She reached up and placed her hand on his cheek, searching his eyes. The rush of energy told him she was reading him. “Why did you hide that from people? You saved that boy.”
“He didn’t think I did.”
“At the moment, he didn’t. But looking back, he will know.”
“Am I a murderer?”
Her eyes softened. “Why would you think that? You’re a hero.” She gave him a soft smile.
“Then why do you call yourself a murderer?”
Her jaw trembled and she pressed her lips together. “It’s different. I wasn’t protecting anyone.”
“You weren’t?” He tilted his head. “I think you were.”
She frowned and shook her head. “No. I wasn’t really in control of what happened.” Her face tightened in pain. “I killed an innocent, too. A little girl who was in the room with us.”
Chase thought he understood what had happened. Alex had explained that when half-Immortals get really, really angry, they can go into an uncontrollable rage. They’d kill anyone in sight. “You were protecting someone, Sabrina. Yourself. It’s something that can happen to someone like you. It was self-defense, not murder.”
“But that girl—”
“When it happens, you’re not in control of yourself. You couldn’t stop.”
“I’d done it before. That’s why my grandmother was tortured to death. Because I was bad.”
“Sabrina . . .” He sighed. “The men who held you were playing psychological games with you. Self-defense is not murder. Killing someone else as punishment because you acted in self-defense is fucked up. Really fucked up.”
She squeezed her eyes shut, but it didn’t seem like it was in pain. “He—” Her eyes snapped open. “It was Master who did that,” she exclaimed softly. “He . . .” She made a face, then frowned. “I had a memory. I could see something for just a moment, but it’s gone now.” She rubbed her face and sighed. “I’m sorry.”
“Why are you apologizing?” Chase smiled. “Theo couldn’t even see those memories. Don’t be ashamed if you can’t hold onto them if they slip out.”
Sabrina was quiet for a few minutes. “You really think they were playing with my head?”
“I’m certain of it.”
She stared at his chest. When he pulled her into his arms, she didn’t resist.
It was heaven, standing there with her. She’d told him her fears in anger, but he hoped she now understood that he wouldn’t reject her because of them. She felt relaxed. Slowly, she wrapped her arms around his waist.
Heaven.
Chapter Forty-Five
Sabrina leaned her head against Chase’s chest and sighed.
It felt like the calm after a massive thunderstorm. She’d told him everything—well, almost everything—and he hadn’t rejected her. For some strange reason, he’d let her admit everything and then had opened his own heart to her, telling her something he’d never told anyone. Then again, she’d admitted things to him that she’d never told anyone, either. Maybe that was why she felt accepted now. Maybe he really was a good guy.
For now, she’d let herself rest in his presence. She needed to think over the things he’d told her. Especially about not being a bad Immortal. It seemed too good to be true. But she had now seen there were good Immortals out there. Maybe what Tom had said was true. There were good and bad Immortals, just as there were good and bad humans.
“Chase?” she asked a few minutes later. She pulled back and looked up at him. “Why doesn’t anything . . . any of the weird stuff freak you out?”
“What weird stuff?”
She looked away again, trying to figure out how to explain what she meant. “I mean, I’m not human. I apparently have a Master . . .” She tipped her head up again. “Why do you not think it’s weird?”
He gave her an endearing smile. “It’s not weird to me. My world . . . It’s not exactly normal.”
She looked around, not understanding what he meant, and frowned. “You seem normal.”
Chase laughed. She loved the sound. “It’s probably easier if I have Richard explain it. Is it okay if they come back in?”
Sabrina chewed her lip. Would he tell them what she’d told him?
“Sabrina, they’ll understand what you told me as much as I do. Trust me, please.”
“Okay,” she said slowly.
“Go sit down. I’ll be back in a few.”
Sabrina sat on the couch and stared at the fruit for a long moment before picking up a strawberry. By the time Chase and the others returned, she’d eaten quite a bit.
Richard smiled warmly as he sat down. “Feeling better?” he asked, glancing at the apple slice she held in her hand.
She had a feeling he wasn’t just talking about her physical being. She nodded.
He grinned. “Good.”
She gave him a shy smile. For some reason, she felt lighter than she had in a really long time. It was a nice sensation, but very strange. Almost disconcerting.
Almost.
“Chase said you’d asked why we didn’t find you . . .” Richard glanced at Chase, “weird, I believe is the word he used.”
Sabrina put the apple slice down and looked at him nervously. “I don’t understand why you’re not freaked out or anything.”
“Well, you can see that we deal with Immortals quite often,” Richard said.
“Does everyone around here?” she asked. The men laughed, but she didn’t think they were laughing at her.
“No, Sabrina. Only a select group of people in the world know of their existence,” Richard said. He glanced at Tom.
“The Immortals, also known as Ilfirin, help guide the leaders of this group. Officially, our name is Nauragar. It means ‘fireblood,’ but we refer to ourselves as Elders. We guide the world on the proper path of balance.”
“Oh.” It sounded so bizarre that if he hadn’t had such a serious look on his face, she might have thought him joking. “That sort of thing really happens?”
