by Renny Abbas
“Beautiful,” he said.
Finn glanced up with a half-cocked smile. “Thank you.”
“How much?”
“Same as always.”
Charlie nodded and reached for the wallet in his jacket’s inside pocket. He pulled a few bills free and handed them over.
“Keep the change.”
“Same as always.” Finn took the money. The same half-cocked smile. And Charlie returned it.
“Force of habit, I suppose.”
And it was. He was a man of habit and living his whole life in the same town made things incredibly simple for him.
Finn nodded and tucked the money into the register while Charlie gently gathered up the bouquet into one arm.
“Well then, thank you.” Charlie smiled. He was hesitant to leave the peaceful interior of the store, and Finn’s presence was more and more calming the more Charlie came in. But he also knew he had to go. And the lump in his throat was growing stronger again. So, with one final smile and a small sigh, he turned around and headed for the door.
“Hey, Charlie?”
For the second time, he turned back. Finn stood with his palms flat against the counter top and his body leaning forward, warm and opening. He wore a plain, sky blue apron over his clothes that clung close to his body. His hair, dark and tussled, tickled his brow, and deep hazel-green eyes lit up with his smile, gazed softly over at Charlie, his bouquet, and his newly quickened heart rate. Charlie blinked once, twice, and quickly cleared his throat. They had never once talked about anything other than flowers; he wasn’t sure what to expect in this moment.
“Yeah?”
“Who are the flowers for?”
“What?”
“Who do you buy the flowers for? It’s gotta be someone pretty special for you to come here every week.”
“Oh… no one. I just like them.”
Finn raised his eyebrows. “Really?”
“Yeah.” Charlie swallowed hard against that lump. There was an excited look glittering in Finn’s eyes and it frightened him. He needed to get out of there.
“So, no one special in your life then?” Finn wandered around the side of the counter while he spoke, coming to rest on the other side of it and leaning back casually. Charlie’s hand was still on the door, ready to go. His stomach jumped and coiled. He couldn’t speak so he just shook his head.
“Are you okay?” The smooth, easy tone of Finn’s voice gave way to concern and Charlie took a deep breath, grip tightening on the door handle.
“Yeah. I’m okay. I um, I need to go,” he lifted the bouquet, “thanks again.”
Before Finn could respond, Charlie pushed the door open and took several quick strides away from the store.
Chapter 3
He got home and let out a heavy breath into the closed door. The scents coming from the bouquet in his arms calmed him and with one more breath he turned from the front door and into the rest of his apartment.
As he manoeuvred around the open plan kitchen and living area, replacing old flowers with new in a vase by the window and gently pouring in fresh water with the plant feed, Charlie mulled over his interaction with Finn. He’d overreacted, he knew. Finn just asked simple questions; just trying to get to know him. But that’s just it, Finn was never supposed to get to know him, not like this. If he found out too much… well, everything was just too complicated. Even simple questions weren’t so simple anymore.
Charlie thought about Finn’s movements and the way he’d leaned against the counter and lightly crossed his arms. That cocky half smile that reached up into his eyes. Charlie caught himself smiling. He shook his head slightly and ignored the small twinge in the pit of his gut. Yes, Finn had been flirting. But he couldn’t – shouldn’t – and Charlie would just have to learn to be okay with that.
He sat and watched the flowers for a while. He took in the way the sun caught in the bright yellow centre of the daisies, making them look like yolks in a bed of delicate white petals. The honeysuckle flowers and their muted colour served to only further brighten the daisies. All of this was framed be a swathe of green leaves, and lilac flowers. The gentle scent of the lavender drifted lazily throughout the room and the roses sat proud and royal, dotted around the bouquet. Charlie felt a warmth spread through his chest. Finn had picked out every piece of the arrangement with such care, such attention to detail. He did so every week. A different bouquet and different assortment of colours each time Charlie went in. He didn’t need to. Charlie would have carried on buying the simple pre-arranged ones that the shop sold in multitudes. But he didn’t because Finn took the time to make his custom. And Charlie knew why. Finn liked him. He barely knew him but he liked him so he went to all that trouble every single week. The thought made Charlie’s heart skip a beat and he winced. Because the truth was he liked Finn too. More than he should. But it couldn’t happen. Could it?
