Black Hart

by L. J. Swartz

  I left my phone at my room. I have no clue what time it is, but I know it's early. I got my shoes on my feet, but not tied, before Carmen came after me. That woman is a glutton for punishment. My laces are dragging on the ground as I walk around trying to handle my morning. I never thought for even a second that it would turn out that way. I don't deserve it. I should go home and turn myself in. Problem is I can't crawl into a car to get there. I got very drunk and my friends even drugged me to get me here. I woke up like 30 minutes early and they had one hell of a time keeping me from freaking out before we got here. At one point one of them punched me in the face. I'm trapped here. That's what I deserve. To be trapped in my pain, in the darkness. I hear a car pull up to the curb next to me. I don't look. I don't need to. I can feel her. "Dalton please wait." She calls out. I shake my head no and keep walking. I can hear her run up to me. I could run away, but I don't even have it in me. She wraps her arms around me from behind. I stop walking. "Dalton please let me help you." I just stand there letting her do this. Letting her do what she needs to do so that she can move on knowing she tried to save the broken man her father once helped. She releases me and walks around to look at me face to face. "Dalton I know you're scared. I know you obviously loved Gretchen, or you wouldn't be tormenting yourself like you do. But please give me a chance." I shake my head no. "I'll fuck it up." I state knowing I will. This has nothing to do with giving her a chance. I'm the one who doesn't deserve the chance. "No you won't. Not if we get you some help. If you talk to someone who can help you move forward." I meet her gaze with a smirk on my face. She looks a bit worried now. "I don't want to move on. Do you get that? I don't want you." As I say the words the fowl taste of my lie fills my mouth. "Leave me alone. Go back home and leave me alone." I bark then walk out around her. "I'm not leaving." She calls out. I shake my head as I walk away. What a stupid woman. I pull my hood up over my head hating myself for feeling a bit relieved that she seems determined to not let me push her away. It's for her own good though. Won't be long before she gives up and goes home.

  "She's persistent that one." Sunny mumbles with a smile as Carmen walks through the door of the shop with a take out bag from Mabel's in her hand. I just said goodbye to my client. It's like she knows when my schedule opens up. I'm free for two hours now. I glance at Sunny. She winks at me. Traitor. "Hey." She greets happily then stands on her tip toes kissing my cheek. I shake my head at her. She just smiles then holds the bag out to me. "Your favorite." I cross my arms over my chest. "How do you know?" I challenge. She winks at me. "Mabel." She has been coming in everyday for a week now bringing me food and just making her presence known. If I ask her to leave she goes, but she will be at my door after work. She stays with my every night which is just me being weak. She even went as far as to find a few apartments that are available within walking distance to the shop. I want to hate it. Truth is I'm losing the battle to keep pushing her away. It's hard not to want to grab her and tell her I'll be the man she thinks I am. I know I'm not though. She deserves the best guy on the planet. I hope he comes along soon, or else she'll get stuck with me, because I'm close to giving in. A man can only tell a gorgeous woman no so many times. I've never had anyone stick around for me. Makes me like her a little more than I'm willing to admit. "You know Mabel wants me with Jen. She probably lied to you." She chuckles shaking her head no. "Jen has a date with officer Smith tonight." She raises her eye brow. I shake my head asking, "You have anything to do with that?" I cross my arms over my chest as she shrugs shaking her head yes then tells me, "No." I smirk at her. Damn it she's fucking amazing. I haven't been to the bar once this week. It's been different, but nice. When we're alone in my room I hold her while we watch tv. Last night she tried to get me to fuck her. I wanted to. But I know if I take that step I'm done for. I think I may already be done for.... I'm keeping my distance for her. She huffs then grabs my hand pulling me toward the break room. I smile the whole way enjoying the view. She drops the bag to the table then pushes me to one of the chairs. "Water, pop?" "Soda." I correct with a smile. We've had this fight a few times now. She shrugs. "What do you want Dalton?" I love how she gets frustrated over simple shit like that yet she's staying here to try and get me to into a relationship with her. She hasn't once shown any signs of being annoyed with my consistent resistance. I smile whispering, "You." I don't realize I say it out loud until her eyes widen then she huffs. "Funny, don't be an ass." It takes me exactly one second to realize I meant it. I stand and walk to