by AJ Llewellyn
“Don’t call her that.” Ferric was stressed, too. “She was rude about you and dad. She didn’t believe me about the art gift and asked me where it was.” His voice choked with emotion. “I told her where it was to shut her up. I told her I’d show it to her but then she and that FBI guy who’s got a thing for Dad, left.”
I stared at the top of Francois’s head. I knew I hadn’t been wrong. Sage still had a thing for my man.
“Oh, my God,” Ferric said. We all leaned in and took a closer look. To my utter astonishment, it wasn’t Shenice who ransacked our bedroom closet and stole our ugly art piece. It was Sage.
And Benny.
Lieutenant Jack Tarren arrived twenty minutes later. He must have burned rubber getting to the North Shore so fast. The days of driving from Waikiki to our neighborhood in under an hour were long gone.
“What’s going on?” he asked. I recognized him now. A big, burly white cop who’d grown up in Alaska, he was used to being in far-flung outposts. He was one of the new leading lights of the CID and he’d been one of the few cops not involved in the mailbox debacle.
“Hey, Mingo,” he said, shaking my hand. “Congratulations on the wedding. My wife saw the photos on Instagram.”
“Oh, thanks.” I hadn’t even checked the Internet for wedding photos yet.
Francois quickly explained. “We got a wedding gift yesterday. Mingo went and picked it up at Honolulu Harbor. He signed all the paperwork and brought it home. We opened up the box. It was a big one. The art piece is a famous one. It’s called Crater, and it’s actually a dead eagle—”
“A real one?” Jack looked stunned.
“Yeah. A real one. A bald eagle. We had no idea. It’s a famous one that’s been the bone of contention between a family that had it, and the IRS. An old friend of Mingo’s sent it to him. A guy he hasn’t seen for years.”
“Name?” Jack asked.
“Jeffrey Toomer.”
“Toomac,” I reminded Francois.
“Oh, yeah. Right. Anyway, I researched the damned monstrosity he sent us and discovered it’s worth over a hundred million dollars.”
“Is this a joke?” Jack asked.
“No. It’s real. And it’s fucking frightening.”
“Don’t swear, Dad.” Ferric seemed totally stressed out too, now.
“Grab my iPad and buy yourself a new game,” Francois said. He never urged Ferric to play video games. If anything, they argued about him spending less time playing them. Ferric took the hint, though, and took off.
Once he was out of earshot, Francois told Jack, “We stand to be in a lot of trouble for owning it and not paying the tax lien on it. We can’t sell it either. Donation would also be a problem. But we were going to tackle the issue today and discovered it was gone.”
“That’s convenient,” Jack said, his tone skeptical.
“Yeah. I see how it might look but I have video of it being stolen from our closet. We stashed it in there because we were expecting a houseful of people for our wedding. Our son made the mistake of telling his mom where it was.”
“And she took it?”
“No. Former FBI Agent, Sage Brantley took it.”
“Brantley…Brantley. I don’t know him.”
“He’s retired from the agency. Been trying to get into HPD.”
“Oh. I heard about him. He the fat guy that keeps failing the physical?”
“He’s not fat.” Francois scratched at his scalp. I knew he was beyond irritated. “But he wasn’t alone.” Francois closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “He had help stealing that eagle—from Benny Leonard.”
Jack stared at him. “The big criminal defense attorney? And you say you have footage of this theft?”
“Yeah.” Francois showed him the tape, then showed him the rest of it. Sage and Benny leaving through the front door and racing out front. It took Francois a minute to switch to the cameras out front. Shenice was in a red car I’d never seen before. She’d parked outside the house, so it was hard to see the license plate. The two men ran out to her, and she got out, helping them load the big box onto the backseat.
Once they’d loaded up, she turned the vehicle around, heading back toward the freeway.
“God.” Jack shook his head. “She’s preggers.”
“Yeah.” I spoke for the first time. “It looks like the license plate could be enhanced.”
“I’ll work on that,” Francois said.
