by Dara Girard
“Do you really think I’m interested in your sex life?”
“I haven’t even mentioned it.”
“But you’re sleeping with him, aren’t you?”
Corinne felt her cheeks burn. “Could you lower your voice?”
Bonnie ignored her. “And you think that means anything? Do you know how easy it is for men to ingratiate themselves into the hearts of single mothers? Don’t be surprised if he soon turns cold on you.”
“He won’t. He’s not like that.”
“How do you know?”
“I just do.”
“It’s what you want to believe.”
“When you meet him, you’ll know what I mean.”
Bonnie bit into a pita bite covered in melted cheese. “I have no interest in meeting a man who won’t be around for long.”
Corinne paused, shocked by her friend’s words. “That’s low even for you.”
“I’m being honest. You really think a good looking guy with a successful business is going to settle for a woman who’s living in her parent’s house—”
“It’s a mother-in-law house.”
“With a struggling business—”
“Business has improved.”
“And a troubled son—”
“Jason isn’t troubled.”
“Who can’t even decide where he wants to live?”
Corinne rolled her eyes and sniffed. “Well, when you put it like that.”
“There’s no other way to put it. Didn’t Harrison teach you anything?”
“Brett is nothing like him and I’m different now.”
“How? Remember when I warned you not to listen to Kyle Conner when he asked you out because it was all to fulfill a bet?”
Corinne swallowed. She hated being reminded of that incident. Hated how quickly she could be transported back to the awkward teenager she’d been. “Yes.”
“You listened and avoided being humiliated. The moment I met Harrison I knew it was the same thing. It wasn’t for a bet, but he was tired of the usual women he went out with so he chose you. Then what happened? He got bored and ran to the kind of woman he’s used to. Brett’s no different.”
“You don’t know that. You haven’t even met him.”
Bonnie banged the table with the flat of her hand. “I don’t have to meet him! I know what he’s like and I also know that you’re not the woman I remember. I know that right now you’re throwing your fabulous new makeover, your sexy new boyfriend, and your amazing business in my face and I’m sick of it!”
Corinne didn't know what to say. One moment Bonnie was reminding her of how bad her life was and the next she was accusing her of bragging about a fabulous life? It didn’t make sense. She was used to Bonnie being a buzz kill but something was different this time. This time she sounded angry and bitter. This time her words felt mean.
“I haven’t told you anything about my makeover,” Corinne said in a low voice. “I went to the Wildfire Spa and showed you my new hairstyle and clothes and that was all. Brett and I haven’t been together long.”
“Almost three months—”
“It’s not like I’ve been gushing about it every day! I thought you’d be happy when I told you about a referral I got from the workshop that’s helping the reputation of my business.”
Bonnie’s gaze dropped as did her voice. “I feel like your pushing me away.”
“I’m here, aren’t I?”
She lifted her gaze, her green eyes fierce. “But you’re not listening to me. You want to live in this fantasy you’ve created for yourself and you don’t want me to say anything negative against it.”
“That’s not—”
“But it’s going to end and I don’t want to be the one to have to put the pieces together like last time.”
“I’ve changed.”
Bonnie nodded. “That’s the problem. I can’t recognize you anymore. I don’t know who you are or who you’re trying to be.”
“For the first time in a long time I’m trying to be myself. I want to wear nice things; I want to be with someone who enjoys my company. I want—”
“I want my friend back,” Bonnie cut in. “When you find her, let me know.” She stood up and left.
“It was bound to happen,” Vivian said with a sigh as she and Corinne finished dinner at a Thai restaurant bursting with the scents of coconut milk and roasted peppers.
Corinne gloomily looked down at her Thai shrimp curry. “No, it wasn’t. I know you never liked her but she’s been a good friend to me. In high school she—”
Vivian waved her hand with impatience. “But this isn’t high school anymore. My God you’re not some pimply sixteen year old with a bad perm.”
“I never had a perm.”
“You know what I mean. You’ve held on to her out of guilt and loyalty. You outgrew that friendship years ago.”
“No, she helped me through my divorce.”
“How many times did she remind you that marrying Harrison was a mistake?”
Corinne poked a shrimp with her fork. “But she was right.”
“She didn’t have to keep telling you so.”
“She was trying to protect me. Harrison was out of my league as much as Brett is.”
“That’s bullshit.”
Corinne stared at her friend surprised. “What?”
“You heard me. You and Harrison made a great couple. The marriage may not have lasted but it wasn’t because he was so much better than you. What kind of friend would even think that? When I met you, you were one of the top people working at the event planning agency. Everyone was impressed by you. You turned heads. It’s no surprise someone like Harrison would take notice.”
“And then he got bored of me.”
“What if you did nothing wrong? What if in the end it just wasn’t a good fit? What then? All I’m saying is that you’re living like everything bad that happens is your fault. But sometimes bad things just happen. Marriages end. Careers stall. All you can do is find a way to get through it. That’s what life is about. Bonnie may have been a good friend once, but someone who can never be happy for you is not someone you want to keep around forever.”
