“I guess Jack had a talent for messy exits,” Sassy said.
Kat nodded.
“I see him in you too, Kat,” Sassy said after a time. “The way you carry yourself, and speak as if the whole world is waiting for what you have to say.”
“Don’t tell my husband that, it will only confirm his suspicions.”
Sassy smiled and relaxed a little. The sisters took a few bites of their sandwiches to allow their emotions to settle.
“Jack made me promise to come and find you,” Sassy said. “Maybe he was afraid to do it himself after so much time, and rightly so. For the past year, I had to wrestle with his lies of omission along with his death. It’s awful to grieve the loss of someone you love and be really mad at them at the same time. But I came to the conclusion that in spite of his failings, part of his legacy is the courage he gave me. And, I think, you.”
As Kat silently regarded the words, Sassy reached into her purse and took out a small box, which she placed on the table.
“He asked me to give you this,” Sassy told Kat, and then stood up to leave. “Do you mind if I… before I go… can I give you a small hug?”
Kat’s eyes were fixated on the box, but when Sassy’s words registered, she also stood and moved towards the girl, awkwardly at first.
Hugging Kat, Sassy thought, was like having a warm quilt hug her on a cold day. She breathed in the scent of her sister’s hair and neck as Kat unintentionally rubbed Sassy’s back like she was a child in need of reassurance. To Sassy, it felt like coming home, and tears filled her eyes again at the sensation.
Making herself break away, she turned to leave. Giving a small wave over her shoulder, she exited #22 and walked quickly to her car.
Sassy was spent. Driving the short distance to the bungalow was an effort, and she wanted nothing more than to curl up into a ball and cry with relief, in the privacy of her room. She had finally met with her sister—as sisters. And emotionally, she was dry. Physically, she could still feel the effects of Kat’s arms around her, protecting and accepting her as she is, though tentatively.
But rest wouldn’t come anytime soon, she could see. Ash was sitting on her front stoop, waiting for her. His jaw was tense as he eyed her warily, and his eyes were wide and a little wild, as if seeing her for the first time.
Walking as slowly as she could towards the house, Sassy avoided the inevitable until she was standing directly in front of Ash.
“You’re Kat’s sister!”
Chapter 53
“Yes, I am. I’m Kat’s sister.”
“That’s why you came to West Ranch. To find her.”
Sassy could only nod.
“You knew all along, but you didn’t tell me.”
“How could I tell you before I told Kat?”
“You didn’t trust me.”
“I hardly knew you.”
Ash regarded her while he continued to piece together the events of the past few weeks.
“You used me to get to my family,” he said, shaking his head in disbelief.
“I didn’t…” Sassy began to protest, but knew he was right. Her shoulders slumped in defeat. “Everything I told you was true, Ash. I just left out my last name.”
“So you’re claiming a technicality? You deceived me, and I’m supposed to be okay because of a technicality?”
“I didn’t deceive, exactly. I omitted.”
As Sassy said this, she cringed with the realization that her father could claim the same thing, and it really didn’t cut it.
She sat down on the stoop next to Ash, whose anger made him rigid. There wasn’t much room, but she squeezed in anyway, close to his leg and shoulder.
“Think about it Ash. Rowdy never would have hired me if he knew that I came to meet Kat. And Kat, tucked away in her fortress, wouldn’t let me anywhere near her because of her anger towards Jack… our dad. I had to come and figure things out for myself.”
Ash listened as Sassy continued.
“Tell me the truth,” he said. “Were you using me?”
“At first,” Sassy whispered.
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Ash hang his head and drop his shoulders. He was hurting, but there was no stopping her now.
“After you started paying attention to me, I figured you were going to be my foot in the door,” Sassy continued, “but then you got lodged somewhere between my heart and my head and messed everything up.”
“Wait, I messed everything up?” Ash was angry, she knew.
“No, I did,” she said. “I know I did. I messed up big time, stringing you along. You have every right to be mad.”
