by Bree Cariad
A concerned expression crossed her face and she stepped in and closed the door behind her. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah.” No. “Everything’s fine. It’s the holidays.” Her expression turned compassionate, which was worse. The holidays were never his favorite times of the year as a rule. Everyone hung out with family. Except for him since he didn’t have one. Sure he was invited to a dozen or so holiday parties by friends and he invariably went because they were thrown by very good contacts that he wanted to keep in his back pocket. That didn’t mean he ever found the month between Thanksgiving and Christmas enjoyable.
It was normally something he lived through so he could start the next year fresh.
This year was… different. It was almost impossible to explain. There was still the omnipresent cloud of “Bah humbug” that he could almost see from a distance. But he felt odd. Almost hopeful. He had no idea what to do with that. Everyone who grew up on the streets knew that hope was a dangerous emotion. And yet it was there.
He had no idea why.
“At least it hasn’t snowed in a week,” he said.
Her expression turned wry for a moment, letting him know she knew he had changed the subject.
Amusement crossed her face. “Yes. Jonathon shouldn’t have any trouble getting there tonight. If he doesn’t show up, I’m sending someone to pick him up.”
He snorted a soft laugh. All week, Jonathon had been waffling about being there. Calling Siobhan several times a day to find a way out of it. It had nothing to do with being the center of attention. Brecker got that. Jonathon was worried someone would take one of his kids while he was away again.
“I sent him a text, reminding him to have them lock the gate once he left,” he said.
She smirked. “I went one better. Your driver tonight won’t be Gavin.” Before he could react, she said, “He’s guarding the shelter tonight.”
A slow smile spread across his face. “Remind me never to mess with you. Anyone tries to poach one of those kids is going to end up with one huge headache.”
“Too true. Now stop dawdling. If I don’t get you out of here now, you’ll forget the time and be running late. So come on. Get. Get.” She made a shooing motion.
“You’re getting all this in before you’re no longer my secretary,” he groused good-naturedly. “Come January 2, you’ll be neck deep in your new job.”
“Oh don’t worry,” she said as she herded him out the door, shoving his jacket and briefcase at him as he walked by. “I’ll be sure and boss you around at least once a week. At least until my replacement learns to.”
The line of people who wanted that job was extensive. Brecker knew they had over two hundred applications for the job, but Siobhan was doing all the preliminary weeding out and interviewing before she would set up the top few candidates with him. Better her than him. At the same time, he could hardly wait to see what she made of her new position.
Vice President was her new title. He’d enjoyed watching the shock on her face when James handed her the contract to go over. That the job came with shares in his company had floored her even more. It also seemed to push her further into finding him just the right assistant. From what little he’d garnered from her, there had been applications from as far away as Florida and many with qualifications that more than fit the job.
“But that doesn’t matter,” she’d said a few days before. “I wasn’t exactly what you’d called qualified when you hired me. But I wanted the job and knew I could do it better than anyone else.”
She’d convinced him of that the day she walked in for an interview. His gut was rarely wrong. And not wrong in recent memory. Siobhan was one of the best investments he’d ever made.
Gavin drove him home before he left for the shelter. Brecker walked into his apartment and it felt empty. The same empty it had felt since Sunday. While he wanted to blame it on the holiday blues, he knew that wasn’t totally the problem. Having Jonathon and Aiden in his place for just a few hours had filled it with their sweet spirits. They lingered like a memory, reminding him of what he did not have. A spouse. A child. A family.
A small ache in his chest made him shudder. “I thought I put this behind me,” he muttered as he stripped out of his work clothes and walked into the shower. And yet it lingered.
He walked into the kitchen to make coffee and jerked when he thought he saw Jonathon out of the corner of his eye only to realize it was just a cupboard. He sat down on the sofa to watch the news and could remember the relief in Aiden’s face when he could let go.
The strongest memory hit him as he exited his apartment. He opened the door and remembered how it had felt to have Aiden run to him and throw his arms around him as if he, Court Brecker, was the one person Aiden wanted to see in the world. As if he could make all the monsters go away.
While he rode down in the elevator, the conversation with Judge Highland from Saturday night came back to him.
“Why are you here, Brecker?” she’d asked, her kind eyes unerringly shrewd. “You usually don’t get personally involved in something like this.”
That was true on all levels. He shrugged. “Jonathon’s a friend of mine and Aiden, well… I found him on the streets and took him to the shelter. I guess I kind of feel invested in his life.”
A slow smile crossed her face. “You know. You have a lot to offer as a foster or adopted father. Ever considered it?” He was too startled to reply. “You’re compassionate, firm, you’ve more than got the money to take care of a kid or two, and once you decide to do something, you do it right.”
“I don’t think I’m father material.”
She laughed softly. “You don’t see yourself very clearly. To that boy over there, you’re his hero. It’s more than about what happened today. He mentioned you in his interview with Caryn several times.” He glanced over his shoulder to find Aiden staring at him. Such trust in those blue eyes. For a moment, he felt too full to speak. As though love he’d only felt once filled him up. “Think about it,” Highland went on. “I think you have a lot to offer.”
