by Bree Cariad
“You don’t have to,” Brecker said. “I just did what needed to be done.” He wished he could do more.
Rolf turned and looked at him as he wiped his hands off with a tea towel. “This whole world would be an amazing place if everyone did the same thing. There would be no poor, no homeless, no starving kids….” He shook his head and sighed. “You’ve given us a small taste of that. So take thanks where it’s due. You’re a good man, Court Brecker.” After a pause, he added, “And you’re good for Jonathon. Getting him out to be human sometimes takes major arm pulling. But you can get him out for a night and he comes back supercharged to jump right in. You have my undying thanks for that. He’s been working toward this since Paul died. Passion for an ideal is good. Passion for an ideal while blocking out everything else can become a problem. So if you can get him out of here, I thank you.”
Before Brecker could figure out how to respond, he winked and added, “That way I get control of the TV.”
With a bark of a laugh, Brecker nodded. “We must have our priorities.”
“Exactly. Last Friday I turned on It’s a Wonderful Life and the whole house watched it. Then we turned on Guitar Hero and battled it out.”
Rolf had always come across as gruff, but Brecker saw a different side of him. “I can see why you and Jonathon are best friends. You balance each other out.”
“For the most part,” Rolf agreed. “Paul was the best foil for him. He could get Jonathon to do things he never would have thought of. Ask him to tell you about the skydiving incident sometime.” A fond smile crossed his face. “Paul was a good guy, a really good guy. But Jonathon mourned him for over a decade. He doesn’t even realize it, but he’s finally letting go and beginning to live. My best friend is coming alive again and it’s the best thing I’ve ever seen.”
“The shelter’s given him purpose,” Brecker said, understanding the concept.
Rolf chuckled. “Right. The shelter.” He shook his head in amusement though Brecker wasn’t sure why.
“All right,” Jonathon said, rubbing his palms together as he walked into the kitchen. “In an hour, Peril, Aiden, and Jenna are going to come down and start decorating. In the meantime, anything you need our help with?”
“If you guys wouldn’t mind peeling some potatoes, that would be great.”
It was quiet as they worked together and there was a camaraderie in it that Brecker hadn’t felt in some time. After Rolf put the turkeys in the ovens, he snapped the ends off green beans while they finished peeling the potatoes and yams. Rolf and Jonathon began to trade amusing stories about one another making Brecker laugh.
“You should have seen him,” Rolf said, chuckling merrily. “Eighteen years old and fresh off the farm. I swear the first semester he walked around with the biggest eyes.”
Jonathon snorted. “How did we become friends?” He glanced at Brecker and grinned. “There I was, a quiet, conservative Christian struggling with balancing my religion and my homosexuality and I ran smack dab into Rolf who smoked, drank, and partied until dawn. He scared the living daylights out of me. One day he grabbed me, dragged me out of the dorm, and took me to the campus chapel. Nobody was there. He pointed to the cross on the wall and said, ‘He loves everyone, Jonathon. He died for everyone. If you remember your scriptures, he only ever got angry at the Sadducees and Pharisees because they said one thing and did another. Hell, he hung out with the sinners. What does that tell you?’”
The two shared a glance and their expressions said it all. That moment solidified their friendship. “Jonathon was grasping at straws,” Rolf said. “He said ‘But my pastor says it’s wrong.’ I glared at him and said, ‘It sounds like you have a Sadducee for a pastor then. Follow Christ, not him.’”
Jonathon laughed. “I was shocked when he said that. It sounded so blasphemous. But then I looked up at a large painting of Jesus on the wall and I felt such incredible love in that moment. It was powerful as though someone opened the gates of heaven and I could feel pure divine love.” His voice warbled and his eyes became glassy with tears. “In that moment, I knew Rolf was right. That’s the day I began to search out God, to find him anywhere I could. I read through the bible so many times I began to know it by heart. I spent my time in the most exalted churches and in the lowest parts of town at the shelters and food kitchens. I found Him but also found that too many people created Him in their own image. They created rules that they believed in and said they were from Him. They let fear bar the way to God. By the end of the school year I knew two things. First, that being gay and a follower of Christ were not mutually exclusive. And second, that I wanted to become a minister and help people.”