her. This is stupid. This woman wants me for whatever fucking reason, and I'm pushing her away. For what? She isn't going anywhere I know this. She knows my darkest secret and is still here. I don't deserve it, but damn it..... I want to keep her here. I want to prove I deserve her. Even though I know I don't. I slide my hands to her hips. She swallows hard as she looks up at me. I smile getting my lips right next to hers. "Why do you want me?" I whisper as I close my eyes feeling her smile against my lips as I press mine to hers. She slides her hands up my arms. I keep the kiss simple. I'm having a moment of weakness right now. That's all this is. I know it makes me a dick because I have no intention of letting it get serious. Ever. I just need to be close to her for a minute. I take my lips from hers then step back whispering, "Soda." She searches my face then nods and walks out the door. I let out a breath. I need to do something to get this girl to leave. I'll go to Kiki's tonight. If that doesn't work. I may have to consider marrying this girl. I smile as I walk over and sit at the table.

  Carmen hung around after lunch for a bit then left when my client came in. I don't particularly care if someone sits and watches me tattoo, but I can't think straight with her around. I need to focus when I'm with my clients. I just sent my last client of the day out the door. I go back to my station and get everything cleaned up. I need to be a dick. I need to get ruthless if I'm going to get Carmen to realize she deserves better than me. I'm used to pain, so I can handle letting her go for her happiness. I pull out my phone and text her letting her know I'm heading to Kiki's and that she needs to stay somewhere else tonight. I get a message back right away. Just a simple. K. I know I'm hurting her, but what I will do down the line will destroy her. I know this. I'm like a bad luck charm that hurts everyone who tries to love me. I walk down the street to Kiki's. I stop outside the door and take a deep breath then open the door. I don't feel like this is my safe haven anymore. That scares me. I know who is my safe haven. I can't let that happen again. I walk over and sit in an empty stool. Wes walks over. "Hey man been a bit. I was starting to miss you." He jokes. I smile at him. "I just got a bit sidetracked. Can I get a beer please." He gives me a funny look. I always get rum. It fucks me up quick. I don't want to get fucked up. I like how I feel without the haze. Dealing with the pain sober isn't as bad as I thought. Gretchen's mom is right about one thing. I need to live my life better. I need to show Gretchen I can be the man I would have been had I not killed her. I shake my head as I think about what my life would have been like next to her. She made me so fucking happy. Just her presence made me smile. She always wanted kids. I could have been a dad by now. Maybe a beautiful little girl who looked just like her.... Wes sits my drink down in front of me. "Hey dude you ok?" He looks around a bit then back to me. I look up realizing a single tear escaped while I was thinking of her. I wipe it away quickly as I nod. "Thanks." I hold the beer up then take a swig. He nods then leans forward. "Dalton. I don't know what troubles you..." I hold my hand up. The last thing I need right now is someone else thinking I need to talk. "I'm good. Just a rough night with a lady." I explain so he leaves it. It's half true. Carmen is bringing back all my past regrets, and I'm having a hard time dealing with it all. He nods then walks over to wait on someone. I sit there just drinking my beer. I take the last swig and am about to head out when a hand slides to my arm. I look at her with a raised eye brow. Abby. "Hey Dalton." She's trying to be all sexy, but failing miserably. Some woman have that natural sex appeal. Abby does not, but what she lacks in sex appeal she makes up
for in willingness. I swallow hard realizing she is exactly what I need to get Carmen to realize I am not who she should be wasting her time on. I force a smile to my lips. I'm going to need to drink more and fast if I'm going to be able to go through with this. I flag down Wes. He looks to me. "Rum." I call out. He nods and turns to get it. "I'll have one too." She purrs. I smile then call out, "Make it two Wes." He nods as he grabs another glass off the shelf. He walks over with a smirk on his face and sits our drinks in front of us as Abby sits in the stool next to me. I throw a 20 on the bar top. "Keep it." He nods then looks Abby over before turning and walking to the register. He must not get much pussy. I would think it would be easy pickings since he's a bartender. "So I know you told me we were done, but I can't find anyone to fuck me hard like you Dalton. I just want one night." She tells me bluntly. That's perfect. One nights all I need to rip Carmen's heart out and send her on her way. I swallow hard feeling like I may choke on the doubt that rises. I tip up my glass chugging it down. I need to be numb.

