Bridget’s experiences were part of the reason trust was difficult for me. The man who got her pregnant left before Abby was born. I would never be able to do that to someone, nor would I abandon my child. It was the other side of that equation that worried me most. What if I did fall for someone and we were blessed with a child? What if she was the one who left before the baby was born? I would fight until my dying breath if that happened. I would never let my child grow up without a father.
I don’t know what I would do if someone tried to take that away from me…
* * *
The next morning
“Okay, I have to go to work.” I picked up my car keys and looked back at Abby, who was plowing through a bowl of cereal.
“You won’t be here when I get home from school will you?” She stopped eating and stirred her milk aimlessly.
“No, but after today, I’ll be here for two days straight!” I tried to put some enthusiasm in my voice, like I normally did when she got upset about my schedule.
“Yeah…” She nodded. “But I might have homework today.”
“We made sure everything was done for the rest of the week.” I narrowed my eyes at her. “Right?”
“The teacher could assign something…” She stirred her milk a few more times.
“I’ll help you if that happens.” Bridget walked into the living room, still trying to get an earring in her right ear. “Hurry up and finish your cereal or you’re going to miss the bus.”
“I’m done.” Abby put down her spoon and reached for her book bag. “Bye…”
“No hug?” I extended my arms as she walked past.
“Okay.” She gave me a quick hug and walked out the front the door.
“She gets so upset when you’re not here.” Bridget shook her head back and forth after Abby was gone.
“She won’t care in a few years.” I chuckled under my breath. “I guess we should cherish it while she’s still young.”
I watched until Abby got on the bus and then said goodbye to Bridget before leaving for work. I was running a few minutes late, but I still wanted to drop off the letter. I pulled up outside the agency and stared at the envelope for a few seconds before walking up to the front door. The agency was closed, but there was a mail slot on the front door. I took a deep breath and pushed it through the slot. I hesitated for a moment, then finally let it go.
No turning back now.
Later that day
“You got a response!” Lola walked into our apartment and waved an envelope.
“Did you get one?” I tilted my head to the side inquisitively.
“Nope—I guess my guy is taking more time to put his thoughts into words.” She shrugged and tossed the letter down in front of me. “Read it out loud!”
“Uh, no.” I picked up the envelope. “I don’t think I want to share it until I’ve had a chance to read it myself.”
“Fine.” Lola sat down and pouted.
I took the envelope back to my bedroom and closed the door. I was nervous to open it—I really didn’t think he would actually write me back. I sat down on the edge of my bed and stared at my name on the front. His handwriting wasn’t eloquent. It was actually more like a series of rough scratches with a pen. I traced the letters and slung my legs around so I could stretch out.
Perhaps he’s just being courteous and letting me know he isn’t interested with a letter instead of completely ignoring me.
I finally gave in and tore the envelope open. It was a plain piece of paper—nothing special about the stationary. I unfolded it slowly and saw that the words on the page were similar to the ones on the outside—just rough scratches that looked like they were written quickly. The words might have been quick, but they were unbelievably impactful. I read the letter once, then stopped to read through it again, going slower as I processed the words.
Wow, he seems really different than the guys I’ve dated in the past. There’s no—gray area or confusion. He believes that love actually means something, and it’s meant to last. I wasn’t expecting that…
I kept reading over his words, and they brought a smile to my face each time I finished the letter. What he said about love might as well have been an eloquent way of saying what had always been in my heart. If I didn’t truly believe in love, it wouldn’t have bothered me so much when I saw it fall apart. I was clearly jaded, but his letter touched on that small shred of hope that my heart never completely let go of. Love wasn’t easy, but so many people threw it away when it got complicated. I had always seen the worst case scenarios—but perhaps—perhaps there was a chance my future could be different.
* * *
“Are you going to read me your letter?” Lola looked up at me as I walked back into the living room.
“I don’t think I should read it out loud—it’s kind of personal.” I sat down across from her.
“Wow.” She blinked in surprise. “So, did this mysterious firefighter found a way to melt the ice around your heart?”
“He gave me something to think about.” I nodded quickly. “I’m not there yet, but I feel like he understands my perspective.”
“Then you’re not mad at me for dragging you down to the matchmaking agency?” She grinned and sat up.
“I’m coming around.” I couldn’t suppress the smile that formed on the edge of my lips. “Cain is—well, he’s interesting.”
“Well give me something…” She narrowed her eyes. “Come on, Chloe—I need to live vicariously through your letter until I get mine!”
“He’s not just a firefighter, he’s also a former Navy Seal.” My eyes practically sparkled when I spoke—they hadn’t done that when talking about a guy since I was a dreamy eyed girl in middle school. “He has a niece who signed him up for What the Heart Wants—without his knowledge.”
“Maybe I should have done that instead of begging you until you finally caved in!” Lola leaned forward. “So how old is he?”
“Thirty-five.” My face twisted into a slight grimace. “He’s—definitely a little older than I expected.”
