As she stroked him, she wondered who she was in bed with. It wasn’t Ramon. It also wasn’t unusual to not know who she was waking up with. It happened plenty of times, and she knew what was expected of her.
He moaned in his sleep. She pushed his pants down below his balls and slipped down under the covers to take his cock into her mouth, sucking on it and stroking it with her hand.
He shifted his body and moaned again. His hand moved to rest on her head and she sucked harder. It usually didn’t take too long in the morning.
It didn’t really matter who Ramon left her with, as long as she pleased him.
She pushed her head down and took more of him into her mouth. He moaned again and grasped her hair in his hands. She continued, taking as much in her mouth as she could. She had been told many times that she was good at sucking cock. She hoped she pleased . . . whomever this was.
Suddenly, he grabbed her shoulders and pulled her up, rolling her onto her back. He stretched out on top of her and slowly pressed himself inside her.
She cried out softly. He was thick and it felt so good. She kept her eyes closed against the morning light. This man was kind, and she didn’t want reality to ruin the pleasure. His mouth pressed against hers, his tongue demanding entry into her mouth. She parted her lips. A jolt of heat slammed into her lower body.
He wrapped his arms around her back and kissed her, thrusting in and out of her. Oh God, that feels so good! He was gentle, but the thrusts were firm. She matched her movements to his and relished in his thickness that filled her so deeply.
He moaned into her mouth. “You feel incredible,” he whispered, trailing his tongue down her neck. She cried out in pleasure as he sucked on the skin above her collarbone.
His thrusts became more insistent. She moved her hips to give him the most pleasure she could as a thank you for being kind. She felt her own release building and wrapped her arms around him as he groaned. She knew he was close. When he groaned again, she felt him empty himself into her as she came, crying out her own release. Her whole body shuddered with pleasure. She couldn’t help but let out a deep sigh of satisfaction.
His chest heaved, his face buried in her neck. She trailed her fingernails down his back and opened her eyes, still trying to figure out—
Oh no!
Jayson must have realized it at the same time because his body stiffened. He pushed himself up to face her, looking as shocked as she felt.
“Omigod!” he exclaimed breathlessly. “Oh, Sabrina. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to—” He stopped. “Fuck. I didn’t realize what was happening. I mean, I did, but I thought it was a really fucking awesome dream.” He gently rolled off her and brushed her hair from her face. “I’m so sorry.”
She looked at him, heart racing, eyes wide. “It’s okay. I’m glad you liked it.”
He slid his hand around the back of her neck and splayed his fingers into her hair. “Sabrina, I am so sorry. I swore to myself that I would keep my body under control.”
She blinked. “Did you not enjoy it?”
“Oh, sweetheart, that was the best wake-up call I’ve had in months, maybe years, but you’re . . . I didn’t want to take advantage of you.” He studied her face. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
“No, not at all.” She shook her head. “But did I please you?” She couldn’t tell. He seemed upset.
“Well, yeah. Of course you did.” He smiled, then gave her a strange look. “Why do you keep asking me that?”
She looked at him. “Because it’s my job to please you.”
He frowned. “Why would you say that?”
She tried to look away, but he cupped her cheek and made her look at him.
“Who told you it’s your job to please me?”
“Well, not you specifically. Just men. In general.” It was something Khyan and Ramon had told her repeatedly. She accepted it without question. But Ramon was dead and Khyan wasn’t there. Was it still her job to please any man who wanted her?
“Please don’t tell me I heard what I think I heard.” Liz stood in the doorway with her arms across her chest, glowering at her brother.
“Don’t start, Liz. Please.”
She narrowed her eyes. “I thought you were sleeping in your own room.”
“I was. Until she had that nightmare again.”
Liz took a few steps into the room. “Sabrina, are you okay?” she asked, her voice gentle. “He didn’t . . . seduce you, did he?”
Sabrina shook her head, glancing at Jayson. If anything, it had been her own fault. “No, not at all.”
“Because I’ll kick his ass for you, if you want.” She glared at her brother.
“I’m okay. Really.” Liz gave her a doubtful look. “Thank you for checking on me. I’m okay.” Sabrina smiled, trying to reassure her that everything was fine. She didn’t want Jayson to get into trouble.
Liz gave her brother one last nasty look, then left, closing the door behind her.
Jayson stared at the door for a long minute, then turned back to her. “I’m sorry.”
“Why are you apologizing? I started it.”
“I should have stopped you.”
“Why?”
“I just should have.”
“Okay.” Sabrina didn’t understand what the big deal was. He was a man, she was a whore. That was what whores did. But she didn’t want to be that person anymore. Maybe she could pretend she wasn’t one. It wouldn’t change anything, but maybe she could be accepted here and not have to think about her past anymore.
“You’ve been told some really fucked-up things about sex.”
She looked down at his chest, feeling sick to her stomach. “I realize that now.”
“I wasn’t trying to shame you.” He cupped her chin. “I really, really enjoyed that. Probably more than I should have.”
“I liked it, too,” she admitted. “More than I ever recall enjoying it before.”
Jayson pressed his lips together. “This guy from your dreams . . . He hurt you in real life, too, huh?”