Maybe, he thought, I could just tell him.
The second the idea crossed his mind he shook his head. No. Charlie had been running away from the truth for too long now. Things were fine as they were. Except, in his heart he knew things would only get worse. He already caught himself thinking about Finn when he shouldn’t. He spent all week looking forward to Saturdays and he shouldn’t. He should just walk away from the whole thing but he couldn’t. The thought of it alone hurt enough. Why had he let things get so complicated?
I should just tell him.
And again, that resistance hit. If Charlie told Finn the whole story, he could completely lose him. All that time, all those flowers just left in the dust along with any chance of a future. But then if Charlie said nothing they’d be stuck in this limbo and he would lose him that way as well. But at least Finn would never know the truth.
Charlie’s thoughts went back and forth like that for the rest of the day. He showered again and he went to the gym and he showered again and he walked around the block and he tried to watch TV but nothing cleared his head. It was just constant thoughts jumping around his mind for hours. Finally, it got to 6pm and Charlie had gone almost mad for overthinking. He needed people and distraction. He thought about Krista’s offer and before he could even begin to talk himself out of it, he’d grabbed his wallet and keys and had darted out the door.
Chapter 4
The streets looked quite different to the way they that morning. Like another world entirely. They were a little warmer after the heat of the day, a little louder with a larger number of people having surfaced for the evening, and a little darker with dusk settling in and the sun slowly dropping out of the sky.
Charlie found his way back to the coffee house and he immediately spotted Krista with her fiancé, Jamie, outside at one of the tables that had been set up throughout the day. They were with three others all talking and laughing but as Charlie approached, Krista jumped to her feet, genuine surprise on her face.
“You came!”
Charlie grinned and met her for a hug.
“Well, a friend told me I needed to be more sociable. Good for my health, you know?”
“I’m so glad you’re here.”
Jamie got to his feet too to find an extra chair for their table. As he brought one over, he shook Charlie’s hand and gave him a warm smile.
“Good to see you, mate. Krista’s been worried.”
“Ah, she worries too much.”
Jamie winked and returned to his seat. While not the most striking man, Jamie had a very kind, round face and a strong body. His hair and beard were both thick and dark and Charlie often thought he looked like an oversized teddy bear.
Krista then turned Charlie to the rest of the group and they took their seats.
“This is Lisbeth, Mark and Ellie,” she said, “everyone this is Charlie, I’ve known him for a long time. He’s recently back from Afghanistan and with us for good now.”
They all shook hands and Ellie in particular gave him a big smile.
“My husband’s serving out there at the moment. Due home in two m
onths,” she said.
“Good man,” Charlie replied, “bet he can’t wait to get back – I know I couldn’t.”
“Well, you say that but as soon as he gets back, it’s like there’s part of that wants to head straight back again. Almost like he misses his boys almost as much as he misses me. I mean, really? Are you all like that?”
There was a smattering of laughs around the table but Charlie’s smile was thin and he looked down.
“Sorry to say, there’s something really strong in the bond between a soldier and his team,” he said. “It’s like a brotherhood. It has to be when you’re out there.”
He felt the squeeze of a hand on his thigh and he looked over to Krista who gave him a sad smile. He noticed the slightly awkward silence around the table and he laughed, clapping his hands together.
“But we don’t need to talk about that!” he said. “I’m gonna go get a beer.”
He got up from the table then and made his way inside. The coffeehouse doubled up as a bar on the weekends and he headed straight to the counter he’d stood at only that morning.
“Corona, please, extra lime,” he said to the woman who stood on the other side. She nodded and set to it. Once again, he counted his money out onto the counter top as he waited.
“Charlie?”
He turned. And then froze. Finn was stood mere feet away from him in the same blue jeans and a white button-down shirt, smiling broadly.
“F-Finn,” he stuttered, “hi.”
“Twice in one day, I’m a lucky man.”
