Shawn rose as well, his eyes suddenly alight with a fire she’d never seen in them before. “Are you listening to me, Natalie? I said I’m falling in love with you. I want us to be together. We can figure this out.”
Her mind swirled with too many emotions to pin down or name. The sun was too bright, reflecting shards of light from the ocean. It was giving her a headache. He took another step forward and she held up her hands, fending him off. “This was supposed to be a fling.”
Shawn shook his head, still advancing. “It might have started out that way, but it’s become so much more to me.”
He took her by the hand, reeling her in. Natalie let him. Could he hear her heart pounding so hard she worried it might burst? Somehow her hands were flat on his chest, feeling the sharp planes of his muscles as she trailed her way to his shoulders.
“We could date,” Shawn said quietly, his head lowering toward hers. “Talk on the phone every day. Go out to eat at nice restaurants. Spend quiet evenings watching TV together.”
“You live on a ship,” Natalie whispered.
He inclined his head to the side. “Maybe for now. But not for much longer.”
“We barely know each other.”
His fingers reached up, tracing her lips and sending pinpricks of anticipation down her arms. “I might not know what your favorite color is, or what you eat for breakfast each day, or whether you make your bed every morning. But I know who you are, Natalie. I know the kind of woman you are.”
She rose on her tiptoes, pressing herself closer to him. “I’m scared,” she whispered.
“Me too,” he said. “But maybe that’s kind of the point.”
His mouth covered hers, and she clung to him with a desperation that had her entire body shaking. Shawn trailed soft kisses across her jawbone, up her cheeks, over her eyelids. And Natalie knew she wanted him every bit as much as he wanted her.
She ran her hands up his neck, across his face, giving herself over to the moment. His leg buckled beneath their weight, and he dropped into a chair, pulling Natalie into his lap. She kept kissing him, letting herself dream of a future where they actually worked.
“I can’t lose you,” Shawn whispered. “I know we can make this work. I want to read your articles, and see where you go to school, and go to football games together, and meet your entire family—your parents, and your brother, and—”
The words were like a slap in the face. It always came back to Wyatt. But she wasn’t about to let another man stomp on her heart. Natalie pushed herself off Shawn’s lap, anger making her entire body clammy.
“Why are you doing this?” she demanded. She clenched her hands into fists, willing the tears not to fall. “This was like the perfect Christmas vacation. The perfect fling. You were perfect. But now you’re ruining everything.”
Shawn struggled to his feet, leaning heavily on his good leg. “Natalie—”
She pushed away his hand, holding up her own. “No. I’m done. We’re done.”
Tears made her vision blurry, and Natalie stumbled off the cabana’s wood floor and into the sand.
“Natalie, wait.”
Shawn grabbed her hand, but she shrugged it off.
“Let’s talk about this,” Shawn said. “I know you’re scared. I’m scared, too. But I think we’re worth fighting for.”
Natalie let out a hollow laugh. She’d heard that before. But Shawn didn’t mean it anymore than Cole had. She quickened her pace, knowing Shawn couldn’t run, at least not today.
“Natalie!” he yelled.
She increased her speed, putting more distance between them. Tiny billows of sand kicked up with each step, but she didn’t care. Her heart was shredded. Torn.
Broken.
Shawn’s voice grew distant as she raced across the sand, heading toward the docks. If she could just get back on the ship, everything would be okay. She could lock herself in her room until they reached California in the morning. Then she’d leave Shawn behind and never see him again. Her chest heaved with exertion and suppressed tears. She never should’ve let Shawn kiss her. Never should’ve so much as entertained the idea of a fling with him.
The dock was just up ahead. She saw one of the tender boats loading the last of the customers. Natalie picked up her pace, desperate to get on that boat. But she could already see it pulling away.
“Wait!” Natalie called, her foot hitting the dock. But the sound of the engine drown out her cry.
Her foot hit a patch of water on the dock. She let out a yelp, her arms pinwheeling as she slid across the surface. Then suddenly she was falling, and her head was covered with water.