Brecker smiled. The love between the two men was tangible. They were as close as brothers. “So you smoke?” he said and Jonathon laughed.
Rolf rolled his eyes good naturedly. “I used to. But the day Johnny called and told me he was going to start a shelter for LGBT youth and asked if I wanted to be involved, I made the decision to quit. There was no way I could help these kids if I was doing stuff I knew was bad for me. It’s been four and a half years I’ve been without nicotine.”
“Impressive. I smoked a short while after I left home,” Brecker admitted. “But the two men who rescued me from the streets made it obvious how they felt about the habit and so I quit. It wasn’t easy.” He could remember the need to light up, just for something to calm his nerves. “Though I don’t think I was so much addicted to the nicotine as I was to having something to do with my hands.”
Rolf barked a laugh and Jonathon, after a moment where it looked like he was in pain, burst out laughing as well. “Most teenage boys already know what to do with their hands,” Jonathon said, wheezing through a laugh.
Brecker choked on a snicker, the joke totally unexpected.
“We go through an inordinate amount of tissues in this place,” Rolf said with a huge grin. He looked around and stood up. “Thank you. Now the potatoes, yams, and green beans are ready. They’ll go on the stove in a few hours.”
“I heard you’ve made pie,” Brecker said as he watched Rolf move everything onto the counter from the small table they’d been using.
“Oh yeah. Fresh pumpkin from the pumpkins we carved in October. Pecan because it makes Johnny go ga-ga.”
“Shut it,” Jonathon said with a snort.
“And of course, the quintessential apple pie which in my family was served at every large event.”
“Johnny?” Brecker asked Jonathon when Rolf turned away. Rolf burst out laughing and Jonathon rolled his eyes.
“Only Rolf calls me that. I was never fond of the nickname, but he refused to give up and now from him it’s more… like coming home.”
Chapter Ten
Thanksgiving was definitely a hit. Jonathon leaned against the doorjamb and watched the kids laugh as they scrubbed the tables Friday morning. They took down the decorations, tossing paper turkeys at one another, and he forced himself not to smile too widely when he saw Aiden searching for Brecker’s turkey. At first he thought Aiden had a deepening crush, but after watching him last night, he came to the conclusion that it was a major case of hero worship.
“He took it with him,” he said loudly enough to cut through the chatter. Several of the kids looked at him in confusion, but Aiden looked up and when his eyes lit up, Jonathon knew he understood. Brecker took Aiden’s simple paper turkey place setting with him. A huge grin crossed his face as he went back to cleaning with the others and Jonathon turned back to the kitchen where Rolf was busy cutting up leftover turkey for sandwiches.
Rolf looked up and their eyes met. He grinned. “Aiden?” he asked and Jonathon nodded.
Jonathon walked up to the counter and grabbed a few pieces of turkey, tossing them into his mouth. “He was looking for the turkey he made Brecker.”
“Yeah.” Rolf shook his head in amusement. He glanced around Jonathon and leaned in, lowering his voice. “He asked me last night if I thought Brecker would ever be interested in
adopting someone.”
Jonathon’s heart both melted and ached in that moment. “What did you say?”
He shrugged. “I didn’t want to get his hopes up. I told him that as far as I knew, Brecker enjoyed helping out here but wasn’t interested in being a parent.”
Jonathon let out a low breath and collapsed onto one of the stools that sat underneath the counter. “Which reminds me. He’s one of ten we have not been able to get the authorized paperwork on. His parents won’t officially give up custody. Even though they kicked him out.” His last few words came out in anger and he stuffed more turkey into his mouth.
Rolf reached over and grasped his hand for a moment. “Gonna have to get lawyers involved.”
“I know.” Jonathon sighed. “At least the event coming up next week will give us some cash to do things like that. Of course I hate that we have to go the whole legal route anyway. The kids weren’t wanted there. They’re wanted here. They’re children of God and they belong with us.” Rolf coughed a warning and he stopped talking.