“Gee Sassy, thanks for the validation.”
“Stow the sarcasm, Ash. It’s not a good look on you.”
“Well, what do you suggest I do? How can I trust…”
“Stop, Ash. Stop right there.” Sassy stood and faced Ash. When she spoke, there was an edge in her voice. “Thanks to my father, you’re not the only one with trust issues. Yours and mine, they cancel each other out.”
“Sassy, I…”
“And going forward, I suggest you do what I’m going to do—pretend none of this ever happened.”
“That’s your plan?”
“Yes, Ash. Finally, I’m revealing my master plan. I plan on going back home and pretending my dad didn’t have another family.”
And pretending I didn’t fall in love with you, Ash.
She knew she handled the situation badly where Ash was concerned, yet an anger welled up inside her too—anger that Jack had put her in this situation. What was the right way to introduce yourself to a sister you never knew existed?
Sassy was angry that Ash couldn’t see how hard it had all been for her—he couldn’t see past his own pain to admit somebody else might be struggling, too.
“You’re better off with Amber,” Sassy said, her voice escalating in frustration. “She’ll never leave you, and she’ll never leave Wyoming. Check, and check—numbers one and two on Ash West’s list of life goals.”
“It’s not like that. Amber is my friend,” Ash protested.
“She wants to be more than a friend. Anyone can see that except you. Every time something doesn’t go your way, you expect Amber to bolster your ego; to be someone you can bring around to make me jealous.”
Sassy walked up the stairs and around Ash on her way to her front door, which she was about ready to slam and lock. Just as soon as she got in a parting shot.
“To lead Amber on is the same as me using you to get to Kat,” Sassy said. “Think about that before you go placing yourself on a pedestal, Ash.”
Chapter 54
At #22, Kat glared at the package on the table for a long time, the one Sassy brought at their father’s request. She’d been angry with him for most of her life, but now he was dead. What was the point in being angry with a dead man?
Giving her head a little shake, Kat reached across the table and drew it closer. It just fit inside her hand, and could be anything—a signed baseball, or a wad of money.
Open it, she told herself, but frowned at the thought. If she did, what would that mean? Did it mean that she was finally ready to forgive him and move on? Kat liked to control her own narrative, thank you very much, and discovering that she had a surprise sister, who traveled to Wyoming to deliver a surprise package, was two surprises too many.
But there the package sat.
“All right, Jack,” Kat said out loud, tearing a tiny piece of the tape off the brown paper wrapper. “Let’s see what you sent to make up for being a louse.”
The box under the wrapping paper didn’t give any additional clues.
When Kat took the lid off, she saw a folded envelope on top of a man’s wristwatch. She set the envelope aside and took the watch out. It was Jack’s all right, she’d know it anywhere. It had been a gift to Jack from her mother on the day Kat was born.
The inscription on the back read:
With Love, On Your First Father’s Day
> For years, Kat would bring it to her dad every morning as he got dressed for work, happy to breath in the steam emanating from the shower. It smelled of his spicy aftershave cologne. As she curled up under the unmade blankets, her father buttoned his starched shirt, threaded his cufflinks, and tied his tie.
“This here is a Windsor knot, kitty Kat,” he’d tell her. “Over, around, down through the tunnel, and pull.”
Some mornings he’d mix things us.
“I’m feeling lucky today, kitty Kat, let’s do a double Windsor—around, around, over, down through the tunnel.” For a brief moment, Kat wondered if her father wore a double Windsor the day Sassy’s mother, Sugar, walked into the car dealership and stole him away. But Kat shook her head and the flash of anger dissipated.
After a spray of his cologne, Jack would slip on his wedding ring, and slide the watch onto his left wrist. He’d sit down by Kat then and patiently watch as she clasped the buckle with her pudgy baby hands.
“Well done, kitty Kat,” he’d say, and give her cheek a kiss. “Now, what time is it?”
Together they’d look at his watch, and she’d answer.
“Time to go to work, Daddy.”