“That’s a rental car.” Jack pointed to a hologram-style sticker on the driver’s side window. “That’s an anti-theft sticker some of the companies are using now because so many travelers steal the damned cars.”
Francois looked at him. “From an island?”
“Yeah. It’s the new thing. They strip off the GPS trackers and ship ‘em to other islands, and the mainland. Once they’re gone from here, it’s hard to track ‘em.” He gestured to the paused footage on the computer. “This is a bad deal. Benny Leonard. Wow.”
My cell phone rang. “It’s Benny. What do I say to him?” I asked Jack.
“Is he calling on business?”
“I assume so. He has a cousin and client who was arrested on fraud charges yesterday. Today he’s up on murder charges as well.”
“Oh, the weirdo chef guy who got creative with a Foreman grill?” Jack shook his head.
“That’s him. Benny wants me to handle the bank fraud portion.”
“Answer it. Put him on speaker. Don’t let him know you’ve twigged to the robbery.”
I took the call. “Hey, Benny.” I hoped I sounded normal. Well, normal for me, anyway.
“Hey, stud. Lookit. I’m working like a madman to stop Lippy being extradited to the mainland. He’ll get a fairer trial here.”
“For homicide?” Was he kidding?
“He didn’t mean to kill that guy yesterday.”
“Okay,” I said.
“I know you’re probably basking in some wedding afterglow or something, but can you and Leilani go to the credit union this morning? The one Lippy did his shady business with at the Pearl Harbor base?”
I hesitated, but Jack gave me a thumbs-up.
“Yeah. I guess. What time?”
“Nine-thirty. The branch manager’s expecting you. And Leilani.”
“That’s mighty big of her considering what your cousin did to her.”
“You don’t like Lippy, do you?” Benny asked.
“No. I generally don’t like thieves. Or murderers.”
Jack shook his head vehemently at me.
“I get it. But can you do it?” Benny asked. “I want you to get copies of all the phony checks. My plan is to try and pin as much of the deceit on his co-conspirators as I can.”
Jack was nodding at me.
“Yeah. I can do it.” I felt crummy about the whole thing. I wanted to be as far away from Benny and Lippy as possible. Benny was dreaming if he thought he could get Lippy off a little lighter if he wasn’t part of a check kiting gang. Yeah, good luck with that one.
Jack scrawled something in a small notebook and turned it to me. Get him to meet you there.
“Can you meet us there?” I asked Benny, smooth as silk.
“Why do you need me there?”
“I think it would be nice, considering the circumstances. We’re now working for a murderer.”
“You’re squeamish about that?” Benny blew out a breath. “All right. I’ll meet you there. But I can’t stay. I’m meeting Sage and a, um, a friend, for breakfast at Zippy’s.”
“What time?” I asked, hoping I hadn’t gone too far.
“Ten. The one on Nimitz Highway.”
I knew that Zippy’s. It was the only one close to the airport. That got a big thumbs-up from Jack who walked away, pressing numbers on his cell phone. I had an idea the “um, friend” he was meeting was Shenice. She was probably having her last breakfast on the island before absconding back to Jamaica, where she lived.
She had no idea how much trouble that eagle wa
s going to bring her.
Benny ended the call, and I eyed the time on Francois’s computer. It was now eight-fifteen. I had an hour and fifteen minutes to make it to the credit union at the base. It would take me at least thirty minutes to get there.
I called Leilani who was plenty mad about missing breakfast.
“I’ll take you out for saimin afterward,” I promised.
“Okay. You’re picking me up?”
“Yep. As soon as I change into business casual.” That meant nice pants. I could stick with my aloha shirt.
Francois looked at me. “I don’t want you going alone.”
“He’ll be fine. I’m going to have Benny arrested there. You and I are going to work on the license plate on that vehicle. As soon as we get Benny, I have arranged for officers to move in on his accomplices at Zippy’s. You know, Sage Brantley’s escalated his criminal activities in just twenty-four hours.”
“He has?” Mom asked. “How?”