  Abby pulls me off the stool. I stumble. She giggles loudly. "Damn it. I hope you can get it up." I bust up laughing then stand up abruptly causing myself to get a head rush. Come on Dalton get your shit together. "I'll be fine." I assure. She raises her eye brow then slides her hand to the crease of my arm. We head for the door. "Dalton." I close my eyes. I was so close. I was ready to do this. Now........ Carmen steps up to us. Abby looks from me to her. I can't look at her. I know what I'll see. "You're not driving are you?" She asks looking to Abby. Abby shakes her head no explaining, "We always walk." Carmen nods then steps aside. "Just be careful, ok." I swallow hard then look to her. Yep I'm fucked. She was seriously just going to let me leave here with someone else. I slowly take my arm from Abby's hand. Carmen smiles weakly then holds her hands up. "Dalton. I'm nothing to you. I'm not trying to stop this. I just wanted to make sure she wasn't driving. You're both fucked up." My breathing increases as I let her words sink in. "You think you're nothing?" My words are slightly slurred. She gives me a look letting me know that's exactly what she thinks. "You're wrong. You stupid fucking woman." I hiss then start to walk toward the door. She grabs my arm. I jerk it free. "Dalton. You can fuck other woman. You can say hurtful things. You can even call me hurtful names. I'm not leaving. I'll be here when you finally accept that." I shake my head back and forth. "Go the fuck away Carmen." I hiss then walk out the door slamming into it so hard I stumble forward. I am just about to face plant to the ground when strong arms catch me around my waist. I get stable then look to see who it is. It's Big Jim. A local hard ass I've tattooed a few times. He works on an oil rig. He's a beast of a man and right about now I'm happy he is. He just saved my face from the pavement. I'm sure I wouldn't have felt much right now, but tomorrow would have sucked. "Thanks man." I slap his arm. He nods then steps back revealing Carmen and Abby. I sigh loudly. "Neither of you are coming with me. Got it?" I hiss then start off down the street. I sway a bit and trip as my foot slips off the sidewalk to the road. I fall forward but catch myself. "Dalton." Carmen calls out worried. I wave my hand in the air as I get back to my feet. She steps up next to me grabbing onto my arm. I look to her. "Carmen please go." I plead feeling tears spring to my eyes. Her bottom lip quivers as she releases my arm. I instantly want my words back. I reach out touching her face. She shakes her head back and forth blinking her eyes. "I'll, uh....see you tomorrow." She mumbles then swipes under her eyes. I let out a breath. "Carmen please. I'm bad luck or something. Go for your own happiness." She looks me dead on. "You are my shot at happiness." She turns and walks away. I don't know what to say or think so I just sit down right there dropping my head into my hands. How fucked up is she if she thinks I'M her only chance at happiness. I just sit there. After a bit I hear, "Dalton." Fuck she's still here. I gotta give her points for persistence. I've never had a woman hang around for me like she is. "FUCK ME." I jump up feeling a lot better. Clearer headed. I turn around as she steps to me sliding her hands up my chest. I swallow hard. "Dalton. Let me in." She barks. It's not needy at all. She's demanding it. I huff then take her hands from me. She hangs her head. I slide my fingers between hers causing her head to snap up. I smirk. She doesn't say a word. She just steps to me pressing her lips to mine. I kiss her back immediately. I'm so tired of trying to push her away. I don't want to. I know I should, for her sake, but she wins.

