by Renee Porter
“Did you talk to Dan?” Jonathan asked, rubbing his eyes. She could tell that he was still a little drunk and she stiffened at the question.
“Yes.”
“And?” Charlie shook her head and Jonathan rolled his eyes. She could feel Ryan looking between the two and she breathed out loudly, offering Ryan an explanation.
“I went to my manager today to let him know that I wanted to come out publicly.” Charlie felt Ryan pull her closer in a comforting embrace.
“It’s your life, Charlotte, you don’t have to do what he says,” Jonathan said.
“Jon,” Ryan said with a stern voice, telling him not to go there. This was something that Charlie had to do when she felt was right, and if she had decided with her manager that it wasn’t so be it.
“It’s okay, Ryan. He’s right. I had every intention of telling him off but he brought up some good points.”
“Like what? You won’t get any more parts if you come out? That’s a load of shit and you know it.”
Charlie shook her head. “It’s not that. I don’t care if I never get another part in my life. It’s the other things that come with it.” Ryan stiffened but Charlie continued. “If I come out then we’re not going to have any more privacy. It’s something that you’ve tried so hard to get away from.” Charlie looked up at Ryan who gave her an understanding smile.
“I told you, Charlie. I don’t want you to have to worry about me. I’m not going anywhere. If this is something you want to do I’ll support it.” Charlie’s heart pounded as a look washed over Ryan’s face. She couldn’t place it, that softness in her eyes that was explaining something to Charlie without words. She wished she could be in the brunette’s mind at that moment to know exactly what she was thinking. Charlie dug in deeper, holding the woman tighter as if she was ready to bolt. She believed Ryan’s words but she couldn’t help but wanting to protect her from that part of her life as well. She knew it would eventually happen, but she had the ability to control it a little.
“I know, and thank you. Maybe I just want this to ourselves for a little longer. Before they start talking about how I’m cheating on you with Ellen or something.”
“Pfft. If anything it wouldn’t be, Ellen. It would be Portia.” Jonathan said.
Charlie rolled her eyes as she turned her head towards Jonathan. “I wouldn’t cheat on Ryan even if Angelina left Brad and confessed her undying love for me.” Ryan’s hand ceased the soft rubbing on Charlie’s back as Jonathan placed a finger in his mouth, mimicking throwing up. Charlie smiled and looked up at Ryan, her brows raising at the goofy smile placed on the woman’s lips. Charlie shook her head as she chuckled, Ryan’s hand continuing their ministrations.
“That’s really sweet you know?” Ryan said softly. Charlie shrugged her shoulders.
“What can I say? You’re way hotter than Angelina.” Charlie chuckled as Ryan assaulted her after the tease, poking and tickling the woman until she begged her to stop. Charlie looked deep into Ryan’s eyes and both women smiled. After another half hour of talking, Charlie yawned and sat up stretching her arms. “I think I’m going to head to bed, I’m exhausted.” She placed a gentle kiss on Ryan’s lips, with Ryan the woman returning it just the same and then biting her own lip with a question on her tongue. Charlie smiled as she stood, walking to the stairs. She turned to Ryan, and called out. “You coming?”
Ryan quickly looked at Jonathan who shook his head, sighing heavily. She smiled and stood up quickly, following Charlie up the stairs to her room.
***
Hot breath drew across Ryan’s hip as a wet tongue traced the outline of strong muscle. Ryan’s body immediately reacted to the touch as her hip raised involuntarily to the electric pulse rushing to her center. She looked over at the clock, noting it was early in the morning and then her eyes raked down her naked form to Charlie nibbling the sensitive flesh below her belly button. Ryan groaned as another shockwave hit her and she knew she was already drenched with excitement.
“Mmm, good morning,” Charlie whispered as she continued her assault on the flesh beneath her mouth. Ryan opened her lips to whisper good morning but the words turned into a moan as Charlie’s tongue took one long lick at the inside of her thigh.
“Charlie,” she whispered with a deep breath. Charlie continued to lick up her girlfriend’s thigh, meeting in the middle. With a soft kiss to Ryan’s center, she felt the woman shudder and then moved away from the glistening lips and to the other thigh. “What are you doing to me?” Ryan asked with a raspy voice. Charlie looked up, her hands massaging the inner skin of Ryan’s thighs.