Then one day, Kat remembered clearly, she no longer wanted to sit and watch the tie act, or help him with his watch. She was too cool, she thought; too old for the childish rituals, or being called kitty Kat.
“I’m just Kat,” she snarked with an adolescent edge.
“Oh, okay,” he said in surprise. The fact that he tried to hide his hurt at her snub was like a closed-fisted punch to her heart; one she could almost still feel. But if every irritable teenaged girl was found guilty and sentenced to abandonment by her parents, the world would be full of orphans, Kat knew.
She couldn’t imagine Willow ever being so cold to Gunnar, but it was inevitable that they would face challenges. Thankfully, they had a ways to go.
Gingerly, she set the watch down and reached inside the envelope for the folded single sheet of paper, smoothing out the creases.
Kitty Kat, I am sorry for leaving you. More than you’ll ever know. The worst thoughts you’ve had about me, all deserved, can’t touch the way I’ve despised my actions – I was a different man while married to Trudy, but I should have been a better man for you, sweetheart. I can’t give you back the time we lost but I never stopped loving you, or being proud of you. Your mother asked me to stay away and I respected that. She didn’t want me to come in and out of your life, which is what I would have done. Upon reflection, here at the end of it all, I wish I’d fought harder for you, daughter. Kat, please be kind to your sister. I don’t deserve this favor, but she does. She is innocent, same as you. One last thing. I set aside a sizable fund for your mother. My attorney will be contacting her to apprise her of this – it will allow her to retire in comfort. Ask her to not be too proud to accept it. I suspect you would not have wanted my money after all this time. You might have thought I was trying to buy your forgiveness. Forgive me, please, in your own time, but only for your sake. While my façade has been shiny and polished, my soul has been miserable and tormented. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, least of all my sweet and lovely Kitty Kat.
— Daddy
Daddy.
At seeing her father’s handwriting and words after so many years, Kat allowed herself to cry at all she’d lost. An old bitterness threatened to churn in her stomach again, until she remembered Gunnar’s words ringing in her head.
“As an infectious disease doctor, you understand contagion, Kat,” he said. “Hate and bitterness are as destructive as viruses, and they can do just as much damage.”
He went on to say that he didn’t want her to pass this sickness along to their marriage, and to their little daughter.
“Lay it down, Sheriff,” Gunnar implored. “If it’s bad blood, then let it go.”
Chapter 55
Ash watched Sassy retreat to her little bungalow next door to his own. The way she closed the door left no doubt that he was not welcome to come in, or even to call her phone to continue their conversation. He would have to wait a few days.
Had he been wrong to accuse her so vehemently? He didn’t think so. But driving back to the ranch, after his own anger and self-righteousness had cooled, Ash began to see things from Sassy’s perspective.
“How could I tell you before I told Kat?”
Of course she’d been right about that. And maybe she was right about him being wrong, expecting her to be completely transparent from the get go—people needed time and space to unfold. He certainly did. Hardly anyone back at Michigan State University knew his deepest secrets and fears, or his insecurities.
Only Erik Olsen knew his history, which is why they were true friends. But Ash had not disclosed these things as freshman roomies, or sophomore frat brothers. Only going into their final year of school did Ash feel that Erik could be confided in.
But what about his own character?
“To lead Amber on, well it’s wrong.”
Sassy had been right about that, too. He had gone running to Amber when things got tough. She was always glad to see him, and Amber did boost his confidence.
“And what do I do for Amber, except send her mixed signals?” Ash rebuked himself.
Back at the ranch office, Rowdy and Gunnar took him in wordlessly. They had told him about Sassy and Kat, thinking he had a right to know if he didn’t already. Tightly wound secrets were unravelling fast, and they didn’t want him to feel like a fool.
He took the news hard. And from the look on his face, Ash’s encounter with Sassy only made things worse. Only time would tell where the dust would settle.
“I’m heading up by the pass,” Ash scowled at the men, “to check on the new calves.”
