He was a coward.
A quitter.
A waste of life.
Now, the only people who ever mattered to him knew the truth. They were right now thinking about the sin he’d buried so deep.
Who in their right mind would want him now? If he couldn’t stand himself, how could the goodness in his life continue to tolerate this vileness?
Pulling into his grandfather’s driveway, he parked the Navigator. All he wanted now was to hide, and this was the only place he could feel safe. Like when he was a child, this cabin would be his sanctuary to hide.
In the morning, he’d face it all. Now, it was late, and he needed to forget. Digging out the key, he headed in to take a shower.
From the second that Dean Quinlan had come in contact with his arm, all he wanted was to scrub away the vile feeling of him touching his flesh. All the memories of his past rushed back, making him sick.
As he opened the door, he strode in and hit the lights. That’s when he saw her.
“Hello, Callen.”
Suddenly, he felt sick. There sat the woman he loved. She’d somehow managed to beat him back. Like Timothy, she knew where he’d hide and searched for him.
He couldn’t reply. The words were caught up in a knot in his chest. No matter how much he wanted to apologize, begging her forgiveness, they wouldn’t come out. Everything in him was turning to stone.
“We need to talk, Cal.”
Still he didn't move, because he couldn’t.
Here it came.
Elizabeth could see his fear. It was clearly etched into his face, along with the pain. Her poor man was hurting, and that killed her.
“Why did you leave me?” she asked, getting up from the couch to approach him. “One minute you were there, and the next you were gone.”
How did he tell her it was because he was a coward?
“I was scared, Callen. I couldn’t find you. Why didn't you get me before you left?” she asked.
He wanted to scream at the top of his lungs the truth. Callen wanted to tell his best friend in the entire world that it was because he was defiled.
Damaged.
Broken.
Moving closer, she stopped in front of him. “Dean Quinlan hurt you when you were a child, didn't he? More than just the burns on your arms.”
Oh God!
Oh God!
Oh God!
The truth was out.
Suddenly, he was going to be sick. He couldn’t hold back the bile which had been churning in his gut. Pushing past her, he made it outside to retch.
On his knees in front of his granddad’s cabin, the only refuge he’d had as a scared child, he repeatedly purged.
Elizabeth knelt beside him, placing her hand on his back as she gently rubbed it. This was the only answer she needed. His reaction went far deeper than just a victim of physical abuse. This was the response she’d seen plenty of times from victims of a far more vicious cruelty.
Now, she understood.
As he got everything out of his body, he tried to move away from her. He struggled to get free of her hand, knowing he wasn’t worthy of her touch. He’d allowed a man to hurt him, just to survive.
He was lower than low.
Elizabeth couldn’t be shaken. She held on to him, refusing to let him go. In her mind, she knew the truth. What happened tonight would affect their lives from here on out. If she couldn’t get Callen to face this with her, there was no doubt he would run for the rest of his life.
It was decided.
Elizabeth refused to give up.
Callen was the father of her children and half of her heart. This battle was worth everything in the world. It was no different than when she fought to save Ethan.
When the vomiting stopped, she helped him to his feet. Together, they headed into the cabin. Every time Callen tried to pull free, she held on that much tighter. When the storm threatened to sweep him away, Elizabeth fought even more.
Inside the cabin, he tried to get away from her. “You need to leave, Elizabeth,” he ordered. “You can’t be here with me!”
“Why? Because then you’ll be forced to tell me the truth?” she asked. “Because you’ll be forced to tell me he sexually abused you?”
The air in the room was sucked from his lungs.
His sweet angel knew the truth. The only goodness in his life saw the ugliness he bore on his soul.
“I see that he told you,” he stated, his heart crushing in on itself. “Now you know what he did to me.”
She released him. “No, Callen. Your actions told me. I didn't speak to Dean Quinlan.”
He stared at her as the tears filled his eyes. “Then how did you know?”
