviour. Believe me, Lottie. I had no wish to see the man hang or be given a long prison sentence.’
‘I should have known—but you were so angry…’
‘I have a wicked temper, my love. At first I resented being preached to by a woman—and then I began to know that woman and I understood that she spoke from the heart. I am very sorry Sam Blake was killed. If I could have prevented it, I would.’
Lottie nodded, looking up into his face. ‘Did you send Lily Blake some money?’
‘The twenty guineas you gave her and another hundred. I told her that she might apply to us for custom for her business when she was ready and we should recommend her. Was it enough for her to start up do you think?’
‘A hundred and twenty guineas is a fortune to someone like Lily, Nicolas. She will have a fine establishment and should soon be famous and wealthy.’
‘Will it make up for what she has lost?’
‘I cannot speak for Lily—but if I lost a husband I loved and my children lost their father no money would be enough.’
‘No, I feared not.’ He sighed and looked regretful. ‘What more can I do, Lottie?’
‘Nothing,’ Lottie smiled. ‘You have done all that could be expected of you, Nicolas. However, you can continue the work at the Hollow and set up a school for the children.’
‘Will you not stay and do those things? You are so much better at seeing what people need than I am, Lottie.’
‘Do you mean that we should continue as we planned at the start?’ Lottie could not look at him. Her heart was racing and she felt that she could hardly breathe.
‘No, not as it was at the start, but as it could be between us now—if you can forgive me?’ His hand reached out to lift her chin so that she looked at him. ‘I care for you, Lottie, much more than I expected I should. I want you to be my wife, not because I need an heir but because I want to be with you. I want children with you, but I want so much more.’
‘Are you sure, Nicolas? I do not think that I could bear it if you made love me to me and then rode off to London to the bed of your mistress the next night.’
‘I have no mistress, Lottie. I gave her up once I’d agreed to your father’s marriage deal and there has been no one else since, I promise you. Once I had tasted your sweetness I knew that no other woman would ever content me. You are the woman I need in my life—can you bear to give me another chance?’
He still had not said that he loved her, but Lottie knew that perhaps this was the closest Nicolas could come to telling her he cared. Elizabeth had hurt him so badly that there was a barrier inside him that would not let love in. He had lowered it partially, but it was still there.
‘If you truly want me, I shall stay,’ Lottie said after a moment. ‘I must tell you now that I love you, Nicolas. I have loved you almost from the start. If you do not want my love, it would be fair to tell me now.’
‘I thought I had forfeited all right to your love,’ Nicolas said. He leaned forwards to kiss her on the lips. It was a long, lingering kiss, sweet and tender. ‘You are my wife and I care for you as much as I am able to care for anyone, Lottie. I am not sure it is love as you know it, but I will not lie to you. There is something locked inside me that just will not come free, much as I might wish it. I want you, need you, care for you—is that enough?’