“A lot to offer,” he whispered under his breath as he exited the elevator and walked to his car. He didn’t see how he had anything to offer anyone, let alone a sweet kid like Aiden. He was better off at Jonathon’s with a father figure who would always be there for him. Jonathon’s work completely revolved around Aiden and the others. He would never get so caught up that he forgot the kid was even there.
Brecker screwed up once with Lisa and that made him choose never to hurt someone again in the same way. He would never want to hurt Aiden. To see pain in those eyes and to know he put it there would be… well, it would be worse than being in purgatory. Of that he was sure.
The parking below the conference center wasn’t full yet so he found a spot and headed up to the ballrooms their event was in. As he walked in, he shook his head in awe at what Siobhan pulled together. Large posters of the speakers were at the doorway and there were chairs and tables everywhere. The place was going to be packed.
On the opposite side of the room, he spotted Siobhan talking with several people he knew well. Before he could walk her way, the hobnobbing began. Brecker knew some of the people who were there, but there was a wealth of audience he hadn’t met. In no time, he collected business cards from some very influential people and was impressed with his new vice president’s thinking. He would have worked just to fill the seats. She went after the right people to fill those seats. They had political operatives, leaders of local political parties, and LGBT activists, many of them with deep pockets or ways to get into others’ deep pockets.
He had the feeling Jonathon wouldn’t have to worry too much about future funding. At least not for a while. Speaking of…. He spotted Jonathon standing next to one of the many people he did not recognize. They seemed to be having a nice discussion. Jonathon looked up, caught his eye, and smiled. Figuring that was as good an invitation as he could ask for, he walked up to them.
“Brecker,�
�� Jonathon said with ease, “Have you met Michael Peron? He’s involved with Broadway and is an LGBT activist. I’ve been telling him about the shelter. Michael, Brecker’s the one who made sure the shelter got off the ground and has made sure we stayed afloat since. Even tonight,” he added with a huge smile, “is all on behalf of him and his assistant, Siobhan Stadtler.”
Michael stuck out his hand and smiled. “It’s nice to meet you, Brecker. You’ve done some good in this community.”
“I’m just doing what’s right.” While he could take praise on his business or successes, he always felt a little uncomfortable when people gave him compliments over his humanitarian endeavors.
“I wish more people would do what’s right,” Michael said, a wry smile on his face. “Then none of those kids would have been denied love in the first place.”
Siobhan stepped up next to them. “Do you gentlemen mind if I steal Jonathon for a moment? There are a ton of people who would like to talk with him.”
Once Jonathon left, Michael looked after him for a moment and then turned back to Brecker. “Are you two….” He looked between Brecker and Jonathon but Brecker felt clueless.
“Are we what?”
“Boyfriends.”
“Oh. No. We’re good friends.” Jonathon was his best friend, if Brecker thought about it. He just hadn’t realized it until that moment.
Michael turned another wry smile on him. “Good friends? Brecker, I’m gay. You don’t have to hide anything from me.”
Heat flooded his cheeks and Brecker remembered his and Jonathon’s teasing back when they ended up at The Club about what people would think. “Really,” he said with a chuckle. “He’s my best friend. Nothing more.” Those words felt like chalk on his tongue and he grasped a glass of water from a nearby waiter and took a sip. He definitely needed to stay hydrated.
“Is he seeing anyone?”
“Jonathon? I know Rolf tries to get him out, but he’s so busy with the shelter, he barely has time to come watch a game. So no. He’s not dating anyone.”
“Good to know.” Michael took a sip of his drink and turned to watch Jonathon who was chatting with a few ladies.
Quite suddenly, Brecker wanted to knock the champagne flute from his hands. And he had absolutely no idea why.
“Ladies and gentlemen.” Siobhan’s voice spoke calmly through the loudspeakers. “If you can take your seats. We’ll get started.”
Jonathon, Brecker, and several others, including Michael Peron, joined Siobhan up at a long table in the front of the room and sat down. Brecker couldn’t help but notice that while Jonathon sat down next to him, Michael took the seat on the other side. He wished he knew why that bothered him. Maybe it was the fact Michael was from New York. If he and Jonathon developed something, would Jonathon leave? A shock went up his spine and it was only through years of not showing emotion that he did not outwardly react. Jonathon leave? The shelter would fold without Jonathon. He was the driving force.
To hell with Michael Peron. No matter how nice he was.
“Thank you for coming,” Siobhan continued when most everyone took a seat. She spoke for several minutes about the Paul D. Regelo Center for LGBT Youth and the amazing youth who now made their homes there. “You will get to know Reverend Jonathon Neiland a little later as after our speakers, he has graciously offered to answer your questions. But for now, let me introduce you to our first speaker, Michael Peron.”
He was a speaker? Great. Just great.
Her intro was almost ten minutes long, listing a tremendous amount of endeavors Michael had done in his time as an actor, producer, and activist, as waiters delivered their first course. By the time he got up to speak, Brecker was beginning to wonder if he was having some out of body experience. Jonathon looked impressed by the litany of accomplishments Michael had produced. Brecker was thrilled when their next course was delivered and he could focus on it.