“Making you wet,” Charlie stated softly.
“Mission accomplished,” Ryan said with a sharp intake of breath. Charlie smiled as she spread Ryan’s legs wider, allowing her more access to tease. She settled herself in front of Ryan’s opened legs and took one long, languid lick up her center. Ryan’s hips drew up with her tongue and then whimpered when she felt Charlie pull away.
“What’s wrong?” Ryan’s breaths were coming in quicker and a rush of fluid flushed from her core as she looked into passion filled eyes. Without saying a word, Charlie lifted herself to her knees, taking Ryan’s left leg up with her. Ryan watched as the woman reached down herself, spreading her lips wide and then settling herself onto Ryan’s aching pussy. Ryan groaned loudly as she felt Charlie’s harden clit meet her own and she watched as Charlie started a slow, rhythmic grind on top of her.
The feeling was so arousing. So monumental. She felt Charlie growing wetter as their centers ground down into one another.
“Does this feel good, Ryan?” Charlie asked through heavy breaths. Ryan tore her eyes open, watching as Charlie slid across her. Ryan bit her lip hard as Charlie slowly ground down hard and the moan that escaped them both resounded in her ears.
“God, yes,” Ryan managed to say through the waves of pleasure. She reached out with her hands, taking Charlie’s hips in them, moving them with each gentle sway. She dared to look down where their flesh met and was even more aroused when she saw their lips kissing with glistening wetness. “This feels so…” Charlie licked her lips as she started to move faster. Breaths coming quicker as their fluids mixed together. Both women were so wet, so hard and with each thrust they both climbed to the state where they would tumble off together. And then, muscles tightened, blood flooded the hardened sensitive nerves and the women cried out as their orgasms over took them.
Charlie flopped down next to Ryan, breathing deeply. She looked over towards the brunette, taking in the flush of heated cheeks.
“That was amazing,” Charlie said, licking her lips.
“ That ha s no words to actually describe There are no words to describe it . It felt like your mouth only…”
“Want to do it again?”
Chapter 19
Ryan was a mess. Her hair was perfect, her eyes bright, gleaming with pride and love, but she was a mess. The last few weeks she managed to show Charlie how much she cared but she wanted to do more. She showed the woman her love through little things. Sending her flowers, setting up intimate evenings under the stars on her deck. Making soft, slow love that poured her feelings out with every touch. But each moment, every second that she was with Charlie she yearned to say the words. She had never once in her life felt the need to utter words that were held so tightly in her throat. She was almost afraid that they would spurt forward even at the most unsubstantial times. Like when Charlie is brushing her teeth, or even reading a script. She will just watch her, pretending to do work or reading herself, and she will open her mouth and then quickly shut it.
And then she would talk herself into it. She would imagine how and where she would tell Charlie how her feelings had grown into something that she had never felt before. And always in these fantasies Charlie would return the emotion and whisper “I love you, too” back to her. But then Ryan’s mind would turn it into something else. Charlie hesitantly looking at her and then laughing, telling her that she didn’t lo
ve her. Or worse, not saying anything at all but maybe a ‘thank you’. And that’s what held her back. Not knowing if Charlie loved her back. But Ryan knew she was stupid for thinking that Charlie could never love her back. She saw how much she cared for her but it was that nagging feeling. It was the ‘What if’. So Ryan steeled herself to keep those words down.
So she sat in the living room of Jonathan’s house as people bustled in and out the door. She stared at the television as it displayed a red carpet and countdown clock. Her heart raced as she remembered the countless parties that she had been to. The flashes of light, the fake plastered smiles. And then she thought of her father winning his first Oscar and a smile splayed on her face. He had dedicated it to her, his daughter who was only seven, ‘the light of his life’ he had said. And then her memory took her to when she had said those same words about him, when she accepted the Oscar for him in his passing. The tears threatening to spill. She had become an orphan at eighteen. Was she even allowed to say that?