Charlie’s heart leapt into his throat at the sight of Finn’s smile, flirtatious and lopsided.
“Well, you know, even I’ve gotta have fun sometimes.” He returned the smile awkwardly.
The woman placed his drink on the counter and he quickly took a sip, not even paying attention to her as she then took the money up and started serving the next guy.
“So, who are you here with?” Finn asked.
“Uh,” Charlie turned and pointed through the window at Krista, “those guys.”
“Ah, they seem nice.” And he waved at Krista who had motived Charlie’s pointing and was smiling broadly. She gave Charlie too thumbs up and winked. Charlie felt himself flush bright red.
“I think she likes me,” Finn said.
“How could she not,” Charlie murmured without thinking and immediately regretted it. His cheeks burned hot and bright and he took several more deep swigs. Finn just stood with his mouth slightly open and his eyebrows raised in surprised amusement.
“Well,” he said, “I don’t really know what to say to that.”
“Nothing,” Charlie said quickly, “seriously, you don’t need to say anything.”
Finn just laughed.
“You know when you ran out of the store today, I thought you were just weren’t into me,” he said, “good to see you’re just really damn awkward.”
Charlie couldn’t help himself. In the face of Finn’s warm eyes and easy smile, he couldn’t help but let his guard slip. The tension in his shoulders released, a small laugh fell from his lips and he sighed.
“Well, I guess you could say, you make me nervous,” he said.
“I’ll say. Months you’ve been coming into the store and you still haven’t asked me out. I must be terrifying.”
Charlie took a swig. “You have no idea.”
Finn’s smile settled then and he leaned forward a little.
“Do you think your friends would mind if I bought you another drink?”
Charlie looked over his shoulder at Krista and the others. She was making a good show of pretending not to, but he knew she was keeping a nosy eye on them.
“Honestly,” he said, turning back to Finn, “I think they’d be thrilled.”
Chapter 5
Charlie couldn’t tell you how it happened. One minute he and Finn are sat a table, occasionally catching each other looking, and watching the various acts that have braved the open mic, then the next minute they’re in the bathroom.
The stall door swung violently shut behind them and Finn fumbled to get the lock closed as Charlie untucked his shirt and pushed a hand under to dig nails into flesh. Charlie kissed and sucked at the skin under Finn’s ear and was rewarded with a guttural grunt. He’d thrown Finn up against the wall of the cramped stall and was unleashing all the frustrations of the day upon every piece of available skin he could. Lips, cheeks, jaw, neck. He quickly popped each of the buttons open on Finn’s shirt. Shoulders, collar, chest, stomach. Finn was panting by the time Charlie was on his knees. This was reckless. It was stupid. It definitely shouldn’t be happening. But Charlie couldn’t stop. Everything in his body screamed at him to continue and he did, unabashedly.
“I take back what I said,” Finn gasped as Charlie tackled his belt and the clasp of his jeans, “you’re not all that awkward.”
Charlie chuckled. “Shut up and let me taste you.”
Finn’s eyes closed and his head swung back against the wall. Charlie watched, with every guilty thought firmly placed in a box at the back of his mind, and grinned before leaning forward and taking Finn into his mouth. He pushed himself. Without even realising he was taking almost of all of Finn with no hesitation. He just wanted to taste every inch. And Finn was trying to stifle his moans. Badly. They could only hope that no one came in. Not that it would stop them, not now. Charlie couldn’t think of anything else but the taste of Finn against his tongue and the way Finn’s hips were beginning to rock erratically with his own movements. At this rate, Charlie knew Finn wouldn’t last long. And it only spurred him on more.
“Ch – Charlie –“ Finn’s breaths were short and quick. He had one hand wrapped around the top of the door for support, and the other went into Charlie’s hair just as his whole body tensed and his hips jerked. Charlie stayed where he was, enjoying every second of it.
Eventually, Finn tugged lightly on Charlie’s hair and he came up from off his knees with a smug smile.