For a moment Corinne felt like curling up into a ball.
Vivian’s words rang true, but Corinne still felt a loss. The ending of a friendship was not an easy thing. She wondered if she had bragged about the changes in her life. Had she made Bonnie feel uncomfortable? But Vivian hadn’t seen it that way. Vivian cheered her on. Had she been holding on to the comfortable and safe? Had she outgrown Bonnie?
“You’re too small,” Brett had once told her as they sat together on a bench by the side of a pond, watching ducks swim pass as the sun slowly set in the distance. She’d shared how sometimes she was overlooked when she went to business events and was working on being bolder.
“I’m not small. I’m average height and—”
He shook his head. “I don’t mean your stature. I mean the way you move. The way you sit and stand. Ever wonder why I push your shoulders back or lift up your chin?”
“Because you’re being annoying?”
A quick grin curved the corner of his mouth. “No, it’s because you don’t know how to take up space.”
“Take up space?”
“As a dancer I learned the importance of expansion and contraction. As children we dart through life, we spin around we raise our hands high, swing through the air. But as we grow older I’ve noticed that most people’s bodies tend to contract. We round our shoulders, shorten our steps. It’s important to fight against those limitations so that we are always expanding.”
“Is that why you’re always moving?”
“One of the reasons.” He squeezed her shoulder. “But we’re not talking about me, we’re talking about you. Learn to keep your back straight, your head high, keep your gaze forward not down. Move as though you belong because you do. Enter a room as if you’re meant to be there. When you get a chance, raise your hands above your
head, rest your arm the length of a couch. Stretch your legs out in front of you every once in a while. Get in the habit of expanding your body through movement. There’s a lot more to you than you think.”
At first she’d found his advice a little too simplistic, but when she entered a meeting with a prospective client with her head high and her movements more lucid, she felt a renewed energy. When she’d met Bonnie at the restaurant, she hadn’t scurried to the table the waiter had showed them and sat hunched over her food as she usually did. Instead, she mimicked Brett’s powerful, yet casual gait as she followed the waiter and then sat with her back straight. Not only had the waiter seemed to have been more attentive than usual, she felt great.
Bonnie was right, she wasn’t the woman she used to be.
After her dinner with Vivian, Connie went home and sat on her bed. She held out the third pair of stockings: The animal print that Brett had so admired. The ones she now considered her favorite pair. She privately thought of herself as a lioness. Skilled, powerful and beautiful.
She would no longer tremble at the sound of a drumbeat and think of herself as ‘thunder thighs’. She had beautiful, sexy thighs and full hips and she claimed them both with pride.
It still surprised her how Brett had turned her flaw into an asset. She set the stockings down and rested her hands on her hips. No, that was wrong. She’d finally realized her body wasn’t flawed. She had nothing to be ashamed of. No matter what happened with her relationship with Brett, the pleasure they’d shared had shown her that she was perfectly imperfect. She had that to hold on to. But she wouldn’t hold onto him too tightly, she didn’t want to give him a reason to push her away.
She let her hands fall to her lap. She thought losing Bonnie would hurt more, but she was surprised to feel relieved. That was the part that scared her the most. She felt relieved that if things didn’t work out with Brett she wouldn’t have to have someone constantly reminding her that she’d made a mistake. She felt relieved that she could be happy, even if what they had was just for a little while. She wanted to enjoy this moment. She wouldn’t settle for a friendship that no longer suited her.
But she would settle for a man who could leave her too one day.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
He was going to lose her. Brett didn’t know how but he sensed that he would. He slid his forefinger down Corinne’s bare arm as she lay next to him in bed. Although she had her back to him, he knew she wasn’t sleeping.
But she seemed to be keeping him at a distance. He knew he was getting too close, wanting too much, but he couldn’t help himself. He wondered if there was something about him that scared her; that made her wary because he sensed it in her touch. She was a wonderful lover, but since their first night, she’d become more cautious.
Her touches were light, like a spring breeze or snow falling on an upturned palm, something one could only hold in memory. He wondered if that represented her. If she was someone he only imagined he could grasp, but who remained out of reach. Someone who would haunt him years later like a ghost.
He didn’t need another ghost.
Perhaps he deserved it. He hadn’t been completely honest with her about who he was. Who he used to be. He wasn’t sure he should risk getting any closer than he already had. There was danger there, he knew it, he danced and toyed with it, but if he wasn’t careful it would grab a hold of him and drag him under.
But he didn’t care when he knew he should. His mother’s visit the other day had warned him. To his regret, Corinne had been forced to meet her sooner than he’d wanted when his mother had invited herself to lunch the same day Corinne had spent the night. They’d planned on a lazy day indoors when his mother had shown up. Their meeting had gone as poorly as he’d thought it would and several days later his mother was eager to tell him so.
“You like her too much,” she said as she sat at his kitchen table with a hot cup of Earl Grey. She’d come by to drop off a hat and scarf his father had knitted for Corinne and Jason and Brett hadn’t been able to convince her to leave.