“That’s not too bad.” She shrugged. “I dated an older guy once—you remember Grant, the sexy guy with the British accent. He was amazing.”
“Yeah, but it didn’t last long…” I sighed and looked down at the letter.
“That was my fault, not his. He was everything I could have hoped for—just not when we started dating. His life was in a different place than mine was. He was ready to settle down, and I was still figuring things out.”
“What ever happened to him?” I raised my eyebrows inquisitively. “Maybe you should call him up now that you’re looking for something serious.”
“Too late.” She shook her head back and forth. “He’s married now—and his wife is expecting.”
“Damn…” I grimaced but nodded in understanding.
“If I met a guy like him now? Fuck… Huge regret, for sure.” She turned on the couch and laid back down.
“I’m sure the guy you got matched up with is going to be even better than Grant.” I tried to put some reassurance in my tone.
“I hope so.” She nodded and sighed. “But until I get a response to my letter, I’m going to lay here and think about everything he might not like about me.”
“Your phone is buzzing.” I motioned to the table in front of me.
“Probably work—wanting me to come in on my day off.” Lola sat up and grabbed her phone. “No! It’s Grace! I have a letter!”
“Yay!” A huge smile spread across my face.
“I’m going to get it.” She stood immediately. “Want to come with me?”
“No, I think I’m going to work on my response to Cain.” I pulled the letter out of the envelope.
“Okay, I’ll be back soon!” Lola grabbed her jacket and rushed towards the door.
I walked back to my bedroom after Lola was gone. I wasn’t sure what I was going to say in my next letter to Cain, but he gave me a lot to think about. I wanted to know mor
e about him, and I figured it would be safe to share a few more details about myself. He didn’t throw my first letter in the garbage after seeing how much of a basket case I was, so that was fairly promising. The fact that he understood my perspective and had his own lingering concerns about love was actually a good sign. A man like that might truly value a relationship and fight to keep it. Maybe that kind of devotion would make me do the same.
Dear Cain,
Thank you for responding to my letter. I really wasn’t sure if you would. Your take on relationships is actually rather refreshing. I’m not used to meeting guys that understand how complicated they can be. I think I’ve just let myself believe there was nobody like that out there, so your perspective was unexpected.
My belief in that fairy tale ending you mentioned was shattered when I was ten years old, at my birthday party, if you can believe that. My father found out that my mother was having an affair and completely lost it. He showed up late to my birthday party, right after I blew out my candles. By the time the smoke from those ten candles dissipated, my cake was on the floor and my parents were screaming at each other in front of everyone. My mother accused him of working too much, neglecting her, and said it was his fault that she sought comfort elsewhere. The man she cheated on him with was at my party too—with his daughter. That poor girl had to watch her father get punched in the face several times before they were able to pull my Dad off him. Someone called the cops and my father was arrested while my mother cried in another man’s arms—a man that became my new stepfather as soon as the ink was dry on the divorce papers. The pattern repeated itself a few years later when my mother found out that her new husband was cheating on her… Screwed up, right?
My father never really recovered from his broken heart. He turned to alcohol and drugs, married a woman that had similar vices, and their lives revolve around their self-destructive habits. I love him, but there’s nothing left of the man I once considered my hero.
So yeah, that’s my screwed up life. I’ve always been hesitant and distrusting of guys I dated because of the experiences I had when I was younger. Every time I get close to trusting someone, I find out that my initial instincts were correct. Trusting someone will be difficult, but maybe I’m ready to try…
I’d love to hear more about you, whenever you have a chance to write me back.
-Chloe
If my first letter didn’t send Cain running, my second one might just do the trick. I had never shared all of the details of what happened at my birthday party with anyone, even Lola. She knew that there was a fight, and that my relationship with both of my parents was strained, but I never told her the whole story. The people that were in attendance remembered, but the story had been twisted and embellished as it was retold by people at school. Being able to leave the town I grew up in behind and start over once I got to college had finally let me put it firmly in the past. Still, it shaped me into the person I was, and I wanted Cain to understand why my trust issues had left scars on my heart.
* * *
“So…” I walked into the living room as soon as I heard Lola open the front door. “You got your letter?”
“Yes.” She nodded and a huge grin spread across her face. “I couldn’t wait until I got back. I read it as soon as I got to my car.”
“Ah, that explains why you’ve been gone so long.” I chuckled under my breath. “I’m guessing by your smile that it was a good letter?”
“Yes.” She clutched the envelope close to her chest. “He’s amazing.”
“Are you going to read it out loud like you asked me to do?” I raised an eyebrow inquisitively.
“No.” She shook her head back and forth. “You were right—these letters are personal. It’s probably best if we don’t share them—but, his name is Adam and he’s a doctor!”
“A doctor?” My eyes opened wide. “I thought Grace matched you up with a guy who was still in school?”
“Well, he’s doing his residency, so I guess he’s kind of a student?” She shrugged. “Either way, his letter was so sweet. I can’t wait to actually meet him!”