And then, like a switch of a light, her mind brought her to Charlie and she imagined her winning, the camera panning to her beautiful blue eyes and brilliant smile. Her stomach fluttered and she realized that she had never wanted anything more, in that moment than to see Charlie win. Because she deserved it. With every ounce of her, Ryan knew that Charlie deserved everything in life. And she wanted to give that to her. A deep clearing of a throat jolted Ryan out of her inner musings and she looked up at a dashingly, dressed Jonathan. He smiled at her as he struck a pose and she chuckled at his display.
“You look, gorgeous darling.” Ryan stood as she walked closer to her best friend, smoothing out his tux jacket and fixing his bow tie.
“Yeah, I know. Nothing I can do about it,” he gave her a wide smile and she returned the gesture. “I’m sorry I’m stealing her away for the night. I know she really wanted you to be her date, instead of her cousin of course.” Ryan shook her head, waving off the apology.
“It’s fine. I would have liked to be there for her, but this is for the best right now. First her, then us.” Ryan repeated the mantra that she had come up with for her relationship with Charlie. She meant every word. She would have loved to be by Charlie’s side when she won her first Oscar, but she knew that there were some things that came with time. She wouldn’t worry herself about it. As long as Charlie came home to her, that was all she needed.
Jonathan gave Ryan a hug and swung her around. “You are too amazing, Ryan. You know that? In fact, if I was straight and you weren’t a lesbian, I think that we would be beautiful couple.” Ryan raised an eyebrow.
“And what makes you think I would go for someone like you?” Jonathan scoffed as he held a hand to his heart in mock pain.
“Are you hitting on my girlfriend?” Jonathan turned as he released a slow whistle. Ryan felt her knees go weak as she caught the first sight of Charlie. The long, black sequined gown fit her perfectly in every way. It showed off her long toned legs, the lines showing her beautiful curves and the dress dipping down to show an ample, but tasteful amount of cleavage. Her hair was pinned back but with dark brunette loose curls draping down her lithe shoulders. Her diamond earrings sparkled brilliantly but Ryan couldn’t help but think that her eyes were even brighter than the diamonds. She watched Charlie give her slow smile as she walked every bit of graceful over to her girlfriend. She placed a hand on her chin and closed the open mouth, placing the softest of kisses on Ryan’s lips.
“I take it you approve?” Charlie asked. Ryan swallowed as her eyes raked over Charlie’s body again.
“Oh yes. I approve. You look stunning.” Charlie took Ryan’s hand and squeezed it.
“I wish you were coming with me.” Charlie said. Ryan knew she had meant it as the woman placed her other hand on top of Charlie’s.
“I know. But it’s okay. You can show me your little gold man when you come home tonight.” Ryan smiled widely and Charlie shuddered a breath. She wanted to show Ryan she was calm and collected but Ryan knew her too well. She was nervous. Ryan watched as Jonathan walked away, ushering out the makeup artists. Ryan took her hand and placed it on Charlie’s cheek, careful not to mess up the perfection in front of her. “You’re going to be fine, Charlie. Even if you don’t win, which I know you will, but even if you don’t, you’ll have another chance. Just remember that.” Charlie smiled and she nodded, Jonathan yelling out to her that it was time to go.
Charlie took in another breath and then let it out. She hesitated for a moment, but then kissed Ryan lightly and took her leave. Ryan watched as the limo pulled out onto the street and she sighed. She should have told her. She should have said that no matter what happens, she still loved her with every breath. Ryan sighed as she closed and locked the door, heading back to the TV, knowing that in less than an hour the cameras will all be pointed at her beautiful girlfriend.
It wasn’t even ten minutes later that a knock on the door sounded. Ryan figured it might have been one of the artists who might have forgotten something, but was stunned to see Charlie waiting on the door step.
“Hey, I forgot my speech.” She walked by Ryan quickly and ran up the stairs. When she returned she found Ryan smiling and chuckling softly. “What?”
“You made a speech,” Ryan said as she gave her a wide grin.
“Yes, well. Someone very wise once told me that if you want something you have to envision it.”
“Mhm. This person does sound very wise.” Ryan teased back.