Her heart broke for him. “Callen, my love, I’m part of you. I can see through it. Since I already know, let me carry it for you for a while. Let me bear it on my shoulders to give you a little peace.”
Callen stared at her.
“I still love you. Nothing you can say to me would ever change that, Callen. What he did to you was horrible, but are you going to throw away your family and let him win? After all this, are you going to let this take you down?”
He couldn’t hold it in. Dropping to his knees, he covered his face and wept. The pain flooded from him, pouring out in torrents. She’d breached that last defense, and he couldn’t hold it back. The horrible monster of his past was stealing away his family, and Callen was helpless to stop it.
He was lost once more.
Going to him, Elizabeth pulled him into her arms to hold him. As he wept, she offered him solace. “It’s okay, Callen James. We’ll get through this because you’re strong. You’re my hero, and I believe in you.”
He wept harder at her words. “I’m a coward, Lyzee. I ran again.”
She wiped his cheek with her fingertips. “You’re not a coward, Callen. What happened to you didn't break you. You stood up and held on. This had to be a horrible burden to carry your entire life.”
She had no idea.
“The truth ate away at you, and now you have the chance to let it free. Release it, my love, and trust that I’ll keep you safe. Where Dean Quinlan stole your power back then, I’m giving you mine to use now.”
Callen was at a crossroad. If he left, he could never return. It would mean turning his back on his children and family. This would be his defining moment in life. If he didn't trust Elizabeth with this, his family would slip through his fingers.
He had only one choice.
“At first, he’d touch me. I’d fight him and threaten to tell Charlene. I don’t know what I thought she’d do, but what was I supposed to do? She was my mother. I believed she’d help me. After all, she gave me life. There had to be some maternal instinct in there, somewhere.”
Elizabeth knew that if the woman was alive, she’d kick the shit out of her for what she’d done to Callen’s soul.
“Eventually, he’d hold me down. That’s when the burning would start. If I didn't let him do it, he’d hurt me more.”
She ran her fingers over the marks on his arms.
“Each time that he raped me, I’d fight. Each time, I earned a burn as a reminder.”
Elizabeth stared down at the twenty four marks on his arms. Callen had endured a lot, and it tore at her heart.
“I went to Charlene, and she laughed at me. She hit me so hard, I saw stars. She told me to shut up and not ruin this for her. Dean was her supplier, and I was his payment.”
Elizabeth took it back. She didn't want to hurt Charlene, she wanted to rip her eyes out of her head, shove them down her throat, and then kill her with her bare hands.
“On that last night, Dean found me. I used to hide as much as possible. Most of the time, I’d hang out with Ethan at his mom’s house. I was always safe there. When I had to go home, I always knew it would be bad.”
She reassuringly stroked his cheek.
“At the beginning, he’d lure me out with food. I was so hungry most of the time that it would work. It was hard to go to s
chool and watch all the kids eat and know I wouldn’t. So, I’d give in just to survive. When I’d come out, he’d hurt me.” Callen took a deep breath, unable to look her in the eyes.
“It’s okay, my love. I’m right here holding you. He’s not here, but I am.”
“Eventually, he got bored with trying to lure me with food. I think Ethan’s mother suspected something, so she began giving me treats to take home and hide there. With that little bit, I had no reason to come out.”
Elizabeth wished she could take the pain from Callen.
“When he figured it out, he’d just find me. Most of the time, my own mother would tell him where I was. He’d toss her a few packets of crack, and she’d be too busy getting high to worry about me. To this day, Elizabeth, I look at our kids and can’t image how she did it. My own flesh and blood, my mother, sold me to get high. I couldn’t do that to EJ or Cat. I’d die for them.”
Elizabeth held him close, rocking him to soothe his nerves. In that moment, Callen was no longer a strong man, but instead a scared child. He needed the mothering that was void from his life for so many years.
“The woman who gave me life didn't want me, Lyzee. She let some man rape me for her drug haze. What did I have to live for? Here I was, twelve years old, and I didn't want to live another six years until I could escape. I couldn’t tell anyone. If I told them, they’d know how disgusting I was. How ruined I’d become. I’d carry that on my soul until the day I died.”