What was going on with him? He was acting like some middle schooler with a—
The world froze and he glanced around to see if anyone else noticed. They were all staring up at Michael as he spoke about… something. All Brecker noticed was his beating heart and the fact he had a crush. On Jonathon.
No. Not a crush. Surely it was something else. Jonathon was a guy, for one thing. He’d never been attracted to men. So it wasn’t a crush. It was a… something. He just didn’t know what that something was. And that was going to drive him crazy.
He’d heard of the term bromance before. Was that what this was? Just two guys who got along well, loved one another like brothers. That was it. It had to be. His shoulders relaxed a little. That was it. Jonathon was the closest friend he had that was not based in business and he’d suffered from momentary panic that he would leave the area if Michael crooked his finger. It was laughable. Jonathon was attached to his shelter. He would never leave. No matter how good looking and rich Michael I’m-too-sexy-for-my-smile Peron was.
He let out a slow breath, clapped when everyone else did, and sat back in his chair.
Perhaps Lisa was right. I need to start dating if I begin to think I’ve got a crush on my best friend.
Each speaker spoke for an hour, and after giving up whatever that rush of panic was about, Brecker could feel the urgency they put into their talks. They revved up the audience, all who had paid $1500 per ticket to be there. No doubt by the end of the night, some very large checks would be written. He glanced at Jonathon who was listening avidly to the last speaker while Michael was leaning back in his chair to where his shoulder brushed Jonathon’s. Brecker wanted to push him away.
I’m not jealous. Jonathon is not a love interest. He’s just my best friend. I’m looking out for his best interests. And they don’t belong with Peron.
He was glad when Siobhan finally invited Jonathon up to the podium to speak and answer questions.
“We currently have thirty-seven youth at the shelter, though we can house up to a hundred if needed with a few changes,” Jonathon said in answer to a question. “Now that the shelter is going, our biggest issues have been with money—and due to tonight’s event, we’ll be able to start getting things done that have been on the backburner—and finding the kids out there that need the shelter. I’ve tried putting up posters in town, but they invariably get taken down or painted over. Wonderful people like Court Brecker—he’s the gorgeous guy sitting at the end of the table to my right—are looking for them. He already found an amazing kid who was trying to survive on the streets and brought him to us. Aiden is now thriving after having been at the shelter for almost three months.”
Did Jonathon just call him gorgeous? Brecker’s cheeks heated up as several people glanced at him and smiled. Michael glanced over at him and cocked an eyebrow. Mentally he groaned. After tonight, his name and Jonathon’s were about to be mentioned together more often. He doubted Jonathon even realized what he’d said.
“No,” Jonathon said to another question Brecker hadn’t been listening to. “The shelter was set up as a home. To me, my kids belong there and have a home with us as long as they want it. It isn’t an orphanage. But that doesn’t mean if the right parent and child met and clicked, that I wouldn’t be more than willing to discuss adoption. I won’t foster my kids out. They’re my kids. I love each and every one of them. But I also know that being one of thirty-seven or more doesn’t give them as much one-on-one time with me as I or they would like. So under those circumstances, yes. If someone I trusted developed a parent-child relationship with one of my kids, I would consider allowing them to adopt.”
Adoption. Brecker reflected once again on Judge Highland’s words. He wished he could give something back. That he could support a child like that. But there was no way. None. He just wasn’t that kind of person.
Then why did he wish he was?
After Jonathon was done, it still took almost two hours to get the room cleared out. Brecker talked to people who were waiting to talk with Jonathon and Siobhan did the same. By the time the las
t person left—he couldn’t help but notice that individual was Michael and that he handed Jonathon a business card—Jonathon looked like he could collapse. But he was grinning all the same.
“I think it was a success,” he said as they left the ballroom so that the employees could finally clean up.
“Oh I know it was,” Siobhan said with a grin. “Does your pocket feel full?”
Jonathon snorted. “I’m terrified. In my pocket, there are so many checks—not just the humongous event check you gave me—but checks from others. I’m glad the bank is open tomorrow. I want to get them deposited as soon as possible.”
The three of them chatted as they made their way down to the garage. Brecker made sure both Jonathon and Siobhan drove off safely before leaving the garage.
When he walked into his apartment a few minutes later, he pulled off his tux and laid it aside to have it sent to the dry cleaners on Monday. Then he went into his bedroom and got ready for bed. His phone buzzed and he looked down to see that Siobhan had arrived at her place safely. He’d asked both her and Jonathon to let him know when they got home. That way he didn’t have to worry about it.
So it was almost twenty minutes of staring up at his darkened ceiling before he got the text that allowed him to relax.
Jonathon: I’m home. I think the kids have fallen in love with Gavin. They didn’t want him to go. And don’t tell him I told you, but I think Rolf’s interested in him. Is Gavin gay or flexible?
Brecker: No idea.
Jonathon: Ah well. At least it gives him a big hunky man to dream of tonight. I’ve got millions of little old men on dollar bills to dream of.
Jonathon: Okay, that sounded better in my head.
Brecker chuckled, imagining the expression on his face.
Jonathon: Good night, Brecker.
Brecker: Good night, Jon Boy.
Jonathon: Jon Boy? I’m getting you for that.