“Reverend Jonathon?” Peril walked up to him and Jonathon turned and smiled. “We’re almost done. We wanted to know if it was okay if we went out and had a snowball fight.”
“Of course. Make sure everyone knows and bundle up before you go out.”
“Thanks.” Peril grinned and went back into the dining room. A few seconds later, they heard a huge cheer.
Rolf winked. “I’ll start heating up some cider. They’re gonna need it when they come back in.”
The rest of the day went by quickly. Rolf had different groups get together and draw names for Christmas gifts and Jonathon talked with everyone about how important personal gifts were and to come to him if they couldn’t think of what to make for their giftee. Rolf let them know to come to him when they needed supplies. The afternoon was spent with youth lounging all over the first floor reading, writing, or chatting.
The whole day felt wonderfully holidayish.
But six o’clock found him in his quarters trying to figure out what to wear. Which was stupid. “I’m just going over to watch a football game with him. This isn’t a date.” Besides, he hadn’t been on a date since Paul died. So freaking out about it seemed stupid. And youthful. And completely nonsensical. Not to mention completely unavoidable.
It took him forty minutes to pick out a pair of black jeans and a button-down shirt that looked good, but not too good. “Maybe teenage angst is rubbing off on me,” he said in some amusement as he put a little gel in his hair.
On the way to the garage, he passed by the dining hall which was filled with youth and laughter. It made him smile.
“Whoa there.”
Startled he looked up, his hand on the door to the garage. “Hey, Rolf.”
“Hey, yourself. Take this with you.” He pushed a large brown paper bag over.
“What is it?”
“Food.”
Jonathon snorted. “We’re watching a game.”
“Exactly. And what good red-blooded American male doesn’t feed his face while he watches sports?” Rolf asked. “You could settle for popcorn. But why when you have a gourmet cook on staff? Now go. Oh,” he said as Jonathon grabbed the bag and turned back to the door. “The instructions for heating everything is inside. Remember, no coming home before ten.”
“Yes, dad,” Jonathon said. Rolf was still laughing after he closed the door behind him.
The thirty-minute drive took forty-five with the new snow on the roads. The snow was still falling hard. It had snowed more that season than normal. While Jonathon loved the snow, he wondered if that meant a long winter.
He pulled up to the gate at Brecker’s parking garage and looked at the instructions on the sign. After pressing in Brecker’s apartment number and hitting pound, he waited. A ringing sound came through then “Jonathon?”
“Yep,” Jonathon said, coughing to clear his throat. “It’s me.”
“Come on in. Park in the same area you did before.”
The gates opened and he drove inside, traversing the two levels needed and sliding into one of the guest spots. He grabbed the bag and headed to the elevators. One of them was already open. “I guess Brecker must have sent it down here.” It was amazing what technology could do.
When the elevator stopped, he got out and Brecker’s door was cracked open. He pushed it open a little. “Brecker?”
“Come on in,” Brecker called from somewhere in the apartment. He stepped inside and closed the door. As he stepped into the living space, he saw Brecker was on the phone. Jonathon held up the bag and walked into the kitchen to get everything out.
When he opened it up, he had to stare at what lay inside for several seconds before he started to laugh. He’d expected small finger foods, which there were, but there were also the makings for pizza. The dough was fresh and he pulled out a small jar of Rolf’s homemade sauce, a bag of cheese, and another bag which held a conglomeration of ingredients.
“Sorry about that.” Brecker walked into the kitchen and smiled. Then he looked down at what Jonathon had sat on the counter. “Pizza? Yum.”
“Rolf has outdone himself. I figured he just sent finger foods.”
Brecker preheated the oven and handed him a pizza peel. After Jonathon got all the ingredients on top of the pizza, Brecker put it in the oven and they looked at the other wonders Rolf included.
“Caramel corn?” Brecker tossed a bite in his mouth. “I haven’t had this in years. Man, it’s good.”
“Rolf had the kids making it today.” Jonathon shook his head in amusement. “And he cut up cheese to put on crackers. It looks like we’re having a multitude of food stuffs tonight.”
“I’m game. Speaking of which. I’m going to turn on the game.” Brecker grabbed the platter of foods they’d set out. “Want to grab some sodas from the fridge?”