Natalie choked, gulping in sea water. Seaweed and silt flowed around her as she frantically kicked. Her head broke the surface of the water. She gasped and coughed before going under once more. A fish swam by, seeming completely unconcerned by her distress.
Panic tightened Natalie’s chest, robbing of her the last of her oxygen. She screamed, releasing a stream of bubbles, as she tried once more to kick for the surface.
This couldn’t be happening again. Suddenly she was four years old again, trapped in the deep end of the pool while her mother was inside making lunch. Her lungs burned and ached.
She’d pushed Shawn away. He’d said he loved her—something no man had ever told her before—and she’d pushed him away out of fear. So stupid. So shortsighted. Life was so fragile and short. She wanted to spend hers with Shawn.
She loved him. Loved him.
Natalie gave one last violent push toward the surface, finding only more water. Then her eyes closed, and she felt nothing more.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Shawn watched in horror as Natalie slipped off the edge of the dock and disappeared. “Natalie!” he yelled, pushing himself to run.
His leg screamed in protest, buckling with each step. Shawn stumbled, willing himself to go faster. The dock was empty, the beach around it free of people. No one had seen Natalie go under by him, and no one was close enough to run and help.
No, no, no, no, no, his mind screamed on repeat as he dashed toward the dock. But his movements were sluggish and slow, his leg uncooperative.
The water was at least twelve feet deep right there. She couldn’t swim. Blood roared in his ears as her head broke the water for a brief moment before disappearing underneath once more.
His foot hit the dock. Shawn gritted his teeth and pushed himself forward the last few feet, then leapt into the water.
Cool water rushed over his head, sending pinpricks of pain up his leg. The saltwater stung his eyes as he searched for Natalie. He found her almost immediately, drifting toward the bottom of the ocean, eyes closed.
Shawn pushed himself downward, his good leg giving a mighty kick while his injured one gave a weak imitation. He drug his hands through the water, lungs burning, as he pushed toward her. She’d reached the ocean floor now. Shawn wrapped his arms around her waist. Summoning all his strength, he pushed off the sand with both feet, propelling them to the top.
Their heads burst out of the water. Natalie’s face was pale, her lips blue.
“Natalie,” Shawn said, pushing them toward the shore. “Natalie!”
Her head fell limply against his shoulder. Shawn struggled to keep them afloat as he pushed toward shore. It was only a few yards away, but it felt like miles.
His feet touched sand. Shawn dragged them out of the ocean. Natalie’s face was a ghastly shade of blue. He put his cheek next to her mouth. No air brushed his cheek.
“You are not going to die on me,” Shawn muttered. He lifted her chin, checked the airway, then started compressions. “Help! Somebody, help!”
Shawn focused on compressions, the weight of them forcing water from her lungs. Sobs rose in his own throat, but he forced himself to stay calm and focus on Natalie.
He’d done this to her. She never would’ve run away if he hadn’t pushed too hard, too soon. She was only twenty-two. At that age, settling down had been the furthest thing from
Shawn’s mind. He shouldn’t have tried to force her into a committed relationship when she was barely starting to explore the world.
Shawn leaned down, covering her mouth and nose with his own, blowing life-giving air into her lungs, then started compressions again.
Natalie choked, then began coughing. Shawn let out a sob and turned her onto one side as she vomited sea water.
Footsteps sounded behind him, and someone asked, “What happened?”
Shawn barely glanced at the woman in a sky blue employee polo shirt. “Call the ship and have them send a boat back immediately,” Shawn said. “Someone from medical needs to meet us as soon as we get on board.”
“Of course,” the woman said, her eyes wide as she reached for her radio. Her recognized her vaguely, but didn’t waste energy trying to place her face.
Natalie coughed again, her entire body convulsing. Shawn rested a hand on her back, whispering soothing words. “It’s okay,” he said. “You’re okay. Everything is going to be okay.”
