by Snow, Jenika
Where he could finally open up and tell her the truth.
He wanted to take her to the coast and walk on the beach with her. When he asked her a week ago if she’d take a few days off, a weekend maybe, he’d expected her to decline. He’d seen the hesitation on her face, but to his utter surprise she’d agreed to go.
And so he was going to spend some real time with Brea, let her in, show her the type of man he was. He just prayed that when it was all said and done, she still wanted him, because the very thought of losing her was too fucking hard to swallow.
He left the cage and headed toward the back room to clean off and change. They’d leave for the weekend tomorrow morning, and he couldn’t lie and say he wasn’t pretty fucking excited about the whole thing.
He couldn’t remember the last time he’d looked forward to something so much. And damn, was it a pretty incredible feeling.
7
When Adrian pulled his truck onto the strip of asphalt that overlooked the beach, Brea felt this peace and calm settle over her. The windows were rolled down, and the sound of the waves crashing against the shore lulled her. She rested her head back on the seat and smiled, staring at the horizon as the sun kissed the water, casting tiny shards of light across it.
They sat there for long moments, neither speaking, this comfortable sensation filling the entire truck.
She couldn’t believe she’d agreed to come this weekend. This was so out of the norm for her, so reckless even. Although she cared for Adrian, her emotions growing deeper with each passing day, doing this with him was not smart. What would happen when she saved enough and left? How would she disconnect her feelings from him? Could they even be together? Would he understand? God, she was consumed with her worries, and she still hadn’t even told him about herself, about Cameron and the shit she carried around.
How can this work when his life is here and mine isn’t?
Glancing over at him, she saw he watched her, this small smile on his face. The wall she’d erected had started to crumble, and she realized it was when Adrian had first looked into her eyes as she was on the ground, her fear consuming her.
And since then unadulterated happiness had filled her.
The weeks were passing, and she was thoroughly enjoying her time with Adrian. He was changing things in her. Their kissing had since moved up to light touches, but the ache between her thighs was slowly growing. Her need for him was starting to consume her in the best of ways.
She deserved this.
She deserved to be happy.
His smile was lopsided, and he reached a hand out and caressed her cheek. Brea couldn’t help but lean into his embrace.
“Come here, Brea.” His words were low and slightly husky, and she could see the desire growing in Adrian’s expression.
Instantly she became aroused.
Nipples tightening to the point of pain, she squirmed in her seat as her panties started to become wet. As she shifted on the seat to move closer to him, the dress she wore moved up her thighs. She noticed he was staring at the patch of skin that was exposed. He swallowed audibly and then lifted his gaze to her. His grin was almost sheepish, and she couldn’t help but lean into his chest to hide her own smile.
It felt good being close to him, smelling the masculine scent that had her drunk and feeling heady.
“Brea.” He whispered her name and used his finger to lift her chin. His face was close to hers, so close that if she just craned her neck a little more, their mouths would brush together.
“Yes?” God, she wanted him to kiss her, desperately. She’d never been the one to initiate their physical contact, but maybe that should change? She lifted her hand and cupped his cheek. A heady feeling washed through her when she saw him close his eyes and sigh. She didn’t waste any more time or deny herself any longer.
She pressed her lips to his, loving the small growl that he made from the contact. The kiss started off slow and easy, but soon he took control. Tongues moving together, the act mimicked the sex she wanted to have with him. As the kiss intensified, she knew she wanted more. Her body positively ached for him, but before it got any more heated, Adrian slowed the kiss and then pulled away.
He rested his forehead against hers, breathing heavily with his eyes closed. When he moved away, it was too soon. Brea wanted more.
“I’m sorry.” He ran his hand over his jaw and stared out the windshield. She couldn’t take her eyes off him. “I’m trying to go slow, but it’s so damn hard.” He cut a glance at her. “I want you too much.”
Her heart stopped. As she licked her lips, Adrian tracked the movement and another groan left him. Adrenaline rushed through her body at the way he watched her. Hearing him confess how much he wanted her had her arousal accelerating.
She knew she wanted more, but when she actually went for it, would she freeze and blow everything? She didn’t like keeping things from him, and she had a lot of shit from her past that would most likely have him running in the other direction. Could she be selfish and just let herself enjoy it? Even if it was just for a little while?
Her experience in seducing a man was zilch, but she pictured in her mind what she wanted to do and it seemed easy enough. Moving so close to him that there wasn’t an inch separating their bodies, Brea gathered all her strength and slid her hand on his thigh. The muscles under her palm tensed as she slowly started to move her palm up, closer to where she wanted to go.
Her heart was racing at what she was doing, at how this was so new to her but so exciting all in the same breath.
“Brea?” He sounded almost pained, and she stopped, fearing she wasn’t doing it right.
“I’m sorry. I don’t really know what I’m doing.” She went to move her hand away, but he put his on top to stop her retreat. The look in his eyes made her feel a little embarrassed. “I’m not a virgin or anything, I just—” God, she was screwing this up and making it awkward as hell. “I’m just not that experienced. I’m sorry.” She felt her face heat, but he didn’t let her slide back to the passenger seat.