They could hear an ATV engine revving angrily, as gravel flew under tires during the impatient acceleration.
The next morning, Ash padded into the ranch house kitchen to find Ridge drinking his sunrise coffee.
“Thought I heard you come in,” Ridge said. “Haven’t seen you much these past weeks, what with you living in town. And your busy social calendar.”
Ash nodded glumly as he poured his coffee and sat down with his dad.
“Sorry,” Ash said.
“No need,” Ridge chuckled, “it’s healthy and normal for a boy your age to spend more time with young’uns than with your old man.”
When Ash looked up, Ridge could see tears pooling in the boy’s eyes, and he reached over to pull him in for a bear hug. Ash did not resist.
“I’ve messed everything up with Sassy. I fell for her… hard.”
Ridge nodded and listened.
“I got scared, and I wanted her to commit to staying. She said it was too soon. Of course it was too soon,” Ash moaned. “I’m such an idiot.”
“Probably,” Ridge said to his son’s surprise. “Sassy had a lot going on this summer. More than you or I could ever guess.” Ridge said slowly. “The girl deserved a healthy dose of grace, wouldn’t you say?”
“Yes, but…”
“But nothing, Ash.”
Ridge’s tone was even, but there was no nonsense in it.
Ash scowled and pouted.
He thought for sure his dad would be on his side, and not Sassy’s.
“Ash, you can’t put conditions on love. You can’t tell somebody you’ll love them if they stay where you want. You just love ‘em and work things out,” Ridge said. “None of us knows the future. For all we know, Kat might get a chance to be a hospital director back in Chicago. She and Gunnar will cross that bridge if and when it comes. Paislee might want to live in Denver with her family, and she and Pike may or may not move. Casey has a family home in Phoenix, and I go with her because I love her.”
“But… the ranch,” Ash’s justifications didn’t have any momentum.
“Yes, it’s a ranch. Not a prison,” Ridge said.
Chapter 56
Sassy didn’t show up for work the next day, or the next. Ash wanted
to ask Freda where she was, but the girl wasn’t giving off approachable vibes, he thought.
“Brrr, is it cold in here?” He mumbled when Freda walked past with her coffee, making a big deal of avoiding his gaze.
The following Monday, Freda was also a no-show.
“She gave her notice,” Rowdy said. “Family business back in Lander. She offered to stay for two weeks, but I told her it wasn’t necessary.”
Ash felt truly anxious for the first time—Sassy had just been laying low, he thought, taking a few days to herself before returning to the ranch. Trying to give her the space she needed, he slept at the ranch house and buried himself in his work, showing up early and staying until every job was finished. Now he wondered if Sassy had gone to Freda’s house.
He had been chomping at the bit to talk with Sassy ever since their blowup. At last, when he was finally able to leave work, he turned towards town, and the bungalow.
Her car wasn’t in the driveway, he could tell as he pulled into his own, but the front door was ajar. With his window down, he could hear female voices coming from within the bungalow and felt a surge of hope as he half ran up the stairs to the porch.
“Oh, hello Ash!”
It wasn’t Sassy who greeted him, but Casey and her property management team.
“Both girls moved out,” she said, matter-of-factly, “we’re getting the house ready to rent again. Do you need something?”
“I need…”
I need Sassy.
As Casey held the door open, Ash imagined he could smell a tendril of Sassy’s perfume, or a faint waft of her shampoo. It smelled like summer—like Sassy.
I need to go back a few weeks and do everything over again, Ash thought to himself. I need to tell Sassy that I love her, and that nothing else matters.
But she was really gone. Ash shook his head sadly and said goodbye to Casey. Like a zombie, he let himself into his house next door and plopped down on a sofa where he fell asleep until late the next morning. Upon waking, his first thought was going to get bagels for Sassy—until he realized where he was, and where she wasn’t.
Sassy Cowgirl Kisses: A Sweet Romance (A West Brothers Romance Book 5) Page 15