She nodded.
“I’m so sorry to hear that, Sabrina.” Jayson sighed and pulled her close. “That’s why you ran away from him?”
She nodded again, resting her head on his bare chest.
“I’m glad.”
They lay quietly as he stroked her back. Her eyes drifted closed and she sighed, relishing in his kind touch.
“Sabrina?” Jayson said in a soft voice.
“Yes?”
“It’s not your job to please me, or any other man.”
Sabrina thought about his words. They made sense, to an extent. Part of her agreed with him. The other part wondered if it was even possible to say no.
Jayson suddenly grabbed her wrist and stretched out her arm. “What’s that?” he asked.
Sabrina frowned, confused, then noticed bruises on her inner arm. They were fresh, but she didn’t remember getting them. It probably happened on the train. It didn’t surprise her that she hadn’t seen them before. She almost always had some sort of bruising or cuts on her body. As soon as she was healed from one thing, Ramon or Khyan started all over again. They were very creative.
“N-nothing,” she said, trying to free her wrist from his grasp. She didn’t want to admit what she’d done on the train.
Jayson didn’t release her, staring at the bruises for a long moment, then looked back at her face. “What happened?”
“N-nothing,” she repeated. Nothing she could remember.
“These don’t look old enough to be from before your trip.” He frowned and released her wrist. “Did something happen on the train?”
She shook her head. “Of course not.”
“Don’t lie to me, Sabrina. Please.”
She stared at his defined chest and swallowed hard. “I don’t really remem
ber what happened,” she admitted slowly.
He was silent. She wondered if he was thinking about doing the same thing to her. Yes, he was nice this morning, but in her experience, all men got off on being cruel at some point. “I’m okay now if you want to, you know, do whatever . . . You can . . .”
“What?”
She looked up at his shocked expression. Her body tingled at the disgust on his face. “Oh.” She pressed her lips together and stared at the bedspread.
“Sabrina, did some guy do this to you while you were having sex?”
“I . . . I don’t remember.”
Jayson frowned, clearly not believing her.
She huffed. “I met a guy on the train. He seemed really nice and invited me back to his room. We started drinking, and I . . .” She swallowed hard. What would he think of her if he found out she’d slept with multiple men at once?
“Do you think you were drugged?”
She looked up. “Why would you ask that?”
“If you don’t remember what happened . . . Sabrina, it happens more than you’d think.”
She shrugged. “I have no idea.” Why did it matter? She’d have probably slept with them even if she hadn’t been drugged.
Jayson looked at her for a long time, then gave a sad smile. “Okay.” He pulled her back into his arms. He was quiet for several minutes. “Was Ramon—” He sighed. “Did he use you for sex?”
Sabrina shrugged and closed her eyes, not wanting to see the disgust on his face anymore.
He took her hand and squeezed it. “You don’t have to tell me anything. But please know I won’t judge.” She looked up. He looked at her sadly. “Do you remember what those men on the train looked like? Can we call the police?”
She shrugged. “I don’t remember what they looked like. I’ll be okay. I just . . .” She swallowed and rubbed her face. “I want to forget about it. Believe me, I’ve been through worse.”
Jayson’s eyes widened. “Worse?”
“But Ramon can’t hurt me anymore,” she added quickly. “I just . . . I want to start over and forget about the past.”
“Why can’t he hurt you?”
“Because he’s dead.”
Jayson didn’t say anything for a few minutes. “If that’s what you want,” he said in a low voice.
He sounded angry. She pulled away from him. “It is.”
“Does he have friends who might be looking for you?”
Khyan. A chill ran through her body. “I don’t know.”
“I have a friend who might be able to help. I could call and see if he—” He paused. “Yeah, I need to call him.”
“Okay.” If Khyan found her, it wouldn’t matter who was trying to help. She’d let Jayson believe what he wanted to believe. It was easier that way. Fighting over it wouldn’t do any good. She saw the determination on his face, though, and prayed he wouldn’t get hurt.
She tried to change the subject. “I enjoyed this morning. I’ve never been with a nice man before.”
He stared at her for a moment, then sighed and hugged her to him. “I should have kept better control over my body.”
“Please, don’t be mad at yourself,” she said, leaning back and looking up at him. “I . . . It was a nice change.”
He swallowed hard. “I enjoyed it, too.” He cradled her cheek. “When did all that start happening to you?”
“I was sixteen.”
Jayson’s face paled. “How old are you now?”
“I think I just turned twenty-one.”
“You think?”
“I haven’t celebrated anything in a long time.”
“Did you ever have a boyfriend?”
The question made her cringe. Chase. But he wasn’t her boyfriend. And he wasn’t in her life anymore. “No.”
He frowned slightly, but only nodded in response.
“Jayson!” Liz called from the hallway. “Do you know what time it is?”
Jayson looked at the clock. “Shit. We need to get moving. You have an audition to get to.” He looked at her thoughtfully. “Sabrina, I promise I’ll do whatever I can to keep you safe from now on.” He squeezed her hand and kissed her cheek. “And help you learn to be the strong woman I’m sure you can be.”