“What you’re doing feels so good, Brea. So. Fucking. Good. Come here.” The command was low but held so much promise and desire that she couldn’t not obey it.
When she was pressed against his side again, she kept her head low. Heat and desire were still strong inside of her.
“Look at me.” His voice was pitched low, his breath blowing wisps of her hair around the hollow of her cheek. A shiver raced up her spine from that small, almost innocent act.
Finding the courage to look at him after she’d just divulged that little tidbit, and after hearing his desire for her, was harder than she thought. When she was finally able to lift her head and look into his eyes, she was shocked by the raw lust reflected in his face.
“You have nothing to be ashamed of.” He took her hand in his and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “You being honest about your experience just makes me want you more.” He leaned in, and Brea had to force her eyes to stay open. Just having him so close, being able to smell his intoxicating scent had her on the verge of moaning. “There is nothing you can say or do that would make me want you any less.”
When his words sank in, dread settled in her. Oh, there was plenty she could tell him that would have him singing a completely different tune.
“Look at me. I want you to see how much I want you.” Their gazes stayed locked, and her breath caught at the intensity in his expression. “You’re beautiful, Brea. Inside and out.” He dipped his head to kiss her lightly. To her disappointment he didn’t deepen it, and instead ended it far too soon. “Whatever happened to you doesn’t shape who you are as a person. It might control you temporarily, but inside, under all that hurt and pain, is the real you just waiting to be awakened.”
The way he talked, so passionately, led Brea to believe that maybe he was referring to himself instead of her. She would like to believe what he’d said, but there was a part of her that knew she might be broken, that maybe she’d never be able t
o be whole again.
Not thinking, just needing to feel him, Brea closed the distance that separated them and kissed him with as much passion as she felt for him. His grunt of surprise spurred her on. Her clit throbbed, and her pussy ached to be filled.
She slid her hand back, along his muscular thigh, and when she reached the hard, thick length of his erection straining against the material, an involuntary moan left her. As if that sound broke him, Adrian gripped her shoulders and pulled her impossibly close.
Her hand curled around the iron-hard ridge, and a shudder went through his body. “I want you so fucking bad, Brea.” His hips jacked up as he ground his cock against her. One of his hands slid off her shoulder and made a slow trek down her side, resting on top of her thigh. The heat from his touch went straight through the thin material.
Surprisingly she didn’t feel anxiety over this. All she felt was intense pleasure and the need to go further.
Maybe I’m not broken after all.
“Is this okay?” he murmured against her mouth.
She found herself nodding, not able to actually form words as she started kissing him again.
In the next instant he gripped her waist and pulled her on top of him. She straddled his waist, their kiss never breaking, gasps of surprise leaving her. Pleasure, arousal, need … all that and more claimed her.
Both of his hands were now gripping her waist, and he pressed her down on him at the same time that he lifted his hips.
“Oh.” Her dress had ridden up, her thighs now fully exposed. She closed her eyes as her pussy, covered only in thin cotton, pressed aggressively against his jean-clad cock. The need to feel more of him, all of him, was so strong she had to break the kiss and gasp for air.
“I want so much more of you.” Adrian started kissing her neck, and Brea tilted her head to the side, relishing the feel of his lips and tongue sliding along the übersensitive spot right below her ear. She’d never felt anything so powerful before, never desired so strongly.
“Do you like that, baby?” He ran his tongue over the spot again, and she shivered.
“Yes,” she whispered.
“I want inside of you so bad, Brea.”
A gasp left her at his blunt statement, and a warm wave washed through her. Brea started grinding herself on him. Brain fuzzy from desire, she was vaguely aware of Adrian’s palms sliding over her ass and cupping the mounds.
God, she didn’t want this to end.
8
She felt so good on top of him. So. Fucking. Good. Her body was petite but curvy in all the right spots. And her skin … damn, her skin tasted so good. Like vanilla and peaches. God, Adrian loved that combination. The way her body shivered slightly as he licked the spot right below her ear had him so fucking hard he thought for sure he’d bust right through the damn zipper.
When he cupped her perfectly apple-shaped ass, he growled in approval, his cock throbbing, his balls drawing up tight. He could come from this alone.
But then something shifted in her, and she pulled away.
“Baby?”
“There’s so much I want to tell you, but I’m afraid.” She stared into his eyes.
Yeah, he could relate.
He knew better than anyone that if someone tried to push him into opening up before he was ready, it just caused that door to slam shut harder.
“I’m here if you want to talk. Shit, I have my own skeletons in a closet that I want to tell you about, but I’m afraid, too. And baby, not a lot scares me.”
“We are just two broken people that are too afraid to tell the other what’s wrong.” She looked out the driver’s side window and swallowed. That image broke his fucking heart. When she finally looked back at him, she didn’t say anything, just nodded.