Richard nodded. “Yes. And has for thousands of years.”
“How?”
“Richard and I are Elders,” Tom explained. “In each of the major countries of the world, we gather together and form what is called the Brotherhood. We seek to influence for the good, although sometimes a Brother steps out to seek his own power. We try our best to fix that and undo the harm he did.” His eyes squeezed shut with pain, and she wondered what he wasn’t telling her. “Each major country has seven Elders, usually chosen by their bloodline, who work to guide their country in the best possible direction. Although, with the advent of social networking, the task grows more difficult by the day.” He frowned. “There may come a day when we can no longer influence the people as we’d like, but we will continue to try until the task becomes utterly fruitless.”
“So . . . ,” she began slowly. “You’re saying there are seven men who control each country?”
Richard nodded. “The major countries, yes.”
She sighed and leaned back into the couch. “Those conspiracy TV shows are right? About the Vanderbilts and Kennedys and stuff?”
Tom and Richard laughed. “Not quite,” Richard said. “That’s what we let people think to keep them from finding out the truth.”
“So you’re all Elders?”
“Tom and I are Elders. Tommy and Chase are our heirs. They are called Elder-Sons.”
“But Chase isn’t your son,” Sabrina protested slowly, glancing at Chase.
Richard nodded. “Being an Elder is usually passed from father to son. I have four daughters and no sons, so when I became an Elder ten years ago, I chose Chase to be my heir.”
“Your dad wasn’t an Elder?”
Richard shook his head. “I became an Elder when there was a . . . um . . .” He looked at Tom.
“There was a man who sought his o
wn power, putting his desires over the needs of the people,” Tom continued, eyes sad. “He was forcefully removed, as were his conspirators. Well, those who didn’t try and stop him.”
She studied him, sensing the pain in his heart. “You were close to him?”
Tom frowned and nodded. “Yes. I . . .” He sighed. “He was my best friend. But when I realized what he was doing, what he really wanted, I worked to stop him. Four US Elders were replaced. Richard is one of the new ones.”
Tommy patted his dad on his back. “It turned out okay, Dad.”
She could see the grief on Tom’s face and wondered what happened, but he smoothed away his troubled expression and smiled at his son. “Yes, it did.”
“Okay,” Sabrina said softly. “So, Immortals work with you guys to keep the world going the way it’s supposed to go.” She nodded thoughtfully. “What did Theo mean by . . . everything he said before he disappeared?”
Richard and Tom glanced at each other. “Honestly?” Richard said. “We’re not exactly sure. All we know is that you need to be protected.”
“From what?”
“From your Master.”
She shivered at the word. “How can I have a Master? I mean, I know that I do somehow, but how is that possible and what does it mean?”
“Our world is a world of strict hierarchy,” Richard explained. “The rules of the Brotherhood are absolute with very little wiggle room to exploit. When an Elder tells you to do something, you either do it or there are consequences. Sometimes very severe.”
Sabrina blinked and shivered. “Oh.”
“The Brothers are not slaves, but there are slaves associated with us,” Tom said. “We are their Masters and they obey us.”
“They’re not evil, Sabrina,” Chase added. “They treat their slaves very well and they are happy.”
“Wh-What kind of slaves do you have?” she asked.
“Mostly sex slaves. Men are more easily controlled when there’s a beautiful woman encouraging him.”
“Is . . . that what you want from me?” she asked, twisting her fingers around themselves and looking around the room.
“No, Sabrina. It’s not,” Richard said, reaching out to pat her hand. “Let me back up a bit, all right?”
“Okay.”
“We’ve told you a bit about the Brotherhood. You’ll learn more about us, regardless of what you choose. Chase will be Elder someday, and if you decide to remain unmarried and become an Elder-Mistress, you will pass on to him when I am gone.
“As a Koriathanati, you have certain desires that are stronger than the average woman. Sexual desires. I’m sure you know this, but I want to assure you that it’s normal.” He paused, seemingly waiting for a response from her, so she nodded. “Immortals are sexual beings. Their daughters are, as well. More so than humans. Much more so. You could actually be driven insane if you’re not—if you go without sexual satisfaction for an extended period of time.”
“Really?”
“Yes. Really.” Richard smiled. “You also have certain innate abilities that are useful to Elders, including being able to read people incredibly accurately and use that knowledge to gain the upper hand, almost controlling them in a supernatural manner.” Richard sighed. “Most likely, it was for this purpose that your Master had you bred for him.”
She nodded. What he said made sense. Ramon liked to use her for that when he had difficult or stubborn clients.
“Men who go into politics generally have strong egos and sexual drives, so we use that to our advantage. To, well, control them. Not overtly,” he added quickly. “More of a guiding hand to ensure the right things are done.”
“So you’d use me to do that?” she asked nervously.
Tom nodded. “Yes, but not in a disrespectful way. Not how you’ve been used before. You would be treated with the utmost respect. You would be, well, worshiped.”
Her mouth dropped open. “Worshiped?”
“Sabrina, you are a goddess,” Richard said earnestly. “A beautiful, seductive creature who has abilities that can help us a lot. You could make a real difference in the world.”