“What?”
“You always look ridiculous when you’re in love. You would have thought Delaney would have taught you that lesson.”
Brett scratched his chin irritated. “I like her. I'm not in love.”
His mother sent him a steady look as she took a sip of her tea. “Good. She’s not right for you, you know.”
He sighed. He didn’t need to ask her why she thought so; his mother was never ungenerous with her opinions. She’d let him know.
“She’s weak,” his mother said not disappointing him. “I actually saw her hand tremble when she was eating. Can you imagine that?”
“Hmm.”
“Although you could always use that in your favor, but I don’t want a mouse for a daughter-in-law. In a few years the charm would become tedious.”
“She’s stronger than you think.”
His mother’s eyebrows shot up. “Is she now?”
“Yes.”
“So she knows how you fell apart after—”
“She doesn’t need to know that yet.” He glanced at Alvin who had come into the kitchen to drink from his water bowl.
His mother studied Brett with a knowing look. “Because you’re afraid she can’t handle it?”
He kept his gaze on Alvin, wishing his mother far away. “No.” He turned back to her and said in an encouraging tone. “Now if you’ll just finish your tea—”
She narrowed her eyes. “You lied to me.”
“What?”
“You are in love with her.”
He flinched and shook his head before he glanced at the fridge. “I told you I’m not.”
“But you can hardly look at me. Does she know?”
Brett sat back in his chair and took a deep breath before he shifted his gaze to her face. He steeled himself and said in a low voice, “Know what?”
“That you’ve put your heart on a platter for her to slice in two?”
He blinked, feigning boredom although her every word hurt.
“How many times have I told you to be careful?”
“I said—”
“I know what you said, but you don’t know yourself yet. You’re being reckless. I know you better than you know yourself. Your father told me you’re driving more. That’s good, but don’t push yourself trying to prove yourself like you did with the other one.”
“I’m taking things slowly.”
“Good because she’ll break your heart and leave you in pieces and if you’re not careful you’ll foolishly let her just like—”
“Enough.”
But his mother’s words still echoed, long after she’d left his house. They echoed and haunted him.
Especially at times when Corinne was unusually quiet like this.
Their evening had been nice but he sensed something was wrong. There was something she wasn’t telling him. Had she sensed something else about him? Had she realized he wasn’t as strong as she thought? He’d been careful to keep that hidden. He didn’t want to lose her. “What’s bothering you?” He felt her stiffen before she said, “I’m fine.” She quickly turned to him before he could say anything and snapped her fingers. “Oh, yes, that’s right. I keep forgetting to check.” She sat up and leaned towards him.
He leaned back. “Check?”
“Yes, I have to count.”
“Count what?”
“Your tattoos.”
“But I only have—”
She pressed a finger against his lips. “Shh...I want to discover this on my own. Now I know about the one on your neck.” She let her gaze fall to a tattoo on his right upper arm. “Is this a spider?”
“Yes.”
“I’m surprised it’s not a lion.”
“I liked this better.”
She trailed her finger down his arm. “It’s very beautifully done. Trailing down your arm and it has a little face. Is it Anansi?”
“Who?”
“You don’t kn
ow about Anansi the Spider? A trickster?”
He shook his head.
“Do you have a special appreciation for arachnids?”
“No.”
“Then what’s the spider represent?” She peered closer. “Wait, does this spider have lashes?”
Brett pushed the bed sheets aside ready to stand. “Hungry?”
Corinne grabbed his arm before he could get out of bed. “No. Tell me about the spider.”
He bit his lip suddenly shy. “I can’t tell you.”
“Why not?”
“Just because.”
“Really?”
“Only the woman who inked this knows.”
“You got inked by a woman? Are you trying to make me jealous? Is it a secret between you two? A code? You have the spider and she has the web?”
He laughed. “It’s nothing like that.”
“Then tell me.”
He closed his eyes and rested against the headboard. “You’ll be the only other person who knows the truth.”
“I promise not to tell anyone.”
“No.” He slid underneath the covers and turned away from her.
She rested her chin on his arm. “Pleaseee.”
He sent her a long, considering look over his shoulder, before he turned his head and mumbled something into his pillow.
“What?”
He lay on his back and stared up at the ceiling. “I said it’s Charlotte.”
“The spider is named Charlotte?”
He nodded. “Yes, like in the kid’s story.”
She frowned. “Kid’s story?”
He threw an arm over his eyes and groaned. “Great. She’s never heard of it. She’s got a seven year old and she’d never heard of the story.” He let his arm fall to the bed. “Forget I said anything.”
“Okay.” She chewed her lower lip. “Unless you’re talking about the Charlotte from the wonderful book Charlotte’s Web? The smart and courageous spider who saved her friend Wilbur the pig from the—”
He covered her mouth. “Don’t say it.”
She removed his hand. “Where’s Papa going with that axe?” Corinne said, reciting the first line from the book.
Brett glared at her.