She left kisses across his face as she cradled him in her arms, protectively against her chest.
“For the first time in my life, I had something of value at risk. I had just found out about Ethan and Timothy being my family. They just came into my life, and I couldn’t lose them too. Then,” he whispered, as he began to hyperventilate.
Elizabeth shoved Callen’s head between his knees. It forced him to breath slower. When he was able to catch his breath, she pulled him back into her arms.
“It’s okay, Callen. You can finish. You’re safe here with me. It’s only the two of us,” she reassured. “I’m your best friend, and I’ll protect you now.”
“That night was horrible. He abused me, and I couldn’t do it anymore. My body was broken and so sore. I wanted it to end in the worst way. I stole a gun that I’d found at Timothy’s house, and instead of killing him, I took it to the woods. For weeks, I’d planned his death. I was going to do it too. There were three bullets. I intended to kill them and then myself. Only, I chickened out. Despite how vile my own mother was, I couldn’t do it. I felt pity for her. Instead, I was going to just end my existence. Since no one loved, cared, or wanted me, I chose to die.”
Her heart ached.
“Somehow, Timothy knew. He found me, bleeding, battered, and bruised, just as I was about to do it. I couldn’t live any longer, Lyzee. I had nothing. I was a child, and I was forced to fend for myself. If that was life, I would rather have death. I was just a child,” he whispered. “A helpless, hungry, hurt child.”
“It’s okay, Callen, my love. You’re safe now,” she vowed.
“Granddad took me home. He gave me a shower, put bandages all over my burns, and then he promised I’d be safe. Then, he went and visited Charlene. I don’t know what he said to her, but when he returned, he vowed I’d never have to go back. He was my father now, and I was safe.”
If Timothy was alive, Elizabeth would have kissed him. She understood the depth of Callen’s mourning now. Not only was Timothy his surrogate father, he was the one who saved him.
“Well, now that asshole is back. The second I saw Dean, I panicked. I’m sorry that I left you alone. I couldn’t breathe or think.”
Elizabeth wasn’t the least bit worried about her. She understood that fight versus flight had kicked in and Callen was helpless. For now, she was concerned with his heart. He was all who mattered. “Shhhh, my love, it’s okay.”
“He wanted money, or he was going to tell everyone,” he whispered. “He saw the Navigator, my beautiful wife, the wedding ring and decided I’d pay for the world not to know the truth.”
“Oh, did he now?” All the rage filled her. The man had actually thought that fucking with the Blackhawks was a good idea? Well, he was going to have another thing coming. When she got back to the Black Mountain Reservation, she was going to hunt him down and publically neuter him. Already, she was planning his demise, and it involved a rusty spoon.
“Through all this, he was right. I am defiled. How will you ever touch me again?” he asked, tears filling his eyes. “You and Ethan will never view me the same again,” he whispered shamefully. “I’ve lost everything which mattered to me. How do I go on?”
She took his face in her hands. “How will I touch you?” Elizabeth asked. “The same as I always did, with nothing but love. What happened to you doesn’t make me love you less, Callen. It makes me love you more.” She picked up his left hand. “Are we married in your heart? We once took a vow that even without the paper, we were husband and wife. At one point, we believed that our hearts would bind us together. Are you telling me it was a lie?”
He stared at the ring he wore, and the matching one on her finger. “It’s not a lie, Elizabeth. You’re all I have to hold me above this. Please don’t leave me,” he whispered, clinging to her. “If you go, I’ll die. I’ll know that I’ve lost everything if you turn your back on me because of this stain on my life.”
“I won’t ever leave,” she crooned in his ear. Gently, she held him against her body, reverently stroking his cheek.
When his breathing calmed, Elizabeth left kisses across his face. “Let’s get you into the bathtub, Callen. It’ll help you relax, and then I’ll tuck you into bed. I’ll keep you safe tonight,” she vowed. “I won’t leave your side.”