“Yes she is.” Charlie sidled up to Ryan and took her into a light embrace. “And she is very hot,” Charlie whispered in her ear with a smile. Ryan’s stomach rolled and her heart sped up. She pulled back looking into Charlie’s eyes, her breaths coming quick.
“And she’s very much in love with you.” Ryan watched as Charlie’s eyes widened, her mouth parting, her breath expelling.
“She is?” Ryan just nodded, the feeling of the freedom the words gave her washing over. And at that moment she realized that she didn’t need to hear anything back from Charlie, because it didn’t matter if she heard the words. What mattered is that she took the risk. When Charlie opened her mouth to speak Ryan put her finger up gently to her lips, stopping them.
“Please, don’t say anything, yet. Just worry about tonight, and come home to me, okay?” Charlie just nodded as her stunned face broke with a smile. She pecked Ryan on the lips one more time and Ryan watched her go. She sighed loudly as her nerves returned. “What did I just do?”
***
Jonathan watched his cousin chew on her bottom lip. Her eyebrows furrowing together, her breath quick and her gaze dazed. “Nervous?” Jonathan asked as his eyebrows raised. Charlie was knocked out of her thoughts as she looked at him.
“Hm?”
“Nervous about tonight?” He asked again. She let out a quivering chuckle and shook her head. She looked back out the window chewing her lip yet again.
“You know you need those lips for your acceptance speech. And to kiss your girlfriend.” He laughed as she looked at him yet again, her smile cracking.
“She loves me,” Charlie said as if astonished. Jonathan’s smile was wide and he internally screamed inside. She finally did it.
“Uh, duh. Charlie.” Jonathan tried to keep the woman’s nerves light but he could tell he wasn’t helping.
“She loves me, Jonathan.” She looked at him and he could tell that her eyes were starting to tear. He could only imagine her coming out of the car with mascara streaming down her face and he smiled at her sincerely.
“And you love her, Charlie. All is good and right in the world.”
“It’s not though. She loves me and I hide her. How is that alright?” Jonathan cocked an eyebrow up and he smirked.
“So what are you going to do about that?” Charlie chewed her bottom lip again as her smile finally cracked at his knowing grin. He grabbed her purse and took out her phone handing it to her. “Better call Dan, love. Tonight is going to be a doosey!”
***
>
Ryan’s nerves were on overdrive. The commercial finished and it was finally time to hear the winner for Best Actress. She looked at her phone, her texts from Jon letting her know that Charlie was okay. That she was nervous but fine. And then he told her not to miss it. She didn’t know why he thought that would ever happen.
As the previous year’s winner for Best Actor announced the nominees she nearly fell off the couch in anticipation. If she felt like this she could only imagine what Charlie was feeling.
“And the winner is…” One. Two. Three. “The envelope seems to be sticking…”
“Just rip it open!” Ryan shouted at the TV.
“Madeline Fields for Breakaway!” The crowd erupted with applause as the camera panned to Charlie, her smile wide and understanding as the voice over stated that this was Madeline Fields’ first nomination and win. Ryan’s heart thudded and tore at the thought that Charlie didn’t win. She wished she could be there at that moment for her, squeezing her hand and letting her know that this wouldn’t be the last time she had a chance of winning.
Charlie’s smile faltered when she was sure that the camera would no longer pan to her. She let out a deep breath as the tears threatened to fall from her eyes. She didn’t care that she hadn’t won, on the contrary, she was happy for Madeline, knowing that the woman had deserved the Oscar that she had just won. No, Charlie was dejected for another reason, knowing that tonight she had planned to stand on that stage and let the world know the true person behind the facade. Charlie felt a slight squeeze on her hand and looked over to Jonathan who held a soft, sorry smile on his face. She shook off his sympathy as her eyes now took in the winner for Best Actress.
“Wow,” Ma deline Fields ddie said as she finally reached the podium. She blew out a deep breath as she shook her head smiling. The crowd died down as she took a deep breath in. “First of all, I would like to thank the Academy…I think that’s how you start these things.” Charlie chuckled at the humor that held behind those green eyes. “I had a whole list of things I wanted to say and people to thank,” she held out a folded up paper in her hand, “but I figured everything is better coming from the heart.” She paused placing the paper down and facing the audience.