She didn’t respond. She wondered if she had any strength left in her.
Jayson kissed her cheek and then got up and left her room, closing the door behind him.
She crawled out of bed and started dressing. Her room. She liked the sound of that. Yes, she’d had a room at Ramon’s, but there would be no men bursting in at all times of the day or night here, wanting to have or hurt her.
This is good. This is very good. Concentrate on the positives. Forget the past. That’s the only way you’ll make it.
She glanced out the window at the gray morning and smiled. Having lived in the desert her entire life, cloudy days were beautiful to her. This new life had started out good.
Someone knocked softly on the door and Sabrina opened it. Liz stood there holding out a large, foil-wrapped cylinder. “I made you a breakfast burrito,” she said. “You should eat before your audition.”
Sabrina looked back and forth between Liz’s kind face and the burrito, her jaw trembling and eyes watering. She couldn’t speak.
Liz’s bright eyes widened. “Did I offend you?” she asked quickly. “I’m so sorry!”
She shook her head and wiped away the tears that threatened to fall. “No, not at all. You . . . I . . .” She exhaled slowly. “You’re so nice.” Her voice cracked over the lump in her throat. “I—” She pressed her lips together to gain some semblance of control and took a deep breath. “No one’s made me breakfast since my parents died.”
“Your parents are dead?” Liz asked, her voice just above a whisper, eyes watering slightly.
Sabrina nodded. “About five years ago.” She bit the inside of her cheek, trying to contain the pain in her heart. Blinking hard, she cleared her throat. “Guess I should be over it by now, huh?”
Liz gave a little shrug. “I don’t know if that’s really something you get over. I can’t imagine losing my parents. How did they die?”
Sabrina hesitated. “They were . . . They were murdered.”
Liz’s blue eyes widened more than Sabrina could have imagined possible. “Omigosh! Oh, Sabrina!” The burrito nearly slipped out of Liz’s hands as she stepped forward and grabbed Sabrina, hugging her hard.
She stiffened, not knowing what to do, then relaxed a little, hugging Liz back.
“You poor thing,” Liz whispered.
“Hey, we gotta—” Jayson walked around the corner and froze when he saw them. “Everything okay?”
Liz pulled away, sniffing and wiping away tears. “Yeah.” She glanced at Sabrina, who swallowed hard.
“What happened?”
Liz looked at her, but Sabrina looked away. “Nothing,” Liz answered. “Is it time?”
Jayson nodded, still looking back and forth between the two women.
Liz took Sabrina’s hand. “I’m here if you ever want to talk, okay?”
She nodded, not knowing if she’d take Liz up on the offer, but grateful for it nonetheless. Sabrina turned to pick up her jacket from the dresser next to her, wiping tears away. They were now more from the kindness of her two new friends than sorrow over the death of her parents.
She took a couple deep breaths and went out to the dining room where Jayson and Liz talked softly. When he looked at her, she knew Liz had told him . . . and Sabrina was okay with that.
Liz held out the burrito again and the three of them headed out.
Chapter Fourteen
The callbacks were at the opera house about a mile away. Because it had started to sprinkle, they took the subway. Sabrina wanted to walk, but Jayson didn’t want her getting sick from the r
ain and cold. Considering she’d never had so much as a cold before, Sabrina thought it unlikely. Though that was probably from her Immortalness, which she didn’t have anymore.
Without the marquee outside, Sabrina would have never guessed the narrow, yet incredibly ornate white-stone building was anything but another one of Boston’s beautiful structures. From the outside, it didn’t look big enough to be a theater, but once inside, the lobby stretched out in rich reds and golds, marble columns towering over her.
“Wow,” she murmured, gaping at the gilded archways and crystal chandeliers.
Jayson laughed and grasped her hand, pulling her into the theater itself. Countless rows of red-velvet seats stretched out beneath the ornately painted ceiling. Gilded archways lined the upper wall for either seating or decoration. She wasn’t sure which. A heavy red curtain with gold fringe at the edges hung from the stage arch. Sabrina felt as if she’d stepped back into the 1700s.
Liz spotted Jon, so she gave Sabrina a hug and wished her luck, then ran off to him.
The first two rows of seats were filled with people. Sabrina glanced nervously at Jayson.
“Martin likes us to be here to make an audience,” he whispered. “I’m gonna go sit down. Go up on stage. Break a leg.” He kissed her cheek, then gently pushed her toward the stage.
Many of the audies were already on stage, warming up.
Sabrina found a place to sit along the side of the stage and changed into her pointe shoes. She pinned her number to her leotard and began stretching. A glimmer of hope lit in her heart as she let herself start to believe that life might be different now. She felt like a completely different person from the day before.
Number 43 arrived and sat down a few feet away from her. She glanced at Sabrina’s number, then looked at her strangely. Sabrina smiled and said hello, but she just frowned and looked away.
Sabrina looked out into the audience, feeling confused by the other dancer’s obvious hostility. Jayson and Micah sat in the first row, soon joined by Kyle and Scott. She saw them wave as she leaned forward into a stretch. She waved back and smiled, thankful that she had friends for the first time in a very, very long time.
Master of My Heart Page 9