“Yesterday, he got arrested for stealing donuts—”
“From the bakery?” Francois asked. “We thought he was arrested for soliciting an undercover officer.”
Jack gave us each a weird look. “You were there?”
“No. I provided security for the businesses there. I had no idea they hired a guard.”
“The bakery owner hired him after Lippy, who is her brother, broke in there and stole food. Twice. She’s been antsy because she said Lippy can become violent easily. She found this guard online and said he was a real head case. Anyway, she said Sage came in, ordered a bunch of stuff and ran off with a box of pastries.”
So. Jason Strand had been working as a security guard.
“The guard found him in the lot. He arrested Sage, but it really wasn’t his job. He kept posing as a police officer and hauling people into Beretania police station. You got him on tape too?”
“Yeah,” Francois said. “We were looking for our friend Leilani Squires and we saw her on surveillance footage being abducted by Lippy.”
“Ah. Okay. You two have had an interesting couple of days, haven’t you?” He glanced at me. “By the way, apparently Sage Brantley claimed you were going to pay for them, along with your wedding pastries.”
“Me?” My voice came out in a mousy squeak.
“Oh, my God.” Francois slapped his desk. “No wonder Vitoria kept banging on about the donuts when I went in there. She wouldn’t let me take the wedding cake, which we paid hundreds for. She kept on and on about the donuts. I had no idea what she was talking about. Mingo, she thinks we’re thieves!”
“No,” Mom said. “I paid for them. I didn’t know what she was talking about either. I didn’t say anything to you because I thought Mingo went in and got them and ate them all.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
“Sorry, son. I love you.” She gave me what she must have thought was a winning smile.
I stomped off, got changed, and drove off to the OK Corral in Francois’s SUV. I wanted to drive in his vehicle because I would have a piece of him with me. Besides, I knew he’d be tracking my moves. I was nervous, and when I collected Leilani and filled her in on everything, I feared she’d jump out of the SUV.
Instead, she said, “How exciting! I can’t wait to see Benny going down! Do you think they’ll let me punch him in the jaw?”
“Probably not.”
“I’ve been watching the news reports on Lippy. He’s a maniac. Did you know he’s been living rough in the bamboo forest up by the old ruins of King Kamehameha III’s summer palace? He gets hysterical if somebody plucks a leaf off a tree, but he kills actual people?”
“You mean there’s more than one?”
“Nah. But he hit him damned hard. I heard it from the kitchen. Mingo, I would have run, except I was worried about Mrs. Plinky. I was afraid he’d kill her.”
She’d told me the same thing at the wedding. Now, without music, booze and food, it seemed even more terrifying than it had the day before.
We arrived at the credit union at nine twenty-two. I parked in one of the marked spaces in the open lot. It was a long, low, single-story, beige-colored building. I still couldn’t figure out why Lippy had picked this obscure place to stage his financial fraud. I’d done some scant research on him, and he didn’t seem to have a military background. Maybe someone in the family did and helped him open an account here.
I didn’t see any cop cars around, but suddenly got a text. Jack.
Go inside. I have undercover officers waiting for Benny. Act normal!
I read the text to Leilani.
“Is he high?” she asked. “I’m excited, but I’m also as nervous as hell.”
“Me, too.”
I turned off the ignition. We gripped hands for a moment, got out of the car and went inside. The place was tense. Perhaps they knew somebody was going to be arrested. On the wall ahead were the words, We Serve Where You Serve.
A man in a shiny suit walked over to me. He looked tense. Seconds later, Benny walked in.
It was instant insanity. The few customers who were in there dropped to the ground. So did Leilani and I. Benny screamed like a banshee as US Marshals appeared out of nowhere in their marked flak jackets and tackled him to the ground.
“I’m not resisting arrest!” he kept shouting. When they hauled him to his feet, his cuffed hands behind him, he looked over at me. “Mingo! Help!”
But there was nothing I could, or would do for him now.
***
Leilani and I drove back to the North Shore. Francois called and demanded that I come home immediately.
“I’m ordering saimin from Shige’s saimin stand. They’ll bring us teriyaki beef stick, grilled cheese sandwiches, too. Whatever we want. But come home now.”