But he knew they were a lie. He’d selfishly tried to claim Natalie as his own, and in the process she’d nearly died. She was right—they would never work in the real world. Natalie deserved to travel the globe and not be tied down by a man who couldn’t even run across the sand to her rescue.
Natalie deserved better than him. And Shawn would make sure she got it.
Natalie started shivering, and Shawn wished he had a blanket to put over her. But his own clothes were soaking and would only add to her chills.
“Shawn,” she croaked, reaching for his face.
He grabbed her icy hand, rubbing it roughly between both of his in an attempt to warm it. The waters surrounding Perla del Mar weren’t freezing, but they weren’t exactly warm in December, either.
The purr of a boat motor filled the air, accompanied by the thump, thump, thump of the steer slapping against the water as it raced toward the dock. Two men jumped from the boat as it neared, a stretcher between them. Shawn recognized them immediately as members of the medical team, and relief made his shoulders sag.
“What happened here?” one of them asked as they dropped the stretcher to the sand.
“I think she slipped on the dock,” Shawn said. “Somehow she fell into the water. She doesn’t know how to swim.”
“Let’s get her to the boat,” the second man said, going to Natalie’s head. “On three.”
The two men lifted Natalie onto the stretcher and quickly strapped her down. Natalie reached a shaking hand toward Shawn’s. Her teeth were chattering now, her face pale. “Don’t…” she whispered.
A sob caught in Shawn’s throat. Don’t leave? Don’t hurt her anymore?
Minutes later, they were back on board the ship and wheeling Natalie to the ship’s small infirmary. Chrissy, one of the nurses, pulled a curtain around Natalie, and Shawn could hear muffled sounds as they helped Natalie out of her wet clothes and into a gown.
“I’m so sorry,” Shawn whispered as the nurse took her vitals.
Dr. Stein glanced over at Shawn. He was Shawn’s favorite of the two on board doctors, and had checked him over a few times when he’d overdone it. “You’d better let me look at that leg when I’m done here. Looks like you might’ve injured it.”
Tears burned at Shawn’s eyes, but he just shook his head. “It’s just my old injury. It’s been swollen like this all day.”
An hour later, Dr. Stein declared that Natalie would make a full and rapid recovery. Her lungs were clear, her oxygen levels reasonably good, and this would become nothing more than another traumatic footnote to her life. She’d fallen asleep sometime during the doctor’s administrations. Her hair hung limp and damp around her thin shoulders. The hat and sunglasses he’d loved so much were probably halfway out to sea by now.
Dr. Stein and Chrissy left the room, leaving Shawn alone with Natalie. The soft beep of the heart monitor combined with the hiss of the cannula feeding oxygen to her nose. The cruise was always leery of a lawsuit, so Natalie would be monitored for the next few hours, although the doctor had assured Shawn that Natalie was fine.
His heart throbbed in his chest, a gaping wound he didn’t know how to heal. She’d almost been most definitely not fine. She’d almost been dead. And it would’ve been all Shawn’s fault.
Natalie coughed, and Shawn quickly brought a glass of water to her mouth. She took a slow sip, then sank back against the pillow, clearly exhausted.
“How are you feeling?” Shawn asked quietly.
Natalie gave him a tired smile. “Okay. Thanks for saving me.”
He gave a hollow laugh, burying his face in his hands. “It’s my fault you’re here.”
She struggled to sit up, her voice scratchy and weak. “No. I shouldn’t have freaked out like that and ran away. I was stupid and naïve and scared.”
“No, you were right.” The words sounded stiff and unnatural in his mouth, but he pressed on. “We’re worlds apart from each other, Natalie. I’m old and boring and crippled. You’re young and beautiful and deserve adventure.”
She shook her head, grabbing for his hands. Hers were cold and clammy, her grip weak. “I was wrong. We deserve a chance. I think … I think I’m falling in love with you, too, Shawn. I want you.”
Her words sent a delicious sort of pain through his chest. He’d wanted so badly to hear them just a few hours earlier. But he knew now that dating Natalie would only end in heartbreak. He’d hold her back. She’d end up resenting him for it.