The game was in the second quarter when they tuned in. “I gotta say,” Brecker said when he grabbed some more caramel corn. “I was stuffed to the gills last night.” Jonathon choked on a laugh. “I’m not kidding. Siobhan said the same. Rolf had quite the spread. And I had to have a piece of each pie.”
“Oh, I love his pecan pie,” Jonathon agreed. “I’m so lucky he wanted to be in on the shelter. Of course, his cooking skills were wasted up until that point. He was a PI.”
“You mentioned something about that before,” Brecker said. “I can see it. Rolf’s one tough SOB when he wants to be.”
“He can be. But as you’ve seen, under that tough as nails exterior is a kind heart. He’d do anything for the people he cares about.” And that now included Brecker. “So what did you do with the paper turkey?” he asked when he couldn’t think of anything else to say.
“Over there.” Brecker pointed over to a small bookshelf. Aiden’s turkey sat on the top shelf in the corner watching them. “You told me the kid made it for me. So I couldn’t allow it to just be tossed. Besides. It’s kind of cute.”
Jonathon smiled. Brecker was all heart. He truly was. And he was right. The turkey Aiden made for him was cute. Aiden pulled out all the stops in making sure every piece was the correct size and he’d had fun mixing colors for it. It was a very bright turkey.
When the oven buzzer went off, they got the pizza out and after Brecker cut it into pieces, took it back into the living room. “Oh man,” Brecker moaned as he took a bite. “This has to be the best pizza I’ve ever had.”
Jonathon nodded as he ate. “I know. There’s something about the sauce. It’s the same sauce he uses for spaghetti. I always want to lick the pot clean.”
Brecker choked on a laugh and took another bite.
The pizza was almost gone when Jonathon became aware of how close they were seated on the sofa. Brecker sat in the center of his cushion but Jonathon sat towards the middle of the sofa to stay close to the pizza. Unfortunately that put them very near one another. Whenever Brecker moved, his arm would brush by Jonathon’s, sending goosebumps down his spine.
He had no clu
e what was going on with the game and he tried to focus on mundane things to try to not have a physical reaction. When that didn’t work, he tried mental prayers. But it was hard to focus with Brecker’s movements. It became more and more difficult as time wore on. Finally he had to use an age-old excuse. “Where’s your bathroom?”
Once locked inside the nicest bathroom he’d ever been in, he leaned his hands on the countertop and took a few deep breaths. You can do this, Jonathon. He’s just a guy. A friend. Someone who has helped the shelter incredibly. Just because he’s gorgeous and sweet and, well, hot does not mean you have to lose all sense of decorum.
His body disagreed on that last part. Though it definitely agreed that Brecker was hot. However, Jonathon was a master of his own reactions. With Brecker not next to him, he was able to mentally relax and focus until his body was in a completely relaxed state. Once he was calm, he used the toilet, washed his hands, and patted his cheeks down with cold water.
When he went back to the living room, he sat further away.
“You okay?” Brecker asked after a moment and Jonathon turned to him in confusion. “You’re sweating. Is it too hot in here? I can open a window. With being up so high, I never have to have the heat on. I get all the residual heat from the floors below.”
“I splashed my face,” Jonathon said, hoping his cheeks weren’t turning the fire engine red that would reflect the heat he felt. “But a little fresh air would be nice.”
A large set of floor to ceiling windows ran along one wall. Two large ones would have opened inward and possibly let the snow in. But Brecker opened a bottom one out and cool air quickly flowed into the room without allowing the snow inside as well. “That’s better.”
Brecker looked over and smiled. Jonathon’s heart sped up as he looked at him. He’d never felt anything like this. Ever. What he’d felt for Paul had been passionate and fun and all the emotions of a young man. The reactions he had to Brecker were much more intense. Fuller, with more depth than he imagined existed. Mature emotions that hit him at a level he’d never realized were there. Brecker was handsome and stunning physically, but it was the inner man that pulled at Jonathon like a magnet. He had lived and experienced and rose above much of his youth. And yet he never denied it. Instead, he embraced that as part of who he was.