“They wouldn’t hurt you,” Chase said. “You’d probably feel quite comfortable once you got used to it.” His face was impassive, making Sabrina wonder if he wanted her to take the option Richard and Tom offered.
Since Richard and Tom knew what she was, was there even a chance they would let her have her own life? Or would they lock her away and only let her out when they wanted to use her? Tears burned her eyes. “I don’t want to be locked away in a room for the rest of my life.”
Chase shook his head. “No one is going to make you do anything you don’t want to do. No one.” His eyes hardened at the last words. “But . . .” He sighed. “I’ve met other Elder-Mistresses. They’re . . . different. They don’t want to be tied down to one man.”
Sabrina was now certain that Chase was just being kind earlier. He didn’t want her. Maybe he just wanted to keep from hurting her feelings? Her head was starting to hurt and she wanted to go to bed. Would they even let her go home after what Theo had said? Would she be taken somewhere for “safekeeping?”
“We have Gatherings where business is taken care of, relationships are built and strengthened,” Richard continued. “We’d like you to attend one and see what it would be like to be where you are meant to be.” He grinned. “I assure you, you would be well attended to by the men there. And the women, if you’re interested.”
She felt sick and confused. She didn’t want to go to this thing Richard was talking about. Right now, she just wanted to be left alone.
But she couldn’t tell them that. She nodded and continued listening to Richard’s explanation. “I’m not going to force you to attend, Sabrina,” he said kindly. “I understand if the idea is frightening or unappealing in any way. But I also don’t want to hide what it would be like.” He glanced at Chase, then back at her. “I know you have feelings for one another. Neither option will work if you have hesitations. Either way, the Brotherhood will be a part of your life. Chase is an Elder-Son, so he has obligations that go along with that. But your participation in the organization is your choice, Sabrina.”
Why are they assuming Chase and I have any sort of future? She didn’t want to contradict anything Richard said, though, so she kept quiet.
“If you choose to work with us, you would become what is called an Elder-Mistress. You would belong to all the US Elders, not just me. It’s not safe to have you under the control of only one man.”
“Of course, the other option for protection is for you to marry an Elder-Son,” Tom said. “It’s not an ‘official’ means of protection, but a marriage bond is very strong and can offer a great deal of safety.”
Sabrina glanced at Tommy, who laughed and held up his hand. “I’m already married with seven kids. He’s talking about Chase.”
She blinked, staring at Tom, then looked at Chase. “Is that . . . why you said what you did in the car?”
Chase shook his head. “I didn’t know about any of the stuff Theo told us until you did. I . . .” He gave a small smile. “When we met, I told you I wanted to spend my life with you. That didn’t change when you disappeared.”
She stared at him, but didn’t read him. If he wanted to marry her, why would he extol the positives of becoming an Elder . . . whatever Richard had said it was?
She looked back at Richard. “Can he protect me?”
He nodded. “He needs to learn a bit, but yes. Just being married will be a significant level of protection.”
“Being married is actually a stronger bond than being an Elder-Mistress,” Tom added. “But Elders have an element of power that a Son doesn’t, so I suppose it evens out.”
Sabrina was quiet for a few minutes, thinking about what they’d told her so far. “Would being an Elder-Mistress mean I would be a sl
ave?”
“No, not in the sense that you’re imagining,” Richard answered. “There is a great amount of autonomy with them. On one level, yes, you are a kind of slave because we would be your Masters, to protect you and keep you safe from harm. If we commanded you to do something, you would do it. But we don’t usually do that out of respect for you and the Immortals. We only command if it’s absolutely necessary.”
She pressed her lips together and swallowed. “Would I be able to keep dancing?”
“You could do pretty much whatever you wanted, except when one of us needed you.”
“What if I don’t want either of those?” Neither option seemed very appealing at the moment.
Richard glanced at Chase, a concerned look on his face. “I wouldn’t recommend that, Sabrina. You’re vulnerable without protection. And, to be honest, there’s a lot more at stake than just your desires. You heard Theo. That Master cannot get you back.”
She scoffed. “Or what? The world will end?”
“Yes.”
The expressions on their faces made her skin tingle. She’d meant it sarcastically, but they looked very serious.
“How can I make a decision like this right now?” she whispered. Her mind was about to explode. Chase didn’t seem to want her, and she wanted to cry and scream, then go to sleep. She rubbed her face and bit her lip to keep it from quivering.
*****
Chase watched Sabrina the entire time Richard and Tom spoke. He saw her stress level increasing dramatically. Not that he could blame her. Nobody could absorb everything they were telling her. What distressed him was that she was pulling away from him and he didn’t understand why. He didn’t want to pressure her into choosing him, even though that was what he wanted more than anything else in the world. But maybe it had backfired and she thought he didn’t want her. He’d felt her start pulling away after he’d mentioned she might be comfortable being an Elder-Mistress, which she very well might. That was what she was made for. But maybe she’d interpreted his comments into something along the lines that he wasn’t interested in her anymore.
He needed to fix that, soon, but right now, it looked like she was on the verge of a panic attack. He wanted to calm her down.
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