“Oh, don’t look so pleased with yourself,” Finn said, cheeks flushed and still panting. Charlie just shrugged. He then bit his lip and looked down briefly at where their bodies were scarcely apart.
“Finn,” he murmured, looking back up, “do you want to come back to mine?”
Finn raised his eyebrows and for a moment Charlie regretted asking, but then Finn smiled, happy and warm, and he nodded.
“I’d love to.”
As fast as they could then between them they redressed Finn and composed themselves before leaving the bathroom and heading back into the coffee house.
Charlie didn’t bother saying goodbye to the others. He felt bad, but he clocked eyes with Krista as he and Finn walked to the door and gave her a wink. He didn’t wait around to see her response and before he knew it, before he could question whether it was even a good idea, he and Finn were walking together back to his in the cool evening air.
Chapter 6
Finn kissed him hard. He pressed their lips tightly together, a hand each on either side of Charlie’s face and their bodies flush against each other. Charlie clung to his waist, his cheeks turned warm and red under Finn’s intensity and he allowed himself to be pushed slowly up against the breakfast bar. Finn paused in the kissing and held their foreheads together, eyes closed.
“I’ve wanted to do this for a long time.”
Charlie’s stomach clenched and he felt a twitch in his groin at the feeling of Finn’s hips against his.
“So, don’t stop,” he breathed.
Finn needed no further encouragement. They kissed again, this time a little sloppier, and Finn removed his hands from Charlie’s face to play at the hem of his t-shirt instead. He skimmed a thumb across the bare skin above Charlie’s waistband and Charlie shivered at the touch. He’d brushed over one of several scars that littered Charlie’s skin and the kiss broke for a moment as Charlie took in a sharp breath. Finn seemed unfazed and began peppering kisses along Charlie’s jaw and down his neck to his collarbone. As lips pr
essed into the sensitive area just below his ear, Charlie’s eyes fluttered closed and he let out a soft moan. His hips canted forward just slightly but enough to encourage Finn to press his own hips further in. The stirring in Charlie’s groin was becoming more pronounced and he could feel himself starting to grow hard.
Frustrated by his running out of skin at the base of Charlie’s neck, Finn returned to press another searing kiss to his lips before reaching and tugging the t-shirt up and over Charlie’s head. The feeling of air touching his bare chest shook Charlie out of the moment just slightly and he brought one hand up to cover an area at the base of his ribs, below his heart. Finn, having also removed his own shirt, felt Charlie recoil from him a little and he paused. He looked down at Charlie’s hand and as he did, Charlie watched his eyes dart all over his chest and stomach, finding every pink and white scar there. Shame burnt hot at the base of Charlie’s neck and he looked down, not wanting to see the look in Finn’s eyes. The same look that was always in every one’s eyes when they saw Charlie’s scars. Fear, disgust, disappointment, and so on. He’d seen it so many times and he couldn’t bear to watch Finn go through the same process. He recoiled even further, crossing both arms tight over his chest, his body tense. And that was when Finn surprised him. He reached and cupped Charlie’s chin with his hand, pushing his gaze up to meet his own. Reluctantly, Charlie allowed his eyes to look back at Finn’s and he saw something he didn’t expect. The same lust; the same passion; the same fire as before, only now there was also kindness shinning in his bright, open eyes. And that same cocky half-smile, had a softer edge to it. Charlie felt the tension across his shoulders start to relax.
“You know you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, right?” Finn said.
There was a pause. Charlie didn’t answer. He just stared at Finn for a breath before launching back into the kiss with all the intensity he could muster. They stumbled back a step until Finn caught him round the waist and pushed him back to the counter. He then set about finishing his work at Charlie’s neck, down to his collar, and then to his chest. Charlie’s eyes closed and he let himself fully relax into the feeling of Finn’s hot mouth over his skin. He laced the fingers of one hand through Finn’s hair as he kissed his pectorals and his tongue swiped over a nipple. Finn had one hand on Charlie’s hip for balance, the other moved to the crotch of his jeans. Charlie’s grip on Finn’s hair tightened and he bit his lip as he felt Finn grab at the bulge that had developed in his pants.
