by LK Chapman
In the end there was no need to justify herself. Her mum seemed to understand without any explanation, and said, ‘you’re still so hurt, aren’t you Gennie?’
Imogen nodded.
‘I do understand,’ her mum said. ‘I know you think I don’t, but I do. I know you think you’ve lost the love of your life, and that you don’t believe you could ever feel for anyone else what you felt for him. And I know why you’d think that. Jonny was one in a million. One in a million million.’
2008
Her mum and Jonny had always got on like a house on fire. They agreed on many things, and enjoyed heated debates when they didn’t. The two of them were both so fiery, and so sure of their views, that their exchange of opinions could practically make sparks fly. Two days before Imogen and Jonny got married he came round and sat with her and her mum at the kitchen table, helping to sort out some last minute wedding things.
They were working on the wedding favours, which were packets of wild flower seeds tied up with ribbon and with each guest’s name hand-written on a little label. This sort of formality wasn’t particularly in Jonny’s nature, but Imogen wanted all the little pretty details and he seemed quite happy to help make them.
‘So,’ Jonny said to her mum, ‘tell me again. I’m going to get some money, but I need to be wary…’
Her mum slapped Jonny good-naturedly on the wrist with a packet of seeds. Jonny had let her read him his horoscope earlier on and he wasn’t letting her hear the end of it.
‘It would be good if I knew where this money was going to come from,’ he said, ‘to make sure I get it.’
‘If you’re supposed to get it, you will get it,’ she said.
Jonny nodded slowly, his chin in his hand, his mouth twitching as he tried not to laugh. ‘Mm,’ he said.
Imogen went to the fridge, where there was some white wine. ‘Enough, you two,’ she said. She held up the bottle. ‘Less talking, and more working… and drinking.’
Later on, Imogen went to find some more ribbons from her room. When she came back downstairs, she could hear the low murmur of conversation. Jonny was unbelievably upfront about things, which her mum loved. He’d even been so daring as to talk with her mum about sex on more than one occasion, which she’d been shocked by. But then she’d realised, it wasn’t actually daring that had made him do it. To him sex was just another part of life, and as open for discussion as any other element of being in the world. When she’d questioned him about it he’d said, ‘your mum is a person, isn’t she? I wasn’t being dirty about it, I was just talking.’
When she drew close to the kitchen, she heard Jonny say the most extraordinary thing, and without so much as a hint of embarrassment in his voice. ‘Marie,’ he said, which was her mum’s name, ‘I just want you to know that I love Imogen more than life itself, and you can rest assured that I am going to devote the rest of my days to making her happy in every possible way.’
Imogen flattened herself against the wall in delighted embarrassment, while she heard her mum give a surprised laugh. A few seconds later she went back inside, still thinking about Jonny’s extraordinary words. Once she’d sat back down at the table, her mum put her hand on Jonny’s shoulder and said, ‘I wish there were more like this one.’ Then she cackled away and Jonny looked at Imogen and gave her a wink.
2015
‘Mum,’ Imogen said, ‘you once told me that Jonny was too good for this world. What did you mean?’
Her mum sat down on the desk by Imogen’s side. ‘Sometimes,’ she said, ‘there are people who shine so bright. They are good right to their core. But the world isn’t good to the core. If you ask me, I think it got to the point where Jonny couldn’t handle that.’
Imogen nodded. ‘He wanted everyone to be honest, and to be nice to each other. But people aren’t always like that.’
Her mum smiled. ‘I remember when you first brought Jonny home to meet me,’ she said. ‘He was so cocky and cheeky. I was surprised you’d gone for somebody like that. But when I got to know him, I realised how great he was for you. The two of you just… fitted together. I was so happy for you.’
They fell into silence, both lost in their own thoughts for a while, and Imogen remembered the messages she’d received. ‘Mum,’ she said, ‘I think Jonny wants me to get the teaching job.’
Her mum didn’t even flinch at her use of the present tense. ‘I think he probably would want you to, Gennie, yes. Jonny and I both believe people should make the most of their gifts, and you have a gift for teaching. It’s time you shared that gift again, I think.’
Imogen looked down at the desk and blinked away some tears. ‘The thing is, mum, I’m… I’m scared. I’m scared… of… everything.’
2013
Jonny disappeared in the middle of the night. She slept right through him leaving, and when she woke the next morning she simply assumed he’d left for work early.
She found out he was dead that lunchtime, when the police came to talk to her at the school.
After that, the days were a blur. Her mum came to stay with her, and the only thing Imogen could clearly remember was how desperate she had been to have a moment to herself. It took ages to convince her mum that she wouldn’t do anything crazy if she was left alone for a brief time. Finally her mum relented and went out for five minutes to get some bread and milk. In those five minutes, Imogen smashed nearly every single thing in the flat, pulled her hair out from the roots in clumps, and drew blood from her arms and face with her nails. When her mum found her she was in the middle of the living room, on her knees, screaming. Her outburst had made so much noise it had scared one of the neighbours into calling the police.
2015
After a long, long talk with her mum that went on into the night, Imogen was finally alone. She’d told her mum that she knew it was time to move on now, but as soon as the bedroom door was closed she picked up Jonny’s picture again and hugged it to her. ‘Talk to me again, Jonny,’ she whispered, ‘talk to me, please.’
She made sure her laptop was on and tried again. ‘Please Jonny. If you ever cared about me, talk to me. Talk to me now.’
She waited a long time, but there was nothing. It was hopeless. She was about to give up and go to bed, but then, finally, the screen changed. Her heart began to race. The message appeared in stages rather than all at once, and as each word appeared Imogen held her breath, barely believing what she saw.
I’m not dead, Gennie. I’m not “alive” but I’m not dead. I still love you, and I still remember you.
Gennie took great gulps of air. Her heart was pounding and her eyes prickled with tears, which soon began to spill down her cheeks. Where are you? she asked him.
I’m in a new place. A different place. We all are.
What place? She asked. Her tears were heavy now, but silent, dropping down to the desk unheeded. She wiped her eyes so that she could see the screen, rubbing her tears away impatiently. She began to feel scared that Jonny had gone. More agonising seconds passed, and in her head she said, ‘please reply, please reply, please reply.’ She began to give up hope. He was gone. He must have gone- it was taking too long. She almost cried out in frustration, but then suddenly there it was, clear as day. Four words. Four bizarre, incomprehensible words. She stared at them for a long time, trying to understand, trying to think over things he’d previously said. Nothing fitted. Nothing could explain them. She gazed at the sentence, forcing herself to think, but she couldn’t. She simply had no idea what it meant.
I’m in the network.
Find out where it all began
Networked by LK Chapman
They thought it was just a video game, but it’s not. Someone is out there. Watching.
Nick is somebody who needs his life to change. Exhausted, broke, and cracking under the pressure of trying to hold everything together, it begins to seem like there is no end in sight. Until the video game he’s spent two years developing alongside his best friend Dan mysteriously disappears to be r
eplaced with something new, something better, something finished.
Initially unsure whether to release the game, Nick makes a snap decision when he learns of the impact his struggles finishing the game are having on his wife, Lily, who has a history of depression. Before long, positive reviews and sales come rolling in, but Nick finds himself in a worse position than ever before. Because the game is not content to simply be played. It wants to change, it wants to grow, and most disturbing of all, it seems to want something from them.
Networked is the full length sequel to Too Good for this World.
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