  I slam her to the door crashing my lips to hers. She wraps her arms around my neck plunging her tongue into my mouth with the same enthusiasm. She moans into my mouth. I could come in my pants right now. She reaches down unbuttoning my pants. She's wearing those damn tight ass yoga pants again so I push them off her hips grabbing her naked ass in my hands. She smiles as she pulls my zipper down, then slides her hands into my boxers wrapping both hands around me pumping them up and down me fast. "Fuck Carmen you gotta stop that." She smiles up at me. I wish I was sober. I have no control over feeling everything she is causing in me. "Say it again and I will." It feels so good. I don't want to. "That's what I thought." She keeps up her pace. I widen my stance letting myself enjoy her hands on me. "You look so fucking hot standing there like that." She hisses. I meet her gaze. I need to be inside her. I grab her hands taking them from me. She raises her eye brow. "Get your pants off." I command. She licks her lips then pushes her pants and panties down her legs. I push mine down and step from them. She smiles as I step to her pushing her toward the bed. I place one hand behind her head and the other behind her back then lay her back slowly. She looks up at me as I move between her legs. I position myself at her entrance. It takes everything in me not to just slam into her. I watch as her breathing picks up as I stay right there not entering her. She closes her eyes and is practically panting by the time I push into her a little bit just burying my tip in her. She digs her finger nails into my back grabbing handfuls of my shirt then tugs on it pulling it up and over my head. I take one arm out at a time. She starts to move beneath me. I pull from her completely. "Dalton please." She begs grabbing onto my hips moving under me as if I were inside her. It's sexy as fuck. "Please what?" I ask toying with her. She groans then opens her eyes slowly. "You know what I want." She barks frustrated. "No I don't." I tell her calmly. She is really moving beneath me. "I want you Dalton. I want you inside me." She calls out. That's what I wanted to hear. I slide into her slowly burying myself in as far as I can. She arches off the bed. I close my eyes trying not think about how fucking sexy she looks right now. I lean down trailing kisses up her neck as I pump into her slowly. She slides her hand up and into my hair as I trail kisses back down and across her collar bone. She takes my face in both her hands bringing my lips to hers. I kiss her softly. She slips her tongue pass my lips. I suck it into my mouth. She moans loudly circling her hips. I keep myself under control. She's always the one driving me crazy. It's my turn to repay the favor. I pull from her completely making her groan. I move down her body trailing kisses down between her tits to her belly button dipping my tongue in. She moans loudly then slides her hands into my hair tugging as I kiss from one hip to the other. "Dalton please you're torturing me." She pleads all breathy. I smile then lick her hip before placing a kiss there. I look up at her. "Carmen look at me." I whisper. She huffs then looks to me meeting my gaze. "I'm not trying to torture you. I want to taste every inch of you." She moans slamming her head to the bed. I continue my exploration of her body trailing kisses down her leg. I stop at her knee lifting her leg to lick the crease. She groans slamming her hands to the bed grabbing on to the bed spread. I could do this all night if she keeps reacting this way. I finish that leg then suck her big toe into my mouth before working my way up the other leg. I stop between her legs to suck her clit into my mouth making her come instantly. She's trembling all over as I push her legs apart sliding easily back inside her. She grabs my shoulders pulling me to her. I bury my face into her neck breathing in her hair. Coconut, something fruity, and Carmen. She moves with me holding me close. I press kisses to her neck and shoulder as I pump into her.
She starts to quiver beneath me. I smile as she clenches onto me calling out, "Dalton." My name has never sounded as hot as it does coming from her pretty mouth as I make her come. I pick up my pace a bit causing her to groan loudly then bite onto my neck. It's too much. I release into her whispering, "Carmen," into her neck. She digs her hands into my hair pulling my lips to hers. I kiss her as I fill her letting myself feel all the scary shit I don't usually let myself.