Shawn swallowed hard, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. “Let’s just remember this for what it was, okay? Tomorrow, we can both go our separate ways and move on with our lives.”
The tears filling her eyes were nearly his undoing. “I’ve never felt like this before. I know it’s complicated. There are a lot of details that need to be worked out, and long distance is hard. But I want to try.”
Slowly, Shawn pulled his hand away from hers. He watched as the hope disappeared and her eyes grew dull.
“We’re not compatible,” he said quietly. “You’re so much younger than me. You deserve a man who’s young and strong and isn’t trying to restart his career in his thirties. I don’t want to travel the world anymore. I want to go home to Oklahoma and settle down.”
“I can’t believe you’re doing this.” Her voice broke on the last word.
Shawn took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “It’s already done. Go travel the world. Have your adventures. Be happy.”
“So this was all some game to you?”
The words cut him straight to the heart. “Of course not.”
“Then I guess I’m just not worth the effort.” She angrily swiped underneath her eyes, motioning wildly with one hand. “Fine then. What are you waiting for? Go. Leave! It’s what you want, right? I was just another girl to pass the time with.”
“You know that’s not true,” he said quietly.
“Then why are you doing this?”
He didn’t want to hurt her, but he had made his decision. Slowly, he rose. “Goodbye, Natalie.”
She blinked, sending a cascade of tears down her cheeks. Everything in Shawn screamed to pull her into his arms and kiss away the pain. To apologize, let her know he was a fool, and promise that he’d do whatever it took to make their relationship work. But instead he walked away, his leg aching and his limp more pronounced than ever.
Natalie deserved a whole man, someone who could protect her and take care of her and who wouldn’t slow her down. She’d get over him soon enough and move onto someone new.
But as he walked away, a part of his soul died. And he knew that he would never, ever get over her.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Natalie gave Kendra a tight hug, wiping away the tears that couldn’t seem to stop. The Ocean Dream had officially docked back in Long Beach. Her bags were packed and waiting by the cabin door, and this trip was officially over. She looked around the tiny cabin, remembering the excited butterflies that had filled her stomach when Shawn picke
d her up for their first official date. She couldn’t believe their fling was really over.
Kendra rubbed Natalie’s back, giving her a sympathetic smile. “Are you sure you’re going to be okay?”
“Yeah, of course.” Natalie waved a hand through the air. “It’s been a stressful twenty-four hours. I’ll be fine.”
Kendra raised a skeptical eyebrow. “I’m not so sure. Did something happen with Shawn? I still can’t believe he didn’t bring you back to your room last night.”
The kind nurse named Chrissy had done that, wheeling Natalie to her cabin, where Kendra had panicked and demanded to know what happened. Natalie had told her she tripped and fell off the dock, but hadn’t mentioned why she was running in the first place.
If she’d just kissed Shawn and said she wanted to be his girlfriend, like she’d wanted to, none of this would’ve ever happen. But maybe it was better things happened this way. Shawn had turned from hot to cold so suddenly.
“Shawn was just a fling,” Natalie said quietly, playing with the strap on her messenger bag. Her hat was somewhere at the bottom of the ocean probably, and she felt naked without it. “Thank you so much for everything, Kendra. I hope we keep in touch.”
“We will,” Kendra assured her. “Good luck on your article. I can’t wait to read it.”
“Thank you.”
“And if you ever need a matchmaker, give me a call.”
Natalie laughed, hiking her purse higher on her shoulder. “I think you’re more likely to see pigs fly. But I appreciate the offer.”
They said their last goodbyes and Natalie left the room, this time dragging her suitcase behind her. The ship had offered to take any guest luggage back to the terminal, where it could be picked up at baggage claim, but Natalie wasn’t in the mood for fighting the crowds.
The hallways were crowded with guests waiting to disembark the ship. The cruise had staggered departure times by room numbers, but it seemed to have only marginally helped with the traffic jam.
A finger tapped lightly on her shoulder, and she turned to see Jase right beside her. “Hey,” he said.
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