“You’ve got to write a couple more letters before that happens, right?” I chuckled under my breath. “Maybe you should get started on your next one.”
“Did you finish the one you were working on?” She looked at the envelope in my hand.
“Yep. I can drop them off tomorrow while you’re at work if you want.” I put my letter down on the counter.
“Perfect! I’m going to go write mine now.” She grinned and scurried towards her bedroom.
If things don’t work out with Cain, at least the trip to the matchmaking service won’t be a complete bust. Lola definitely deserves someone that can make her happy.
The next day
I was dead on my feet when I walked through the front door of the house and already looking forward to spending the day in bed. I tried to get some sleep the night before when things got quiet at the fire department, but we got a call less than an hour after I closed my eyes. The short nap didn’t do more than piss me off and make it impossible to fall asleep when I got back to the station after the call was done. I had hit the exhaustion point again though, so it was definitely time to close the blinds and get as much sleep as possible.
“Good morning, Uncle Cain!” Abby looked up from her bowl of cereal with a huge smile on her face.
“Morning…” I grumbled under my breath but tried to put a smile on my face for her. “Already forgiven me for not being here when you got home from school yesterday?”
“Yep!” She nodded quickly. “Especially since I know you’ll be here for the next two days!”
“I will.” I walked over and sat down at the table. “I guess you didn’t have any homework that needed my attention?”
“Nope, but I got another assignment yesterday that has to be done before Monday.” She pushed her spoon into her cereal.
“Jeez, I don’t remember having this much homework when I was in third grade.” I shook my head back and forth in disbelief.
“Well, things have changed since the stone ages, Uncle Cain.” She grinned and took a bite of cereal.
“Ouch…” I chuckled.
“How are things working out with your girlfriend? Mom said you got a letter.” Abby took her last bite of cereal and left her spoon in the bowl.
“She’s not my girlfriend.” I narrowed my eyes at Bridget as she walked into the room. “You told her about the letter?”
“Sorry, she was asking a million questions last night and you weren’t here to answer them.” Bridget shrugged and walked over to pour a cup of coffee.
“I set this whole thing up! I have a right to know!” Abby folded her arms across her chest. “I hope you wrote her back.”
“I did.” I nodded in confirmation.
“When do I get to meet her?” Abby’s grin widened.
“We’ll be exchanging a few letters before we decide to actually meet—if we do.” I sighed and shook my head. “Don’t get your hopes up. These things don’t always work out the way you’re hoping.”
“Abby, get your stuff. The bus is coming.” Bridget ran over to the door and pulled it open.
“See you tonight!” Abby hopped up, grabbed her book bag, and gave me a quick hug before running out the front door.
“Want some coffee or are you going to bed as soon as I leave for work?” Bridget closed the door and walked over to the table.
“No, I’m definitely going to bed.” I nodded quickly and started to stand.
I said goodbye to Bridget once she finished her coffee and made sure the front door was locked before heading to my bedroom. It felt like I had just closed my eyes when my phone buzzed and woke me up. I was ready to tear a telemarketer a new asshole, until I saw that it was the number for Grace’s matchmaking agency.
“Hello?” I pressed the phone to my ear.
“Good morning, Mr. Stevenson!” Grace’s cheerful tone echoed in my ear.
“It’s
still morning, huh?” I looked at the clock and grumbled under my breath.
Fuck, I barely got four hours of sleep. I guess that’s better than the nap I got at the station.
“Yep!” Her tone seemed to get more cheerful if that was even possible. “I just wanted to let you know that I have a letter here waiting—from a certain someone named Chloe.”
“Oh?” I sat up and rubbed my eyes. “That was fast.”
“Eagerness is a good sign!” She laughed and I could hear her chair squeak as she shifted in it. “Will you be able to come by and pick it up today?”
“Yeah, I guess I’ll head your way in a little bit.” I sighed but tilted the phone so she wouldn’t hear it.
“Awesome! I’ll see you then!” I heard the phone click and dropped mine on the table beside the bed.
I guess I might as well get a shower.
I didn’t really need a shower since I took one at the station after our last call, but I was really groggy with only four hours of sleep. Unfortunately, I knew my body—I would just stare at the ceiling if I tried to sleep again. I took a shower, made a sandwich, and drank some leftover coffee before leaving to go pick up Chloe’s letter. Even if I could have gone back to sleep, my curiosity would have compelled me to go pick it up. Luckily, traffic wasn’t that bad since the morning rush hour was over, so I made it to the matchmaking agency fairly quick.
“Good morning—again.” Grace smiled when I stepped through the door. “Oh, well I guess it’s technically past noon.”
“Yeah…” I nodded and forced a smile.
“Should I expect another letter from you soon?” Grace handed me an envelope that was identical to the first one I got from Chloe, except it had my name on it instead of Mr. Firefighter.
“Probably, unless this is one is her telling me that she hated my first letter and doesn’t want to talk to me again.” I chuckled and tucked the letter into my jacket.
Dear Mr. Firefighter: The Match Maker Series Page 4