She made a move to get off his lap, but he didn’t want her to leave just yet. Even if all he did was hold her, that would be enough.
“I just want to hold you, Brea. Just let me hold you, baby.” Pulling her close, he held her tighter while she rested her head in the crook of his neck. They stayed like that, and it was perfect.
Having her close, the silence, all of it was perfection. He just wished they hadn’t gone to this dark place.
“Can we take a walk on the beach?” Voice soft and muffled, Brea whispered against his neck.
“Yeah, I think that would be really nice.” He opened his door and helped her out. They headed toward the beach, and Adrian reached out and took hold of her hand, twining her fingers with his. For the small amount of time they’d been together, this felt like how it should have always been. He felt like he knew her, really knew her. It seemed like their lives had been connected for so long … for a lifetime.
Brea took the lead as they walked until they were standing at the shoreline. She bent down and removed her shoes, moving closer to the water. She laughed softly as the waves kissed her toes. The sound of her laughter made his chest ache.
The wind kicked up and blew her hair around her shoulders. The scent of vanilla and peaches filled his senses.
“You better take your shoes off or you’ll get those shiny new kicks wet.”
“Kicks?” Adrian’s voice was filled with amusement.
“That’s what everyone at the club calls them. I feel old saying that instead of shoes.” She laughed harder and glanced up at him, a smile on her face. He kicked his head back and chuckled. It was a true and honest one, and it felt damn good.
She moved closer to the water and stood there until the waves came rushing toward her again. Just before it swallowed her toes, she jumped back, laughing loudly.
“I can’t believe I’ve lived less than two hours away from this and have never driven down here.” The cardigan she wore was pulled tight around her back as she wrapped her arms around herself and stared at the horizon. “It’s so beautiful. I wish I could swim out to where the color is starting to fade away. I could just disappear from everything. From everyone.”
Feet moving of their own accord, he wrapped his arms around her, drawing her against his chest. They stared out at the ocean for several long minutes. Nothing needed said, though.
“I’m sorry I kind of disconnected back in the truck. I just”—she took a deep breath—“I haven’t been with a man in a very long time, and not telling you about my past frustrates and scares me all in the same breath.”
Not thinking anymore, he let his heart and the truth lead the way. “I had someone in my life, years ago.” He thought about all that time ago, about telling the woman he’d grown to love the truth. Yes, he loved Brea, but telling her that right now might be counterproductive. “Her name was Addie.” He looked at the crushing waves beating against the rocks. The sound was ominous and soothing all at the same time. It had been a long time since he let himself open up completely. He needed Brea as close as possible while he told her this. He rested his chin on top of her head and spilled his heart.
“It was a drunk driver. He ran a red light, slammed right into the passenger side of our car and killed Addie instantly. At least that’s what they told me. I’m glad she didn’t suffer.” The last part was more of a whisper.
Brea had placed her hands over his where they rested right over her belly.
“When I came to, I was so confused as to what had happened that I didn’t even know where I was. I’d hit my head on the steering wheel and had been out of it for a good while. When I finally remembered what happened I was frantic to know where Addie was, that she was okay.” The sound of the sirens, the smell of blood and dirt washed around him, and it was like he was back on that street with medics surrounding him, shouting orders.
“God, Adrian. I’m sorry.”
“I knew right then, when they were telling me to calm down, that they needed to see to my wounds and that someone would come talk to me, that she was dead.”
They stood in silence for long moments.
“You don’t have to tell me any more if it’s too painful.”
He shook his head even though she co
uldn’t see him. “I want to tell you this. I’ve wanted to for a while. I need you to know who I am, what I am.”
He didn’t hold a flame for Addie, and he didn’t want Brea thinking that he was in love with his past. But he did want her to know the type of man that she was involved with.
“I changed that day, Brea, and it wasn’t for the better.” The need to look into her eyes as he bared his soul was too strong to ignore. As if she read his mind, she turned around to face him. “I never used to be like this, so angry at the world. All my anger manifested into the person I am today, into the man who fights in illegal cage matches under a club. Fighting gives me an outlet for my wrath, and it feels damn good making another man bleed.” He cupped her cheek. “I don’t want to sugarcoat anything because it would all be a lie, and I don’t want to ever be dishonest with you.”
“Adrian.” The light caress of her hand on his cheek had him closing his eyes and leaning into her. Brea’s touch was filled with gentleness, and he found himself letting go of some of his anger. “I’m so sorry.”
That was the last thing he wanted to hear from her. A quick shake of his head stopped her from continuing. “I don’t want you to be sorry, Brea. It was a long time ago, and I wanted to share this with you because I want to be honest about my past. I care about you. A lot.” The wave crashing behind her was the only sound that drowned out the silence that threatened to swallow them whole. He still cupped her cheek, smoothing his thumb along the hollow. “I don’t want you to think I still hold on to the past, on to Addie. That’s not what this is about. I changed that day of the accident. Maybe it would have been inevitable. Maybe that car crash showed me who I really am.”