So, we did. Mele, my mom, Ferric, and Francois gave us both hugs. They all took turns telling us the latest developments.
Shenice and Sage had been arrested at Zippy’s. She’d been about to leave the country and she tried to pin it all on Sage and Benny, but Sage claimed he had no idea what was in the big box. She’d begged him and Benny to remove it from the closet.
Benny called me, and he sounded miserable. “Mingo, I swear, I had no idea she was stealing from you. And I knew nothing about that eagle! A hundred million smackers. Sheesh! She said it was clothes Ferric had outgrown and she wanted them. She said some of them were baby clothes and she had a sentimental attachment to them.”
“And you believed her?”
“Stupid, I know. I shoulda known it was bullshit. I mean, you haven’t had Ferric that long, but Sage asked me to help.”
“Do you think he knew?”
“Yeah,” he said. “I think they’ve been having an affair. Her new guy was pretty upset to see Sage here. He left in a huff, and she couldn’t carry that box herself because she’s pregnant. Oh, Mingo. I was only trying to help her.” I thought he was going to cry. “Do you know how embarrassing it was to have to call my parents and ask them to bail me out? Me! A man of the law.”
“I can only imagine.” I believed Benny. It relieved me that he’d made a silly mistake, and that he wasn’t some criminal mastermind. I was also shocked to know that on the happiest day of my life, all this drama had been going on right under my nose.
“Where’s Sage?” I asked.
“Back in jail.”
Ferric tapped me on the shoulder. “Dad. Look who’s clicking like on all the wedding photos I posted online.”
I gritted my teeth. “Jeffrey Toomer.”
“Toomac,” Francois corrected.
“I gotta go,” I told Benny. “I’ve gotta delete someone’s ass.” I ended the call and unfriended and blocked Toomer from my life. I checked the eBay listing. It hadn’t budged from ten dollars. Ha! She did have a bid, though, at the starting price. I wondered who it was.
“Grandma made that bid,” Ferric said. “That way, when she wins, she’ll be letting Mrs. Clayton know that we know she sold our wedding swag.”
I grabbed my
kid and hugged him.
Francois ordered food and it arrived. It was so delicious and fulfilled all my saimin wishes. I was working through a grilled cheese sandwich when the idea for what to do with the stolen eagle, if and when it ever came back to us. I announced the idea to my family, and everyone loved it.
“If we get it back, we’re going to donate it to the Honolulu Police Department Museum. This eagle is a famous one and people will come from all over to see it.”
“I bet they do. I never got to see it and I feel deprived,” Leilani said.
“So do I,” Mele echoed.
“Do people want to see a strangled eagle?” Ferric asked.
“Sure. That museum has stuffed roosters that were confiscated seventy years ago in one of the first cock ring busts!” I said.
“True. I remember from when you took me there. This is a cool idea, Dad.”
“And of course, we would never consider it a tax-write off donation. It will be our gift to the people of our island.”
“If we get it back,” Francois reminded me. “That thing could be embroiled in a chain of custody for years. You know how long it takes to get things to trial on Hawaii time.”
“True. And it couldn’t happen to a nicer bird.”
***
Later, much later, I got Francois all to myself in our room, and we re-examined some of our wedding presents.
“I got you one,” he told me, handing me a brown paper package from under the bed.
“Is this a sex toy?” I asked, getting excited now.
“Open it.” His wicked grin told me everything.
I ripped open the packaging, ecstatic to see a Marco Blaze dildo. It was only eight and a half inches long, but thick and wide, and…oh, boy!
“I know you had your heart set on a D.O. dildo but his cock is ten and a half inches long. I don’t want another hung dude around the house.”
“Oh. It’s perfect.” We’d talked about the Marco Blaze dildo because friends who had it said it was the most realistic feeling one.
“It’s phthalate free, bacteria free. We could even wash it in the dishwasher if we wanted,” Francois said. “It even has its own little carrier bag—”
“So I see.”