He let her lead the way. After starting the tub, Elizabeth gently helped him out of his shirt. Dropping it to the floor, she helped him out of his boots. Kneeling before him, she helped him get free of his jeans and boxers.
When he was completely naked, Elizabeth helped him into the tub. As Callen sat, the warm water enveloped him. With a big sponge, she gently soaped it up to wash his shoulders and chest. The light ministrations of her fingers across his chest offered him peace. This was what he missed as a child-the gentle touch of someone who loved him. Here, his angel was soothing his emotional wounds.
Elizabeth left kisses across his face, proving that she wasn’t ever going to despise him. The entire time he stayed in the bathtub, she remained by his side. There was no way she was leaving him.
As the water cooled, she pulled the plug. “Wyler keeps some provisions here for when he has to work on totems. I’ll make you something to eat, and then tuck you into bed,” she offered.
Just the thought of her catering to him eased some of the pain which was living in him. Gentleness beat it back until he could breathe once more.
Elizabeth helped him dry off. Then, she assisted him into his boxers before taking his hand. “Come on, my love.”
All the cold and fear that he’d been feeling was slowly receding. Elizabeth was pushing the evil away and filling the darkness with nothing but love.
Pulling some soup from the cabinet, she heated it up. When it was done, she poured it into a mug and handed it to him. “Let’s go to the couch,” she offered.
When Callen sat beside her, she pulled the blanket off the back and used it to keep him warm.
There was peace in that moment. Callen’s biggest fears were set free as Elizabeth didn't turn from him. Instead, she gave him a safe place to hide. Like Timothy had once done, she’d saved his life.
“Do you want some more soup or some tea?” she asked, running her fingers through his damp hair.
“No, thank you.”
The horrors began ebbing away. While what happened to him haunted his soul, Callen saw that he wasn’t going to lose the ones he loved. There was safety in that moment.
She took the empty mug from his hand.
“Lyzee, you should
eat,” he said, as she pulled him down to rest his head in her lap.
“I’ll be fine, Callen James. Just let me take care of you,” she said, playing with his hair.
He let her do just that. While lying there, calm overtook him, and he had no doubt that it was all from her. The woman holding him had done what she promised. Elizabeth was shouldering the burden for Callen since he was too weak to do it alone. When his eyelids slowly lowered, he slipped into sleep. All he could hope was that evil would leave him alone.
Then again, he had his warrior to fight for him, so everything would be alright.
* * *
Wednesday Night
Ethan was worried about his wife and brother. She’d flown out almost four hours ago, and all he’d received was a text message telling him she’d touched down. His gut was knotted up as he stressed about the people he loved.
Instead of sleeping, he was pacing the small cabin back and forth like a caged tiger, dying to be free.
When his phone rang, he raced to it. Seeing his wife’s number, he grabbed it. “Are you okay?” Ethan blurted.
Elizabeth whispered into the phone. “Yes, we’re at Timothy’s cabin. Callen’s finally asleep,” she added.
“Is he okay?”
Elizabeth shared the entire story, from the abuse, the number of burns, and what he tried to do that night before granddad stopped him.
Ethan’s temper spiked. The second he heard what had been done to his brother, he wanted blood. He may not be able to extract it from Charlene Whitefox, but he could from Dean Quinlan. “Is he going to be okay?” he asked, hoping Callen would be strong enough to bounce back from this.
“I think so. He’s more worried that we’d turn from him,” she stated. “He’s trying to process it. The victim has finally broken free from it, and now he needs time to heal.”
“Maybe Doctor Gaines could help him.”
Elizabeth hoped, but she wasn’t sure. “Right now, we need to keep this between us. Callen’s fragile. His emotions are right there at the surface. I don’t want him to break more and feel betrayed.”
He agreed. “When are you coming back?” he asked, glancing at his watch.
Redemption is Here (An FBI/Romance Thriller Book 9) Page 29
